Multiple orgasms are something like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow — they’re legendary, but it doesn’t mean we don’t hope they exist. But unlike our lucky charm, hitting Pleasure Town, again and again, is real. And so, how to have multiple orgasms is the question.
The big O. La petite mort. Or the “climactic physiological state of heightened sexual excitement and gratification that is followed by relaxation of sexual tensions and the body’s muscles” (if you’re into scientific terms; thank you, Britannica).
Call it what you want, but the truth is, orgasms are beautiful. And the only thing better than an orgasm…is having multiple ones.
What Happens to Your Body During Sex?
When it comes to the sexual journey, your body won’t go straight from zero to orgasm just like — *snap* — that. Instead, it’s a build-up with physical and emotional changes known as the sexual response cycle.
“Understanding how your body works, including what exactly is going on before, during, and after sex, is an important step on this pathway towards optimizing your biology,” says Dr. Amy Killen, anti-aging and regenerative medicine physician specializing in sexual medicine. “If you don’t know how it currently works, how can you make it better?”
In her upcoming Quest on Mindvalley, The Science of Great Sex, she goes into what makes sex great and how to reclaim your sexual power, no matter your age. So if you’re looking at how to have multiple orgasms, let’s take a cue from the good doctor and look at what happens in the four phases of the sexual response cycle.
Phase 1: Arousal
“To feel aroused is to feel alive,” writes Fiona Thrust in the book, Naked and Sexual. And with good reason: arousal, for some people, is a big part of getting mentally and physically ready for sex.
In general, your heart starts a-thumping as your breath starts to quicken. You may notice blotches of redness on your skin, aptly known as ‘sex flush.’ Your nipples start to harden or erect as the blood flow increases to your genitals.
Now, for males, this is when your penis becomes erect. The testicles swell and the scrotum tightens.
For females, your clitoris, the inner lips of your vagina, and the vaginal walls start to swell. The blood flow also helps increase the lubrication of the vagina and your breasts start to feel fuller.
Interestingly, sexual arousal is a phase of interest with many researchers due to the differences it is between males (people with penises) and females (people with vaginas).
“Everyone is different and not everyone will experience all of the above,” says Dr. Killen. “And, of course, how long it takes for these changes to occur is also quite variable.”
Phase 2: Plateau
‘Plateau’ is kind of a misnomer, according to Dr. Killen. She explains that it’s more of an arousal-building phase than a flat plateau.
So what happens here? Essentially, all the changes in the arousal phase get amped up — your breathing and heart rate continues to increase as well as tension in the muscles.
For males, the testicles withdraw up into the scrotum. And for females, the vagina continues to swell and the clitoris becomes incredibly sensitive.
Phase 3: Orgasm
Also known as ‘climax,’ this is the shortest phase of the four, often only lasting for seconds. But don’t be fooled by the duration; there are still lots that happen during orgasm.
Your heart rate and breathing are at their highest, resulting in a rapid oxygen intake. Your muscles start to contract hard — from your genitals to your feet. And there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
“In folks with vaginas, vaginal muscles contract, and the uterus undergoes repeated contractions,” Dr. Killen explains. She adds that while males may have an easier time climaxing, those with a vagina often have longer orgasms or multiple ones.
Phase 4: Resolution
Oh yes, out goes the sexual and muscle tension as your body slowly goes back to its normal state. And it’s replaced by a sense of well-being and, often, fatigue.
The resolution phase, for males, usually leads to something called a refractory period, where they typically need recovery time. That’s not necessarily so for females, who, with learning how to have multiple orgasms, are able to return to the orgasm phase and experience the pleasure more than once.
3 Benefits of Multiple Orgasms
There are plenty of people touting the power of orgasms with good reason. It seems that the big O has quite a number of health benefits, so imagine when you’re able to do it over and over again. It’s like, orgasms are pleasure with purpose.
The benefits of sex are not confined to the bedroom. The effects of an active sex life spill over, and they infiltrate every little nook and cranny of our lives to make us happier and healthier.— Dr. Amy Killen, trainer of Mindvalley’s The Science of Great Sex Quest
Here are three (out of many) surprising benefits of multiple orgasms, backed by science:
1. Your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin
There’s a reason you feel pleasure and a sense of bonding during intimacy, according to clinical psychologist Daniel Sher in an interview with INSIDER. It’s because your brain releases dopamine, the ‘feel good hormone,’ and oxytocin, the ‘love hormone,’ which counters the effects of stress.
Here’s the gist of the two:
- Dopamine is part of your reward system and it gets produced when you do things you need to survive, like eat, drink, compete to survive, and reproduce.
When you’re doing something pleasurable, like sex and orgasm, your brain releases so much dopamine, you end up feeling amazing and seeking more of the sensations.
- Oxytocin helps promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships. It’s a hormone that’s especially essential for childbirth, breastfeeding, and parent-child bonding.
That doesn’t mean you’re going to experience the same sensations in both orgasm and parent-child bonding; rather, oxytocin helps strengthen your love connection.
With the knowledge of how to orgasm, the bump in the levels of these ‘happy hormones’ will surely get you in a truly altered state of consciousness.
2. Alpha brain waves slow down
The release of dopamine and oxytocin helps your brain transition into a more calm, meditative state called alpha.
If you’re unfamiliar with brain waves, alpha is present in deep relaxation. It takes the stress out of the equation so you experience tranquility, creativity, inner peace, and enhanced focus and learning.
Moreover, alpha waves are the gateway to your subconscious mind. It’s where your intuition lies, allowing you to think clearer and more profoundly.
A documentary called The Super Orgasm found that women, specifically, who experience single orgasms will typically have low alpha brain waves, which rise as they climax. Now, women who experience multiple orgasms have high alpha brain waves, which means they’re in a state of relaxation throughout the whole experience.
3. Your pain tolerance increases
A smack on the bum or hair-pulling might make be uncomfortable in a non-sexual situation, but have you noticed that during sex, it’s not as painful and may even be — dare we say — pleasurable?
Early sex research suggests orgasms and sexual stimulation make you less sensitive to pain. Using a machine that squeezed the subject’s finger with steadily increasing force until it was no longer tolerable, the researchers then asked the women to self-pleasure to see if it helped with the discomfort. They found that the pain tolerance increased by nearly 50%.
This makes sense, considering the brain releases hormones that counter sexual anxiety, stress, and pain as well as put you in a relaxed state of consciousness. And with these benefits, it gives you a greater reason to learn how to have multiple orgasms, right?
Busting the Myths of Orgasms
Remember that iconic diner scene from the movie, When Harry Met Sally? Sally explains to Harry that women often pretend to have orgasms as she proceeds to fake one on the spot at the diner.
Let’s face it, when we first learned about sex, we thought orgasms were simple and attainable 100% of the time. Boy, were we wrong. And if we were wrong about that, what other things did we blindly believe?
Here are five myths about orgasms to bust:
1. There’s only one kind of orgasm
“Twist, twist. Tickle, tickle. Push, push. Game over,” says Bibi Brzozka, conscious love-making and sexuality expert and trainer of Mindvalley’s Waves of Pleasure Quest. In an interview on Mindvalley Talks, she adds there’s more than one kind of orgasm.
However, especially for women, the female orgasm menu is quite extensive and can help awaken your inner sex goddess. Vaginal orgasm is the most commonly heard of, but there’s also clitoral, blended (clitoral and vaginal together), G-spot, anal, imaginary-induced, and nipple.
2. You can’t have an orgasm after menopause
Let’s be real: menopause is not the end of your sex life. Just because you’re in this stage of your life, your sexual desires can still be thriving.
“You have to question your belief,” says Marisa Peer in her talk at Mindvalley’s A-Fest 2022 in Jordan. Widely known as the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy®️ (RTT®️), she’s also uniquely qualified to offer sexual advice, having been a sex columnist for four of Britain’s biggest newspapers for over a decade.
“Why do you believe menopause has stopped you from having erotic sex? Why do you believe you’re not sensual anymore?” she highlights, adding that when you have a belief, you start to turn into that belief.
Sure, your body’s undergoing some major changes, like low libido and vaginal dryness. However, there are plenty of ways, such as tantra, to increase your sex drive.
Who said you can’t have sex after menopause? No one.
3. If you have a vagina, you should have multiple orgasms
While females can have multiple orgasms, it doesn’t necessarily mean that all of them do. In fact, a 2018 study reported that heterosexual women are the ones having the least orgasms as compared to their counterparts.
Here’s the thing: we’re all one-of-a-kind and each female has their own unique experience with orgasms. Some have one orgasm while others can go several times; they’re all ‘normal.’
4. Those with a penis can’t have multiple orgasms
Can men have multiple orgasms? It’s believed that men aren’t able to have more than one orgasm in a single sex session. However, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
A 2016 review looked into what’s known so far about multiple orgasms in men. It found that “the ability to experience multiple orgasms may increase after medical procedures that reduce ejaculation (e.g., prostatectomy or castration).”
Moreover, in a 2015 interview with GQ, sexologist Ava Cadell, Ph.D., explains that ejaculation is the final step of stimulation and release of semen. An orgasm, she points out, is part of the sexual experience that happens between two and seven seconds before ejaculation.
While it’s not possible for males to have multiple orgasms with ejaculation, it is possible to climax more than once if there’s no semen released. It takes practice to retain energy and alertness — think Paul Finch in American Pie 2. And strengthening your pelvic floor muscles apparently helps as well.
5. Masturbation ruins your orgasms with a partner
There’s nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself, and contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t mess up your chances of climaxing with your partner.
Masturbation can help you explore your body to learn what you like and what you don’t. That will allow you to share that knowledge with your partner so they, too, can bring you to orgasms.
So if you’re looking to try something new or amp up your ‘abundance,’ learning how to have multiple orgasms can be both pleasurable and purposeful.
How to Have Multiple Orgasms: Insights From Mindvalley Experts
One trip to the big O is happiness in a nutshell. But going there two (or three…or four) times is euphoria. Bonus: learning how to have multiple orgasms can truly do wonders for your well-being.
Turning to the experts (and Mindvalley has some incredible ones), here are their pro tips for having multiple orgasms and turning you into an erotic creature.
Shan Boodram on ‘your naked truth’
‘Your naked truth’ is so fitting with this subject, but its name aside, it’s just another definition of authenticity. And according to certified sexologist, Shan Boodram, being your authentic self can make you incredibly memorable in bed.
In an interview with Vishen, she explains, “If you find yourself making the same sounds all the time, if you find yourself in the same rotation of events, you’re not truly responding to what’s happening in the moment because each moment is unique.”
When you learn how to be authentic, especially when intimacy is involved, you give yourself the permission to enjoy your experience and open the gateway to orgasms.
Psalm Isadora on focusing on your breathing
“If you don’t have much energy in your everyday life, you probably aren’t going to have the energy it takes to have great sex or have a great orgasm or multiple orgasms,” says the late tantra expert, Psalm Isadora whose work inspired the creation of Mindvalley’s Tantra Touch Quest. (She, sadly, passed away in 2015.)
In the Quest, she teaches a technique called ‘Breath of Fire’ that helps increase the amount of sexual energy you have. With practice, you’ll start feeling your whole body heating up and tingling, leading to more energy and feelings of arousal.
Here’s a deeper explanation of the ‘Breath of Fire’:
Marisa Peer on how your thoughts affect your orgasms
Your thoughts are a catalyst for self-perception — what you put your mind to directly influences your feelings and behavior. And according to Marisa, thoughts come before everything. Here’s how it works:
- First, you have a thought or a belief.
- That thought or belief affects your feelings.
- And that, in turn, affects your actions and behaviors.
“When you believe you can have multiple orgasms…if the mind says yes, the body says yes,” according to Marisa. So tell yourself, “I’m orgasmic” or “I’m super orgasmic when I’m touched by my partner or when I touch myself” and your body will respond.
To learn how to train your mind and body to become orgasmic, here’s a guided meditation with Marisa:
Emily Fletcher on meditation and sex
What does meditation have to do with orgasms? A lot, actually.
According to Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation and trainer of Mindvalley’s The M Word Quest, the whole point of meditation is to decrease the stress chemicals, adrenaline and cortisol, in our body. At the same time, it helps to increase levels of dopamine and oxytocin, which are bliss chemicals.
You can find out more from Emily in her talk on Mindvalley Talks:
Bibi Brzozka on how to create a conscious sexual connection with yourself
“How can we make love — getting out of our minds and coming into our bodies?” asks Bibi in her sex talk with Vishen. She explains that when it comes to anything sexual and sensual, like how to get multiple orgasms, we’re in a mind-driven world with pornography dominating our understanding of this topic.
So to move from the mind to connect with your body, she suggests finding your sexual ‘antenna.’
If you’re a male, it’s the penis, obviously, because that’s where you give your sexual energy from. There’s nothing wrong with that, according to Bibi, but the question is, “are men connected to their penis or not?” And that’s where conscious cocks can be helpful.
Now, if you’re a vagina owner, you’re more receptive and require a bit more stimulation than your counterpart. So what are your antennas? Bibi points out that breast massage and foreplay are great ways for females to connect to their bodies.
Dr. Amy Killen on masturbating
Society has, unfortunately, tabooed masturbation, putting it in a box of practices that bring shame. However, Dr. Killen, in her upcoming Quest on Mindvalley called The Science of Great Sex, invites you to reframe how you think about it.
“I’m here to say, out loud and with authority, that masturbation is normal, healthy, and not something you should be ashamed of doing,” she says.
As mentioned, self-pleasuring can help you learn more about yourself sexually and sensually — what you like and don’t like. You can then relay this knowledge to your partner, enabling them to bring you to orgasm.
Dr. Killen adds, “When you masturbate as a way of self-soothing, as a way of giving yourself pleasure and sanctuary from the world, you are taking your mental and physical health into your own hands (literally!).”
Having said that, too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Like anything, if it affects other aspects of your life, you might just be overdoing it.
Fuel Your Sexual Desire
Nicki Minaj probably said it best: “I demand that I climax.” And with all the benefits that go along with reaching a state of bliss, it’s hard to disagree.
So if you’re looking to ramp up your sexual game, like learning how to have multiple orgasms, then look no further than Mindvalley.
As a Member, you have full access to educational quests and interviews with the best in the field of sexual and sensual health — experts like Shan Boodram, Psalm Isadora, Marisa Peer, Emily Fletcher, Bibi Brzozka, and Dr. Amy Killen. And learning about sex may be embarrassing, but with the Mindvalley Tribe, you’ll realize that you’re not alone in your sexual inquisition.
As Dr. Killen says, “Sex isn’t just feel good. It’s one of the main pillars of health that supports us in this quest for longevity.” So here’s to a long life with great sex.