You glance in the mirror, eyes tracing the contours of your reflection. Somehow, despite the praise showered by others, a voice whispers, “Not. Good. Enough.”
But what if the secret to extinguishing this nagging whisper lies in learning how to genuinely compliment yourself?
“There’s nothing that builds you up the way self-praise does,” says Marisa Peer, the creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy® and trainer of Mindvalley’s Uncompromised Life Quest. And when you learn how to do so, you unlock a reservoir of self-confidence and positivity that no external validation can rival.
Why You Should Praise Yourself
Sure, receiving praise from others can make you feel good at the moment, but without true self-confidence, those compliments won’t amount to anything. When you believe in yourself, the opinions of others don’t have the same influence.Nothing, nothing, nothing boosts your self-esteem like praise. — @MarisaPeer Click To Tweet
The reality is, there are benefits to praising yourself. Here’s a closer look at three, with research studies to support them.
- Enhances mental well-being. A study by Dr. Kristin Neff draws a direct line between self-compassion, which closely aligns with self-praise, and improved mental health. Her research found that when people are kind to themselves, they experience lower levels of anxiety and depression.
- Boosts performance and productivity. According to the findings of a 2020 study, when people used their own name to give themselves a pep talk, they did better at tasks and were able to handle their feelings better too.
- Better physical health. A 2017 study brought to light the remarkable influence of self-compassion on physical health, indicating that it not only nurtures the mind but also the body.
So whenever you find yourself flooded with thoughts of criticism, shame, guilt, and insult, it’s important to turn those thoughts around. As Marisa encourages, “Choose to fall in love with yourself; it is a lifelong romance that never wanes, never disappoints.”
Explore more on how to compliment yourself from Marisa Peer:
How to Praise and Compliment Yourself
Sometimes, telling yourself “well done” can be tough, especially when that tiny voice constantly convinces you you’re anything other than awesome.
And figuring out how to compliment yourself without bragging? That’s a tricky one. But it’s so crucial to our self-esteem to discover the ways we can celebrate our own wins without that shadow of arrogance.
So here’s a mini-guide to navigating through the gentle waters of self-appreciation and ensuring the “not good enough” voice gets a little quieter each time.
1. Create a state of confidence
Do you wonder how some stars shine bright on stage? Paul McKenna, UK’s #1 hypnotherapist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Total Self-Confidence Quest, explains that it’s all about the state of mind.
Just like Elvis Presley used to walk 1,000 yards to build his confidence before a show, you too can master your emotions. So, how do you do it?
Creating a confident emotional state involves understanding and harnessing your mental images and dialogues—or “movies,” as Paul describes them.
For example, envisioning yourself as confident at a party versus isolated and uncomfortable illustrates two starkly different mental movies. The first, uplifting and the latter, potentially deflating.
“As you learn to change the pictures in your mind, you too will get conscious control of your life,” explains Paul. And this can gradually shape your reality to mirror your optimistic internal views.
2. Control your inner critic
Understand that we often engage in self-talk. And this internal dialogue, known as our “inner critic,” deeply influences our emotions and confidence, as Paul McKenna highlights in his Mindvalley Quest.
Sometimes, it limits us, telling us we can’t do something or reminding us of past failures. But here’s the beautiful thing: You absolutely have control over this voice.
If the voice living in your head isn’t supporting you, it’s time to replace it with one that does. — @ImPaulMcKenna
“Like it or not,” says Paul, “the results you’re getting in your life have everything to do with what that voice keeps telling you.” So reshape this voice into one that emboldens you.
How does it sound when it speaks in a confident and affirmative tone? Locate this new voice and give yourself a compliment.
3. Pose like a champion
Standing tall, both literally and metaphorically, shapes your emotions and perceptions in a profound way. Indeed, your body language, particularly your posture, speaks volumes about your self-esteem and mental state.
Paul points out that champion athletes, successful business leaders, and notable figures in showbiz often exhibit a shared characteristic: they carry themselves with upright, relaxed, and confident postures.
What’s wonderful is that adopting this “posture of champions” is something that’s easily accessible. Just imagine a silver cord extending through your spine and pulling you upright.
“Your mind and body are intimately linked in what’s known as a cybernetic loop,” Paul explains. “That means that whatever you think about will affect the way your body feels. And the way you use your body will affect the thoughts inside your head.”
So by consistently practicing this upright pose, you subtly rewrite your muscle memory, making this confident posture a predominant habit. This doesn’t merely influence how the world perceives you; it transforms your internal dialogue, injecting positive, robust energy into every endeavor.
4. Accept yourself
Often, limiting beliefs seeded in your mind form barriers to extending genuine compliments to yourself. So, how can you navigate through this and embrace self-acceptance? It starts with recognizing your unique qualities and the remarkable things you bring to the world.
“The only person who can make you feel really good about you is you,” says Marisa. “You must fall in love with yourself.”
Research actually shows that greater self-acceptance improves emotional well-being. So by learning to compliment yourself, you not only shatter those limiting beliefs but also pave the way for robust self-love and esteem.
5. Use positive affirmations
“The common denominator of all of our emotional issues stems from thinking we’re not enough, not lovable enough, smart enough, interesting enough, attractive enough,” explains Marisa. That’s where positive affirmations can help.
They aren’t just lines you repeat to yourself over and over again. What it actually means is speaking to yourself with kindness, encouragement, and recognition of your self-worth.
Here’s the simple truth: the language you employ internally molds your perceptions and, by extension, your realities. Hence, positive affirmations serve as a tool to sculpt a supportive and empowering internal dialogueWhen you know you’re enough, guess what? Everyone around you knows that you’re enough, too, and it makes your life extraordinary. — @MarisaPeer Click To Tweet
Affirmations gain power through repetition. So saying good things to yourself every day helps put positive thoughts in your mind and push out the bad ones.
15 Compliments to Tell Yourself Every Day
Daily self-compliments can have a transformative effect on your confidence and self-love. Surely, you’ve come across a few, like The Help’s “You is kind, you is smart, you is important” or DJ Bliss’s Bliss List.
When you compliment yourself, it’s not only uplifting but essential. So here’s a list you can use to start yourself off:
- I am resilient.
- I am fearless.
- My creativity knows no bounds.
- I embody strength.
- I am uniquely beautiful, inside and out.
- My worth is intrinsic.
- I believe in my abilities.
- My potential is limitless.
- I radiate confidence.
- My spirit is unbreakable.
- I spread joy.
- I am enough.
Remember, gently remind yourself of these truths daily, and watch as your self-belief and confidence bloom.
Let’s begin with a small but mighty step: compliment yourself every day. Nice words, like “I am strong” or “I am kind,” boost your confidence in a big way.
With help from the wisdom of Marisa Peer and Paul McKenna on Mindvalley, every little effort you make brings you closer to a strong belief in yourself. Plus, the great thing is, you can get access to Marisa and Paul’s classes by simply creating your free Mindvalley account.
Those who’ve gone through their quests have found their way to self-confidence. Like:
- Daminee Basu, an actor from Kolkata, India, who took Marisa’s program and wrote, “I got rid of toxic [codependent] relationships, draining efforts in work, in confidence, and self-sabotaging bullsh*t. This work literally saw me emerge with the strength of a lion.”
- Valerie van Ginhoven, a manifestation coach from Lima, Peru, who took Paul’s program and wrote, “It was practical and applicable, and every day, I could notice myself feeling more confident in the way I was doing things.”
And just like them, the more you keep telling yourself good things, the more likely it’s that you’ll watch your future become bright and hopeful.
Images generated on Midjourney.