Get the degree. Buy the dream house. Land the big promotion. Book the luxury vacation. Do it for the ‘gram. And you’ll be happy… right?
Perhaps momentarily.
But long-term? It’s safe to say that for many of us, it doesn’t work.
“So many of the messages that we’ve been told about happiness are not only flawed in the sense that they don’t help us to find happiness,” says Stephanie Harrison on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani. “They actually direct us towards misery.”
Her solution? A radical shift from Old Happy to something that she calls New Happy (which is the premise of her podcast, The New Happy, and international bestseller, New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got It Wrong).
Happiness is a lot about becoming more of who you are and then sharing it with people.
— Stephanie Harrison, author of New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got It Wrong
So, maybe it’s time to stop chasing happiness and start creating it—a version that’s real, lasting, and uniquely yours.
The problem with “old happy,” according to Stephanie Harrison
Many of us have been taught that happiness lies on the other side of X, which could be anything—money, fame, power, love, or recognition.
But how many of us have gotten X only to find that it’s not the glory we thought we’d feel? How many of us have felt a sense of naught?
There are too many stories like this out there. Like Robin Sharma, who found success but battled burnout. Or Amy Winehouse, whose talent and fame couldn’t save her from feeling unworthy of the love and support she deserved. Or Tim Bergling, a.k.a. Avicii, who spoke of the deep loneliness and a sense of disconnect despite his global acclaim.
“‘Happy’,” says Stephanie, “comes from the systems of capitalism, individualism, and domination that teach us what to value and what’s important to us.” And she boils it down to three big societal lies:
- You’re not enough.
- External success will make you happy.
- You have to do it alone.
These Old Happy lies do more than mislead; they can take a serious toll on your peace of mind. Research shows that extrinsic goals like wealth, fame, and appearance often lead to negative emotions and stress rather than happiness or well-being.
Don’t be mistaken, though. There’s nothing wrong with having big goals, even extrinsic ones. But the question Stephanie poses is this: What are we harnessing it for?
Our self-interest? Our “consumerist desires”—the things we want to buy or experience? Or to make a difference in the world?
Her point is this: the motivation behind our goals matters. Even the same pursuit can feel completely different when driven by meaning rather than societal pressure.
What is “new happy,” and why does it matter now?
Fact: Burnout is rising globally, with 43% of U.S. middle managers experiencing it—the highest among all worker groups.
Also, fact: The culture of overachievement is driving a rise in perfectionism among young people, linked to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
So if hustle and perfectionism aren’t what makes people happy, then what does?
As Kristina points out in the interview, happiness often isn’t seen as a “sexy” goal. “If you walk around a room of conscious people who are into personal growth and transformation, you would not hear one of them say that ‘my goal here is to feel happy’,” she says.
Instead, it’s treated like a bonus you stumble upon after hitting all the right life goals—like the perfect career, relationship, or milestone.
Stephanie argues that this mindset needs to change. “We need to reclaim happiness as the greatest goal,” she explains, “because the happiness that I’m talking about is not self-interested.”
It’s not about chasing material desires or personal experiences. Instead, happiness is rooted in virtues, built through shared efforts, and brings meaning and joy to others.
“Happiness,” she adds, “is a lot about becoming more of who you are and then sharing it with people.”
Research shows that being generous is linked to gratification. One study found it activates brain regions associated with reward and positive emotions, demonstrating how giving can directly enhance well-being.
And when you see happiness as more than a fleeting byproduct, it transforms into a force that fuels connection, purpose, and a deeper meaning—both for you and for the world around you.
Stephanie Harrison’s 5 tips to embrace New Happy
Old Happy may have shaped how we’ve seen happiness, but it’s time for a new way forward. It’s time for “new happy.”
We need to reclaim happiness as the greatest goal.
— Stephanie Harrison, author of New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got It Wrong
Stephanie lays out five clear, practical steps to help you start living the kind of happiness that lasts.
1. Recognize the lies of Old Happy
Ask yourself this: what has Old Happy taught you about feeling worthy?
Has it convinced you that your value depends on how much you achieve, how perfect you appear, or how well you meet society’s expectations? Or has it left you chasing validation from others while feeling like you’re never quite enough?
These subtle but powerful messages shape how you see yourself and your happiness. As Stephanie explains, “All of these unwritten instructions that are provided by our society ultimately end up making us sick, lonely, disconnected, frustrated, you name it.”
Once you’re able to recognize and identify these false narratives, you can begin to disentangle your true desires from societal expectations.
So, keep a journal to track moments when you feel “not enough” or overly driven by external validation. Ask yourself questions like, “Whose approval am I seeking?” or “Is this goal truly mine?” This can help you challenge and rewrite the scripts that no longer serve you.
2. Identify your unique gifts
“Every human being possesses three different types of gifts,” Stephanie says. These include:
- Humanity: Your virtues, like kindness or curiosity.
- Wisdom: The lessons you’ve picked up from life’s ups and downs.
- Talents: The skills and abilities that make you, you.
Understanding your gifts is a powerful form of self-love. When you know your strengths, you can use them in ways that feel right—like you’re living your life, not someone else’s.
So, where do you start? Think about each type. For humanity, reflect on times when you’ve been kind, brave, or thoughtful. For wisdom, look back at challenges you’ve overcome—what did you learn? And for talents, jot down things you’re naturally good at or love doing.
Once you’ve done that, think of how you can use these gifts to make someone’s day a bit better. You don’t need to be a superhero. Simple things like cooking a meal for a neighbor, sharing advice with a friend, or helping out at a local event all count.
And don’t stop there—your gifts can grow and evolve. Check in with yourself now and then. What’s new? What’s shifted? Keeping your list fresh ensures you stay connected to what truly matters to you.
3. Set intrinsic goals that bring joy and meaning
Let’s stop chasing goals that leave you empty, shall we? Intrinsic goals—or as Vishen, the founder and CEO of Mindvalley, calls them, “end goals”—are where the real magic happens.
These are the things that genuinely light you up—personal growth, meaningful connections, or making a difference. As Stephanie explains, “Pursuing intrinsic goals is like having a bucket that just overflows with, like, abundance, joy, and fulfillment.”
So, what excites you? What makes you lose track of time?
If you’re into creative stuff, carve out time to paint, write, or try that pottery class you’ve always wanted. If connection excites you, schedule regular hangouts with friends or join a group that shares your interests. And if helping others fuels you, volunteer for a cause you care about—even if it’s just an hour a week.
Whatever it is, make it something that feels right for you, not just what someone else says you should be doing.
4. Use your gifts to serve others and create impact
Stephanie points out that even small, thoughtful actions can have a big impact. She asks, “What am I doing here?” and “Is it helping people?”—two simple but powerful questions that remind us our gifts matter most when they make a difference for someone else.
Helping others doesn’t just make the world better—it makes you feel better too. Studies show that people who volunteer regularly tend to feel happier, more connected, and less stressed. Turns out, doing good really does feel good.
Think about the skills and qualities you already have and how you can use them to make a difference. Great with words? Write a feel-good note to brighten someone’s day. Handy with tools? Offer to help a friend with a small repair or DIY project. Love music? Share a playlist with someone who could use a mood boost.
The point isn’t to make grand, world-changing gestures; it’s to share your strengths in ways that feel genuine and meaningful.
5. Embrace the joy in the process, not just the outcome
Happy people get it—when you’re only focused on results, you can feel stressed, frustrated, and constantly behind, especially when things don’t go to plan.
But finding joy while you’re doing something? That’s the feeling that keeps you going.
“We all have these things that bring us joy,” Stephanie points out. “Why wouldn’t we use them? Why wouldn’t we try to tap into that?”
And she’s right. Whether it’s painting, working on a project you care about, or volunteering, joy keeps you going. It’s what makes the hard parts feel worth it.
Figure out the activities where you feel fully in it—the ones where time flies, and you feel like you. Maybe it’s writing, gardening, helping someone out, or even simply spending time with people you care about.
Then, bring more of that into your life—regularly. Block out time for it. Let it be part of your routine without making it another thing to tick off the list.
When you focus on the process, challenges start to feel like part of the adventure instead of obstacles in the way. And that’s where happiness really starts to show up.
Fuel your mind
New Happy by Stephanie Harrison is a great starting point. But if you’re ready to shake up the way you think about happiness—and life in general—there’s more where this came from.
The Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani brings you thought-provoking reads and conversations with authors who challenge the status quo. You’ll get the best personal growth book recommendations sent straight to your inbox, along with insights that could change how you see yourself, your happiness, and the way you live.
Go on, fuel your mind. Join the club and discover what’s possible when you’re learning from some of the brightest minds out there.
Welcome in.
