How to gain self-control in 7 steps—and stack small wins into unstoppable success

You wake up with a plan: Stay sharp. Stay steady. No wasted hours.

But by noon, the tabs are open, the list is half-done, and your focus is shot. You sit there wondering what the hell happened.

According to Nir Eyal, a renowned habit formation expert and author of Indistractable, the brain’s a trickster. It’s wired to make you chase things that feel important in the moment but mean nothing in the long run. 

“We are compelled to reach for things that we supposedly need but really don’t,” he says in his Mindvalley program, Be Focused and Indistractable.

So, what does it take to unlock self-mastery when it feels like the odds are stacked against you?

It begins by understanding how to gain self-control, the slippery slopes that keep you off-track, and how to steady up again without making it a battle.

What does it mean to have self-control?

Self-control is choosing where your mind, your time, and your energy go before they get hijacked by distractions. It keeps you aligned with your goals, even when everything inside you is begging for an easier way out.

But why is it so hard?

Because your brain is wired to conserve energy and avoid discomfort at all costs. Studies found that resisting repeated temptations throughout the day directly drains self-control reserves. 

So it’s no surprise your brain clings to whatever feels good right now: snacks, scrolling, quick dopamine hits. It’s wired to save energy, even if it means always chasing the easiest option. To this meat-encased “supercomputer,” it’s the much easier option, even if they cause brain rot.

“Present bias,” Nir points out, “pulls us toward what feels good now, even if it derails what we want most.”

But here’s the real deal: no big wins in life are ever immediate.

You do not build a strong body overnight.

Nor do you forge unshakable self-belief after just one good day.

And you certainly don’t master the ins and outs of your dream million-dollar business after just one good idea.

Creating a life you’re proud of, with achievements that garland your checkpoints, starts by saying no to every easy hit and yes to delayed gratification.

Skip one distraction. Hit one workout. Hold one boundary. And over time, the compound effect turns a five-minute decision into a five-year shift.

3 types of self-control

There are three types of self-control you need to master: cognitive control, emotional control, and behavioral control.

Each one helps you stay on track in different ways. And together, they help you learn how to gain discipline and self-control.

Here’s how they work:

• Cognitive control. Keeping your thoughts in check. It’s when you close the extra browser tabs and get back to the work you said mattered or shut off your phone so your mind doesn’t get pulled in thousands of different directions.
• Emotional control. Staying calm in the face of flare-ups. Like pausing before snapping at someone or choosing courage over fear.
• Behavioral control. Sticking with the right action even when it’s hard to. It can look like saying no to that extra drink at your favorite bar, passing up on junk food, or staying professional during an argument at work.

The stronger you get at these, the less life gets to push you around. 

When in doubt, remember Nir’s wisdom: “We can cope with uncomfortable internal triggers by reflecting on, rather than reacting to, our discomfort.”

The truth is, no matter how many times you fall, you can always pick yourself back up. Good habits are easier to maintain than they are to start, because “once in motion,” Nir adds, “they carry their own momentum.” 

How to gain self-control over food

If you want to gain self-control over food, start by understanding this: Overeating hijacks your brain’s reward system. And habits, not willpower, are what pull you back into balance.

There’s a reason why gluttony is considered one of the deadliest sins.

Overeating, scientists found, messes with your brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and training you to crave more, even when you are not actually hungry. No surprise, then, that over 40.3% of adults in the U.S. are now classified as obese, according to the CDC.

In pop culture, the warning bells against stuffing your face are just as loud:

• Violet Beauregarde inflates, literally, into a cautionary tale of greed in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
• In Scarface, Tony Montana drowns in excess until everything he built turns to ash.
• Jabba the Hutt swells and rots in gluttony in Star Wars.

These stories are extreme, but they reflect a truth: an unchecked appetite will always leave you wanting more. But the good news is, self-control helps you pump the brakes.

Here’s how to start habit-stacking your way to it, according to Mindvalley experts (that’s pairing small habits together so they build momentum fast):

1. Set your environment up for success

You are not weak if you crave junk food. You are human. After all, your brain’s naturally inclined to grab what’s easy, available, and oh so tempting.

But, as Paul McKenna, a world-renowned hypnotherapist, believes, just as easy as it is to give in to “one more bite,” it’s always possible to say no. “Your mind,” he reveals in his Mindvalley program, Total Self-Confidence, “is one place where you have complete control.”

So use it to your advantage, he urges. How?

• Clear your house of the foods you struggle with most. 
• Then, stock your fridge with whole foods that back your goals, not break them down.

Control the stage, and you control the show.

2. Practice mindful eating

Most people think more food equals more pleasure. But newsflash: it doesn’t, according to Ronan Diego, an internationally recognized health and fitness author and trainer of the Beyond Fasting program on Mindvalley.

“Satisfaction is not in the quantity of what you consume, but the quality of your attention when you consume it,” he explains.

Next time you eat:

• Remember to slow down.
• Taste every bite like it’s the first time.
• Make even one small meal a ritual, not a race.

When you pay attention to what you eat, you stop chasing more in the spirit of fullness.

Satisfaction is not in the quantity of what you consume, but the quality of your attention when you consume it.

— Ronan Diego, trainer of Mindvalley’s Beyond Fasting program

3. Shift the voice inside your head that wants a binge

What you eat matters, and so do the words you say to yourself about it. A negative inner voice can sabotage you faster than any cheat meal ever could.

Paul points out that most people’s self-talk “continually points out everything that is wrong.” And then they wonder why they feel stuck in their diet.

To flip the script:

• Catch yourself when that pesky inner critic shows up.
• Reframe the message like you would for a friend.
• Speak to yourself like someone you actually want to help.

The more you build yourself up, the easier it gets to stay strong when it counts.

4. Understand that cravings are lies

The nagging urge to give in to the quick dopamine hits on your screen or that extra donut in the fridge may feel urgent. But reality check: it is not.

What it truly is: a learned loop your brain chases for a fast reward. Not real hunger nor a real need, but distraction, which, as Nir describes, “is a sign that something deeper is going on inside of us.”

So, the next time a mighty hunger pang hits:

• Call it out for what it is: just a distraction.
• Stall the craving by giving yourself five full minutes before doing anything.
• Shift your body or your mind to something better, like drinking water, taking a walk outside, or starting a different task.

Recognizing cravings as lies masquerading as truths is the first real move toward breaking their hold over you. So take heed and listen to your body.

How to gain self-control over emotions

When life hits hard, it’s not your first feeling that defines you. It’s what you do next that makes all the difference to your story.

You can’t stop anger, fear, sadness, or anxiety from showing up. But what you can do is decide whether you let them run the show, or run their course… by learning how to control your emotions. 

Here’s how to notice the waves without letting them drown you:

1. Catch the emotional trigger early

Before your hands slam the desk or your mouth fires off the wrong words, catch your emotions the second you feel them rise.

“Changing your emotional state is the fastest way to change your behavior,” says Paul on what emotional regulation skills are about.

Try these steps when you feel triggered:

• Name the feeling as fast as you can. Like when your spouse blindsides you with a passive-aggressive comment, and you feel that flash of heat. Or when your fist clenches when someone cuts you off in traffic. Then catch it, and call it what it is—anger, frustration, embarrassment—before it snowballs
• Notice where you feel it in your body. Paying attention to the unique ways your body reacts stops the feeling from hijacking your brain. Think jaw tightening up, chest feeling heavy, or your stomach feeling all knotted up.
• Breathe twice as slowly as you normally would. Right there in the meeting, in traffic, on the call—pull yourself back. Breathe in for a slow count of four, and breathe out for a slow count of eight. Reset the wave before it crashes.

The faster you spot it, the less it owns you.

2. Challenge the story behind the feeling

Those emotions are real. The stories that fuel them? Not always. 

But it’s also not easy to spot the difference when you are caught inside the storm.

In her book, The Willpower Instinct, Stanford health psychologist Kelly McGonigal explains that emotions are powerful enough to pull you off course if you are not paying attention. 

They can, as she wrote, “create irresistible impulses not because they are true, but because they are strong.” Think of them like rivers, and you get the picture.

So, the next time strong “tides” take over you:

• Ask yourself, “Is this true, or just loud?”
• Look for one piece of evidence that softens the story.
• Choose the next move based on facts, not just feelings.

As strong as they are, one thing’s for certain: you still steer the ship.

3. Build better emotional defaults

Strong emotions are easier to ride out when your baseline is steady. You do not have to white-knuckle every bad day if your system is already built for strength.

As Nir says, “When we are not clear on what we really want, everything becomes a distraction.” The confusion then makes every emotional hit feel ten times harder.

But there are ways to be less reactive and build a stronger base:

• Set one clear intention after waking up. Something simple, like “Today, I stay steady under pressure,” can really beat the morning anxiety.
• Dump your stress before it builds. Journal it. Walk it off. Speak it out loud if you have to.
• Build tiny recharges into your day before life demands bigger ones. With five minutes of mindful breathing. A song you love. Or that one hard task at work done right.

The stronger your foundation, the less life gets to push you off track when it really matters.

Real-life examples of self-control in action

Forget epic heroic moments; real self-control is built through small choices, made under pressure, when giving up would be easier.

You see true resilience not in talk, but in how people show up when it matters most.

Below are examples of self-control in action and motion:

• Serena Williams, on-court composure: Under the heat of championship pressure, Serena learned to channel frustration into focus, not outbursts. Every slow breath between serves was a war won inside.
• J.K. Rowling, in overcoming rejection: Before Harry Potter became a phenomenon, Rowling was a broke, single mother who kept writing after getting rejected by a dozen publishers. Discipline in the dark made her eventual spotlight possible.
• LeBron James and the off-court grind: Known to invest millions in body recovery, mindset coaching, and discipline rituals, he proves that self-control is built long before the arena.
• Denzel Washington, who stayed disciplined in the long game: Before he became an award-winning icon, Denzel spent years perfecting his craft on small stages and TV, choosing mastery over shortcuts.
• Oprah, on mastering emotional control: Facing public attacks at the peak of her fame taught her to pause before reacting. Restraint, she realized, is the real power.
• David Goggins, mastering mental resilience: The former Navy SEAL and ultramarathon runner often talks about not negotiating with weakness. His mantra: outwork it, one brutal day at a time.
• You, in every small battle you win: Every time you say no to the extra drink, the quick Instagram scroll, or the impulse to snap, you’re one step closer to self-mastery.

Every quiet battle you win writes your story louder than anything you say. And in the end, it’s self-control that gets you on top of the mountain.

Awaken your unstoppable

Great change doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with one powerful habit that you show up for every day, until it becomes muscle memory.

And when you’re ready to move differently, Mindvalley’s free mind resources are here to back you up. They’re practical tools designed to sharpen your focus, lock in those rewarding habits, and build the kind of self-control that makes your future wins inevitable.

And they’re a glimpse of the full Mindvalley experience that has so transformed the lives of millions across the globe.

Like Kirsty Horn, a mom of three and business owner from Cape Town, who uses the app to rewrite her life from the inside out. She says:

“Mindvalley gave me the keys to small, simple steps to start the journey to finding myself and becoming fit, healthy, and mentally charged to be the best version I can be.”

Or Bárbara Moya Moreau, a psychotherapist from Santiago, Chile, who found the daily spark she needed to turn ideas into action. In her words:

I feel really motivated each morning to start with meditation then Mindvalley. I feel more positive about the future and I began to take action on it… Since then it’s been a non-stop creative process. Truly grateful.

They kept stacking the habits. Nurtured the right mindsets. Made and kept to their daily choices. And in their hardest moments, they chose to grow outside of their comfort zones.

You can do the same. One choice at a time. With Mindvalley right behind you.

Welcome in.