What Does It Take to Create an Extraordinary Relationship?
You’ll have your heart broken more than once. The ghost of ‘the one who got away’ may still haunt your memory.
It’s safe to say that you’ll see relationships come and go — including ones you were so sure you wanted at the time. And after a few ‘failed’ attempts, you’ll begin to ask yourself: “What is it that I really want?“
No matter what relationship dynamic you’re searching for, no matter if you’re single and ready to mingle, already shacked up, or just over the whole dating scene…this article is for you.
Studying the secret sauce behind forging deep, loving, authentic relationships is one of the most vital subjects you could ever master.
That’s why we teamed up with internationally renowned love birds and power couple Jon and Missy Butcher to lend us a helping hand. This isn’t information they learned overnight.
It took us 30 years of experience to attain, but here’s the foundation and philosophy of our relationship.
1. Make a conscious decision to have an incredible love life
When it comes to hitting any goal in life, first and foremost a firm decision must be made. Figuring out what you truly want and going for it without excuses and without doubting yourself is the foundation of success.
“The word ‘decision’ means ‘to cut away.’ And that’s what you’ve got to do — cut off all other possibilities. Say, ‘this is where we’re going and this is what we’re doing.’ We made a conscious decision to create an incredible love affair that would last for the rest of our lives.“
So what suits you? Monogamy? Singledom and exciting flings? Kids? Polyamory? Marriage?
There’s no use chasing a dream that, once accomplished, wasn’t for you in the first place. So first figure that out, make the commitment, and then go for it!
2. Find and BE an extraordinary partner
Extraordinary relationships require extraordinary people. And like Jon says, you can’t make anything good without good ingredients.
You really need to ask yourself, ‘Who am I willing to become to get the kind of relationship that I want?’ That’s hugely important.
So if you’re single, make sure your next partner is truly right for you, as well as ensure that you’ve grown enough to be a great partner for them too.
If you’re already in a relationship, ask yourself honestly if your partner is the person you want to share, grow and be in love with long-term. Are you showing up as the best version of yourself for them too? Listen to your gut for the answer and act on it. It might just be the tip you need for solving relationship problems.
3. Make your relationship your life’s foundation
From Missy and John’s perspective, a relationship is like a motor — keep it well-oiled, help it along, and everything else will run smoothly. Take it for granted and forget to tend to it, and you’re in for a breakdown…or even an explosion.
“Our relationship is the foundation of our lives,” says Missy. “It’s the foundation of our home, our family, and in our case, our career, finances, and our emotional lives. If your relationship is solid, healthy, and working well, you can handle anything that comes along like a boss.“
In a nutshell, be conscious of the importance of your relationship and treat it as such.
“I put Missy first before anything else because if she’s okay, everything’s okay,” says Jon.
4. Keep the spark alive
You date before you get married, so why should you stop?
Jon and Missy are huge advocates of keeping the fires of love burning bright. An incredible way to get those sparks flying is through forging 3 different dating rituals.
- Daily dating ritual example
Jon and Missy’s Daily Ritual starts at 5:30 pm sharp when they stop working and begin to freshen up and dedicate themselves to showering each other in presence, affection, and attention. They often take a walk in their garden or cook together distraction-free.
- Weekly dating ritual example
The power couple has a date night every single week where they go out for romantic meals, shack up in cute hotels or just get close and personal to each other — keyword “child-free.”
- Annual dating ritual example
Jon takes Missy on an annual week-long trip where the lovebirds fully focus on their relationship. From Paris to full-immersion spa breaks, for a few hours per day, they’ll review their Lifebooks and see what elements of their relationship are working and which need extra care. This trip is a celebration of everything they have been building over 30 years of commitment, “and it gets better every year.”
An investment in daily, weekly, and annual dating experiences goes a long way. You’ll find those little regular efforts fast become the glue that keeps even the most harmonious relationships afloat. That said, through the passing of the weeks, months, years and maybe even decades of love that awaits you, your dates must be a firm priority.