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Why Good Girls Follow All The Rules…And Finish Last Anyway | Kristina Mänd Lakhiani

by Amy White October 1, 2020
The following article was inspired by a Superhuman Academy podcast by Dimitris Gkiokas and Kristina Mänd Lakhiani. Kristina is the Co-Founder of Mindvalley, author of the transformational Quest ‘Live By Your Own Rules’ and a highly celebrated international speaker.

Building Your Disney Castle…

‘She’s beautiful!’ they cried as they swooned over your crib. Swamped in pink balloons and teddy bears, little did you know that your path was already being laid out for you brick by brick, leading into the majestic sunset. All you had to do was follow the rose-lined walkway to your Disney Castle. As the birds chirped and the butterflies fluttered ahead, you quietly listened to the subtle guidance…

‘Be a good girl.’
‘Keep quiet and smile nicely.’
‘Wear this dress.’
‘Don’t eat that – you’ll get fat.’
‘Study hard – be both smart and beautiful!’
‘Get your college degree.’
‘Be successful.’
‘Wait for your prince charming to arrive!’
‘Marry him and have his babies!’

Kristina at Mindvalley Live Istanbul 2019

From the moment you were born, your carriage awaited, promising an eternal happily ever after at the end of the road. And if you took your time getting there, society wouldn’t hesitate to give you a nudge in the right direction. The Little Princess would become the Queen of her Castle in no time!

…And Watching It Fall To The Ground

And of course, it’s a very fulfilling place to be, at least for a little while. You’ll stare in awe at all that you’ve built, you’ll polish the marble and fluff up the silk pillows. Your loved-ones will commend you on what a beautiful castle you’ve built, and what a good girl you’ve been.

It’s all well and good – until it all comes crashing down.

Kristina Mänd Lakhiani knows the feeling well.

After acing her studies, becoming the co-founder of a highly successful company, landing her prince charming and bringing two gorgeous children into the world, Kristina had it made. She’d played the game and won. She’d built her Disney Castle.

‘But my perfect life started falling to pieces like lego bricks’, she states.

Why Good Girls Follow All The Rules…And Finish Last Anyway

Wait a second – didn’t she do exactly as she was told? Didn’t she take every single step with a smile, flooded with validation from the world? Kristina had followed all the rules that would lead to happiness, so what went wrong?

There comes a time in every woman’s life when the words ‘What now?’ will haunt her corridors. Because quite frankly, even though she may have been a willing participant in the building of her life, nobody had ever stopped to check if that was what she actually wanted, or whether she might want something else afterward.

And neither did she. Until now.

It’s not until the walls of conditioning are constructed around us so strong and so high that we begin to question if we ever had any freedom in it all, and whether we’ll ever be able to get out and see the skies of possibility again.

‘But it’s from that doubt, from those moments where you notice that you’re not feeling how you’re ‘supposed’ to feel, that the transformation and self-discovery really begin.’

Finding Your Happily-Even-After

In Kristina’s case, the foundations of her Disney Castle began to crumble when she noticed the discomfort that arose whenever she was introduced as ‘Vishen Lakhiani’s wife’. ‘But I’m so much more than that’, she’d say to herself. This thought would immediately be followed by waves of guilt and self-criticism, as she must be a terrible wife, she should be grateful to be the partner of such a successful man, she should be proud of him, etc.

Another pain point emerged from being asked constantly about her two children over her accomplishments and her vision for the world. ‘Yes, of course, I love my children, but I also have a mission in life – why don’t people ask me about that?’, Kristina would question. Wracked with guilt once again, Kristina slowly began to realize that something wasn’t quite right about her Disney Castle. It was never truly hers after all. And she wanted more.  

Kristina at A-Fest Portugal 2019

‘You’ll realize sooner or later that your life has to be in accordance with who you actually are’, says Kristina, ‘and then you’re faced with the task of figuring that out.

And that’s your way out of the Disney Castle. That’s the first stepping stone into a future that resonates with your true self. As Conscious Uncoupling expert Katherine Woodward Thomas says, it’s your happily-even-after.

Picking Up The Pieces

You may be in this exact situation as you read these words. If you’re lucky, you’re still walking with plenty of time to diverge from the path before you arrive at your Disney Castle. Or perhaps you’ve already been there and moved on.

Either way, you’re not alone.

When doubts arise, it’s time to go inside. ‘It’s from that space of discomfort’, affirms Kristina, ‘that I discovered who I truly am.’

There’s never a bad moment to ask yourself what you actually desire from life as the sovereign woman you are – one with her own mind, her own heart and her own soul. Never let anyone tell you any different.

My Disney Castle may have crumbled, but I was left with the pieces. And now I get to create something different from them…

Live By Your Own Rules

We all have the tendency to follow the paths of those who have gone before us – the tried and tested blueprints of how to live, work and love ‘properly’. But this is a surefire way of missing out on the pure potential magic of your own unique life.

There is so much joy and fulfillment to be found in living life by our own rules.

Photo by Kersti Niglas

That’s why Kristina created the 31-day Quest ‘Live By Your Own Rules’ to support you in creating the authentic, extraordinary, conscious life you deserve, your way.

If you’re interested in Kristina’s Quest ‘Live By Your Own Rules’ and her ‘7 Days to Happiness’ mini-course, along with our ever-growing collection of personal growth content, click here.

Follow Kristina on Instagram as well for more of her updates!

by Amy White
As a personal growth writer, therapist, and yoga/meditation coach, Amy’s mission is to help humanity find moments of inner peace and self-love. Amy co-runs the online Women’s Wellness Circle based in the UK that is dedicated to providing emotional support to women healing from chronic illness. Sister. Friend. Dancer. Traveling culture vulture. Multilingual extrovert. Liberal hug giver.

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