The snowflake generation is actually more resilient than you think—here’s why

The snowflake generation. A term flung about like a Regency-era insult at a scandalous soirée.

Depending on who you ask, it’s either a scathing indictment of a generation too delicate for the real world… Or a desperate attempt to dismiss an era of emotional intelligence and social change.

So, which is it? A generation of coddled weaklings? Or the architects of a more emotionally intelligent world?

The answer, as always, is far more complex than a cheap soundbite.

What is the snowflake generation?

The meaning of “snowflake generation” is essentially a catch-all insult for the demographic deemed too sensitive, too fragile, too incapable of handling life without a support group and a breathing exercise.

The proverbial phrase rose to prominence in the 2010s, thrown around in political debates, social media spats, and generational feuds over who had it harder. Some claim it originates from Fight Club, where author Chuck Palahniuk writes, “You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.” 

But who are the snowflake generation exactly? That would be Millennials and Gen Z (essentially, anyone born between 1981 and 2012). Chuck might have been using the term metaphorically, but somewhere along the way, it got repackaged as a generational diagnosis for anyone who dares to care about mental health awareness, diversity, and work-life balance.

Yet, they’ve been labeled as “entitled, narcissistic, self-interested, unfocused, and lazy” by motivational speaker Simon Sinek. Fox News and Breitbart have portrayed them as oversheltered and absurdly fragile for real life. Articles, books, and late-night skits mock them as smartphone-addicted, risk-averse, and incapable of handling differing opinions.

“To focus just on these traits in a negative way typically leads to associated claims about Millennials that have no basis in fact,” explains Neil Howe, the co-author of The Fourth Turning and a leading voice behind the generational theory, in an interview with Forbes. “And it tempts us to overlook genuine Millennial strengths that will likely hugely benefit our country in the years to come.”

The thing is, every generation has been ridiculed by the one before it. The Boomers were the lazy, rock-n-roll rebels. Gen X was accused of apathy and slacker culture. And now, Millennials and Gen Z are the delicate little snowflakes, who, coincidentally, have survived financial collapse, skyrocketing living costs, and a job market straight out of The Hunger Games.

So you have to wonder—who’s really struggling here?

Snowflake children vs. other generations

Snowflake kids aren’t the first to be declared too soft for survival. Every era has had its version of the “kids these days” outrage.

But are Millennials and Gen Z really that different from those who came before them? Here’s a side-by-side comparison:

This pattern isn’t new. Every age demographic has been shaped by the world they inherited, adapting to new challenges with their own set of values and priorities. And what was once considered rebellious or weak is often later recognized as progress. 

Snowflake generation examples

Critics may argue that this reputation of living in a bubble-wrapped world stems from snowflake parenting skills that prioritize protection over resilience.

But it’s the same generation that’s driving the shift toward accountability, mental well-being, and social progress. Like these figures proving that point:

• Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka made headlines when they withdrew from major competitions, citing mental health concerns.
• Greta Thunberg’s fiery speeches and school strike movement forced world leaders to address climate change.
• MrBeast (a.k.a., Jimmy Donaldson) turned viral YouTube videos into a multimillion-dollar empire, spanning philanthropy, fast food, and consumer brands.

But more than just individuals rising to the occasion, this group is leading movements that push for lasting change in the systems around them. Like these:

• The fight for work-life balance has reshaped workplace culture, with younger employees advocating for remote work, fair wages, and policies that improve mental health.
• The rise of accountability has taken center stage, with public figures facing consequences for past actions. Take Puff Daddy (now known as Diddy), whose past conduct has resurfaced under renewed scrutiny.
• The movements for social justice, from Black Lives Matter to #MeToo and Palestinian solidarity, have forced corporations, policymakers, and global institutions to confront uncomfortable truths.

This wasn’t some spontaneous cultural awakening, though. Millennials and Gen Z weren’t born clutching therapy manuals and demanding four-day workweeks. They grew up hearing that they mattered, and they took it seriously.

“[The snowflake generation] do believe they’re special,” Neil points out. They were raised with constant reassurance, from “Baby on Board” stickers to child safety laws and a culture that prioritized their protection and self-esteem. “It’s hardly a surprise that this generation would have a high self-esteem as a result.”

Is your child a snowflake?

Snowflake or just self-aware? Ask yourself these questions to identify whether your child possesses snowflake behaviors. 

1. Is your child hypersensitive and vigilant of small actions or words?
2. Does your child demand a safe space where they get to speak and ban any opposing ideas?
3. Does your child get emotional when you don’t succumb to their demands?
4. Do you hear the word “I’m triggered” often from your child?
5. Does your child express their emotions on social media frequently?

If you answered yes to three or more questions, your child may begin to demonstrate behaviors that place them in the “Generation Snowflake” category. 

And contrary to preconceived notions, that’s not a bad thing.

“Our children didn’t come into the world to be our puppets,” Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinic psychologist and author of best-selling The Conscious Parent, points out in her Mindvalley program, Conscious Parenting Mastery. “They came here to struggle, fumble, thrive, and enjoy—a journey for which they need our encouragement.”

So maybe the issue isn’t that this generation is velvet-clad. Maybe it’s that the world is finally making space for emotions, boundaries, and self-awareness—things that were once seen as luxuries but are, in reality, essential.

Praise and criticism

Every generation has its admirers and its critics, and millennials and Gen Z are no exception. Here are some common pits and peaks that have come up.

Criticism

• Too emotionally fragile. Many struggle with conflict and criticism, often interpreting opposing viewpoints as personal attacks rather than opportunities for discussion.
• Lacking resilience. Raised with participation trophies and lawnmower parents, and often perceived as struggling with hardship or failure.
• Expecting too much accommodation. From trigger warnings to mental health days, critics argue that oversensitivity leads them to want the world to adjust to their needs rather than adapt to it.
• Avoiding discomfort. Callout culture and safe spaces are often seen as tools for dodging difficult conversations rather than engaging in them.
• Impatient and entitled. Whether it’s career advancement or social change, they’re accused of wanting instant results without paying their dues.

Praise

• Emotionally intelligent. Therapy, self-care, and mental health advocacy have helped turn taboo topics into prime-time conversations. 
• Committed to inclusivity. Social justice movements, workplace diversity, and LGBTQ+ rights have flourished under their leadership.
• Redefining success. Balance between professional and personal life, passion-driven careers, and remote work are now standard expectations rather than luxuries.
• Holding power accountable. From corporate ethics to political activism, they challenge outdated norms and demand real change.
• Innovative and adaptable. Digital entrepreneurship, gig economy jobs, and content creation have reshaped how people work and succeed.

“[The snowflake generation makes] mistakes that bewilder us every day; they regularly confound our best-laid lesson plans and break our hearts,” says Kimber Lybbert, a National Board-certified teacher at Moses Lake High, in her TEDx Talk.

“But regardless of all this emotional and circumstantial chaos, I wholeheartedly believe that if we are not in awe of these young people before us, we’re not really seeing them.”

Raising a snowflake child: 5 tips from a conscious parenting expert

“All of us parents, we have this big parental ego, and it gets in the way and it messes up a connection with our kids,” says Dr. Shefali.

“This is how we were taught to be parents; this is how we were conditioned to be parents. You know, the way we have been raised to think about parenting—that’s the problem. That’s what’s been messing it up. And this creates disconnection.”

All of us parents, we have this big parental ego, and it gets in the way and it messes up a connection with our kids.

— Dr. Shefali Tsabary, trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery program

And if you’re raising a child who shows cotton-soft tendencies, the challenge isn’t in toughening them up. It’s in rethinking how you parent. And here are five tips from Dr. Shefali’s conscious parenting perspective:

1. Foster emotional resilience

You’ve probably noticed it. Those moments when your child faces a challenge, big or small, and instead of rolling with it, they crumble.

Maybe it’s a bad grade, a disagreement with a friend, or not getting something they wanted. Instead of taking it in stride, they get stuck in frustration, self-doubt, or anxiety. The problem? Their emotional resilience—the ability to bounce back after setbacks—just isn’t there. And this can put them at a serious disadvantage.

And you, as the parent, have the power to help them build it. When the next setback comes knocking, here’s what Dr. Shefali advises: “You will allow them to embrace the pain, to allow for the discomfort, you will allow them to feel their own experiences. You will just observe, you will watch, and you will resist all urges to jump in, to fix, to meddle, and to solve.”

So let them sit with discomfort. Let them feel the sting of failure without rushing in to fix it. Research shows that when you help your child build resilience, you’re not only preparing them to cope with stress in the moment but also helping to support their long-term mental well-being.

What you’re teaching is not to avoid pain or disappointment. You’re teaching them how to embrace it, learn from it, and move forward.

2. Be present with your child

“Just be present with them.” You’ve probably heard this a million times, right? It’s the snowflake parenting mantra that gets trotted out without much thought. But here’s the rub: being truly present is a skill, and it’s a damn hard one to master.

The reality is, life can be chaos. Work, chores, endless to-do lists—it’s all a whirlwind. So, when your child needs you, it’s easy to default to autopilot. But Dr. Shefali says the real gift you can give is your undivided attention.

Rahim Kassam, a father from Canada who went through her Mindvalley program, got the message loud and clear. “It sounds so obvious and perhaps easy but it definitely takes practice in our distraction-filled lives,” he remarks.

So, how can you learn to bring your attention to the present? Dr. Shefali’s advice is to learn meditation. She explains it’s “simply about the capacity to become more aware of who it is you already are and to accept who you already are.” 

When you focus on your breath, you’re grounding yourself in the present moment, bringing clarity and focus to everything around you, including your snowflake kid.

3. Encourage self-reliance and autonomy

It’s tempting to want to control every aspect of your child’s life. After all, you’ve been around longer, right?

But the thing is, your child is not your mini-me. Snowflake parents often struggle with this, but Dr. Shefali makes it clear that it’s crucial to honor your child as their own person, not as an extension of you.

“Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way,” she explains. “When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”

So, step back. Breathe. Let go of that tight grip and let your kids find their own way. The more you encourage their self-reliance, the more you’re helping them step into their own power.

Take it from Nardos Debebe, a parenting coach from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, who also took Dr. Shefali’s program on Mindvalley. She shares, “In order for me to connect with my children, I need to let go of my agendas of what my children need, to be happy and successful but unconditionally love and accept them for what they truly are.” 

“When we release our control over our children and allow them to unfold in the way that they need to, what we’re doing is demonstrating a very deep trust in their inner knowing,” Dr. Shefali says. When you believe in their instincts, they can feel a surge of self-worth. It instantly boosts their confidence and makes them feel empowered.

4. Set boundaries with love, not fear

Boundaries in relationships are a tricky thing. They’re the lines we draw in the sand to help our children understand what’s acceptable and what’s not. But here’s the catch: those lines can’t be drawn from a place of fear or control. They need to come from love, or they’ll fall flat.

The old way of setting boundaries? It’s a power play where a parent wields their authority like a sledgehammer to impose rules. You’ve seen it: the yelling, the punishments, the shame.

Dr. Shefali calls this approach lazy and toxic, and for good reason. It doesn’t teach anything; it just forces compliance through fear. And, as she rightly points out, fear-based boundaries only lead to resentment and frustration—both for you and your child.

So, what’s the alternative? Start by understanding that boundaries are about creating a safe space for your child to grow, not control. Dr. Shefali suggests we focus on “life-enhancing boundaries”—things like encouraging your child to attend school or get enough sleep. These are the things that truly benefit them.

She also encourages to live these boundaries, not just enforce them. If you want your child to respect your limits, you need to respect them yourself. For instance, you can’t tell them to avoid sugar if you’re sneaking cookies after hours. 

When you lead by example and communicate clearly, your child will naturally absorb your values. And just like that, the need for harsh discipline will simply fade away.

5. Foster a sense of purpose and empathy

Every child, according to Dr. Shefali, has three fundamental questions they need answered:

Am I seen?
Am I worthy?
Do I matter?

When these are met, that’s when a child’s sense of purpose and self-worth blossom. Miss them, and you’re just waving at the back of the bus while your child’s emotional growth drives off into the distance.

We’re all too familiar with the tug-of-war between our own ideals and our children’s reality. In some cases, we fall into the golden child syndrome, pushing them to fit into the neat little boxes we’ve created for them in our minds.

Take Dr. Shefali’s own lesson with her daughter: what started as a joyful meditation practice turned into a chore when her good intentions morphed into forceful control. By pushing her daughter to become the “perfect meditator,” she missed the chance to honor her child’s unique essence. She missed the chance to be empathetic.

“You see, expectations and empathy simply cannot go hand in hand,” she points out. “To empathize means to see the world from your children’s eyes, not from your own movie.”

And that’s what so often gets lost in the generational divide. “It’s always been difficult to perceive our children clearly through the generation gap,” Kimber echoes, “but I bet you it’s even harder to understand how they see us back.”

When you do, you respect their autonomy, their choices, and recognize their purpose as individuals, not mini versions of ourselves. That’s how you help them build the emotional resilience needed for life.

And as Dr. Shefali adds, “The fewer the expectations we have in life, the greater our capacity to attune to what’s showing up in the present moment.”

Love deeper, connect stronger

So, is the snowflake generation a bunch of fragile, overprotected snowflakes? Or are they the ones pushing for a world that finally gives a damn about mental health, equity, and emotional intelligence?

Spoiler alert: it’s not as simple as a yes-or-no answer.

In fact, it might be time we look inward, as parents and as a society, to see what we’ve done to shape this generation… and what we can do to guide them toward a more conscious, connected future.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Conscious Parenting Mastery class is your first step toward a new world of parenting—one that’s not fueled by egos, control, and unrealistic expectations.

Don’t expect your typical “do this, do that” approach, though. This class is about awakening your true self and raising your child in a way that honors their unique essence, not your expectations.

It’s one that has shifted Malak Bayaa’s life with not only her kids but also her husband and her family. “I have learned to be more compassionate with my parents, more compassionate with my husband and children,” the mindfulness and lifestyle coach from Dubai, U.A.E. points out,  “but ultimately more compassionate with myself.”

Like Malak, Nardos, and Rahim (and even Dr. Shefali herself), you, too, can embrace a more mindful, heart-centered approach to your parenting. As Dr. Shefali says, “It’s only when we accept ourselves that we can unconditionally love and connect with our children.”

Welcome in.