There’s Jim and Pam from The Office, forever fueling water cooler gossip with their undeniable chemistry. There’s Eleonor and Nick from Crazy Rich Asians, their whirlwind romance defying societal expectations. And let’s not forget Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family, reminding us that even the spookiest love stories can be filled with passion and devotion.
Pop culture often bombards us with images of relationship goals that inspire us and show different ways love can grow and flourish. But what exactly makes a relationship goal-worthy? Is it the grand gestures, the everyday acts of love, or the deep, unwavering understanding between two people?
As Jon Butcher, the founder of Lifebook, says, “Missy and I learned a long time ago that true love is way more than just experiencing emotion for a while. We’ve got to cultivate the ability to love as an action.”
So whether you’re in the early stages of a new romance or in a long-standing partnership, there’s always room to set meaningful goals and enhance your connection.
What are relationship goals?
Relationship goals are the cornerstone of a thriving partnership. They’re the roadmap that guides you and your partner toward your future aspirations, dreams, and intentions together.
“We made a conscious decision early on to create an incredible love affair that would last a lifetime,” says Jon of his union with Missy Butcher, his wife and also the founder of Lifebook.
And setting goals like theirs sets you up for a healthier, stronger bond that grows over time.
Why are they important?
Having goals in a relationship brings direction and purpose. They foster mutual understanding, respect, and support.
Research even shows couples feel a sense of shared purpose, have strong communication, and feel closer to each other—all key ingredients for a happy and healthy relationship. One such study, in fact, found that higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy in partnerships occur when couples set and pursue shared goals.
For instance, looking at Jon and Missy, they thought deeply about what it would take to build the kind of relationship they loved.
“We defined exactly what it would look like in every area,” Jon explains. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, sexually, no holds barred for these two.
When it comes down to it, a relationship without goals is like driving without a destination. You don’t know where you’re going or why you’re even heading in that direction.
5 tips on how to set relationship goals
So where can you start? Here are five handy tips from Jon and Missy you can take to create common goals between you and your partner:
1. Communicate openly
Communication is the lifeline of a relationship. Unfortunately, many of us falter in this area. As the saying goes, “The biggest communication problem is, we don’t listen to understand; we listen to reply.”
The thing is, one of the predictors of happiness in a relationship, according to a 2023 study published in Current Psychology, is listening receptively, truly hearing your partner’s feelings without judgment. While expressing what you want is important, it’s equally important to truly listen to your partner’s wants and needs as well.
So start with an honest conversation about what you both want. This could include your individual goals, dreams, and aspirations… You can even use the 12 life categories of Lifebook as a starting point.
Understanding each other’s values, passions, and desires lays the groundwork for crafting meaningful shared goals.
2. Create shared goals
The beauty of relationship goals lies in the synergy they create.
So start by identifying your unique personal goals and aspirations, be they travel, finances, or what you want to do professionally. Then, come together and see how you can combine them into a shared vision for your future together.
For example, if you both crave adventure, your goal could be saving for a dream vacation every other year or planning weekend getaways to explore new places. Or, let’s say, you both prioritize financial security. You could set a goal of creating a joint budget or working towards early retirement together.
A partnership is a collaboration, of course. And bringing your goals together creates this sense of “we’re in this together.”
3. Be realistic (and specific)
A vacation to the Maldives, that house on Martha’s Vineyard, or a private plane—these ambitious relationship goals are definitely exciting. However, it’s important to make sure they’re also achievable within your current circumstances.
Consider your time constraints, financial resources, and overall life situation. For example, if you and your partner have been dreaming of a month-long backpacking trip across Europe but don’t currently have the means for it, then a more realistic starting point would be to take a weekend getaway to a nearby city.
Additionally, be specific. Instead of a vague desire for “more quality time,” aim for a date every Saturday night or dedicate an hour each evening to technology-free conversation.
Remember: The goal is to create a sense of progress and celebrate your victories along the way. Setting achievable, clear intentions will help you stay motivated and avoid any disappointments that come with unreachable ones.
4. Make a plan
Big, ambitious relationship goals can be exciting, but they can also feel overwhelming. The trick? Break them down into smaller, more manageable action steps.
For example, if your ultimate dream is a complete home renovation, a great first step might be researching contractors and setting a realistic budget. Next, you could create sub-goals for specific rooms, like choosing paint colors or selecting furniture. This way, instead of feeling paralyzed by the big picture, take it one small step at a time.
Many goal-setting templates are available online. They can be a helpful tool for outlining the specific steps you need to take to get you and your partner where you want to be.
5. Review regularly
Just like any journey, keeping goals on track requires regular check-ins. How are you doing? How close are you to your goal? Are there any blockers?
You can schedule dedicated time to discuss your progress, celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and address any challenges you might be facing.
Having these conversations with your partner will hold you both accountable and ensure you’re on the same page as you navigate life together.
15 examples of relationship goals
What are some relationship goals examples, you ask? Here are a handful that act as a springboard to keep your spark sparking.
Goals to improve intimacy
- Weekly date nights. Dedicate time each week to reconnect and reignite the spark. You can step out of your comfort zone and do what the other person likes to do, or explore something new altogether.
- Physical affection. Prioritize small gestures like holding hands or hugging daily. Physical touch releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which strengthens your emotional bond and deepens intimacy.
- Share secrets. Create a safe space for sharing your deepest thoughts and fears. Remember to unplug so you can enjoy uninterrupted, quality time.
- Explore new activities together, whether it’s salsa dancing, pottery making, or something more related to sex and sensuality. This approach aligns perfectly with your goals for relationship romance, keeping things exciting and fostering a sense of accomplishment.
- Create a shared ritual. Having a “thing” that’s just between you two can strengthen your connection. It could be anything from a morning coffee ritual to going to the gym together.
Goals to improve communication
- Daily (or weekly) check-ins. Take time every day (or week) to share your highs and lows, experiences and feelings. This creates a safe space for open communication and allows you to navigate any challenges together as a team.
- Practice active listening. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and really listen. Active listening fosters a sense of being heard and understood, strengthening your communication bond.
- Learn each other’s love language. Understanding your partner’s way of expressing and receiving love allows you to communicate your love more effectively.
- Embrace “I” statements. When you want to express your concerns, it’s advisable to use these statements to avoid accusatory language. For example, “I feel hurt when…” is more constructive than “You always…”
- Express gratitude. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts and qualities. This act might be simple and small, but it nurtures positivity and strengthens your emotional connection.
Long-distance relationship goals
- Regular video calls. Distance doesn’t have to diminish the fun and connection you share. Schedule consistent times for video chats to stay visually connected.
- Use technology for good. Send each other funny memes, inspiring quotes, or simply drop a quick text to express your love for them.
- Love letters (the old-fashioned way). There’s something special about receiving a handwritten note in the mail. So write each other heartfelt letters or postcards expressing your love and longing.
- Send care packages. Surprise your partner with a thoughtful care package filled with small tokens of your affection. You can include photos, handwritten notes, or their favorite snacks.
- Plan future adventures. Plan a dream trip together for when you can finally reunite. This shared long-term goal keeps the spark alive and gives you something to look forward to.
How to achieve relationship goals
Goal-setting is one thing. But now, how do you translate those dreams into reality?
Here are some ways to keep you on track and celebrate your victories along the way:
- Build a supportive environment with openness and vulnerability. If one of your goals is to improve communication, for instance, establish a “no-interruption” rule during discussions.
- Celebrate small wins. Manage to have a date night every week this month? Give yourselves a high-five! Acknowledging these small achievements keeps motivation high and makes the journey enjoyable.
- Stay flexible and adapt. The reality is, life happens, and your life goals, together and individually, may need to be adjusted. Be prepared to reevaluate and modify your goals as needed.
- Practice patience and understanding. If progress is slower than expected, remind yourselves of the bigger picture and the benefits of staying the course.
- Seek external guidance when needed. Don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a counselor or a coach, especially if you’re facing challenges in achieving certain goals.
The bottom line is, the foundation of a healthy relationship is devotion. “It’s devoting yourself,” says Missy. “Each one of us devoted ourselves to go into this relationship to make a new thing.”
Love deeper, connect stronger
Building a relationship you love takes effort. But the rewards? They’re immeasurable.
As Jon says, “Extraordinary love relationships require extraordinary people.” So if you want to dive deeper into how you can be one, head to Mindvalley’s Lifebook Quest with Jon and Missy Butcher.
It’s a powerful roadmap to personal growth, designed to help you become the best version of yourself—for you and your partner.
Welcome in.
