7 reasons why lawnmower parents are doing more harm than good

“I’m not like a regular mom; I’m a cool mom,” purrs Mrs. George in Mean Girls.

Sounds like a dream if your own parents are all curfews and calculus. But if they’re lawnmower parents like Mrs. George, they’re doing more harm than good.

For instance, she never holds Regina accountable. Buys her affection. Smooths every bump before it can become a bruise.

Sure, she means well. Most parents do. But the irony is, in trying to shield her kid from pain, she also robs her of growth.

And we know how Regina ended up. Because when you mow down every challenge, what’s left to grow? 

What are lawnmower parents?

Lawnmower parents are caregivers who step in and fix everything before their child ever feels discomfort.

They don’t just support their children. They bulldoze every obstacle, smooth out every wrinkle, and erase every bump in the road before the child even knows it was there.

School stress? Handled.
Social drama? Erased.
Big feelings? Smoothed out like a wrinkle on a freshly ironed shirt.

You won’t find “lawnmower parenting” listed under the four Baumrind parenting styles. But if you had to guess, it would sit somewhere between authoritative (all that high involvement) and permissive (all that low boundary-setting).

That’s why they’re called lawnmowers. They mow down everything that could make life even a little bit hard. Real-world examples:

• Your child forgets a school project. Instead of letting them face the teacher, you whip up a poster board masterpiece at midnight.
• You drop everything to deliver their lunch, gym shoes, or science fair project. Every. Time. 
• They don’t make the team or flub an audition, and you call the coach or teacher to ask for a second chance.
• You text a parent because your child didn’t get invited to their child’s party.
• Every minute is booked and pre-approved by you. Ballet, coding, Mandarin, guitar… because golden child syndrome doesn’t allow for downtime.

Granted, it does seem like another day, another term pops up. Helicopter, free-range, gentle, tiger, snowplow, or even FAFO parenting has made it into the “because-everything-needs-a-label-now” dictionary.

Add the lawnmowering to that list. It might look like love. But really, it’s control in a cozy sweater, and it strips children of the three things they need most: resilience, responsibility, and a backbone made for real life.

The impact on children

“Children learn who they are and what they really enjoy if they are allowed to sit with themselves,” says Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery program.

But when parents play overbearing gardener, they yank out their child’s shot at learning how to deal. The fallout is backed by science, and it runs deep.

• They lose their resilience. No challenges, no growth. Children who don’t face struggle don’t build the muscle to handle life when it gets hard.
• They get anxious and low in mood. When parents overstep, children miss out on the messy, vital process of figuring out emotions. The result? More anxiety. More depression.
• They don’t learn how to handle stress. Their nervous systems stay soft. Without early exposure to pressure, even small problems can feel like full-blown crises.
• They act out or shut down. From tantrums to apathy, behavior takes a hit. These children either explode or freeze, unsure how to move without a parent pushing the pedals.
• They struggle to stand alone. School. Friends. Life. It all feels harder when they’ve been trained to depend. Academic stress spikes, and independence shrinks.

Just look at Regina, who had the charm and confidence. But underneath, a fragile center that cracked the moment things stopped going her way.

The fact of the matter is, the mower doesn’t start itself. There’s a reason so many parents reach for the handle.

Why parents do it

No one sets out to raise an emotional marshmallow. But as Dr. Shefali explains, many parents cling to extremes. Either they’re hyper-involved or they check out completely. 

“This is just the parent’s way of being lazy,” she says. “And not doing the work of kind of treading that middle space.”

But no one’s saying being a parent in this day and age is easy. In a 2023 poll by the PEW Research Center, four in 10 parents say parenting wears them out. Nearly a third feel stressed out most of the time.

Drowning in parenting books, Instagram reels, and school newsletters warning about screen time, sleep schedules, and gluten. Trying to keep up can feel like a full-time job.

Whether we like it or not, it is an undeniable fact that we parent our children in the manner that we were parented and cultured.

— Dr. Shefali Tsabary, trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery program

Underneath it all, one thing fuels the mower: fear.

• Fear of failure that their child will fall behind, be left out, or struggle more than they should.
• Fear of judgment from other parents, teachers, or their own inner critic whispering, “You’re not doing enough.”
• Fear of harm because the world feels bigger, scarier, and more uncertain than ever before.

That, then, can fuel anxiety, which then can fuel overprotective behavior. One systematic review found that anxious parents are more likely to have the impulse to control or “mow down” obstacles.

But the thing is, it begins long before the child ever arrives. It comes from old wounds that were never given the space to heal.

“Whether we like it or not, it is an undeniable fact that we parent our children in the manner that we were parented and cultured,” Dr. Shefali points out. “This kind of cyclical abduction of authentic spirit, parent to child, parent to child, parent to child, continues over generations.”

And until you become conscious of your own story, you’ll unknowingly write it into your child’s.

Helicopter parents vs. lawnmower parents

Helicopter and lawnmower parents both mean well with the hopes of raising confident kids. But one teaches children how to fly with extra close supervision. The other forgets they’ve got legs.

Here’s a closer look at the difference between the two:

“The reality is that our children learn more from what we do than from what we say,” Dr. Carla Naumburg, a clinical social worker, highlights in her book, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids.

“Their little kid brains don’t necessarily make a distinction between our smart parenting moves and our terrible, impulsive ones.”

And if our actions are the real lessons, then every shortcut, every silent panic, and every well-meaning fix becomes part of their story.

7 signs you might be a lawnmower parent

Clear the path, spare the struggle. That’s the “lawnmower parents” definition, in a nutshell. Here are a few indications that the mower might be revving up in you:

1. Blocking their chance to build problem-solving skills
2. Contacting teachers instead of letting your child do it
3. Panicking at the slightest whiff of failure
4. Avoiding any situation that might be uncomfortable
5. Editing their homework more than they do
6. Planning their schedule so nothing ever goes wrong
7. Celebrating their wins harder than they do

No doubt, it’s easy to slip into the lawnmower parental overdrive when all you want is for your child to be okay. But as Dr. Naumburg advises, “Your number one job as a parent is to keep your kid safe. Do the best you can.”

7 expert-backed tips to shift from lawnmower parents to conscious connection

If you start to notice that child’s spirit is starting to shrink (or if your own voice sounds suspiciously like your mother’s), you might be overdue for a shift.

“The quest for wholeness can never begin on the external level,” says Dr. Shefali. “It is always an inside job.”

In her Mindvalley program, she gives a ton of great advice. Here are a few you can apply to stop managing your child and start practicing mindful parenting instead:

1. Explore the real reason you chose parenthood

Why did you decide to have children?

“I became a parent because…”

Maybe it was because you loved your mother and wanted to be one yourself. Or you had a rough childhood and wanted to give your child the love you never got. Or you just had so much love inside you that you needed to give it away.

Those are beautiful reasons. But Dr. Shefali points out something most of us miss: “I certainly identify that the one clear thing in every reason was the ‘I.’ I this, I that.”

In her own conscious awakening, she realized that “almost every reason we have for wanting a child doesn’t come from the child.” It comes from us, the parent.

From our needs. Our fantasies. Our unfinished stories.

Before our children are even born, we start writing an invisible script of how the relationship will play out. We dream up who they’ll be, how they’ll make us feel, and what they’ll fix inside us.

And when they dare to live their own truth instead of following the one we expect out of them, it feels personal. Like betrayal.

That sense of betrayal starts with our own unmet hopes crashing into reality. The thing is, as research shows, parental beliefs shape how parents interact with their children.

It takes facing our own egoic agenda, for sure. But shifting those beliefs can change how our children grow and thrive.

2. Move from reacting to responding consciously

The myth is, being a parent should come naturally. It should be instinctual.

It’s easy to believe this. Like, pregnancy and birth happen on their own, right? So we assume that raising children will unfold just as easily.

But this, according to Dr. Shefali, is the problem.

The truth is, instincts alone aren’t going to help with parenting. It takes awareness, something we “awaken into.”

“To think that we should just know how to respond to our children is really quite irrational,” Dr. Shefali adds. More than anything, it sets us up for failure and frustration.

These unrealistic expectations weigh heavily on all parents, often leading to pressure and shame. For mothers, especially, this can show up as overwhelming mom guilt.

That’s the thing with the old parenting paradigm. It pulls from old habits and unconscious reactions.

But conscious parenting asks for something different. Dr. Shefali explains it as such: “A conscious parent is born from the decision the parent makes to evolve by shifting their ways of thinking, doing, and being, and by making that profound and deep commitment to awareness and transformation.”

The reality is, every child brings in new energy. Every moment asks for new attention. So practice tuning in, breathing, and learning in real time.

3. Stop chasing a perfect life for your child

Wanting your child to be happy sounds noble. But chasing happiness sets them up for disappointment, not joy.

Happiness, as you may have sensed, isn’t a constant state. Life moves through pain, sadness, joy, and everything in between.

“It is this chase that actually forms the root of much of the anxiety and stress we see in modern parenting today,” Dr. Shefali explains, “and certainly, we see it in the weight our children carry on their shoulders.”

When parents try to shield their children from pain, they teach them to fear it. They send the message that pain means something is wrong.

It’s the hidden flip side of the “lawnmower parents” meaning. Parents keep clearing obstacles until there is nothing real left to walk through.

But what children need to realize is pain is not a failure. Discomfort is not danger. Both are part of being alive. And the great thing about that is, children who navigate challenges within supportive families develop stronger resilience and greater life satisfaction over time.

So let go of the fantasy that your child should always be happy. Teach them how to meet life as it really is.

4. Show your child that success is being themselves

Now, the other parental want has to do with success. The catch-22 is that “no one really knows what true success truly is,” according to Dr. Shefali. But “it’s something we all crave.”

We, as parents, often confuse it with achievement, chasing trophies, grades, and gold stars. What this does is teach our children to tie their worth to external rewards.

This can backfire. A 2019 PEW Research Center survey found that 61% of U.S. teens report feeling a lot of pressure to get good grades, leading to anxiety and depression.

But here’s the thing: real success comes from within. It’s rooted in self-acceptance, not performance.

When you stop measuring your child’s value by their report cards, medals, or status, you give them something culture can never take away: self-worth.

5. Love without needing anything back

Love is what makes the world go ’round. It allows us to bond, to hold space, and to see each other fully.

“However,” says Dr. Shefali, “despite our love for our children, the harsh reality is that often we act towards them in ways that are anything but loving.”

We praise their good grades more than their kindness. We push them to win awards, to fit in, to shine. Sometimes, without realizing it, we turn into Mrs. George, cheering them on while secretly needing their success to feel good about ourselves.

When love depends on a child’s behavior, achievements, or emotional feedback, it stops being love, as Dr. Shefali explains. It becomes attachment.

And once love gets tangled up in need, it’s easy for judgment to slip in, too. The kind that calls a child “good” or “bad” without seeing the real person underneath.

6. See beyond “good” and “bad”

Good child. Bad child. We say it without thinking. What happens with that is, we don’t realize how much it warps our connection with them.

“If we perceive them as good,” says Dr. Shefali, “we’re open-hearted; we’re generous. And, similarly, if we perceive them as bad, we immediately shift gears and begin to shut down or retaliate in some way.”

Even with words like “obedient,” “lazy,” or “rebellious.” It traps them inside our expectations. It teaches them that their worth depends on how well they fit into a role we have already decided for them.

But they aren’t reflections of our child’s true self. Rather, they’re projections of our comfort and expectations.

The “good” child makes us feel competent. The “difficult” child makes us feel powerless. Neither label sees the real person in front of us.

Dr. Shefali suggests dropping the labels entirely. It means looking deeper:

• What is my child trying to communicate through this behavior?
• What is the real need beneath it?

It takes a certain level of parenting skills, for sure. But once you learn to pause and see what your child’s behavior is really telling you, you stop reacting out of frustration and start responding with real understanding.

7. Go from control to connection

Lawnmower parents may seem like they’ve got an outpouring of love. But they’re really trying to control. Just like tiger parents or helicopter parents, and what have you.

“It gives us this carte blanche mandate that as parents we get to be in supreme control over our children,” Dr. Shefali explains.

“All of these labels and these ways of being come from a singular presumption that parents have a sacred obligation, a sacred obligation to control and dictate their children.”

Research shows that when parents try to control their child’s thoughts and feelings too much, it can make it harder for the child to become independent and figure out who they are. Not only that, but they’re more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, and trouble with friends.

It’s a little like Mrs. George and Regina. On the surface, Mrs. George acts like the “cool mom,” but underneath, she’s still trying to control Regina’s image, choices, and life to meet her own needs.

But you aren’t here to command your child’s life. You’re here to create the conditions for them to grow into who they already are.

Less managing, more trusting. Less forcing, more guiding. That’s the real work of conscious parenting.

Love deeper, connect stronger

You can read every parenting book. You can set all the rules, sign them up for all the right classes, and give them every opportunity you never had.

But if you don’t heal the part of you that still feels unseen, unworthy, or afraid, it will echo through every word, every reaction, and every choice you make.

You’re struggling because you’ve been taught to focus on the wrong child: the one in front of you, not the one inside you. And this is the trap most parents never realize they’re caught in.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Conscious Parenting Mastery program on Mindvalley helps you break that cycle. It gives you the tools to heal your inner child, deepen your connection with your own children, and raise them without passing down the patterns you’re working so hard to escape.

Bas de Kort, a parent from the Netherlands, finally saw how much of his childhood still shaped how he treated his son. But after taking the program, he feels more connected to him. He shares:

A lot of things he does show me he feels more secure, more connected with me as well… He’s so not like me, and I’m beginning to appreciate him being himself more and more every day.

If you want a sneak peek at what conscious parenting could really look and feel like, you can start by taking Dr. Shefali’s free class.

Like Bas, you may start to notice how differently you show up with your child. Even after just one class.

Welcome in.