Sexism is everywhere.
In school. In boardrooms. And in bedtime stories.
Who hasn’t heard a tale (or two) of the princess needing rescue? Or the guy in the meeting repeating what a woman just said—only louder? Or the teacher calling on the boys first because they “speak with more confidence”?
“Girls constantly get messages that make them feel unseen, unheard, or not taken seriously,” says clinical psychologist Jo-Ann Finkelstein, Ph.D., in a sit-down with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani on the Mindvalley Book Club.
It’s the 21st century where women make up half of the world’s population… and we’re still being told to sit pretty and stay quiet? And we’re just supposed to nod along and call it “progress”?
Women continue to be systematically underrepresented in decision-making processes that shape their societies and their lives.
— Jo-Ann Finkelstein, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World
No longer. It’s time to call it out, to shut it down, and to start raising girls who know their worth.
Watch the full interview on the Mindvalley Book Club YouTube channel:
Jo-Ann Finkelstein, Ph.D., explains the subtle ways sexism shapes girls’ lives
Every girl knows this truth: sexism isn’t always a blatant “boys only” sign. It’s a point Jo-Ann drives in her book, Sexism & Sensibility. And it’s a point she knows firsthand.
As a kid, she wanted to play hockey like her brothers. When she finally got a stick, it was bright pink. And it looked like a toy. Nothing like the real ones her brothers had.
“Every girl has a pink hockey stick story,” she says. “Spoken and unspoken messages that are tiny psychological paper cuts that become just festering wounds of self-doubt.”
If it’s not taught, it’s ingrained through micro-messages. Like how everything she’s given since birth is pink. Or how “girl boss” is a compliment. And no matter how much she achieves, she’ll still be asked, “When are you going to have kids?”
Social media only pours fuel on the fire, flooding algorithms with hypersexualized images that can wreck girls’ mental health and warp their drive body image.
Even AI reinforces gender bias. Shelley Zalis, the founder and CEO of The Female Quotient, asked an AI model to “draw a scientist”; it kept generating images of men. “When it takes 30 prompts to get AI to picture a scientist as a woman, we have a problem,” she wrote in a LinkedIn post.
These relentless messages burrow deep. They fuel internalized sexism, which can lead to low self-esteem and depression.
When girls dare to challenge these biases, they’re labeled as “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “crazy”… the list goes on.
Academic tutor, Chelsey Goodan‘s book, Underestimated, is entirely about this. “Society has been so busy dismissing girls as ‘dramatic’ that we’ve missed the wisdom they can offer us,” she says.
The thing is, maybe girls aren’t too sensitive. Maybe the world has just been numbing them for too long.
If we tell girls that they can do anything, why is it still this hard?
We tell girls they can do anything. Then, we clip their wings and act surprised when they don’t fly.
“When people say sexism doesn’t exist, the numbers don’t lie,” says Jo-Ann. “Women continue to be systematically underrepresented in decision-making processes that shape their societies and their lives.”
That’s not by accident. The system was built to keep them in their place.
- They earn less than men. In the U.S., women make about 83 cents for every dollar a man earns (worse if you’re a woman of color).
- They’re expected to do the unpaid labor. Women spend an average of 4.5 hours a day on unpaid care work, compared to men’s 1.5 hours.
- They’re shut out in leadership. As of 2023, women occupy only 23.3% of board seats worldwide.
- They have to fight for a foothold in male-dominated fields. Women in science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) fields are less likely to receive funding, mentorship, or leadership opportunities compared to men.
- They’re judged more harshly. Women who negotiate for higher salaries? They’re seen as “aggressive.” Men who do the same? “Leadership material.”
And that’s just a start. Doctors often dismiss women’s pain. Courts let abusers walk free. Households place the bulk of emotional labor on women.
Yet, “we’re supposed to be grateful for what we do have rather than these nagging ingrates who expect, you know, full equality,” Jo-Ann adds.
Maybe it’s time to remember what “girl power” really means—not just a slogan or pink merch and hashtags—but a force for real change. The kind that’s about empowering young women with the space, the tools, and the power to shape the world on their own terms.
How to raise confident, empowered girls: 5 tips from Jo-Ann Finkelstein, Ph.D.
Sexism wasn’t born yesterday. Early societies valued physical strength, giving men dominance. When land became wealth, men took control, while women were treated as property.
Religious texts and legal codes reinforced the imbalance. Ancient Greece, the birthplace of democracy, denied women basic rights. And in medieval Europe, wives had no legal identity outside their husbands.
Even as laws changed, the mindset remained. Wage gaps, underrepresentation, and rigid gender roles are just old systems in new packaging.
The reality is, you can’t bubble-wrap a girl against the world’s nonsense. But you can make sure she walks through it with her head high, her voice strong, and her confidence unshakable.
It’s so, so important for our daughters so that they grow up and expect more and get more than we got.
— Jo-Ann Finkelstein, clinical psychologist and author of Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World
1. Teach her to recognize sexism early
Sexism can be as blatantly obvious as a rapist walking free. Or it can be as subtle as Scarlett Johansson getting asked about her diet while her male co-stars talked about their craft.
The point is, if a girl doesn’t know what sexism looks like, how is she supposed to fight it? She could likely keep swallowing the discomfort, thinking it’s all in her head.
So, what can be done from here?
Start with the little things. If she sees a sign that says “fireman” instead of “firefighter,” ask, “Do you think only men can do that job?” If a book only shows moms cooking and dads working, point it out.
Kids are always absorbing ideas about gender. The key is building their self-empowerment by challenging gender norms that they see.
Jo-Ann’s daughter, for one, caught on early. She once asked why a girl never wins on MasterChef Junior. Another time, she wondered how a man who insults women could be elected president. Kids sure notice the gaps, but it shouldn’t end there; they still need someone to tell them those gaps are real.
If your little girl asks a hard question, don’t dodge it. If she doesn’t ask, bring it up in a way that makes her curious. The earlier she learns to spot sexism, the harder it is for the world to convince her it doesn’t exist.
2. Help her find her voice (and use it)
Girls learn early that speaking up comes with consequences. They get interrupted, dismissed, or labeled as bossy, while boys are called leaders.
Stay quiet, and they’re “polite.” Push back, and they’re “difficult.” Take Serena Williams, for instance, when she threw her racket in frustration. Commentators called her unhinged. Meanwhile, male tennis players have been smashing rackets for decades and getting away with it.
It’s a rigged game, and they know it.
Jo-Ann sees it all the time. A girl starts to speak, a boy cuts in, and she shuts down. Not because she has nothing to say but because she’s been trained to believe her words don’t matter.
The fix? Make sure she knows they do.
If she’s interrupted, jump in: “Wait, I want to hear what you were saying.” If she hesitates to share an opinion, remind her: “Your thoughts are important.”
Show her what it looks like to take up space, to hold her ground, to keep talking even when the world tries to quiet her.
3. Normalize healthy entitlement
The unfortunate truth is girls are taught to expect less from the world. One study Jo-Ann highlights found that when children were given the opportunity to negotiate for their favorite stickers, the older girls asked for two fewer than the boys.
These patterns don’t disappear with age. They grow.
Jo-Ann calls this a crisis of entitlement. Not the “Karen throwing a fit at Starbucks” kind, but the kind where girls stop asking for what they deserve before they even know they deserve it.
For instance, women who don’t negotiate for higher salaries can lose out on half a million dollars over their careers. As a result, they accept the scraps they’re given and call it enough.
Jennifer Lawrence learned this the hard way. Leaked Sony emails exposed her lower salary compared to her male co-stars, even though she played a huge role in American Hustlers.
That’s why the lesson should start early. Parents can start by making fairness non-negotiable. Like, if she does more chores than her brother, fix it. If she hesitates to ask for what she’s earned, practice with her. Show her that speaking up isn’t rude—it’s her right.
Most importantly, model it. Let her see you negotiate, set boundaries, and refuse to settle. If she grows up watching the women in her life claim what they deserve, she’ll know she can do the same.
4. Show her what a real partnership looks like
If a girl grows up watching her mom handle everything—cooking, cleaning, scheduling, remembering birthdays—she’ll think that’s just what women do. She won’t question why dads get praised for “helping” with their own kids. She won’t notice that her future depends on who she chooses as a partner just as much as what she chooses as a career.
That double standard plays out everywhere. People praised Chris Pratt as a hands-on father for babysitting his own child. But Anne Hathaway? Grilled with mom guilt questions for working instead of staying home with her son.
Jo-Ann warns that when girls don’t see fairness at home, they stop expecting it. They step into adulthood thinking it’s normal to carry the mental load, to do the invisible labor, to feel grateful for the bare minimum. That’s how the cycle survives.
“You shouldn’t have to reload the dishwasher because he just sort of threw the dishes in there in a sloppy way and nothing fits,” she says. “Your time is worth as much as his time.”
Break it. If the household balance is off, do something about it. If she sees men lounging while women do all the work, don’t let it slide.
Even when household roles aren’t 50/50, Jo-Ann says parents can still model equality. She adds, “It’s so, so important for our daughters so that they grow up and expect more and get more than we got.”
Tell her that partnership means equal effort, equal rest, equal respect. Because if she learns that now, she won’t waste years unlearning it later.
5. Remind her that she’s not alone
Sexism trains girls to doubt themselves from the start. Millie Bobby Brown, for example, was just 13 when grown adults started commenting on her body, maturity, and “adult” fashion, something her Stranger Things co-stars never had to deal with.
The message was clear, though: girls are scrutinized in ways boys never will be. People tell them they’re imagining it. They dismiss their concerns, call them dramatic, and tell them to take a joke.
The goal? To make girls doubt what they see, what they feel, and eventually, to make them stop speaking up altogether.
Jo-Ann knows how damaging that is. She’s spent years watching girls question their own experiences, wondering if they’re the problem instead of the system they’re up against.
“I work with a lot of adults, too,” she adds, “and many of them are struggling with the same things as their teenage daughters are right because we have been conditioned to not expect a lot.”
Don’t let that happen. Studies confirm that children thrive emotionally when they have strong parent-child relationships.
So if she says a teacher treats boys differently, believe her. If she comes home feeling dismissed, assure her she’s not crazy.
Teach her how to respond to gaslighting, trust her instincts, and stand firm in what she knows is true. When she sees that her experiences are real and validated, she won’t feel alone, and she won’t back down.
Fuel your mind
The world has no shortage of bad advice for women. Smile more. Be nice. Look pretty. But what it’s really saying is, don’t make the men uncomfortable.
To be clear, the point isn’t to assign blame. It’s to start better conversations, ask better questions, and highlight better role models.
That’s exactly why readers voted Jo-Ann Finkelstein’s Sexism & Sensibility as the Mindvalley Book Club’s People’s Choice Award 2024 winner. The message was loud and clear—this book matters.
“This is an important conversation, which is overdue in our society. There’s a lot of benign sexism where we are not even realizing that we are feeding into the system that thinks women are second-class or less important or less of a human.
— Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and host of the Mindvalley Book Club
The Mindvalley Book Club’s on a mission to make reading sexy again.
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