5 Tips to Turn Your Inner Critic Into Your Own Best Friend

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Summary: Why is it so difficult to speak words of kindness and compassion to ourselves every day? Marisa Peer dismantles the secrets to taming our inner critic.

How do you talk to yourself? Are you your own worst inner critic or your best friend? And would you ever talk to someone else the way you speak to yourself about yourself? 

These are all powerful questions to give you some insight.

We often put so much effort into trying to make everyone else like us. But the truth is, our efforts won’t make the slightest difference unless we change the way we feel about ourselves. 

Don’t be your own worst critic,” advises Marisa Peer, pioneering expert in the field of hypnotherapy and trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quest. With insights from her quest, you can discover more about:

Taming your self-criticism may seem somehow impossible, but it’s all about building a more solid relationship with yourself. As Marisa has said time and time again, you know what you’d say to your best friend—you’re great, you’re amazing, you’re wonderful, and so on. And now, it’s time to learn how to say that to yourself.

What Is Your Inner Critic?

The inner critic is simply self-criticism—that negative voice in your mind that criticizes who you are, what you do, and how you behave. This voice is usually a product of the negative scripts that you allow to run in your mind on a daily basis.

The negative scripts are a result of years of toxic experiences. Whenever you experience something that makes you feel lesser than or emotionally abused, you pick up a small piece of that experience and harbor it within. And according to studies, this happens a lot during people’s childhood, when they’re the most vulnerable and don’t have the right emotional tools to process difficult experiences.

Self-criticism is most often a “symptom” of unconscious patterns that are engraved in your subconscious mind. Because these thought patterns have turned into belief systems, they come to the surface through negative internalized self-talk in your rational mind.

Don’t be your own worst critic. Be your own best friend.

— Marisa Peer, trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quest

Inner Critic Examples

Here are a few phrases that signal your self-criticism:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I’m not smart enough.
  • What’s wrong with me?
  • Why would I do this?
  • Why can’t I do this?
  • I’m not attractive enough.
  • I’ll never get that promotion.
  • I’ll never be acknowledged.
  • I’m a failure.

These are just examples of a few of the negative scripts people carry within them. But it is possible to challenge these scripts. That’s what silencing the inner critic is all about.

How to Recognize Your Inner Critic

How do you react when you make a mistake? What’s your inner language like? What kind of words are you telling yourself when you look in the mirror? Are you kind and compassionate? 

Reflecting on these questions can help you discover your criticism patterns.

Some other symptoms may include:

  • Agitation and anxiety
  • Feeling unworthy and not good enough
  • Depressive states and thoughts
  • Low self-esteem
  • Criticizing other people
  • Lots of tension in the body
  • Self-sabotaging behaviors
  • Feeling unmotivated and “empty”
  • Difficulty in opening up and being vulnerable
  • Constantly trying to change yourself

You need to put the effort into you falling in love with yourself, and the world will change.

— Marisa Peer, trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quest

Types of Inner Critic

The inner critic can take the form of different internalized voices. Studies have found that some of them are:

  • The inadequate self. When you feel incompetent and your mind brings back memories of past “errors” and failures. This inner critic is severe, demanding, and has little compassion for mistakes.
  • The hated self. When you feel defeated, this voice has no mercy for you. You sink into self-loathing and self-hatred. This inner critic doesn’t like you at all and makes a sharp judgment, bringing you down emotionally.

It’s important to note here that a form of constructive criticism isn’t always negative when you apply it to yourself. It’s one thing to repeatedly undervalue yourself; it’s another to use your rational mind to spot a mistake and learn from it.

How to Silence Your Inner Critic: 5 Tips From Marisa Peer

In her Mindvalley Quest, Marisa highlights the enormous impact of how you talk to yourself on a daily basis and how you can turn your inner critic into a cheerleader.

It’s not just about silencing it. It’s about taking that voice and turning it into something positive. And while this process may not be easy, it is possible, and it’s well worth the effort. 

Graphic on how to silence your inner critic

Here are a few tips to apply when building a kinder relationship with yourself:

1. Connect to your present awareness

Many of the negative narratives you keep repeating in your mind stem from unconscious patterns that function on autopilot. Most often, you might not even realize what you’re thinking about.

So Marisa advises you to bring awareness to the scripts in your mind. As often as you can during the day, just remember to observe your thoughts:

  • What’s the tone you have towards yourself? 
  • What do you think about on a daily basis?

It is possible to turn your inner critic into your own personal cheerleader. But it takes consistent effort and plenty of present-moment awareness. Every time you notice some negative self-talk, change the narrative in that moment.

It’s normal that you won’t remember to do it every single time. But the more you practice, the easier it will get.

2. Focus on falling in love with yourself

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

— Oscar Wilde

In her private therapy practice, Marisa noticed how much criticism people had for themselves. They are constantly trying to change, thinking they would receive more love if they were different.

“So many people put so much effort into trying to make someone love them by trying to change, when if they put half the effort into loving themselves, they would attract so much love,” says Marisa.

That’s why it’s essential to start the process of falling in love with yourself. It may sound cliché and overrated, but falling in love with yourself is never going to bore you or disappoint you. And the best part of it all is that it lasts forever.

3. Talk to yourself as you talk to your best friend

Would you ever tell your best friend that they aren’t good enough because they gained some extra weight or made a mistake? Would you make them feel unlovable when they are hurt?

The answer is simply no. So why would you do that to yourself?

Normalize having a kinder approach to your feelings and behaviors. It’s an efficient inner-critic exercise for reducing its power. What’s wrong with telling yourself you’re already lovable?

Do you know what happens to your body and mind when you diminish yourself? Marisa points out that your immune system suffers while you invite anxiety and depression into your life. 

Nothing builds you up as much as self-praise does.

— Marisa Peer, trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quest

4. Remember the 9 rules of the mind

When working on your self-love relationship, take into consideration the nine rules your mind is operating on. Marisa highlights them to have a better understanding of how your inner world is constructed:

  • What is expected tends to be realized.
  • Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.
  • Imagination is more powerful than logic.
  • Your mind always does what it thinks you want it to do.
  • It works to move you from pain to pleasure.
  • It responds to the pictures in your head and the words you say to yourself.
  • The mind learns by repetition.
  • It loves what is familiar.
  • We make our beliefs and our beliefs make us.

Let them sink in and see how you can use them to activate the mind’s maximum potential.

5. Don’t let in destructive criticism

Do let in the praise. Marisa recommends focusing more on the positive things people have to say about you and everyone else, instead of letting the destructive criticism in.

A few ways to leave it out are to say the following things:

  • “Thanks for sharing that.”
  • “Would you repeat that slowly?” or “Are you trying to hurt me?”
  • “Did you know that critics have the most criticism reserved for themselves?”

Try using these phrases and see how they react instead of taking it personally. Most often, it’s not about you; it’s about something they are projecting. As Marisa says, “benevolent people praise, and people who feel inferior criticize.”

Marisa Peer on stage at MVU 2022
Marisa Peer, trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quest

Make Peace With Yourself

Going to war with yourself will never end with any party winning. It’s pretty obvious that you can’t be the winner of a battle you have with your own being.

So why not learn how to make peace with all parts of yourself? Sometimes, it may feel overwhelming. It might feel counterintuitive. But in the end, it’s all worth it when you realize you were always the only one standing in your way.

To begin your journey, you can benefit from some guidance. With powerful wisdom from Mindvalley quests such as Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance with Marisa Peer, you can dive into the depths of an abundant life.

  • Learn more about how to program your mind to receive unlimited abundance.
  • Make peace with parts of yourself that are suffering.
  • Nurture your mind-body connection to activate your fullest potential.
  • Heal limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
  • Access transformational guided meditations to rewire your mind.

By claiming your free access today, you can try out classes to see how this knowledge and these powerful insights may transform your life.

You might feel alone on your journey to connecting with yourself. But rebuilding a relationship full of self-love and compassion doesn’t have to be a lonely experience. And the best part of it all is that you can join a community of people who share the same hopes and struggles along the way.

Take the first step towards your most authentic self. You will never regret doing so.

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Alexandra Tudor

Alexandra Tudor

Alexandra Tudor is a former content writer for Mindvalley and a psychology enthusiast. From clinical experience working with both children and adults, she's now in the process of becoming a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in the IFS method and family constellation therapy.
Written by

Alexandra Tudor

Alexandra Tudor is a former content writer for Mindvalley and a psychology enthusiast. From clinical experience working with both children and adults, she's now in the process of becoming a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in the IFS method and family constellation therapy.
Marisa Peer - Trainer
Expertise by

Marisa Peer is the trainer of Mindvalley’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance and Uncompromised Life quests. She’s the creator and founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) and has been named the “Best British Therapist” by Men’s Health magazine and featured in Tatler’s Guide to Britain’s 250 Best Doctors.

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