A few days ago, I was standing in a dry riverbed in Namibia.
Watching a herd of elephants move across the sand.
No noise.
No competition.
No visible struggle for power.
Just… flow.
Twenty animals moving as one.
And at the front?
Not the biggest elephant.
Not the strongest.
Not the most aggressive.
The oldest female.
And in that moment, something clicked.
What if everything we’ve been taught about leadership is backwards?
The leader who doesn’t perform
Here’s what fascinated me.
The matriarch wasn’t acting like a leader.
She wasn’t posturing.
She wasn’t signaling dominance.
She wasn’t trying to look powerful.
She wasn’t even trying.
She was simply keeping everyone alive.
Namibian desert elephants are among the most extraordinary animals on Earth.
They survive in one of the harshest environments imaginable.
They can go up to four days without water. They walk hundreds of kilometers across barren land. They dig wells in dry riverbeds to access water hidden beneath the sand
And here’s the wild part:
The herd survives because one female remembers where to go.
Water sources humans don’t even know exist.
Migration routes passed down through memory.
Patterns encoded over decades.
When a matriarch dies too early…
The herd doesn’t just grieve.
It gets lost.
The knowledge dies with her.
Nature’s hidden leadership model
It turns out… elephants aren’t unique.
Across the animal kingdom, something fascinating appears.
The most intelligent, social mammals, the ones that rely on cooperation, memory, and emotional bonds, evolve toward female-led systems.
And in humans?
It goes even further.
The rarest trait in Nature
Out of more than 5,000 mammal species on Earth, only a handful have evolved menopause.
Humans.
Killer whales.
Pilot whales.
Belugas.
Narwhals.
That’s it.
Now think about this.
Evolution is ruthless.
It eliminates anything that doesn’t serve survival.
So why would it turn off reproduction in a female who still has decades of life ahead?
We assume menopause is a ‘decline’. A biological shutdown.
But it turns out, it’s an upgrade.
Scientists call this the Grandmother Hypothesis.
In certain species, older females become so valuable to survival not by giving birth, but by giving guidance, that evolution rewired their biology on purpose to free them from reproduction.
So they could lead.
Let that sink in.
Evolution didn’t make a mistake.
It made a decision.
Stop reproducing. Your value now is wisdom.
The pattern we can’t ignore
Look at the species where this shows up:
Elephants. Whales. Humans.
The three most socially complex mammals on Earth.
They all:
- Live in multi-generational families
- Communicate across distance
- Form lifelong bonds
- Mourn their dead
- Depend on shared knowledge to survive
And when left to evolve naturally…
They all arrive at the same answer:
Put the wisest female in front.
Not a decline. A promotion.
Now let’s bring this home.
When a woman goes through menopause…
We treat it as a decline.
Loss.
A closing chapter.
But biologically?
Something profound is happening.
Her role isn’t shrinking.
It’s expanding.
She is being freed from reproduction to focus on something far more important:
Protecting.
Guiding.
Stabilizing the group.
And here’s the truth most people miss:
Evolution does not keep anything alive that isn’t useful.
So the fact that women live 30–40 years beyond reproduction tells us something extraordinary:
Those decades are not leftover time. They are mission-critical years.
In whale pods, when a post-menopausal female dies, her sons are significantly more likely to die within a year.
In early human tribes, older women were the living libraries of survival.
They carried memories.
And memory meant life.
So no, Menopause isn’t the end.
It’s the promotion into leadership.
So what happened to us?
Because if this is what we evolved for…
Why does our world look so different?
Why do we consistently choose leaders based on:
Dominance, Charisma, Visibility, and Performance.
Instead of:
Wisdom, Memory, Emotional intelligence, and Long-term thinking.
Of 194 countries, only about 10% are led by women.
We didn’t evolve this way.
We constructed this.
The lie about emotion
And here’s where it gets uncomfortable.
One of the most common arguments against female leadership is this:
“Women are too emotional.”
So let’s look at the data.
Globally:
75% of suicides are male. Men die by suicide at 4x the rate of women.
Men commit ~90% of homicides.
Over 95% of road rage incidents are male
That’s not emotion.
That’s unprocessed emotion
Research shows:
| Men suppress | Women process |
| Men avoid | Women regulate |
So let me ask you a question:
Which gender is actually struggling more with emotional control?
We’ve created a world where:
The group more likely to explode under emotional pressure is called “rational.”
The group better at processing emotion is called “too emotional.”
That’s not logic. That’s conditioning.
Two operating systems
This isn’t about men vs women.
It’s about how you lead.
There are two leadership operating systems:
| 1. Performance Leadership – Speed – Dominance – Competition – Control It asks: Who wins? | 2. Matriarch Leadership – Wisdom – Memory – Empathy – Long-term thinking It asks: What sustains? |
Both exist in all of us.
But look at the world today, and ask yourself honestly:
Which one are we rewarding?
Why this matters now
Because we are entering a different kind of world.
AI is reshaping industries.
Climate instability is accelerating.
Global systems are shifting fast.
This is no longer a game of conquest.
It’s a game of survival.
And survival doesn’t favor the loudest voice.
It favors the clearest one.
The one who remembers.
The one who sees patterns.
The one who knows when to move and when to wait.
That’s the matriarch.
The moment this becomes personal
Because this isn’t just about governments.
It’s about you.
At some point in your life, the game changes.
You stop needing to prove.
You stop needing to win.
And you start needing to: guide, protect, and elevate others
That’s the shift.
From:
Performer → Steward
Competitor → Guardian
Leader → Matriarch energy
(Yes, even if you’re a man.)
The question that actually matters
Standing there in that riverbed…
Watching that herd move as one…
I wasn’t watching animals.
I was watching a system that works.
A system tested over millions of years.
And it kept pointing to the same truth:
Experience over ego
Memory over speed
Collective care over dominance
So the real question isn’t: “Should women lead?”
The real question is: What kind of leadership do we need now?
Because nature already answered that.
And she’s been right every single time.
If this made you pause, question, or see leadership differently… share your reflection and leave a comment. Those conversations are where real shifts begin.
With Love,
P.S. Many of you have been asking about Mindvalley U: the two-week festival we run every summer in Tallinn, Estonia, happening from July 20 – Aug 2, 2026.
This year, we saw a massive jump in ticket sales. It seems people are craving real community more than ever. We now have only a few Early Bird tickets left, but only until April 12th. After that, the early bird ends.
Mindvalley U is unlike anything else out there. It was originally built for families, and it still is. Still, it’s equally transformative for solo entrepreneurs and anyone who wants to grow surrounded by people who take their lives seriously.
Over two weeks, you’ll learn from 50+ Mindvalley authors, connect with an extraordinary global community, and experience what we call Mindvalley magic, the unforgettable parties, unique experiences, and the kind of aliveness that’s hard to put into words.
261 Responses
Much talk about the matriarchs recently and I’ve only recently seen it in person with the whales. I love how the elephants have this as well. It’s exactly what I’ve been contemplating as I have been moving into my wise woman years recently and coming more into my love and acceptance of where I am being taken now with my work. I work with the womb and guiding women back to the innate wisdom we hold within and this correlates so much with that because when we remember our wombs are a portal of creation and divine wisdom, we can step into our wise woman phase in an easier fashion and support our bodies while we go through these changes. Mahalo for this!
Dear Vishen Kristina and Mindvalley office,
Thanks for your reflection today,
My questions are,
1. What if Mary is the mother of God for the past 2026 years since her son Jesus walked the earth by immaculate conception as told to us , by long standing held firm beliefs.
2, what if the world before that newly formed Christian society believe in the reality that every woman is given the gift by God naturally, to bring life and future generations of humanity into the world by love with a man as it started out in good faith? That would mean that traditional owners first nations family all around the world are righteous just and true in how many and woman held the balance of power in their family together!
3. What if the church who told us that Mary’s conception is a miracle, actually refers to every woman that is loved by a man and conceives births and delivers life into the world is exactly like Mary, albeit with a man and not a superhuman God? Yet the miracle of God’s creation brings new life in the act of loving a woman? ♀️
Makes the whole story easier for me to relate with.
I feel this reality is where the traditional owners around the world had their TRUTH raped from their conscious awareness, disenfranchised by the act of white man writing words on paper, to the effect that women’s purpose undermined undervalued and basically the whole birthing deal taken out of women’s rights, and into the intellectual coercive unconscionable forced control violations by a man writing the new narrative calling itself Christian yet acting like barbarians and with all the value of monetary fund from raping the mother earth that nurtures us all, will the balance of power swing back to equality with women’s bodies and their natural functional reason for being? Or is humanity gone so far into the abyss now, that women claim they are everything and want their baby delivered with gas and any man to catch the baby is the one who delivers the baby?
No matter who catches the baby, only women grow and nurturing and delivering the baby from her physiology as God intends.
Funny how many has got woman over a barrel here at this moment?
Who is arriving on earth and how they arrive speaks to who we believe in now.
In my day it was God Bulurru almighty, but today you can have your baby conceived in all kinds of science methods and if course it’s the man ready and waiting to catch the baby from the woman’s delivery, and all that work for the woman’s body of all those months goes unrecognised as a man steps in at moment of arrival on earth and puts his name on the birth certificate of a baby conceived and grown between man & woman now intellectual coercive control of who done what during the delivery when God made woman to do everything naturally themselves?
The reality that fear constricts and faith opens up is very real, often what leads a woman to put herself in another man’s treatment for optimal guarantee of delivery when God blessed the woman in her childhood with all the natural organs to do this work herself?
Is why all first nations families are here and why they’re strong in believe in nature.
Also why men spend so much language and time disenfranchising women for the natural strength they are.
Maybe, in the scheme of this world it’s about finding true respect for the original part that man & woman play together with respect to each other’s differences in love
Love this reflection… absolutely makes sense of what we are moving towards 🙏… with Clarity💖 .
I’m fascinated that you noticed this in nature. My wife’s work is around Sacred Menopause fornthe very reasons you mentioned. If the story women in the West have been told is that menopause is a curse, instwad of a sacred initiation, then we get women, and men, who suffer through it. Thanks for being willing to share difficult conversations.
I resonate so much with this article. As a 70 year old woman who was preacher/teacher/administrator most of her life. I look back and recognize the shift that began at 50. But now the sense of matriarch energy and leadership style is much stronger. Perhaps this is because I am finally admitting to myself who I truly am, accepting it and beginning to live out of that persona. Wow! Thank you for helping me see how some of these pieces fit together.
This article, and many like it, starts from a flawed premise: that leadership needs to be reframed as “female leadership,” as if leadership itself hasn’t always been defined by those who carried the heaviest burdens of survival.
Leadership isn’t a label. It’s responsibility, risk, and consequence.
For most of human history, men didn’t “claim” leadership, they were forced into it by necessity. They built infrastructure, fought wars, endured physically destructive labor, and absorbed the consequences when things failed. Their bodies were the expendable resource society relied on to function.
That’s not rhetoric, it’s reality.
Meanwhile, women operated in a different spheres. One that was protected from those external risks. And for thousands of years, that arrangement persisted. Not because it was blindly imposed, but because it worked within the constraints of biology and survival.
Then came a turning point.
During World War II, women entered the workforce in large numbers, but under very different conditions than the historical burden men had carried. Many of these roles, while still demanding, did not come with the same long-term physical cost, disposability, or existential risk tied to war, infrastructure building, or dangerous labor that defined male contribution for centuries.
And yet, within a relatively short window after that shift, compared to over 2000 years of established roles – the narrative changed.
What had been a division of responsibility became reframed as a question of rights.
What had been a system built around survival became reframed as a system of oppression.
And what is often left out of that reframing is this:
Men made a massive, largely invisible sacrifice, trading daily presence with their children for the responsibility of provision, protection, and external stability. While women built deeper day-to-day bonds within the family unit, men carried the cost of absence, risk, and physical wear in order to make that structure possible.
That trade-off wasn’t trivial. It was foundational.
Now we’re told leadership needs to be “redefined.”
But redefined from what?
From a model where leadership meant burden, accountability, and sacrifice, into one where it increasingly becomes about identity and perception?
If we’re going to have an honest conversation about leadership, we need to stop rewriting history through a modern lens that selectively ignores the costs that built the present.
Leaders are not determined by gender.
They are determined by what they are willing to carry, and what they are willing to sacrifice.
And if anything, the real conversation today should be this:
Who is actually willing to take on the burden of leadership now – without the safety nets, without the narratives, and without redefining the role to make it more comfortable?
Because leadership has never been about comfort.
This is exactly why I started podcasting with my friend Eva. We both want to help our community and the wider world.
We are here to encourage, support and impart those steadying messages to others.
Absolutely found our purpose!
This is absolutely beautiful and so well said – thank you for honoring women this way ✨
Wow, what an eye opener! I needed to hear this right now 😉
I was in a bad accident and had knee surgery. I’m moving around the house in a walker feeling old and somewhat useless. I know I will get strong in time and this will be in the past. This article was so interesting and encouraging. Thank you!
Dear Vishen, Kristina and your family and Mindvalley office,
Thanks once again for talking about the systems at play in this world.
This year turning age 60 is supposed to be a milestone event. Looks like everyone else is enjoying and planning their milestones, I am an observer of life, not genuinely participating as this was my designated position bestowed by the school teacher abusers when I was 6?
There’s been plenty of time for me to pause and reflect on my life and the reality of no human rights in Australia.
Violence played a massive role in causing what is.
Since early childhood, often reflected on the female to male imbalance of power in the world each time I was hurt deliberately by a man in my childhood.
In fact that violent caused me to think I couldn’t find a relationship with a man, when I became adult, however I pushed past the violations of women who were preying on innocent life for their own power trip. Found my husband and we are married 31 years this year, for this relationship and marriage and family, I am truly grateful.
Constantly asking if that happened to my sister and myself, then what is happening to others?
Learning how to survive and “roll with the punches”, accepting what men do to women during power struggles is another story.
I am a typical product of a modern unbalanced society,
a female child beaten and humiliated and published defamatory in a newspaper during my childhood without our knowledge or my parents consent all by the school teacher in education system, that in those days, I had no right to speak about the treatments bestowed upon my life and my little sister.
These violent narratives caused by greedy men are perverse evil,
Recently I watched the webinar with Ken Honda and becoming friends with money,
during his talk Ken referred to his research of elders in his country, after survey of so many elders, Ken talked about the one thing that stood out for him was the facts that the people who suffered the most with the most struggle and failures in the early part of their lives became the most profoundly wise leaders. Citing that the experience of loss and so much failures and grief are the exact building blocks that caused each individual to rise into renewed perspectives as natural leaders.
I found comfort in what Ken was saying about his findings, knowing that all we endured as little girls is some form of building blocks for who we are today. Although it was wrong because my little sister didn’t survive past age 19, and the violent assaults were extremely pronounced when she was murdered.
Actually realising the violations impacting my self and my sister in those days, are all ego driven, by the perpetrators, where the balance of power is raped literally and not compassionately or consciously shared.
I always looked to my parents and my grandparents especially for the guide on how to live best. I do hear their words to this day.
Holding onto traditional ways valuing the respect for the earth mother nature that nurtures our life without question or second thoughts, like breathing.
As woman ♀️ today in this life, survivors of childhood education facility Victoria school teacher abusers, when I was a little girl, it was forced into our being that we just cop the treatment by man.
Social normality back then was always taking advantage of female child and running women down, splashing women’s naked body all over media and life, constantly demoralising and devaluing all that women are. I found comfort in the spiritual realms with hiding my body,
After some years studying the Bible, also brought an epiphany to my conscious awareness that the story of a miracle conception written by men about the chosen one Mary mother of God, is all fabricated by those men wearing long gowns in massive groups of wealth inside the Catholic church where I was raised and told to believe that man wearing his long gown is more in touch with the spiritual realm of the holy spirit than women could be allowed to be?and somehow that seems to give man the right to stand over women in the church and in every day life.? Modern governments are based on the ritual practices of modern churches, from my observations,
All trying to keep women from leading anything, driving women to think and act and want to be men, in order to gain some type of power supply in this world.
We learned about the time before patriarchal society, when matriarchal society was a thing.
I feel the imbalance, we are constantly undermined as woman ♀️ being constantly referred to as “guy’s ” under the friendly fire that it’s an endearing term when it’s language abuse that curses women to the soul of their being.
As children there was so much language abuse around us, the male dominated world, forcing us to accept the treatment conditions and terms for being on the earth.
Today I see the subjects I am interested in that survived me to now, including flower essence vibes and frequency, herbalism and alternative ways of seeing ourselves as mostly spiritual energy in matter,
instead of mostly physical bodies with some unseen force that is somewhere inside of us,.
These subjects are taboo in Australia and people are considered as witches for holding onto mother earth seasonal rituals and ceremonies that respect the earth? For God so loved the world John 3: 16
Certainly if we aren’t being physically burned at the stake, women are totally undermined by abusive language and by forced values of flaunting nakedness As a means of succeeding and earning money in the world, describing the sorry misalignment that is forced upon women to evaluate themselves as in the terms that turn men on?
Personally I feel this world is having a lend of women, totally demoralising the natural gift of life we give, while raping our natural rights to trust and give life as God almighty intends for women,
where now, we are forced to be filled with fear surrounding childbirth and education of our children handing over to the man doctor experts on our physiology
So much is raped from women’s natural spiritual values, and surrogated handover to men who claim they are the experts in how and when the baby growing in the women’s womb will arrive and be delivered?
This brings me to the government who constantly forcing us to believe that the government is delivering the life and standards of living for us, ironically all run by white man?
As woman ♀️ knowing innately the moral spiritual lores pertaining to family life, basic rules that an adult doesn’t have sex with a child, neither an adult doesn’t abuse a child by physical assaults or psychological forced intellectual control narrative of the child’s thinking, neither does an adult try to impose their violent behaviour upon innocent children in education.
Because these spiritual values were all ripped up, in our childhood education years, it’s difficult to pretend that white man cares about anything other than itself.
Looking back, my whole life is punctuated by the violent control of mostly men, however there are also violent women who are well versed in the violent rhetorical language abuse that leads to physical assaults as well
I know that an entrepreneur mindset is all about positive energy grateful vibes and giving our best versions of ourselves each day, however I don’t see men doing their best versions of themselves.
I see violent coercion control in charge of women every where.
Including in the systems of law society that apparently is for helping survivors of domestic violent behaviour in Australia.
Nature’s way is often about the strong one survives, I realise this about my thinking compared to my younger sister, our prayers and thoughts were both very different ways of coping with domestic violent assaults, that actually doesn’t look any different to how life treated us as little girls 50 & 60 years ago.
Looking forward, not clear to see what’s going to happen next while the idea and lineal masculine language of moving forward? Instead of spiralling out of situations by revisiting events until we see resolutions that creates healthy shifts in our perspectives awareness is cyclical, yet the society is fixated on moving forward?
I’m content to be in my women’s cycle revisiting events for my learning and evolution and genuinely learning different ways of doing life , by seeing all the ways to view a challenge in life. Where flower essence often open those perspective options,
In good faith, that means I don’t see the clear highway, that I am walking the rocky path of truth in my soul journey, going there in good faith, believing humanity wellbeing can improve.
I always listen to God almighty who has helped me to appreciate the values of love between man ♂️ and woman ♀️ because this natural relationship is how humanity grew mostly to now,
and silently like the great mammals in nature, that in life we follow for a time, we lead for a while and we humble ourselves for better future generations
Take care of your Mum and her Mum, because they always love
Thanks for your time and considering
Thank you. I read this with an interest as I may have experienced this as well. I am 61 turning 62 in June this year and my decision making has made a big turn during the last 3 years. I am more considerate and taking time to make decisions. Also helping my children and grand children to make wise decisions in their lives. I have found this as a big change in the way I use to make decisions in life.
Thank you so much and I do believe that Women make good decisions based on how they view and consider the future.
It most definitely is time for a shift over to a different inherent perspective, and I know many men who feel the same way. As AI takes a more dominant role in our lives, in both good and not so good way, it will be so important to have leaders that see their people as the priority instead of putting corporate interests first, which is happening in far too many countries.
Great post Vishen
Oh that was soooo good, Vishen. Good to see your vision is improving, in that you are focusing on something other than AI. But then, you mentioned previously that AI had been writing these blogs for a few weeks. So I guess AI was just being it’s usual narcissistic, self-focused type of construct then? Not surprised! Seeing as AI has no heart and thus, can understand empathy and even emulate it, but never fully embody it like us wise ole elephant types can. So then, good that your back in the blog writing saddle again, my friend. And even more, to learn that there is at least one man out there with clear enough vision to seen the light, as it were in the fairer sex. And you being a mayan with a platform that can influence the other males of our species, as well, to adopt a more balanced, matriarchal friendly playan. So kudos to you’os! Cause Lord knows, we gots lots of huge elephant sized piles of shit being dropped everywhere by the stupid men in charge who are trying to patriach us all to death! So, I’m glad your safari helped you to gain even more perspective on life. It sounds kind a of kewl, except for the man eating lions! Like I luv watching relaxing nature videos. But can’t stand the circle of life aspect. Cause like the gazelles be just like flittering, floating and flying by all so gracefully (my mom told me once I run like a gazelle…I took it as a compliment and not an open invitation for even more constructive criticism from her.) 🙄 But yeah, beautiful gazelle minding it’s own beeswax…and suddenly it meets with it’s rather untimely death by a ravenous and destructive lion. 🫣 That’s enough I should think to help make us all wanna be vegetarians! So then yeah, please be mindful of those crazy bad lions. Cause we allneed you here to keep doing the lions share of the work to continually elevate humanity!
This matriarchal leadership analysis against natural selection and our co-existence within the Animal Kingdom brought harmonic resonance and an overwhelming feeling of relief – that someone finally articulated the, “what next” amid the social and environmental disruption we are seeing across the globe. Looking forward to where this takes us next and keen on extension of this blog topic. I’ve shared it with 2 peers already. Thank you!
Thank you for this powerful and thought-provoking post. As a woman entering post-menopause, I can feel this wisdom beginning to awaken within me.
I’ve found myself reflecting on similar patterns in nature, especially with killer whales, and I appreciate you expanding that lens to include elephants and other mammals. It deepens the perspective in such a meaningful way.
Rather than seeing this phase of life as a decline, I’m beginning to experience it as an emergence, an invitation into a more grounded, intuitive, and heart-centered way of being.
I feel both inspired and energized by what this stage represents, not just personally, but collectively.
Here’s to stepping into this next chapter with wisdom, compassion, and a deeper commitment to guiding a more heart-centered world, and to embracing the opportunity to step more fully into leadership roles as we move forward.
The world is changing in such a devastating way. I have rarely felt so impotent to change the aggressive dominant mindset which seems to permeate our world. In this sense of powerlessness to influence change on the world stage, I have found some mental peace to focus on community. Galvanising community to care for one another may help us survive only on a small scale, but it nonetheless survival. What you have articulated here resounds with me, and many of the women and men in our local community. It is a warm and wonderful group of individuals who care and nurture the group as a whole, demonstrating the values and and strengths you have highlighted. Thank you.
I love this, Vishen – I hear such NOISE from U. S. conservatives about completely SIDELINING women – and it boggles the mind! This is such a refreshing view that EVERYONE could benefit from. I was on a zoom meeting last night for a transformational group I participate in – noticed that most of the group were older women (including me – I’m 64) – and now I know why – we’re absolutely the wisdom keepers!
Such a profound revalation that few men have had the guts to admit its truth and many have made it their career to suppress it. Thank you Vishen!
Hi Vishen,
I totally get and feel this,
I am a 62 year old woman I love my work as a Healer, multidimensional higher consciousness Activator, psychic/medium and more, but what has really ignited my wisdom fire is to create a 6-week Awaken the Heart ascension journey, which I have been doing since the end of last year, taking small groups of people through this powerful journey to truly see, feel and be who they where meant to be all along, living from the heart, expanding awareness and higher consciousness and knowing they are important and can make a difference in the world simply by being thheir true open hearted authentic selves, shining their light out where ever thet go,
I feel so passionate about this, as I know giving people the tools and direction to do the light work/Love is so needed at this time, my wisdom of opening my heart to guide others has truly stepped in
I feel it is because you reach a point where you start evaluating your life knowing you might not have long left, it brings this different inner strength forward from within, a deeper knowing and understanding of the world and life, a vision to help others succeed, like you become an unbrella of soul light, compasion, love, wisdom, inner higher consciousness, inner strength and nurturing not from ego but from unity consciousness and love for the collective, literaly like a Mother or Grandmother.
Thank you for all that you do for the world
Much Love Ginny
As a female / feminine servant-style leader who’s dealt with the strictures, posturing, and performance of command-and-control-style leaders for my entire life in IT, I can only be grateful that this is finally being seen as a “legitimate” leadership path. I see this in so many other women – we’re not performing leadership, we’re quietly leading – drawing upon memory, consensus, wisdom, and quiet influence over barking orders. Supporting our teams and those who work for us through the tough decisions they may face as new leaders rather than telling them they can’t ask things because they’re leaders now. I learned leadership in the science-fiction convention space – volunteers, neuro-spicy folks, people who sometimes have chronic pain or immune conditions, people who think differently, people who don’t always fit with mainstream society – to lead in that space, you must be patient, firm (but not overbearing), considerate / accommodating of limitations, and able to work with quiet influence, asking “how does this work best for everyone” rather than saying “this is how it is and anyone who doesn’t agree isn’t a leader”. From a command-and-control perspective, those of us who don’t take orders are seen as needy when we check alignment, or soft when we’re validating buy-in before we move forward. The grand majority of the leaders I’ve had in my 35-year IT career have been command-and-control leaders, and some (though not all) of them have been outright horrible. I can’t wait to see how much we grow as people and leaders when wisdom, peace, memory, consideration, guardianship, and “my way is not the only way NOR is the highway the only alternative” replace bombast, war, revisionist history, competition, and “my way or the highway” – I think we as a society will be much better for it.