Confidence here, confidence there. Chances are, you’ve been told how important it is to have this quality—to believe in yourself more than anyone else—and go through life walking on an unshakable ground of self-trust.
Undoubtedly, it’s easier said than done. However, it’s not impossible.
No matter how difficult it can be to shake off your self-doubt, you can still nurture the feeling of confidence within.
What is confidence?
Confidence is a person’s ability to believe in themselves and their capacity to succeed in any area of their life. It’s about your own feelings of self-worth or self-doubt.
High levels of confidence don’t mean thinking that you are the best at anything and everything. Even psychology has shown nowadays that there is a fine line between self-esteem and narcissism.
This ability is really about the importance of feeling “good enough”, according to one of the UK’s famous therapists, Marisa Peer, who’s also the trainer of Mindvalley’s Uncompromised Life and Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy for Abundance Quests. It’s knowing that you may not be the greatest, the smartest, the happiest person alive, but feeling good enough to pursue your dreams just as you are.
Knowing that you are enough doesn’t make you do less, but it makes you recognize that you’re worth more. — @MarisaPeer Share on XWhere does confidence (or lack thereof) come from?
Confidence can be gained or lost through several factors. The most common are:
- Experience. Studies have shown that confidence can be gained through the experience of positive or negative events. For example, if you practice public speaking a number of times, your collected experience will build resilience and openness to do it again and again until you start to perform.
- Environment. Some research suggests that where and how you’ve grown up influences your levels of self-esteem. Think about whether your parents, friends, or siblings are confident people and how much their view of themselves has influenced your own.
This can apply to your current life too. When you surround yourself with people that show an unshakable level of self-trust, you may be more likely to feel the same about yourself.
- Feeling of safety. It’s no surprise that traumatic events might lower your self-confidence. And that happens because one might see the world as an unsafe, dangerous place to express themselves.
One 2018 study concluded that “the onset of PTSD causes a decline in memory ability and attentional function, which interferes with one’s life and leads to self-denial, resulting in a decline in self-esteem.”
On the other hand, when one feels safe to speak up and make mistakes, the levels of confidence will rise.
- Lifestyle choices. As lifestyle has a tremendous impact on all aspects of your life, your confidence and ability to increase your personal growth will also be affected. Supporting your body and mind with nutritious food, proper sleep, regular movement, and healthy practices has been shown to have a direct link to your self-esteem.
Knowing where confidence comes from or what causes a lack of confidence can help you know exactly who you are and when you’ve done a good job.
What does a lack of confidence look like?
Being confident versus letting your insecurities control the flow of your life will have very different results. The compare and contrast can look like this:
| Confidence | Insecurity |
| Open-minded to try out new experiences | Close-minded to opportunities |
| Willing to take risks | Resistant to change |
| Embracing flaws and using them to your advantage | Feeling ashamed of your flaws and striving for perfectionism |
| Taking responsibility for your life | Open-minded to trying out new experiences |
| Seeing life challenges as opportunities for growth | Having a pessimistic outlook on life |
Why is confidence important?
Confidence is important because it helps you navigate the way to success in your career, partnerships, friendships, and your own relationship with yourself. It acts like your inner cheerleader, private therapist, and best friend.
Your self-confidence is the resilience to start again after a business plan fails, your willingness to explore the world, or the self-assurance that love exists even after the most painful heartbreak.
Additionally, Paul McKenna, globally celebrated hypnotherapist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Total Self-Confidence Quest, points out that feeling comfortable in your own skin is the natural essence of what confidence means. And embracing that essence will guide you on the path of making your dreams come true.
Feeling a level of confidence in yourself can withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and carry you forward to the life of your dreams. — @ImPaulMcKenna Share on XHow to build confidence: 8 tips from Mindvalley experts
The journey of nurturing more confidence within can be easier with some guidance along the way. Here are eight tips on how to increase your levels of self-esteem from Mindvalley experts.
1. Define what confidence means for you
In the Uncompromised Life Quest, Marisa Peer talks about truly understanding the meaning of what confidence means to you.
- What is your unique brand of confidence?
- What does it look like? How does it feel?
- Do you feel confident when you put on a certain hat, coat, or pair of shoes?
- Do you feel confident when you’re in the middle of a specific activity?
- What makes you feel good about yourself?
Find the places in your day and in your life that stand out to you as high points — as the places where you feel calm, cool, and totally in control.
2. Rewrite the story you’re telling yourself
Knowing what makes you feel good is essential. But knowing what doesn’t make you feel good is equally as important.
You’ve probably encountered that negative commentator in your head — that nagging little voice criticizing you. When you stumble, fall, or make a mistake, that voice is there whispering nasty, feel-bad comments. It’s running negative scripts that destroy your self-esteem.
Marisa also recommends noticing the story you’re telling yourself. Are you the main character, the superhero, or the leader of your plot? Or are you falling down the rabbit hole of victimization, self-loathing, and pessimistic thoughts?
Identify the narrative you’re telling your mind and challenge it. Ask it again and again if it really is true. And if it’s not? What could you replace it with?
If you want to start immediately, listen to this 40-minute hypnosis session by Marisa Peer:
3. Practice confidence to gain confidence
As Paul McKenna emphasizes, “Confidence is the attitude and the result of consistent actions. What you practice, you become.”
So if you need the confidence to deliver that speech, sign up for a storytelling night, or start dating again, taking small steps toward your desired outcome will build resilience and self-esteem.
You won’t probably have the courage to speak up right away in front of hundreds of people. However, starting small can look like taking up a public speaking class, practicing in front of your friends, or joining a debate club.
As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. And practice makes you confident.
4. Solve the inner conflict keeping you stuck
Have you ever felt like a part of you has the courage to move mountains to create the life of your dreams, but another one is feeling paralyzed with fear?
This kind of inner conflict can leave you incapable of moving forward, not knowing how to access your confidence to pursue your desires. For this matter, Paul suggests practicing the following exercise:
- Bring into mind the two conflicting parts. Try to connect to where you feel them within yourself.
- Open your eyes and place your hands out in front of you, palms up. Imagine the confident part in one hand and the fearful part in the other.
- Ask each part in turn what its positive intention for you is. What are they trying to do for you? What are they both afraid of?
- Close your eyes and get in touch with the confident part of you. Show your appreciation for what it’s doing.
- Get in touch with the fearful part. Ask it what it needs from you so it can feel better. What message does it have for you? Does it remind you of another past event when you felt as fearful?
- Bring your hands together. Pull your hands into your chest and integrate a new super-part of you. Promise this part that you’ll take care of it as best as you can.
Learn more about confidence from Paul McKenna in this Mindvalley podcast episode:
5. Remember the value that your confidence brings to others
Lisa Nichols, worldwide motivational speaker and trainer of Mindvalley’s Speak and Inspire Quest, emphasizes the importance of what your confidence can bring to other people. It can apply if you want to learn how to speak with confidence, but it goes beyond that.
A lack of self-trust can indeed leave you feeling stuck, uncertain, and maybe ashamed. However, instead of focusing on what can go wrong when you start to show up and speak up, think about how much value you can actually provide.
What is the intentional choice behind your confident actions? Does it serve a higher purpose? Because oftentimes, knowing that you’re in service of others, part of a bigger plan intending to make the world a better place, your confidence will rise up.
Learn more about how to use your voice and inspire others by listening to Lisa’s powerful speech:
6. Connect to your authenticity
Lisa points out in the Quest that sometimes people hide who they really are. They try to put on masks and strive for perfection. But the truth is that it leaves them feeling drained and lacking confidence.
How would it feel to act from a place of having nothing to defend, nothing to prove, or nothing to hide? Would it give you more confidence?
To connect to who you are a little more, she recommends trying out this mirror exercise. It’s about showing up in front of yourself as your real self, so then, you can show up for the world:
- In front of the mirror, start with your name and say out loud:
- I am proud that you…
- I forgive you for…
- I commit to you that…
- In your journal, write four things that you realized about yourself during the mirror exercise.
For some, this exercise can trigger a lot of emotion. Remember to breathe and try to relax into the intensity of feelings, knowing that a transformation is underway.
7. Understand the power of your body language
When you think about a person you see as an image of confidence, what do they look like? How does their posture look? How do they dress? What gestures do they have?
Linda Clemons, body language and nonverbal communication expert, who’s also the trainer of Mindvalley’s Body Language for Dating & Attraction Quest, highlights the importance of your body language in showing up confidently. And of course, it works wonders for dating, but it goes beyond that as well.
You’ve probably heard it before. Keep your head up, shoulders back, and chest out. Notice how you communicate and connect better when your posture upgrades. It works as a confidence booster with immediate effects.
Listen to Linda sharing the secrets to mastering non-verbal communication on The Mindvalley Show:
8. Develop charisma to increase your confidence
Linda teaches you the importance of charisma for social and romantic connections. Therefore, developing your social skills will also increase your confidence overall.
How does it feel to be able to connect with others easily and effortlessly? Would it boost your self-esteem?
One simple step to take to increase your capacity to make true connections is learning how to listen authentically. Be genuinely curious about the person you’re talking to. Ask questions with curiosity.
Listen actively and with presence. Don’t just start a conversation and wait for your time to speak.
When you become a good listener, you become magnetic to people who’d love to connect with you.
5 quotes to boost your self-confidence
Quotes can serve as inspiration and motivation to put some pep in your step. Here are five quotes to inspire you on your path to self-confidence:
- “Your potential expands as you move towards it. You could never know what you are capable of because as you get into it, your potential allows you to go even further.” — Marisa Peer, trainer of Mindvalley’s Uncompromised Life Quest
- “Money is one of the rewards you get for adding value to the lives of others.” — Paul McKenna, trainer of Mindvalley’s Total Self-Confidence Quest
- “It takes courage to break those chains and define your own life.” — Vishen, founder of Mindvalley
- “The key to being extraordinary is knowing what rules to follow and what rules to break.” — Vishen, founder of Mindvalley
- “Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it Faith. Feed it Truth. Feed it with Love.” — Lisa Nichols, trainer of Mindvalley’s Speak and Inspire Quest
Great change starts with your confidence
You probably know it well. Great change starts with your confidence. And as the famous Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
And if you need support along the way to making a great change in your life, Mindvalley is the place to be. You can build unshakable confidence with powerful guidance from world experts shared with you in Quests such as:
- Uncompromised Life with Marisa Peer
- Total Self-Confidence with Paul McKenna
- Speak and Inspire with Lisa Nichols
- Body Language for Dating & Attraction with Linda Clemons
And by unlocking your free access, you can try out sample classes from all of the programs above and many others.
So take the first step. Your most confident self is waiting for you.
