Most people navigate the world with a limited set of interpersonal skills. It’s enough to get by, but not enough to build anything that lasts.
Meetings end without real alignment, relationships stretch thin over time, and under the performance of everyday interaction, the actual connection quietly disappears.
But the thing is, it’s one of the most overlooked and essential career development tools. At least according to Vanessa Van Edwards, a self-proclaimed recovering awkward person and bestselling author of Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.
Because what we call “people skills” is rarely about people at all. They’re really about emotional precision, timing, and trust. And they begin long before anyone opens their mouth.
What are interpersonal skills?
“Interpersonal” means between people. And it’s used to describe relationships, dynamics, or skills that shape how people communicate, understand each other, and build connections.
In a nutshell, the “interpersonal skills” meaning is simply just people skills, as Vanessa points out. These are not surface-level niceties or a polished LinkedIn summary. They are the micro-gestures, the silences held just long enough, and the ability to notice when someone’s eyes flicker with doubt and respond with grace instead of defense.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a manager, or looking for work, interpersonal skills are critical for communication and relationship success.
— Vanessa Van Edwards, trainer of Mindvalley’s Magnetic Charisma program
“Someone with exceptional interpersonal skills might be said to have high PQ, or interpersonal intelligence,” Vanessa says in a video on YouTube. This PQ is one of Howard Gardner’s original nine types of intelligence, and it reflects a person’s sensitivity to the moods, motivations, desires, and intentions of others.
And when that intelligence is missing, things can fall apart quietly. A tone gets misread, a boundary slips, and even a conversation never recovers.
Why are interpersonal skills important?
Interpersonal skills matter because nearly every part of life relies on how you relate to others. Whether you’re navigating conflict, building trust, or coordinating decisions, the quality of your interactions shapes the outcome. And without these skills, even the best ideas struggle to land, and even the most capable people find themselves misunderstood or sidelined.
One large-scale study analyzing team-based collaboration found that those who could anticipate others’ intentions and adapt accordingly significantly improved group performance, regardless of individual technical ability. These findings held true even under pressure, where coordination often breaks down when social cues are missed or ignored.
Professional development data draws a similar line. People who train their interpersonal skills are more likely to stay in their jobs, get promoted, and work well with clients. One labor market study found that knowing how to manage relationships is one of the strongest signs of long-term career success, no matter the industry.
That same pattern shows up in Vanessa’s work. “Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a manager, or looking for work,” she says, “interpersonal skills are critical for communication and relationship success.”
7 examples of interpersonal skills
This kind of social attunement lives in the quiet moments. They shape how you hold a pause, how you catch a shift in tone, and how you make someone feel safe without saying much. And they develop through experience, attention, and deliberate practice.
Here are interpersonal skills examples Vanessa shares in her video that shape how you relate, lead, and connect:
1. Active listening
Active listening is fully focusing on the speaker without interrupting, fixing, or drifting.
Mindvalley member Tasneem Goheer used to hijack conversations without realizing it. But she learned to listen and found the connection she’d been missing.
2. Conversational pacing
This is the rhythm of dialogue: knowing when to speak, when to wait, and how to hold the space between words.
If you know Lisa Nichols, you know the power of the “pregnant pause.” It becomes a tool for presence, intention, and emotional impact.
3. Body language awareness
What you do with your hands, face, and posture speaks long before your words do. When your body language aligns with your message, it can create congruence and trust.
Take Barack Obama, for instance. His use of open-hand gestures and relaxed posture became hallmarks of his communication style.
4. Tone control
The tone you use, whether spoken or typed, can soothe, spark, or shut someone down.
Another Mindvalley member Dao Lam mastered this using tips from Erica Dhawan’s Digital Body Language program. She learned to renegotiate a contract with bonuses and upgrades. A shift in tone rewired her entire approach to communication.
5. Empathic accuracy
This is the ability to read emotional cues and respond in a way that makes people feel seen.
That’s Ted Lasso’s signature move: he notices the tension, the silence, and the hesitation and responds with care that disarms and connects.
6. Boundary-setting
Being clear about your limits earns respect faster than overexplaining or retreating.
It’s like what Brené Brown says: “Clear is kind.” And when she teaches leaders to set expectations early, it becomes a form of respect rather than avoidance.
7. Repairing ruptures
When a connection breaks, knowing how to repair it builds deeper trust.
In The Bear, Carmy and Richie start the series barely speaking. But over time, they repair their tense dynamic through honest conversations, vulnerability, and shared purpose.
How to improve interpersonal skills, according to experts
Most people assume interpersonal skills come naturally or not at all. But experts who study human behavior say these skills are learned through repetition, not personality.
The key is knowing what to practice and how to track the shifts that matter. And to sharpen those skills, it helps to study what actually works in real conversations.
1. Be memorable
In Vanessa’s research, the conversations people remembered and enjoyed most didn’t begin with “What do you do?” or “How are you?” They started with something unexpected.
Questions like, “What personal passion project are you working on?” or “What was the highlight of your day?” interrupted autopilot. They sparked warmth, animation, and trust. The interaction became something people wanted to stay in, not just get through.
“When you ask questions that we’ve heard a million times before,” she points out in her Magnetic Charisma program on Mindvalley, “it’s like asking the other person’s brain to stay asleep.”
So if you’re looking for a practical starting point, it begins here: stop asking questions you’ve already answered a hundred times. Instead, ask something that actually matters to you. A good question brings the other person into the moment and gives them a reason to stay there.
2. Connect with anyone quickly
When you understand how someone is wired, you can speak in a way that makes them feel seen from the start. It’s called the Platinum Rule, where you treat others how they would treat themselves.
“If we treat others the way they want to be treated,” says Vanessa, “we bond quicker, we build trust more quickly, we deepen connection.”
To do this well, she recommends using the Big Five personality framework:
- Openness is how someone approaches new experiences. High-open people love variety, spontaneity, and trying new things. Low-open people prefer predictability, tradition, and familiar routines.
- Conscientiousness is about structure and self-discipline. Someone high in this trait is focused, organized, and reliable. Someone lower may need more flexibility and flow.
- Neuroticism reflects emotional volatility. Higher scores may mean the person is more sensitive to stress or conflict. Lower scores may mean they stay calm but may overlook emotional undercurrents.
- Extroversion is about where people draw energy. High extroverts feel alive in groups, thrive on interaction, and speak to think. Low extroverts (or what we know as introverts) tend to recharge alone and prefer depth over volume.
- Agreeableness is a measure of warmth and cooperation. High-agreeable people avoid friction and value harmony. Lower-agreeable people may be more direct or skeptical, especially in decision-making.
Research has found that 35-60% of our personality is genetic. Which means a lot of what shapes someone’s preferences is wired.
And when you respond to someone’s wiring rather than your assumptions, you give the relationship a better shot at real connection.
3. Reduce the empathy deficit
While face-to-face cues matter, most communication now happens through screens. And without strong interpersonal communication skills, that’s where relationships can break down.
When tone gets misread or nonverbal cues are missing, even a well-meaning message can come across as rushed, cold, or unclear. That’s what Erica, who’s a communication expert, calls the empathy deficit.
“You’ve probably felt it before, maybe in a tense email exchange where you read someone’s short reply as dismissive or a frustrating text message that spiraled into a conflict simply because you couldn’t hear the other person’s tone,” she explains in her Mindvalley program. “These small moments can have a huge impact, leaving us feeling disconnected even when we’re constantly in touch.”
And the more we rely on screens, the more intentional we have to be with how we show up in writing.
The fix, according to Erica, starts with three shifts:
- Slow your response time just enough to make your words feel considered.
- Soften your tone, especially in messages that carry urgency or correction.
- Add warmth with small cues, like a greeting, a thank-you, or a moment of acknowledgment.
Digital communication isn’t neutral. It either builds connection or chips away at it. Your words still carry body language…just in a different form.
How to improve interpersonal skills in the workplace
Every workplace has its own language. And if you want to lead, collaborate, or get anything meaningful done, how you navigate those relationships matters more than any to-do list.
Sharpening your interpersonal skills at work means learning how to read the room, manage signals, and communicate with clarity, even when the stakes are high. Here are a few ways you can start:
1. Mind the signals you send
In the workplace, most miscommunication doesn’t come from what you said. It comes from what the other person thinks you meant.
That’s the silent weight of digital signals, like the timing of your reply, the punctuation you choose, and even who you cc. A quick “K.” can feel like a door slam. A long delay with no context can stir unnecessary tension. And the smallest details carry emotional weight when tone and body language are stripped away.
Before you hit send, Erica suggests asking yourself three things:
- Did I give enough context so the message can’t be misread?
- Is the tone clear and not rushed or harsh by accident?
- Does the person know exactly what I need and when?
If you’ve ever read a short email and felt your stomach twist, you already know this matters. Every message is a soft skills test in disguise. And when you master it, you can earn trust without needing to say much at all.
2. Clarity over convenience
A short message isn’t always a clear one.
“We need to talk.”
“Okay.”
“New Event.”
These can land like gut punches, even when they’re meant to be harmless. But the thing is, they cost more than just confusion.
Studies show poor workplace communication wastes time and energy. Miscommunication costs companies up to $1.2 trillion annually in the U.S. alone. In one survey, 86% of employees and leaders said communication failures were a key cause of team errors.
Clarity, on the other hand, makes sure the other person knows exactly what you mean. It removes the guesswork, lowers anxiety, and gets everyone moving in the same direction.
Erica recommends three habits to cut confusion before it starts:
- Give context so the purpose of your message is obvious.
- Use enough words to make your meaning unmistakable.
- End with a clear next step so the recipient knows what to do.
This is about writing in a way that respects the reader’s peace of mind in a clear, thoughtful, and easy-to-understand way.
3. Be the kind of teammate people can count on
Going back to Vanessa’s Big Five personality framework, agreeableness is the trait that quietly decides how well people work together, and whether your “yes” actually means yes.
“Agreeableness is the least understood, least talked about personality trait,” she explains. “But I think it’s essential for how we interact with others. It’s all about how you approach cooperation.”
Mind you, it goes beyond friendliness. It shows up in how you manage cooperation, navigate conflict, and hold boundaries.
If you’re a high-agreeable person, you tend to be adapters. You default to yes, aim to keep the peace, and often say yes too quickly without thinking it through.
If you’re a low-agreeable person, though, you’re challengers. You default to no, double-check everything, and value precision over harmony.
Both are useful. But both have limits.
Vanessa recommends learning how to spot agreeableness in others so you can make collaboration smoother for everyone involved:
- If you’re high-agreeable: Give yourself space before saying yes. “Let me check my calendar” can buy you the pause you need.
- If you’re low-agreeable: Give ideas a buffer before saying no. Ask for details in writing so you have time to assess without the pressure of a real-time response.
- If you’re working with others: Tailor your approach. Send written requests to high-agreeables to reduce people-pleasing. Give low-agreeables time to think before you pitch.
Sure, a simple handshake can reveal parts of your personality, such as how agreeable you are, in just a few seconds. But working well with others takes more than a good first impression. It takes emotional awareness and respect on both sides.
And the best teams are built by people who know how to work with the “no” just as gracefully as they do with the “yes.”
Bonus: 3 exercises to help boost interpersonal skills
Most people assume interpersonal skills are learned in real-time, through trial and error. But there are ways to train them with intention.
These simple exercises sharpen your awareness, build your emotional fluency, and make real-life connections less of a mystery. Each one is short, repeatable, and surprisingly effective.
1. The “social cue” mirror
Sometimes the best way to connect is to meet people where they already are. This exercise helps you do that without forcing it.
What to do: Pick one person in your next conversation and try to subtly mirror their energy. Match their pacing, volume, and level of formality without losing your own sense of self.
Why it works: Mirroring builds rapport and signals emotional attunement. It’s a quick way to show the other person that you’re present, listening, and psychologically safe to be around.
2. The “micro-yes” prompt
Connection often begins with small signals of agreement. A subtle nod, a short reply, or a well-placed question can open the door to deeper trust.
What to do: In moments of tension or disagreement, use a gentle question that invites cooperation. For example: “Would you be open to talking this through together?” or “Can we look at this from another angle?”
Why it works: Micro-yes questions disarm defensiveness. They shift the conversation from opposition to curiosity and create space for shared problem-solving.
3. The “emotion label” habit
Most people want to feel seen, not fixed. When you reflect someone’s emotion back to them with simple language, you give them that sense of being understood.
What to do: When you sense an emotion in someone else, even if it’s subtle, try naming it calmly and non-judgmentally. Say something like, “That sounds frustrating,” or “It seems like that caught you off guard.”
Why it works: This technique, backed by neuroscience, is called affect labeling. It activates the prefrontal cortex, lowers emotional reactivity, and shows the other person they’ve been understood.
Become a changemaker
If you’ve ever walked away from a meeting, date, or conversation wishing you’d shown up more clearly, Vanessa Van Edwards’ Magnetic Charisma program on Mindvalley is for you.
She teaches the science of human behavior so you can speak with confidence, read people faster, and connect without pretending to be someone you’re not.
The full program runs for 14 days. But you can get a preview of what it unlocks in this free class, where you’ll learn practical tools to build trust, spark engagement, and lead with warmth that feels real.
Over 50 million people have used Vanessa’s methods to transform how they show up at work, in relationships, and in life. Dao Lam (who, yes, also took Erica’s program), for instance, once filled conversations with awkward weather talk. But after going through the program, she says:
Vanessa Van Edwards has gently led me toward the road of being a charismatic person in the easiest way possible.
Today, she speaks with confidence on virtual stages, using the tools from Magnetic Charisma to build real connection with thousands.nt of thousands, using what she learned to build real connection with ease.
Now, imagine what that could look like for you.
You don’t need to be loud, extroverted, or “on” all the time. You just need the right tools to help you speak up, stand out, and make people feel something real when they’re around you. And this Mindvalley program can do that for you.
Welcome in.
