Which “brules” are you blindly following?
We all absorb the cultural norms of our society, but we often forget to question whether these are serving us — or limiting us.
Vishen, founder and CEO of Mindvalley and author of The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, coined a term for these limiting rules: “brules,” otherwise known as “bullshit rules.”
In this short video, you’ll discover why these “brules” are so dangerous, and how to begin questioning the unconscious, insidious limiting beliefs you may be holding.
5 Common Brules
1. Hard work equals success
This brule is one a lot of well-meaning parents pass down to their children. Yes, if you want to be successful, you will have to do some hard work. But that doesn’t mean you should spend 60-80 hours toiling over work you don’t care about. And it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice all of the other areas of your life in order to get ahead in your career. Working smart is often more important than working hard.
2. The pursuit of money is inherently bad
You need money to live in this world. Period. So why is something so vital to our lives so demonized?
The answer is that we tend to conflate the pursuit of money with the negative things people do and become in the name of money. We believe that money = greed. But money is simply a way to show the value of the time, energy, and services you provide. It’s okay to want more money. It’s okay to not give away your services for free. In fact, you do yourself and the other person a disservice if you’re not valuing yourself enough. Many of us have trouble asking for a raise, negotiating our prices, and openly admitting we care about money. But wanting to sustain yourself is not greed; it’s common sense.
3. Love is painful
So many movies, books, and shows confuse pain for love. If you argue, you must be passionate. If your partner is jealous, then you’re desired. And if you’re feeling depressed over someone, that’s love. But that’s not love. That’s envy. That’s anger. That’s sadness.
Loving someone is easy, even if being in a committed relationship with someone isn’t always easy. Still, these negative emotions shouldn’t define your relationship. If you start to experience more pain than love, it’s time to take a deep look at your relationships.
4. People (or groups of people) are inherently bad
This brule inevitably comes up when people start talking about humanity. Yes, mankind is capable of destruction and cruelty — but we’re also capable of loving deeply, making huge sacrifices, and feeling profound empathy.
The idea that people are inherently bad keeps us from believing we could learn to be better. It allows us to too easily dismiss people who look different or value different things than we do. It also keeps us from asking why people act in ways that hurt other people (hint: it usually has a lot to do with upbringing).
5. Your success should look like someone else’s success
Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, LinkedIn.
Never before have we lived under a constant barrage of what “success” looks like for other people, from social media influencers to Olympic athletes to world leaders. Ultimately, that might be what success looks like for them but that doesn’t have to be what success looks like to you.