You know that person who’s always in a relationship, like they’ve got romance on speed dial? The one who treats breakups like quick commercial breaks before the next emotional binge kicks off?
That’s a serial monogamist. And while it might look like a never-ending rom-com, there’s usually some deep emotional stuff bubbling under the surface.
If you’re wondering whether you—or someone you know—might be stuck in this cycle, it’s time to dig a little deeper.
What is a serial monogamist?
The meaning of “serial monogamist,” in a nutshell, is someone who jumps from one exclusive relationship to the next with barely a breather in between. It’s less about who they’re with and more about being in a relationship.
Think of Ross Geller from Friends, moving from Carol to Julie to Emily to Rachel—and back to Rachel again. Or Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother, always on the search for “The One.” Or Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl, who was never single for very long.
Don’t confuse serial monogamy with serial dating, though. They’re not the same.
A serial dater jumps from person to person, often enjoying the excitement of new connections rather than settling down. On the other hand, a serial monogamist is all about long-term exclusivity—they’re almost always in a committed relationship.
It really boils down to emotional needs. As Katherine Woodward Thomas, the bestselling author of Calling in “The One” and trainer of the Mindvalley program of the same name, says, “Most of us have dramatically elevated our standards of what we expect from a romantic union, far beyond what our parents and grandparents ever expected.”
She also points out that “we may not have yet evolved our level of consciousness, capacities, or maturity to the point where we can manifest and maintain the love that we have been longing to create.”
Here’s the proof: research shows that people with anxious or avoidant attachment tendencies often chase romantic closeness to regulate emotional stress. Translation? Being in a relationship feels safer than being alone.
Is serial monogamy a bad thing?
The answer isn’t quite black and white. The thing is, serial monogamy can be healthy when you’re looking for genuine connection and emotional security. But when you get into relationships to avoid the discomfort of being alone or facing unresolved emotions, that’s when it can create unhealthy patterns and possible love addiction.
“Many individuals labeled as ‘serial monogamists’ are driven by a deep emotional need for connection, often rooted in unresolved dynamics from childhood,” Bastian Gugger, a breakup recovery and relationship specialist, shares with Pulse. “They may unconsciously seek love, validation, or security in their partners to fill emotional voids.”
The belief? Being single means being unloved, unworthy, or even “behind” in life.
It’s much like Ted bringing a date to Lily’s birthday party on the chance that she’s “The One.” Or Blair, who seemed more obsessed with securing the next relationship upgrade—whether it was Nate, Chuck, or Prince Louis—just to avoid being alone.
“Many people don’t realize they’re moving quickly from one relationship to the next,” Bastian adds. “To them, being in a relationship may feel natural or even necessary, especially in a society that glorifies romantic love as a sign of success.”
What are the possible causes?
So, if you’re hopping from relationship to relationship like you’ve got a lifetime subscription to emotional entanglement, why is that? Spoiler: It’s not just because you love love.
We’ve been looking at how our love lives just seemed to happen to us without seeing clearly how our disappointing relational patterns might actually be happening through us.
— Katherine Woodward Thomas, trainer of Mindvalley’s Calling in “The One” program
Here’s what might be driving the pattern:
- Unresolved childhood dynamic, like if love felt conditional growing up.
- Fear of being alone, so you’ve tied your self-worth to being in a relationship.
- Societal pressure, like when you’re facing Aunt Karen’s “So, when are you bringing someone home?” for the umpteenth time.
- Attachment patterns, like anxious or fearful-avoidant to seek constant closeness as a way to soothe emotional discomfort.
- Romantic idealism, where you need to find “The One” to be complete.
Bottom line? Serial monogamy is rarely about the other person. Rather, it’s about you. And the real work starts with facing what you’re trying to avoid.
5 common signs of a serial monogamist
Think you—or someone you know—might be a serial monogamist? Here are the telltale signs:
- Hardly ever single, they bounce from one relationship to the next.
- Commitment comes fast—one date in, and it’s already couple costumes and joint brunch plans.
- The same emotional patterns keep playing on repeat, just with a different co-star.
- Being single feels deeply uncomfortable or even anxiety-inducing.
- Relationships become a source of validation rather than genuine fulfillment.
When we’re outsourcing happiness, love, or validation to someone else, relationships can become a way of avoiding the discomfort of being alone, rather than a tool for personal transformation.
— Bastian Gugger, breakup recovery and relationship specialist
It’s not about monogamy itself… because there’s nothing wrong with wanting a committed relationship. But when the pattern keeps playing out on repeat, it’s worth asking: Why am I a serial monogamist? Is this about love—or something deeper?
“Most of us have felt very victimized by the patterns that show up again and again,” says Katherine in her Mindvalley program. “But when you begin to see your own part clearly, and how you yourself are almost setting other people up to play out these painful stories again and again, you finally access the choice to do it differently.”
How to stop being a serial monogamist with 5 expert-backed tips
Breaking the cycle means pressing pause and getting real about what you actually need. If your relationships keep feeling like reruns, it’s time to stop binge-watching and start rewriting the script.
Here’s how to break free.
1. Hit pause on dating and get to know yourself
Same story, different face.
If that’s your love life highlight reel, then it might just be time to hit pause. Not for drama. But for clarity.
“When someone’s identity revolves around their relationships, they may adapt to their partner’s needs and preferences, ultimately losing touch with who they are outside of a partnership,” Bastian explains. “Over time, this can lead to emotional dependence, low self-esteem, a fear of being alone, but also resentment.”
So what do you enjoy? What drives you? And what makes you feel whole without someone else filling the gaps?
“We’ve been looking at how our love lives just seemed to happen to us without seeing clearly how our disappointing relational patterns might actually be happening through us,” Katherine adds.
The reality is, that the clarity you’re looking for won’t show up mid-relationship. It happens when you create space—away from the emotional noise of romance—to reconnect with yourself.
That could mean choosing to be single on purpose. Travel solo. Say yes to things that have nothing to do with romance. Get uncomfortable…
…Because until you get clear on your emotional patterns, the next relationship is just a sequel to the last one.
2. Stop treating relationships like emotional life support
According to Katherine, if you’re relying on a partner to soothe your insecurities, fill emotional gaps, or keep you distracted from uncomfortable feelings, then you’re looking at emotional survival more than connection.
Bastian adds, “When we’re outsourcing happiness, love, or validation to someone else, relationships can become a way of avoiding the discomfort of being alone, rather than a tool for personal transformation.”
The question is, how do you stop? You can start by reflecting on what you bring to a relationship besides needing one.
Then, build resilience by learning how to meet your own needs. Start journaling, self-reflect, or finally explore hobbies that don’t revolve around date nights.
Learn more: The roadmap to resilience: 4 insights from Dr. Neeta Bhushan
3. Question your beliefs about love, worthiness, and being alone
Ever catch yourself thinking, “I’m only lovable if I’m in a relationship”? Or “Being single means I’ve failed”?
Those stories didn’t just appear out of thin air. They’re often inherited—from childhood experiences, past heartbreaks, or the endless rom-coms that make solo life look like a waiting room for real happiness.
Katherine explains that staying trapped in this mindset is what keeps the serial monogamy loop going. But here’s the truth: your monogamous status doesn’t define your value.
That’s why it’s time for a belief audit. Ask yourself:
- What do I believe love should look like?
- Do I tie my sense of worth to whether or not I’m partnered?
- Am I confusing love and validation with narcissism?
- What uncomfortable feelings am I avoiding by staying in relationships?
- Why am I afraid of being alone with myself?
When you get curious about those answers, the patterns get louder—and clearer. And when you can see them for what they are? That’s when you can stop letting them run the show.
4. Build a life that feels full without romance
Romance can be beautiful, but it shouldn’t be the only thing giving your life color.
A fulfilling life starts with you. What lights you up when no one’s watching? What passions have you put on hold while jumping from one relationship to the next?
Bastian explains, “Emotional security begins with building a strong foundation of self-trust and self-awareness.” So start by making your own happiness non-negotiable:
- Plan experiences for yourself that have zero romantic ties—think solo trips, creative hobbies, or group classes.
- Cultivate deeper friendships that don’t revolve around venting about your love life.
- Reconnect with parts of yourself you’ve sidelined, like personal goals, creative projects, or that podcast you always wanted to start.
What’s more, if your life feels full, romance becomes an addition—not the main event.
5. Get professional support
You wouldn’t try to fix a broken leg with positive thinking alone, so why treat your emotional patterns any differently? If you’re caught in the serial monogamy loop, professional support can help you break it… without the self-blame spiral.
“Working with a specialized coach can help uncover and heal the root of these patterns,” Bastian advises. “By guiding people to explore their fears and process their emotions in a safe space, they can form healthier, more intentional connections moving forward.”
Think of it like emotional strength training. You’re not broken; you’re just building new relationship muscles.
The goal? To stop using relationships as a crutch and start approaching love from a place of self-love. And that’s a great way to improve mental health, too.
What if you’re dating a serial monogamist?
So you’ve found yourself tangled up with a serial monogamist. They’ve barely shaken off one relationship before they’re in the next one with you.
Bastian’s advice? “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.”
Set the tone right from the start. Approach it with care, not accusation. Frame the conversation as curiosity, not judgment. Ask questions like, “What’s driving you to always be in a relationship?” without coming off like you’re diagnosing them.
Before you do, though, check your own biases. Are you assuming they’ve got issues based on your fears or insecurities? If so, go in with an open mind. Because the point is not about being right; it’s about understanding each other’s perspectives without creating unnecessary relationship problems.
Katherine adds that you can’t fix someone else’s patterns if you’re not setting boundaries first. Speak your truth. Set those boundaries.
Sure, it can seem scary at first. But Katherine encourages you to “remind yourself that it’s okay if this person doesn’t like or approve of what you’re saying or doing; you’re not a bad person if you disappoint someone.”
Plus, when you choose your own well-being, you’re giving them the chance to level up too.
Love deeper, connect stronger
Truth bomb: when you stop looking for love in all the wrong places and start filling your own cup, the right kind of relationship will find you. Forget the Ross Geller shuffle, the Ted Mosby manhunt, or Blair Waldorf’s desperate quest for a relationship upgrade.
Just ask Bhavna, an entrepreneur in Dubai, who ditched her toxic love patterns with a little help from Katherine Woodward Thomas’ Calling in “The One” program on Mindvalley. Once she rewrote her beliefs about love, she stopped attracting emotionally unavailable partners.
Sign up for a free Mindvalley account and get a taste of Katherine’s life-changing program, plus access to other courses designed to help you finally meet the most important person in your life: yourself.
Along with that, you’ll get premium daily meditations and a vibrant, supportive community that keeps you focused and grounded as you unlock your true potential. All with no credit card required.
Now, go ahead and make the greatest love story of all—yours.
Welcome in.
