A few days ago, I was standing in a dry riverbed in Namibia.
Watching a herd of elephants move across the sand.
No noise.
No competition.
No visible struggle for power.
Just… flow.
Twenty animals moving as one.
And at the front?
Not the biggest elephant.
Not the strongest.
Not the most aggressive.
The oldest female.
And in that moment, something clicked.
What if everything we’ve been taught about leadership is backwards?
The leader who doesn’t perform
Here’s what fascinated me.
The matriarch wasn’t acting like a leader.
She wasn’t posturing.
She wasn’t signaling dominance.
She wasn’t trying to look powerful.
She wasn’t even trying.
She was simply keeping everyone alive.
Namibian desert elephants are among the most extraordinary animals on Earth.
They survive in one of the harshest environments imaginable.
They can go up to four days without water. They walk hundreds of kilometers across barren land. They dig wells in dry riverbeds to access water hidden beneath the sand
And here’s the wild part:
The herd survives because one female remembers where to go.
Water sources humans don’t even know exist.
Migration routes passed down through memory.
Patterns encoded over decades.
When a matriarch dies too early…
The herd doesn’t just grieve.
It gets lost.
The knowledge dies with her.
Nature’s hidden leadership model
It turns out… elephants aren’t unique.
Across the animal kingdom, something fascinating appears.
The most intelligent, social mammals, the ones that rely on cooperation, memory, and emotional bonds, evolve toward female-led systems.
And in humans?
It goes even further.
The rarest trait in Nature
Out of more than 5,000 mammal species on Earth, only a handful have evolved menopause.
Humans.
Killer whales.
Pilot whales.
Belugas.
Narwhals.
That’s it.
Now think about this.
Evolution is ruthless.
It eliminates anything that doesn’t serve survival.
So why would it turn off reproduction in a female who still has decades of life ahead?
We assume menopause is a ‘decline’. A biological shutdown.
But it turns out, it’s an upgrade.
Scientists call this the Grandmother Hypothesis.
In certain species, older females become so valuable to survival not by giving birth, but by giving guidance, that evolution rewired their biology on purpose to free them from reproduction.
So they could lead.
Let that sink in.
Evolution didn’t make a mistake.
It made a decision.
Stop reproducing. Your value now is wisdom.
The pattern we can’t ignore
Look at the species where this shows up:
Elephants. Whales. Humans.
The three most socially complex mammals on Earth.
They all:
- Live in multi-generational families
- Communicate across distance
- Form lifelong bonds
- Mourn their dead
- Depend on shared knowledge to survive
And when left to evolve naturally…
They all arrive at the same answer:
Put the wisest female in front.
Not a decline. A promotion.
Now let’s bring this home.
When a woman goes through menopause…
We treat it as a decline.
Loss.
A closing chapter.
But biologically?
Something profound is happening.
Her role isn’t shrinking.
It’s expanding.
She is being freed from reproduction to focus on something far more important:
Protecting.
Guiding.
Stabilizing the group.
And here’s the truth most people miss:
Evolution does not keep anything alive that isn’t useful.
So the fact that women live 30–40 years beyond reproduction tells us something extraordinary:
Those decades are not leftover time. They are mission-critical years.
In whale pods, when a post-menopausal female dies, her sons are significantly more likely to die within a year.
In early human tribes, older women were the living libraries of survival.
They carried memories.
And memory meant life.
So no, Menopause isn’t the end.
It’s the promotion into leadership.
So what happened to us?
Because if this is what we evolved for…
Why does our world look so different?
Why do we consistently choose leaders based on:
Dominance, Charisma, Visibility, and Performance.
Instead of:
Wisdom, Memory, Emotional intelligence, and Long-term thinking.
Of 194 countries, only about 10% are led by women.
We didn’t evolve this way.
We constructed this.
The lie about emotion
And here’s where it gets uncomfortable.
One of the most common arguments against female leadership is this:
“Women are too emotional.”
So let’s look at the data.
Globally:
75% of suicides are male. Men die by suicide at 4x the rate of women.
Men commit ~90% of homicides.
Over 95% of road rage incidents are male
That’s not emotion.
That’s unprocessed emotion
Research shows:
| Men suppress | Women process |
| Men avoid | Women regulate |
So let me ask you a question:
Which gender is actually struggling more with emotional control?
We’ve created a world where:
The group more likely to explode under emotional pressure is called “rational.”
The group better at processing emotion is called “too emotional.”
That’s not logic. That’s conditioning.
Two operating systems
This isn’t about men vs women.
It’s about how you lead.
There are two leadership operating systems:
| 1. Performance Leadership – Speed – Dominance – Competition – Control It asks: Who wins? | 2. Matriarch Leadership – Wisdom – Memory – Empathy – Long-term thinking It asks: What sustains? |
Both exist in all of us.
But look at the world today, and ask yourself honestly:
Which one are we rewarding?
Why this matters now
Because we are entering a different kind of world.
AI is reshaping industries.
Climate instability is accelerating.
Global systems are shifting fast.
This is no longer a game of conquest.
It’s a game of survival.
And survival doesn’t favor the loudest voice.
It favors the clearest one.
The one who remembers.
The one who sees patterns.
The one who knows when to move and when to wait.
That’s the matriarch.
The moment this becomes personal
Because this isn’t just about governments.
It’s about you.
At some point in your life, the game changes.
You stop needing to prove.
You stop needing to win.
And you start needing to: guide, protect, and elevate others
That’s the shift.
From:
Performer → Steward
Competitor → Guardian
Leader → Matriarch energy
(Yes, even if you’re a man.)
The question that actually matters
Standing there in that riverbed…
Watching that herd move as one…
I wasn’t watching animals.
I was watching a system that works.
A system tested over millions of years.
And it kept pointing to the same truth:
Experience over ego
Memory over speed
Collective care over dominance
So the real question isn’t: “Should women lead?”
The real question is: What kind of leadership do we need now?
Because nature already answered that.
And she’s been right every single time.
If this made you pause, question, or see leadership differently… share your reflection and leave a comment. Those conversations are where real shifts begin.
With Love,
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261 Responses
I recently gave a presentation- rather shared my story at a tech conference and I mentioned exact same thing that vishen described in performance leadership vs matriarchal leadership
I shared how I can see AI is shaping the world and how me as a mother of an infant can use my experience of tending my newly born to the systems I design and my goal is now shifted from push push deliver to observe and build systems that evolve over time
Brilliant read. Several great topics beautifully melded into one message. I am a 52-year-old woman, and can honestly attest to my very soul now having a thirst for knowledge I never had before, AND also feeling the responsibility to share it with others around me. Having both a sense of agency and gratitude in my life gets me up and running every day. Perhaps instrumental in my finally registering to go to MindvalleyU this summer in Tallinn.
I totally resonate with this perspective – how amazing it hit you in Namibia, observing the animal world at its most natural behavior. I am still kinda putting the picture of leadership in feminine/ masculine energy in the new era together but… I think that the inner union (feminine+masculine within us) is rather the way to go forward. Which means leaning fully into the authentic feminine power (all you named above) while taking it all “out there” and make things happen in 3D thanks to masculine polarity. Because we live in a world that rewards visibility and there’s no more time to keep hiding..
I see more and more female CEOs and millionaires rising, and circulating the capital (supporting profound and meaningful businesses that promote sustainability, general wellbeing, charity etc.) vs. masculine way of maximizing short-term gain and “hard” KPI, ROI etc… I hope this trend will continue to disrupt the conditioning we got used to so much…
Thankyou for an insightful blog!
I enjoyed reading this article.
This qualities of matriarch resonated alot with me and how I work and live.
Despite this world being plugged in, we always revert to nature to guide us.
Humans have immense underated intuition, I feel AI cannot convey this….not yet.
Oh my Goodness! This is such a strong, grounded and enlightening article. Got to share it with my fellow friends.
Thank you for sharing your experience and analysis. Indeed we need more female leaders, or male leaders that are in touch with also their female side.
What you describe is exactly how I have always pictured my old age: passing on my acquired wisdom to the next generation(s) after me.
Thank you so much! My organization, different people in my organization, have been asking me to take a leadership role. I felt uncomfortable and did not feel prepared to do it, so I have been avoiding it. Reading your text made me realise that maybe they are right, and that I could help by leading them.
Utterly beautiful and very life affirming, particularly as i am an ‘older’ woman.
Thank you for your perspective on this topic and the statistics you shared. Your point about unprocessed emotion in men is indeed the elephant in the room. The world would be a far different place with women in top-level leadership roles. But all men are not created equal, and, as you mentioned, men can access the same wisdom, empathy, and long-term thinking as women. Time to leave gender out of the equation, and focus on women AND men who have the best leadership mindset, heart-set, and skill-set for their roles. Because with world domination, no one wins.
Fascinating perspective. It really makes you think about what qualities leadership will require in the future.
For me, the question isn’t whether leaders are male or female — it’s whether they have the skills and awareness to truly guide people. Leaders in positions of power should be regulated, experienced across different environments, and deeply understand human behaviour and patterns.
The most effective leaders I’ve observed are those who can read situations clearly, sense what’s happening beneath the surface, and design systems that work with human nature rather than against it.
But above all, leadership needs people who genuinely care about humanity and the wellbeing of the collective.
Hi It’s fascinating to know how social memory works in elephants – they r looking for stability NOT competition – they have the grandmother effect of resource allocation – It turns a solo win into a communal triumph – going through u r observations it sure makes us understand that Playing the Long Game (Endurance over Sprinting) is what really matters – Emotional Intelligence as a Hard Skill – In the modern world, we often chase the newest trend or the “disruptive” idea. Elephants teach us that historical context is a superpower – For orcas and elephants – leadership isn’t about being the loudest or strongest – it’s about who has the most to teach – Thank u for giving us a new way of looking @ the world 🙂
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it genuinely made me pause and reflect. As a woman, it really resonated with my own beliefs that some things simply cannot, and should not, be rushed. It reinforced the value of taking a sensible, considered approach that embraces collective thought and true collaboration, bringing together fresh perspectives from the new “whizz kids” alongside the depth of insight that comes from experience. Thank you for such a thought‑provoking and beautifully articulated piece.
I share your views about processing of emotions. Supressed emotions lead to many issues of anxiety, depression, anger management and result in affecting the physical heart, breathing problems and mental conditions. IT is true that matriarchial leaders lead because of their understanding and maturity. They automatically step into the role and the herd follows.
Vishen, I have never considered this evolutionary concept. I am impressed with your thoughts and think there is a lot of truth in it.
This is one of the best pieces I’ve read. Thank you for sharing! <3
Well said! It’s becoming more and more clear that we need more women in leadership positions to steer this global ship back on its path. Let’s go ladies!!!
You’ve explained this concept so beautifully. I used to do marketing for World Elephant Day and when I found this out and put these pieces together, I couldn’t stop talking about it. Thank you as a man for using your voice to uplift matriarch leadership, and therefore THE COLLECTIVE! 😍
This is the kind of operational mindset I’ve had for most of my life. As a poet cultivating my career I approached it by creating community that many times left my creative voice not front and center. This many times opened up spaces where others took the lead and I ended up in the background. One time to a point where an event I founded was thought to not have even be an integral part of. I was always in the background supporting and building towards a future others couldn’t see because they were to focused on their personal success to see what was possible. Now I’m in the process of getting a non-profit off the ground that’s designing frameworks and technology to support independent creative culture from the ground up. My thesis has always been that if I can build things that work for all artists it will work for me. It’s been a long struggle of barely making it financially while working towards this dream now with AI and a co-founder that’s my absolute dream collaborator with deep technology skills it’s all coming into focus. With 16 years of networking as it comes to life all those relationships and building quietly in the background will provide the network to be populated to gain initial traction. I also took a startup accelerator with a woman founder who had us do personal well being and nervous system regulation as part of the program. I feel like what you’re talking about in this post is the future I’ve always been wanting. I never aligned with power the games.
I am getting to like you more, and more, and more, Vishen. Brilliant high performer yet truly humane and compassionate. Smart and full of love for others. You wonderful person!
I absolutely loved this blog and the truth behind it. We have been so wrongly conditioned that we do not understand how badly we have been affected. It is time to shift and shift quickly. We all are stewards, and if we work together, we all can win. We must be willing to listen to the wise ones and work on ourselves internally, both male and female, so we are whole and can accept guidance from anyone who knows better.