A little swipe here, a bit of chit-chat there, and you’ve scored yourself a date — now what? With all the bad dates you’ve had, it may have been a while since you’ve put yourself out there. So is there any dating advice for women that you can use?
Undoubtedly, the dating scene has changed dramatically since the days of yore (let alone from a few years ago, before the “swipe left, swipe right” culture came into play). Meet-cutes, picking someone up at the bar, or matchmaking isn’t as common as they once were.
When all seems daunting, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.
Even Mindvalley’s great females — like Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, Linda Clemons, Katherine Woodward Thomas, and more — have or are going through the same. And they’ve all found one thing in common: love doesn’t begin with another person; it begins with you.
So here’s a collection of their dating advice for women who’re ready to put on that LBD, say “I am enough,” and go out there and rock it.
1. Get to know yourself first
For many, dating can be so difficult. What do you say? How do you act? Do they like me? Will I be getting a second date? And the questions go on and on.
“The reason dating is so challenging is that many people are showing up to the dating scene with unhealed parts of themselves,” explains Neelam Verma, founder of Integrity Dating at Mindvalley University 2022 in Tallinn, Estonia. She adds that when this happens, people come into their dates trading “my wound for your wound.”
Neelam Verma’s dating advice for women: “Every relationship that you have in your life reflects the relationship that you have with yourself.” So do the work and truly get to know yourself.
2. Take off the masks you wear
Whether at work, in social settings, or even online dating, we all put on different masks when we’re in public than when we’re in private. Like Stefani Germanotta as Lady Gaga or Beyoncé as Sasha Fierce.
A BBC article highlights that by using a fictional persona, we’re able to “self-distance” from ourselves, so to speak. Doing so lets us view stressful situations objectively and feel more in control of our anxiety.
What’s more, the masks we wear are an extension of who we are or who we wish to be. However, the problem lies here: when we get lost playing the role of the mask we wear, we stop being honest with ourselves about who we truly are.
So self-awareness and authenticity are crucial aspects of attracting the love you want. Move from your head space to your heart space, and learn to express who you truly are.
Neelam Verma’s dating advice for women: “When you’re authentic, when you’re real, you’re open, you’re natural. You’re naturally radiant and you naturally magnetize people to you because you’re being you. And when you’re authentic, you drop the masks and you let your true self shine.”
3. Give your date an “A”
You may hope your date is going to be the best. But hoping is one thing; expecting is another. And so, ask yourself this: do you expect them to be the best?
That’s one of Neelam’s main points in her conversation with Vishen. She explains, “I believe that people show as you expect them to. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if you expect the best, they’re going to show up the best.”
Neelam Verma’s dating advice for women: “On your date, give everyone an ‘A,’ and you expect the best from them. This allows your date to show up with no pressure and allows them to be themselves.”
You can check out the full interview on Mindvalley Talks:
4. Throw away the checklist
Do you have a checklist of what your perfect partner would be like? Big, bright smile, check. Luscious locks, check. Body like Thor, check. Age like fine wine, check. A bank account that ka-ching’s, check.
While those are amazing qualities to have, it’s not all the qualities that contribute to authentic, heart-centered connections. According to Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and trainer of the 10 Questions for Self-Love Quest, when we follow these checklists verbatim, oftentimes, in the moment of falling in love, we ignore any red flags that may arise.
Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s dating advice for women: “Everything that doesn’t match the picture of perfection, we sweep under the rug,” encouraging to stop the checklist of perfectionism. Instead, see if the person’s qualities match your values.
5. Check in with your emotions
Emotions allow us to experience life’s joys and sorrows. Unfortunately, sometimes, we let them get the better of us.
“The way life happens to us is that there are events that are, in essence, objective and independent. Then there’s an interpretation we give to these events,” explains Kristina. She adds that it causes emotional triggers, and we often react out of those emotions.
For example, if your date is late, you could think of a million different reasons as to why. It could, then, spark a feeling of rejection, and that can lead you to react against your better judgment.
Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s dating advice for women: “I believe that the path back to you starts with emotional well-being. It’s when we come to peace with the full spectrum of our expressions, with all our experiences and every emotion, that we are truly ready to return to who we truly are.”
6. Kindness goes a long way
Dating can be messy. And the messiness comes with a rollercoaster of emotions that can bring out the dark side you didn’t know existed.
This is where kindness is important — it has the potential to make the world a happier place. And its power lies in its sincerity.
In her book, Becoming Flawsome (set to launch in 2023), Kristina writes, “Sincere kindness can be expressed in any circumstances when love cannot.” You don’t need to love, condone, respect, or care about someone to be kind to them.
But in doing so, you encourage others to pay forward the good energy they experienced themselves.
Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s dating advice for women: “You can be kind when you are sad, grieved, upset, and angry. You can always be kind. Always.” (And that not only goes for the people you interact with but with yourself as well.)
7. Own your weirdness
“When you try to be the same as everyone else, it’s boring,” says Vanessa Van Edwards, renowned behavioral investigator and trainer of Mindvalley’s Magnetic Charisma. “When you try to fit into a mold, you become forgettable. When you try to be ‘normal,’ you become dull.”
What makes you unique is how you show up in the world. It can be seen in your creativity, mannerisms, thoughts, beliefs, and so on.
When you recognize and embrace those attributes that make you the extraordinary person you are, it can help you have better charisma and confidence.
Vanessa Van Edwards’ dating advice for women: “Just be yourself because no one is like you. If you’re a little weird, own it. The right people will like you for it.”
8. Embrace vulnerability
Many of us were taught that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.
In fact, many studies have shown that displaying flaws is attractive. Dr. Brené Brown’s, in particular, looks into this unstable feeling, finding that when we, as humans, step outside of this comfort zone, we’re able to feel love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.
As you appreciate your date’s perfect imperfections, remember to also embrace your own vulnerability.
Vanessa Van Edwards’ dating advice for women: “Vulnerability is sexy — it shows we are relatable, honest, and real. That is attractive. And the science proves it: ‘A blunder tends to humanize him and, consequently, increases his attractiveness.’”
9. Level up your charisma
Highly charismatic people know how to be and spread warmth and competence, according to Vanessa, who’s also a self-proclaimed “recovering awkward person.”
She explains that people who have charisma are able to:
- Easily drum up interest in their ideas,
- Have a memorable and lasting presence,
- Hake a positive first impression,
- Have a lasting reputation, and
- Deepen the connection with people who matter to them.
While it seems like it comes naturally for some people, it’s actually an innate trait that’s inside you. All you have to do is learn how to harness it.
Vanessa Van Edwards’ dating advice for women: “You don’t need to fake it till you make it. You don’t have to be loud to be heard. Whether you’re an introvert, ambivert, or extrovert, anyone can learn to be more charismatic and it will help you in every area of life.”
10. Trust your voice
“We have been programmed and conditioned for many, many years that our emotions are bad — they’re crazy, they’re chaotic, they’re erratic,” says Rachel Pringle, embodiment coach and trainer of Mindvalley’s Wild Woman Sensuality Quest.
“You’re being dramatic” or the like are often thrown in women’s faces. And the more we continue to hear these statements, the quieter our voices become.
A 2021 Forbes survey on gendered ageism at work shows that 70% of respondents felt that speaking up wouldn’t make a difference. To add to it, 44% of those who did say something were only met with dissatisfaction by their managers.
“We’re here to rewrite that,” Rachel adds. It’s time to activate the fullness of your voice.
Rachel Pringle’s dating advice for women: “[Use] the power of our body and expressing it fully, screaming at the top of our lungs, shaking out our body, using primal shaking.”
Additionally, she suggests clearing out pent-up emotions by journaling, having conversations, or meditating. This’ll allow you to get them out of your subconscious and into your consciousness so you can authentically speak your truth.
11. Reclaim your feminine power
Women, for too long, have been told they’re too loud, too crazy, and even too chaotic. As a result, they’ve been shamed into suppressing their divine femininity.
Rachel points out that reclaiming your sacred feminity isn’t about operating from only your feminine energy. Rather, it’s about finding a harmonious balance between both feminine and masculine and cultivating that energy when needed.
You can do so with breathwork techniques to unite your body with its sensations and awaken your inner goddess.
Rachel Pringle’s dating advice for women: “When your body is clear, you can hear your intuition and channel your sacred feminine energy into your whole physical body and live a life you desire to live.”
12. Identify your patterns
Do you attract the same kind of people over and over again? Or maybe you tend to over-correct — a theory on How I Met Your Mother where you’re likely to date a person who happens to be the polar opposite of your ex.
You may just focus on how your love life happens to you instead of how your disappointing relational patterns are happening through you, as per Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling In “The One,” one of the best dating advice books for women.
She adds that these subtle yet very significant ways that we relate to ourselves, others, and life literally cause the patterns to repeat over and over again.
Katherine Woodward Thomas’ dating advice for women: “If you are operating under the illusion that you can continue to hold on to people who you know are not good for you, and still create an extraordinary life filled with love and fulfillment, then you are fooling yourself. Toxic ties cost us and they cost us big time. If you are feeling stuck in your life, look to see who or what it is that you are stuck to.”
13. Transform your “love identity”
For some of us, love only feels fulfilled when it comes from others. And over time, we’ve ended up believing we’re only as worthy as what others think of us.
According to Katherine, “When we’re centered there in consciousness, we actually automatically unconsciously show up in ways that generate evidence for that story.” And these embedded narratives limit what’s possible for us in love.
So to create a big breakthrough, you have to overcome your false love identity.
Katherine Woodward Thomas’ dating advice for women: “It’s hard to turn towards these [false love identity] beliefs. It actually feels painful. We want to get away from them. We want to get rid of them.
But in making them conscious and seeing them clearly, that’s where you begin to access the power that you’re going to need to evolve beyond them and to awaken to yourself as someone who is not only capable of creating a healthy, happy love, but deeply worthy of this as well.”
14. Renew your intentions
While knowing yourself, discovering your authenticity, and transforming your “love identity” is working on your past and present, renewing your intentions is looking to the future. And that starts with answering: What I’m committed to is [fill in the blank].
Katherine explains that when you set love goals, you begin to identify with your future self — who you are inside of happy love and your relationships.
This is especially applicable to online dating advice for women. Knowing what you want out of it first will reduce the likelihood of having to “swipe left.”
And as you start to see the ways you need to grow, your love goals pull you into that future you envision.
Katherine Woodward Thomas’ dating advice for women: “Your future of happiness in love is not determined by your past. It’s determined by the intention that you set in this moment.”
You can learn more relationship tips from Katherine on Mindvalley Talks:
15. What you wear is important
Working on becoming authentic is important, but so is how you package yourself. The way you dress reflects your personality, character, and mood.
It’s one of the first things people notice about you before speaking to you. That’s called nonverbal communication.
Based on what Linda Clemons says in Mindvalley’s Body Language for Dating & Attraction Quest, you want to lure your love interest in, not chase them. The first step in doing so is to dress the part, especially in bright, colorful clothes.
Linda Clemons’ dating advice for women: “Wrap your package and design it to be unwrapped so that everyone looking at it would wonder, ‘Hmmm…curious. What’s underneath it?’”
16. Master your hands and arms gestures
Body language plays a major part in attracting attention. Your hands and arms are, as Linda describes it, “the doors to your heart.”
So while folding your arms does serve a purpose when you’re angry or showing who’s in command, it signals closed doors when it comes to dating. It gives off more of an “I’m not interested” vibe than a “come hither” one.
Linda Clemons’ dating advice for women: “When you’re speaking with the hands and with the open arms, it invites the person of your desire in.”
17. Seduce with your eyes
The eyes are the window to the soul. It allows you to gauge whether a person will be a friend or a foe.
As actress Audrey Hepburn once said, “The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart — the place where love resides.”
When it comes to dating, staring intently into someone’s eyes may cause them to feel too exposed. So learning to flirt with your eyes can help you grab the person’s attention and signal that you like them.
Linda Clemons’ dating advice for women: “Never hold a gaze more than four seconds. … If you do that during the initial contact, it’s like an attack is about to take place. And what happens? It can generate an unexplained negative feeling towards you, and you don’t understand why.”
Need a little convincing? Here’s a sample of the effectiveness of flirting with the eyes:
18. Develop a magnetic smile
The smile is one of the major currencies in seduction. It’s what lures people in.
So much so that a survey by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry found that 45% of the participants agree a smile is the most attractive feature, regardless of age.
In a social setting, the purpose of smiling is to make an impact and a connection. So make it a new habit, using your eye and mouth muscles to turn your frown upside down.
Linda Clemons’ dating advice for women: Make a new habit of smiling. She adds, “This is the most important and inexpensive gift that you can give someone. And it’s acceptable and recognized around the world.”
19. Open up to body talk
There are a few body power zones that you can use to invite in the object of your desire. These consist of your…
- Throat
- Heart
- Belly button
- Reproductive area
“All of this is important because it helps you establish that connection,” says Linda. And when you cut off these power zones, it’s like cutting off electricity — there’s a disruption in what you want to do and where you want to go.
Linda Clemons’ dating advice for women: “Open eye, lean, and beam” — that’s Linda’s love jingle. This is what it stands for:
- Open eye: Your body language is open with eye contact.
- Lean: You’re leaning in to show you’re interested.
- Beam: The excitement that radiates within you.
20. Bonus dating tips
There are so many aspects to love and every potential partner is unique, so there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to it. For that reason, if you’re looking for additional advice and tips that may resonate better with you, then check out these relationship experts in interviews with Vishen.
Manifesting Wealth, Love, and Abundance | Danette May
If you’re looking to turn the “muck” of your life into inner motivation, then tune in to Danette May. The founder of The Rise Movement is on a mission to inspire people around the world to step up into the true and complete expression of themselves.
This episode of The Mindvalley Podcast brings you simple steps to attract your soul partner as well as effective communication tools you can use to avoid putting up walls and instead, get the love you desire.
Finding the Sweet Spot Between Love and Desire | Esther Perel
Esther Perel is a relationship expert for a good reason. She’s helped many with relational intelligence, which is how well you choose and maintain the relations with people in your life. And she teaches her patients how to balance the need to belong to society and the need for freedom in human relationships.
In this episode, Esther walks you through the powerful emotion you feel in your connections and explains how to achieve relationship satisfaction.
Create the Relationship You Desire | Dr. Laura Berman
It is possible to get the lover of your dreams and Dr. Laura Berman can show you the ways so you never need to look for love but, instead, have it look for you. It’s about using “Quantum Love,” your body’s atomic energy, to create the love life you desire.
Known as Oprah’s go-to relationship expert, Dr. Berman gets into the power of Quantum Love in this sit-down with Vishen. What’s more, you’ll also learn the Quantum Love Meditation and how to have Quantum Sex, which is every bit as good as it sounds.
Your great love story starts with you
There are, undoubtedly, a ton of dating tips for women out there. But to truly ditch the bad dates, you need to figure out what your needs are above all else.
Dating experts like the ladies at Mindvalley, for sure, have vast insights on how to do so and find yourself going on dates two, three, four, and more. And the Mindvalley quests are filled with wisdom to renew your confidence and show up as the most intriguing, open-hearted you there ever was. Here are some you can start with:
- 10 Questions for Self-Love with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani. Learn how to love and accept yourself the way you are and find strength in that.
- Magnetic Charisma with Vanessa Van Edwards. Explore how to develop your powerful presence, nurture deeper relationships, and become a master of human connection.
- Wild Woman Sensuality with Rachel Pringle. Learn feminine embodiment practices to release your inner blocks and reconnect with your sacred sensual energy.
- Calling In the One with Katherine Woodward Thomas. Discover the methods to uncover breakthroughs and insights so you can shape your romantic destiny.
- Body Language for Dating & Attraction with Linda Clemons. Master the methods to be instantly irresistible to the man you set your eye on and show up as your most authentic self on every date.
Whenever you’re ready to open yourself up to the possibilities, you can sign up to Mindvalley and sample some quest classes for free. It’s time to awaken your greatness.
Welcome in.
