Come Hither: The Body Language Of Attraction And Love

by Mindvalley January 10, 2018

There is a language of love that goes beyond words, Valentine’s Day cards and doing kind things for each other. It’s the body language of attraction. 

We signal attraction and connection using unconscious body signals. And understanding how to interpret these signals is the first step in decoding the subtle language of attraction.

What will you learn?

  1. The basics of the body language of attraction
  2. How can you tell if a guy likes you by his body language?
  3. How can you tell if a girl likes you by her body language?

Let’s jump right in!

body language attraction

The Basics Of The Body Language Of Attraction


Body language hasn’t changed much since the rise of civilization.

The four primary messages we convey with the body language of attraction are: I’m harmless, I’m approachable, I like you, and I’m fertile.

Not so romantic, is it? But it’s an essential part of the human mating game.

If your body language says, “unavailable,” or, “not interested,” you can rest assured others will notice. Whether it’s intentional or not.

And it all happens very quickly. There’s a direct line of communication between the brain and the body that lies outside our conscious awareness.

And once we’re interested, the body automatically begins to signal attraction:

  • Leaning. We lean toward the person we’re interested in to show our engagement.
  • Head tilting. We tilt our heads to indicate our receptiveness to what the other person is communicating.
  • Orienting. We unconsciously orient our feet, knees, and shoulders toward the object of our interest.

It may surprise you – (or not) – that women typically exhibit 52 different ways to signal attraction, whereas men use only about 10!

But in addition to the basics of leaning, head tilting and orienting, there are two additional body language signals of attraction: mirroring and blushing.

Is mirroring a sign of attraction?

Mirroring is the unconscious replication of body language. When we’re interested in someone, we mimic their body positioning and reflect their posture.

Is mirroring a sign of attraction? Yes, but it comes with a few disclaimers.

Mirroring occurs when one person feels a strong connection to another. Now, while this may indicate attraction, it can also indicate camaraderie and close kinship.

Is blushing a sign of attraction?

It can be. But blushing can also indicate embarrassment, stress, or simple over-stimulation.

Why do we blush when we are attracted to someone?

There are 3 reasons we blush in front of the one we’re attracted to:

  1. Admiration. Simply put, you think the world of your crush. You blush as you feel proud of your choice.
  2. Eagerness. Our heart rates rise as we anticipate the close connection of the one we long for.
  3. Anxiety. Ever had butterflies in your stomach? The excitement of new love can often manifest as anxious butterflies.  

body language attraction

Male/Female Body Language Of Attraction


Both men and women have ways of communicating subconsciously.

Here are some of the basic body language signs that he/she is into you.

How can you tell if a guy likes you by his body language?

  • An eyebrow flash (quick rise and fall of the eyebrow).
  • Parted lips.
  • Flared nostrils and an ‘open’ facial expression.
  • Unconscious self-grooming (stroking his tie, tousling his hair).

Recognize all of these? There are more to come, keep counting!

  • Standing tall with legs slightly spread.
  • Hands on hips.
  • Sitting on the edge of his seat to be closer to you.
  • Leaning in.

He likes you, huh?

  • Facial touch (a combination of preening and sensual gestures).
  • Hand on the small of your back, arm, or elbow.
  • Strong eye contact.

How can you tell if a girl likes you by her body language?

Women utilize many of the same signals as men, but have a few that are unique:

  • Pouting and licking her lips.
  • Gazing through the lashes.
  • Thrusting a hip outward.
  • Swaying walk.

These signals are all helpful to keep in mind, but there’s one universal signal of attraction we simply can’t understate: a genuine, eye-crinkling smile.

These signals are unconscious, both in their delivery and reception. We don’t always consciously register the body language signals we’re giving and receiving. We just know.

The body doesn’t lie. The attraction is either there, or it isn’t. But by knowing these subtle signals, you will be better able to interpret the body language of attraction.

Which of these body language signals of attraction surprised you most? Share your thoughts below.


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by Mindvalley
Mindvalley is creating a global school that delivers transformational education for all ages. Powered by community. Fueled by fun. We are dedicated to ensuring that humans live happier, healthier, and more fulfilled lives by plugging in the gaps that conventional education failed to teach us. We do this by organising real-world events around the world and producing world-class quality programmes in several areas of transformation, including mind, body, and performance.

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