Life at Mindvalley

Are You Living Someone Else’s Dream? A Compelling Story From An Ex Ballroom Champion

Would you choose a dream you desire — even if chasing it was painful? In her talk, Kadi Oja, Events Director at Mindvalley shares her personal journey from losing her path to finding what truly makes her feel alive.

Signs You’re Living Someone Else’s Dreams


Have you ever “bought” dreams, goals, even relationships, that you knew were not a fit for you?

Through sharing her personal journey through law and ballroom dancing, Kadi invites us to reflect upon the dreams we’ve chosen, and decide whether those dreams still truly enliven us.

1. You dread going to work

Have you checked in with yourself lately to see how you feel about work?

Most of us spend the majority of our time in the office or working on our careers — so if you don’t like what you do for 40 hours a week, it might be a sign that you’re not living the life of your dreams. Even more so if you when you wake up, you regularly feel a sense of dread when you remember what you have to do that day.

It’s important to make sure that your career is helping you build the life you want to live and not just paying the bills.

2. You feel passionless or sluggish

The body’s often smarter than our brains are. Typically, when we’re not living the right life, we can sense it through a heaviness, sluggishness, dullness, lifelessness, or passiveness in the body.

If you feel this way, you might be drinking several cups of coffee and caffeinated teas every day to keep yourself going.

But those feelings aren’t to be pushed down and overridden by external substances. They’re an alarm that tells you to slow down, pay attention, and get curious. Why do you feel so tired? How can you reinvigorate your life with passion?

3. You fear you’ll let others down

One of the reasons we remained trapped in a life that doesn’t actually align with who we really are is because we’re afraid we’ll let the people we love the most down.

It’s not easy to take on a challenging new venture. It’s not easy to build good habits and work past resistance. And it’s not easy to break out of who you were and become the person you’ve always known you can be.

No one ever did any of those above things because it was easy or simple. They did it because it was internally rewarding. But along the way, you’ll have to make a lot of choices. Instinctually, we know that the people around us will be affected and might not support the choices we make.

That’s why we’ve got to be willing to make choices we’ll feel good about, regardless.

4. You’ve never thought about what success means to you

What I wrote above? Yeah, that’s why it’s even more important to define what success means to you. That’s right, you. Not your family. Not your society.

Your life is yours alone — which means only you get to define the terms you’ll live it on.

So get to know who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go, how you want to feel, and what kind of relationships and experiences you want in your life.

5. You know you’re meant to experience more from life

Perhaps you have started to define what success means to you — and you know it’s more than what you’re currently experiencing.

Of course, we can sometimes forget all the great things we have in our life, which is why writing down what you’re grateful for is important.

But don’t let gratitude for your life stop you from doing more, being more, experiencing more. You’re allowed to want more. Give yourself permission to start living the life of your own dreams, and not just of someone else’s.

Watch more transformational talks from world-class speakers on the Mindvalley Talks YouTube channel.


What dreams have you chased, that you later realized didn’t fit you? Share your story in the comments below.

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