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“Hurt People Hurt People” Is Not a Valid Excuse

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Hurt people hurt people

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Summary: You've been hurt. You've hurt others. Hurt people hurt people. As true as it may be, it is not a valid excuse, and we absolutely must move past it.

Round and round the wheel spins, hateful comment after hateful comment, smug look after smug look, and all this blame blame blame.

It’s an interesting world we find ourselves a part of these days, one which can often appear as some form of all-encompassing darkness. This looming sense of its inescapability even, something inherently doomed.

Quite the difficult image to face, I know. And yet here we are, you and I, staring down such a tumultuous reality.

Take a moment with me here, please, and ask yourself this.


You see the truth is, hurt people hurt people, and most of us are hurting.

Overly simplified perhaps, poignant even, but explanative and direct. Still, as true as these four words may be, this is not a valid excuse.

Actually, let me take this even one step further as we go ahead and completely redesign the framework of this concept. Let us expand upon these four words, such that they paint a more realistic picture of their inherent truths.

Hurt people, who have not acknowledged within themselves the extent of their own pain, let alone initiated a journey of transcending its dominance over them, inherently wind up confused, lost, and in pain, resultantly hurting others as a coping mechanism.

Sounds eerily familiar right?

So, how do we get out of this mess?

Believe it or not, you already have this answer. You’ve heard it a million times before, and for good reason.

It all starts with you.


Acknowledge the Pain Within Yourself

First things first, we absolutely must stop with all this denial.

It’s okay to be hurt, my friends, it’s okay to be in pain.

You once trusted someone, allowed them inside, and they ruined you. Now you are scared, closed off, and fearful of ever being vulnerable again.

This is okay, reasonable even.

What is not okay, is to use this pain as justification for being a sh**ty person, or for tolerating the way others are hurting you.

“Hurt people hurt people,” is not some kind of wall to hide behind.

It is also quite unreasonable to try and hide from, or deny that these things have happened to you. No matter how you roll these dice, no matter how hard you try, you cannot hide from the truth.

Once we accept this, we then find ourselves forced into facing these truths, and quite beautifully so, we then have to figure out a way of adequately dealing with them.

To be happy you have to make peace with your past.

— Marisa Peer

Allow Yourself to Come to An Understanding

Question, seek, and then acknowledge the origin of this pain. Try to come to an understanding that its upbringing and casting out upon yourself, is a residual byproduct. A result of the people who have been hurt before you, and those hurt before them, and those before them.

Yes, “hurt people hurt people” may currently be a trend among the human race, but please, allow yourself to understand this — you have the power to change all of it.

You have the power to face your own pain and transcend its dominance over your being.

understand other people's pain

Facing the Pain Helps Others Face Theirs

Embrace this truth, and take careful watch as it unfolds, for something truly magical is about to happen. The flip side of this “hurt people hurt people” coin, is about to manifest itself.

Not only will you personally begin to feel lighter, freer, and resultantly happier. But you will also begin to notice the onset of these feelings in the people whom you find yourself surrounded.

When you touch other people, when your words impact them and your actions empower them, your life has both meaning and purpose.

— Marisa Peer

Accepting that you are hurt, and facing your pain, is a demonstration of self love my friends.

And as you begin to love yourself, every quadrant of your being in a true and undeniable fashion, you naturally showcase for others, how they too can begin to love themselves.

Recognize your worth

I am enough.

— Marisa Peer

I am enough.

Say this to yourself. Go ahead. Now say it again, and again.

Quite the empowering notion, isn’t it?

I am enough.

Embrace your intrinsic powers, and shine, shine as brightly as you possibly can.

But also, recognize your place

And as you begin to radiate, please also remember to focus on maintaining your own awareness. Recognize your place, both in your own journey and in that of others.

When people hurt you try to acknowledge that they, too, are living within some variant of pain. That they are subconsciously acting through a lens of this unaddressed pain, and that their actions ultimately hold no bearing on you or your personal progress.

Maintain an objective awareness of yourself, and remember that “It all starts with you” is in fact exactly that — a starting place. Give others the time and space they need to initiate their own journey of rising above the pain.

Show them only love.

Because yes, loved people love people.

No More Excuses

Really, no more excuses. No more of this hurt people hurt people nonsense.

The time for change is now, and as a matter of fact, such change is already rapidly unfolding before our very eyes.

I’m going to show you how to change your habit of thinking.

— Marisa Peer

Mindvalley author, Marisa Peer, has created a revolutionary breakthrough with her 8 week transformational experience, the Uncompromised Life.

A new way of thinking, a new way of acting, and a new way of living. A process by which you can come to truly love yourself. Transcending the pain, the hurting, and the darkness. Finding yourself quite possibly happier than you have ever been before.

It all starts with you.

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