If your trust has been broken, you may think you will never allow yourself to trust again.
If you are ‘once bitten twice shy’ it’s easy to believe no one is to be trusted.
But don’t try to protect yourself by being mistrusting – all you’re doing is putting up a wall between yourself and others. And this is a certain recipe for a lonely and unfulfilled life without meaningful relationships.
You can move past the heartbreak of broken trust. You can learn how to trust again.
Even if you’ve been deeply wounded or have experienced traumatic episodes of betrayal, you don’t have to let another person’s untrustworthiness affect your ability to trust.
Learning to trust means becoming confident that things will work out how you want them to – or better.
What Are the Two Main Types of Trust?
Believe it or not, there are actually two different forms of trust. The first applies to your relationship with others, and the second — to yourself.
1. Trusting other people
Trusting others is having confidence that the decisions a person makes are based on love, consideration, and respect for you. You have faith that the person would avoid taking any action or saying anything that would hurt you physically or emotionally.
People make mistakes, but in general, you believe their actions and words reflect your love for you.
2. Trusting yourself
Trust yourself, on the other hand, means having the confidence and faith that the decisions you make on your behalf and toward others are based on love, consideration, and respect for yourself and the other person.
It means you stand firm on your values and follow through with integrity on your decisions.
Be kind to yourself. Love yourself.
First of all, be kind to yourself. Many people put some blame on themselves, thinking, “I should never have trusted him,” or, “I can’t believe I trusted her.”
But our inherent nature is good and trustworthy, so it’s natural to trust, and unnatural to be mistrusting.
The bottom line? Mistrust is learned – and you can unlearn it.
How do you start trusting someone again?
Trusting someone once you’ve been betrayed is hard. But it is worth learning to trust again, especially if you care for the person.
A few preliminary steps you can take include:
- Release your anger.
- Open the lines of communication.
- Commit to rebuilding the relationship.
But if you really want to learn how to rebuild your faith in others, you may need to dive even deeper into this process.
How Do You Get Over Trust Issues?
1. Believe that you’re okay, perfect, and whole as you are
No one can complete you, because you are already complete! No one can take away any part of you. Because how could anyone take a part of your soul?
You simply are, and if people don’t act according to the expectations you placed on them and betray your trust, you still are. A little wiser, yes, but you are not less without this person or this person’s love.
Know that you are always okay. Even if you are let down.
2. Affirm the possibility
Trust is a necessary component of human relationships. You can’t enter a new relationship if you’re still harboring the belief that once trust is broken, it will never be regained.
You can’t project the past onto a relationship and expect it to succeed. It puts incredible pressure on both of you – you because you believe your partner will betray you; and your partner, because he or she resents that you do not trust them.
So, when you’re in meditation, repeat the following affirmation:
I am open to trusting my intuition. I am open to trusting my heart. And I am open to trusting another person.
When you say that, say it with love in your heart, and pure intention.
It feels good, doesn’t it? Say this affirmation often and allow that good feeling to permeate you.
3. You do trust
You may be saying to yourself, “I can’t trust anyone anymore!” But is that really true?
Don’t you trust that when you place an order at a restaurant, someone will bring you food? Think about all the little acts of trust that are performed every day.
The truth is, you want to trust. You want to be able to relax and believe that you won’t be hurt. So, why are you blocking that desire with a belief that the worst is inevitable?
Focus on what can go right instead!
4. Listen to your intuition
Listen to your spirit guides when you are questioning a person’s trustworthiness. Become very observant.
- How do they treat other people?
- How do they talk about others?
- Do they gossip or share other people’s secrets?
Don’t go by appearances and public personas alone.
Untrustworthy people can put on an excellent show in public but allow their behavior to deteriorate in private. Listen to your intuition and don’t go by what you see and hear in public.
Often, though, untrustworthy people will slip up and express unkind words and actions before they catch themselves. When you’re in a new relationship (romantic or friendly) don’t spill your heart right away.
Start by sharing small things and see what happens. The breach of even small confidence is a huge red flag.
5. What you think about, comes about
If you have been betrayed and you expect it to happen again, you will subconsciously attract just that situation.
You’ll look for signs of betrayal, putting the person under a microscope, and ironically, you’ll see what you want to see, even if it’s not there.
If you focus on what you want, on what can go perfectly right, you will attract the people who will not betray you.
6. Believe that you deserve trusting relationships
Even if you yourself haven’t always been honest and you believe that you don’t deserve trust, understand that most dishonesty comes from fear and low self-esteem.
Try to be compassionate and forgive – not to condone the action, but to understand its source.
7. Meditate often on the fact that you can’t control another person’s actions
…But you can always control your response. You are in control of yourself.
You can boost your self-esteem by always acting with integrity and honesty, always giving 100%, and believing that you are worthy of love, trust, and respect.
Always remember, you attract what you believe, so believe in the possibility of a relationship built on trust