Remember when making friends was as simple as saying, “Wanna play?” Back then, friendships happened naturally. You’d meet someone new in school or at the park, and by the end of the day, you had a new best friend.
But as adults, it feels… different. Friendships can seem harder to build.
“Wanna play?” is now “Wanna hang out?” But, somehow, that lighthearted fun feels like it’s been replaced by invisible checklists that need to be met before we let someone in.
No doubt, learning how to make friends as an adult is tough. But with a little guidance, though, it can feel natural again. And maybe, just maybe, it can even bring back a bit of that “Wanna play?” spirit you’ve likely missed.
1. Reconnect with joyful activities
Our past experiences shape how we connect with people today. Sometimes, they even lead us to hold back or wait for others to make the first move.
To make friendships easier, try thinking about what brought you joy in childhood or school—maybe it was team sports, creative projects, or joining clubs.
Radha Agrawal, the founder of the global Daybreaker movement, offers reflective questions in her Mindvalley Quest, Build Your Dream Community, to help you uncover those meaningful memories:
- What made you feel excited and connected as a child?
- Which activities made you feel truly included?
- Are there beliefs or labels you still carry, like “shy” or “introverted,” from that time?
How to do it: Use these reflections to bring similar activities back into your life. For example, if drawing brings you joy, try a local art class or a sketching meetup. When you engage in what lights you up, connecting with others becomes more natural.
2. See belonging as essential to your well-being
Having people around you is about more than just company. It’s essential for well-being.
Studies show that strong social connections are as important to health as exercise and good nutrition. And, as Radha says, “belonging is a basic human need”—right up there with food, water, and shelter.
How to do it: Make time for friendships and community-building as part of your self-care routine. Reach out to friends or family members you haven’t seen in a while, or explore new circles like local clubs or activity groups.
Mindvalley offers amazing opportunities to connect with kindred spirits, from global events like Mindvalley University and A-Fest to local meet-ups and Connections on the Mindvalley app. These spaces are designed to bring together people just like you—eager to grow, learn, and create lasting bonds.
3. Find connections that share your values
A strong community is made up of people who lift you up. When you connect with those who share your core values, interests, and goals, friendships often feel more natural and fulfilling.
Radha suggests mapping out your “VIA”—values, interests, and abilities—to help you get clear on what you’re looking for:
- Values: What matters most to you? (e.g., creativity, adventure, personal growth)
- Interests: What do you enjoy doing most?
- Abilities: What strengths do you bring to a group? Maybe you’re a great listener or love making others laugh.
How to do it: Use this exercise to find activities or groups that align with your VIA. For example, if you value adventure, look into local hiking or travel groups.
This approach can also help you build your community with people who resonate with you on a deeper level and make each connection feel more meaningful.
4. Be a “F*ck Yeah! Friend”
Being a “F*ck Yeah! Friend” (FYF) is, as Radha declares, “the cornerstone of making friends and building community.”
Crudeness aside, it’s about being the kind of friend who’s genuinely there—not just physically but mentally and emotionally, too.
An FYF knows that kindness and authenticity are some of the most powerful social skills. They bring these qualities into every interaction, helping people feel truly seen and appreciated.
High energy isn’t a requirement here. But having an open heart and a genuine willingness to connect is.
How to do it: Next time you’re with friends or meeting someone new, bring a little FYF energy. Be present, ask questions, and show interest in their story. These small gestures go a long way in creating meaningful, memorable connections.
5. Avoid negative or boring starters
“Traffic was terrible this morning.”
“Work has been so hectic lately.”
“It’s been one of those days.”
These common openers are relatable, sure. But they’re what Vanessa Van Edwards, a speaker with Science of People, calls being “accidentally negative or accidentally boring.”
Starting with these types of phrases can unintentionally bring down the energy and make it harder for people to feel drawn in.
How to do it: Try leading with something upbeat or intriguing that makes it easier for others to relate and jump into platonic relationships with you. Simple things, like mentioning a funny story, an interesting article you read, or even something good about your day, can set a more positive tone and make it easier to connect.
6. Adopt the offer mentality
Let’s say you’re talking to someone who just moved to your city. Instead of just swapping pleasantries, you offer tips on the best local spots, like a cozy coffee shop or a quiet park. Or maybe, if they’re interested in something you know well, you suggest a few resources or events they might like.
This is what Vanessa calls the “offer mentality.” You go from worrying about impressing someone or hoping they’ll be interesting… to focusing on what you can bring to the interaction.
It’s a way to use your charisma to create an impact for the greater good. As Vanessa points out, “It’s going into interactions, going into relationships, thinking, ‘What can I offer?’”
It shows genuine interest and kindness, which often leads to a smoother, more open conversation.
How to do it: Think of one simple thing you can offer to make the conversation memorable. It doesn’t have to be big—just a piece of advice, a shared experience, or an offer to keep in touch if they need help.
7. Break the ice first
A little audacity goes a long way in building connections.
For instance, if you’ve uprooted yourself and are figuring out how to make friends as an adult in a new city, having even a smidgen of boldness is key. Don’t hesitate to be the one who breaks the ice.
It’s not that people aren’t open to meeting new friends. It’s just that they often need someone else to take the first step.
“I can tell you that if you don’t push, if you’re not bold, if you’re not stepping out, if you are too deferential, and you stand in the corners, you will not have the success that you deserve,” states Keith Ferrazzi, the founder and CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight, in his Mindvalley Quest, Mastering Authentic Networking.
“You must be bold.”
How to do it: Dare to put yourself out there. Ask questions like, “What’s something that brings you joy?” or “What’s one thing you love about your work?”
These gestures show you’re genuinely interested, and people respond to that.
8. Connect with “superconnectors”
Superconnectors are what they sound like—people who can help you connect with other people. Keith explains that they are “individuals who, by virtue of what they do or who they are as an individual, really know a lot of other people.”
These could be financial advisors, realtors, or public relations professionals—roles that require social interaction. Or they could be the type to just seemingly know everyone, like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother or Miss Patty from Gilmore Girls.
Making friends or even just networking with a superconnector is an awesome way to meet all kinds of people who can bring new energy into your life. Plus, they’re not just a good source for introductions; they often have the inside scoop on what’s happening around town or in your field.
How to do it: Start by identifying superconnectors in your existing circle or community. Look for people who seem to know everyone and love bringing others together.
Once you have, reach out, show real interest in what they do, and invite them to grab a coffee or hang out at a local event. Little gestures like these can go a long way in building connections with these socially savvy people who can open the door to more friendships.
9. Get active on digital spaces
For those wondering how to make friends as an adult with social anxiety, online spaces can be a perfect starting point. Jumping into online communities, hobby groups, or even local event pages on Facebook, Meetup, or LinkedIn helps you start a conversation without the pressure of face-to-face interactions.
However, we all know how dark the internet can be, so Keith suggests being mindful of who you connect with. “You’re not just gathering names for [the sake of] gathering names,” he says. “You want to gather names associated with that MTP, that Massive Transformative Purpose of yours.”
How to do it: Find groups that match your interests, and start by joining the conversations. Drop a comment on posts you like or ask questions that invite responses. This is a low-key way to build connections and figure out how to meet new people online.
10. Host small gatherings
It’s definitely nice to have people around to connect with. Unfortunately, one in four older people experience social isolation, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).
That’s why get-togethers are so incredible. It doesn’t matter if it’s a community event, a potluck, or just a casual hang to watch a game (Keith himself prefers hosting dinner parties); they’re great opportunities to create connections.
Keith has a few tips to keep hosting simple but meaningful:
- Mix old friends with new acquaintances so that it’s easier to build your network while keeping things relaxed.
- Add a theme (like a wine tasting or a topic like wellness), so it’s more engaging and gives everyone something to talk about.
- Create a cozy, welcoming setup by choosing comfortable spaces, keeping the music low, and arranging the seating to encourage conversation.
- Consider co-hosting—have a friend bring along their circle and make it a shared experience.
- Kick things off with a personal/professional check-in by inviting each person to share something about their personal and professional life.
How to do it: Set a date and invite a few friends over. Keep things simple—think “relaxed vibe” over perfection. Whether you’re hosting a potluck or a small dinner, focus on creating a warm, inviting atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable opening up.
Go beyond the small talk
Think about the last time you clicked with someone—it probably wasn’t idle chit-chat that got you there. Real connections start with real conversations, the kind that invite curiosity and create lasting impressions.
With the Conversation Starter Kit, you’ll have a set of prompts to spark that kind of talk. Whether you’re rekindling friendships or meeting new people, these questions are a light but powerful way to bring depth into your interactions.
So give it a try. The questions are here, they’re free, and they’re ready to help you turn simple chats into meaningful moments.
Welcome in.
