What most people get wrong about empathy vs. sympathy—and how to get it right

The English language is full of words that people use like they mean the same thing. Symptom vs. sign. Jealousy vs. envy. Confidence vs. arrogance. Alone vs. lonely. And one that’s definitely up there on the list is empathy vs. sympathy.

Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.

— Brené Brown

While they’re often treated like harmless synonyms, they don’t mean the same thing. And mixing them up can quietly unravel how you connect, respond, and show up for others.

What is empathy?

Empathy is a shared emotional experience. It’s the ability to feel what someone else is feeling, without trying to fix it, diagnose it, or avoid it.

Keyword: feeling.

Physiologically, your nervous system leans in before your brain does. You sense, you mirror, and you absorb—it’s what researchers call “affective resonance.” It’s how you’re able to instinctively wince when you see someone stub their toe, or why a baby will cry when another one does in the same room.

It’s no wonder academic Brené Brown once said, “Empathy is feeling with people.”

Or, as renowned energy healer Jeffrey Allen teaches in his Duality program on Mindvalley, “Empathy is the energetic skill we use to match and merge with the sea of energy that’s all around us.”

Whichever way you choose to define it, one thing’s for sure: this inner resonance holds plenty of benefits. For instance:

• People who are naturally more empathetic tend to have better relationships, stronger connections, and more support from others.
• Those in high-stress jobs (like doctors and nurses) tend to feel less burned out when affective empathy is combined with emotion regulation.
• Having this kind of emotional sensitivity, in general, lights up the parts of the brain linked to care, connection, and doing something kind.

If that’s how you benefit from giving empathy, what does the other person feel like receiving it?

According to licensed therapist Jenna Nielsen, LCSW, they tend to feel heard, validated, supported, loved, compassion, and safe. “The body tends to relax,” she shares with Mindvalley, “and the person may show their primary emotion versus trying to hold that back or push it away out of fear of judgments.”

The bottom line is, when you feel with someone, you stop standing on the outside and start meeting them where they are.

What is sympathy?

Sympathy is the ability to recognize someone’s pain and offer concern or care from a distance.

You see that someone is hurting. You understand that what they’re going through is hard. And you might respond with words like “I’m sorry you’re going through this” or “That must be tough.”

That’s a socially acceptable way of acknowledging suffering without stepping into it. The focus stays on the other person’s situation, not your emotional experience of it.

In psychology, sympathy is often linked to cognitive perspective-taking. This ability is housed in brain regions like the medial prefrontal cortex and temporoparietal junction, which help us assess others’ experiences without getting swept up in them.

That space is what allows you to stay composed, helpful, or efficient, especially in settings like medicine, crisis support, or customer care. In moments of overwhelm, this kind of calm, grounded presence can be exactly what someone needs.

And while it may not feel as intimate as empathy, sympathy still says, I see your pain, and I care enough to acknowledge it. Sometimes, that’s the first step to everything else.

Empathy vs. sympathy: Key differences

People tend to use these two words interchangeably, for sure. In her clinical experience, licensed therapist Jenna Nielsen, LCSW, sees this confusion play out all the time.

“People tend to think that sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone due to their current or past experiences,” she tells Mindvalley. “People tend to think empathy means that you have experienced the same thing as the person.”

Brené, too, shares the same stance. “Empathy fuels connection,” she says. “Sympathy drives disconnection.”

So, what other differences are there when it comes to empathy vs. sympathy? Here’s how they compare side by side:

It’s worth noting that in some cultures, sympathy, rather than empathy, is seen as the more respectful or appropriate response. Emotional closeness isn’t always the default norm, and space can be a form of care, too.

Empathy vs. sympathy vs. compassion

Empathy vs. sympathy is one thing, but what goes on when compassion is thrown into the mix?

At their core, all three carry a signal that you matter. But once all three are in the ring, it gets harder to tell who’s doing what.

So what’s the compassion vs. empathy vs. sympathy comparison? Here’s a closer look:

Sympathy vs. empathy examples

You don’t need a therapy degree to know when something feels off. Sometimes, what you say lands. Other times, it slides right past the person in pain. That’s why knowing when to use empathy vs. sympathy actually matters.

Here are a few real-life examples of how the two show up in everyday moments:

Example 1: A friend just lost a parent

• Sympathy: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• Empathy: Sitting beside them in silence. Or saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be.”

Example 2: A coworker is overwhelmed at work

• Sympathy: “Yeah, that sounds rough. I hope it gets better soon.”
• Empathy: “I’ve had days like that, too. Want to talk about what’s on your plate?”

Example 3: A child falls and scrapes their knee

• Sympathy: “Poor thing, that must hurt.”
• Empathy: Kneeling beside them, matching their tone, saying, “That was a big fall. It’s okay to cry. I’m right here.”

How to show empathy vs. sympathy

It’s one thing to know the difference between empathy vs. sympathy. It’s another to know how to respond when someone’s in front of you, hurting, and waiting for something real.

And the moments that ask the most from you usually happen close to home. This is where you learn, often the hard way, when to use empathy vs. sympathy.

With family and friends

Empathy and sympathy hit differently when it’s someone you love. But not every hard moment needs you to feel it. Some just need you to name it.

Jenna warns that leading with the wrong one can cause more harm than good. Too much sympathy can feel hollow. Too much empathy can wipe you out. 

“The emotional risks of offering sympathy vs. empathy are invalidating the person’s feelings and escalating their current emotion,” she explains. “The psychological risks are that the person will start to judge themselves and feel that they have done something ‘wrong’ for feeling the way that they do.”

So it takes some emotional intelligence to know when each is needed. And you can start by asking yourself these two questions:

1. Is this person emotionally open or emotionally overwhelmed?
   • If they’re crying or venting, they’re letting you in. That’s when empathy works best.
   • If they’re shutting down or saying “I’m fine,” sympathy might be a gentler way to meet them.

2. Is this a moment for depth or steadiness?
   • Empathy mirrors. But when you’re emotionally charged too, it can tip into shared overwhelm.
   • Sympathy gives space. It says, “I see this hurts,” while keeping you grounded.

Some spiritual practitioners, like Jeffrey, describe these unconscious energetic links between close relationships as “chakra cords.” While rooted in metaphysical traditions rather than neuroscience, many people say they’ve felt the weight of emotional entanglements that aren’t theirs.

It doesn’t need to be literal to feel real. For instance, your partner might be pulling on you like, “I want more love from you.” You might be doing the same.

They’re not inherently harmful, but they can weigh on you if you don’t notice them.

If you’re overwhelmed by someone else’s pain, that’s a cue to ask yourself, “Is this even mine?” And once you realize it’s not, you can gently let it go.

Learn more from Jeffrey Allen:

At the workplace

Knowing how to respond with empathy or sympathy at work can shape how people trust you, listen to you, and work with you.

And while the COVID-19 lockdowns are behind us, many workplace conversations are still happening behind a screen. Because of that, we no longer rely on facial expressions, body language, or tone to guide us.

Erica Dhawan, a bestselling author and award-winning CEO coach, calls this the empathy deficit. It’s a communication breakdown that occurs when digital cues are missing and relationships begin to suffer.

“We often misread each other’s intentions and feelings because we lose key nonverbal cues like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language,” she points out in her Mindvalley program, Digital Body Language. “These small moments can have a huge impact, leaving us feeling disconnected even when we’re constantly in touch.”

So how do you know whether to use empathy vs. sympathy in a work setting?

Two things: Start with intention. Then choose your response carefully.

Take, for instance, a teammate going through burnout. If they’re opening up and sharing, empathy can build trust. If they’re shutting down or showing signs of fatigue, a sympathetic gesture, like saying “I know it’s a lot right now” or offering to shift a deadline, can go further.

Both are tools. Choose the one that keeps the connection alive.

Great change starts here

If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling inexplicably drained or walked into a room and felt the weight of someone else’s tension, you’ve already sensed what energy does before words ever land.

It’s not always yours to carry. But without the right tools, your body doesn’t know the difference.

Jeffrey Allen’s Duality masterclass can help you clear what’s not yours and reclaim what is. In just 81 minutes, you’ll learn how to:

• Release heavy emotional energy that doesn’t belong to you
• Reboot your body’s vitality in under seven minutes
• Strengthen intuitive clarity so you stop second-guessing yourself

Over 1.6 million people have used these exact techniques to clear stuck energy, heal emotional blocks, and finally feel aligned again without years of spiritual study. Like Ruth García Orozco, a writer and Mindvalley member from Spain.

She spent years working with energy and personal growth, but still felt like she was merely surviving, burdened by unhealed trauma and emotional blocks. But the Duality program helped her with profound shifts in her energy, and she finally started living with clarity, intuition, and self-trust. She says:

I’m learning to tell the difference between what’s mine and theirs. I have learned what empathy means, and I’m keeping other people’s unwanted energy at bay.

This work is subtle, but its impact is anything but.

So if you’re ready to stop absorbing what’s not yours and start living with clarity, presence, and power, the Duality masterclass is where it begins. Bonus: it’s free.

Welcome in.