If you have ever watched Ted Lasso, you’d likely remember that Ted wins people over without trying to impress anyone. It’s his circle of influence that eventually wins the entire AFC Richmond team over. You know, that steady kindness, gentle cheekiness, and infamous optimism.
The whole thing works because he shows up the same way every day. But the real question is how your presence, like Ted’s, shifts the people around you when you stay true to who you are.
What is the circle of influence?
The circle of influence is the part of your life where what you do makes a real difference. It, according to licensed therapist Jenna Nielsen, LCSW, consists of “the things that are in your control, such as your behaviors, how you communicate, your habits, your career choices, and your skills.”
For instance, with Ted, you see it where he brings homemade biscuits to Rebecca every morning. He does it with no agenda, and this consistency softens her guard little by little.
Stephen Covey first introduced this idea in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He describes two circles that guide how you use your energy—the outer circle (the circle of concern) holds the things you care about but cannot direct, and the inner circle (circle of influence) holds the areas you can shape through your choices.
If you look at Covey’s circle of influence diagram, you can see your influence grows when you place steady attention on this inner circle. He writes:
“Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.”
That has Ted written all over it. But the opposite of that would be reactive people, like Jamie Tartt in Season 1.
They place most of their attention on the circle of concern and tend to dwell on other people’s flaws, difficult circumstances, and situations they cannot direct. This focus creates blame, helplessness, and intense emotional reactivity that drains their energy and slowly reduces the areas where they could have real influence.
That’s why the circle of influence matters more than people think. It has a way of setting the tone for how you move through your life.
Why does it matter?
“It is important for people to understand their circle of influence because it can reduce their anxiety, depression, and trauma symptoms and increase their overall life satisfaction,” Jenna explains.
That’s what happens when you focus on what you can actually do. Not only that, but when you’re able to notice how you speak to people, how you solve problems, and how you take care of yourself, you…
- Feel more steady,
- Feel more confident, and
- Create healthier relationships.
Imagine if Ted didn’t have a strong circle of influence. The show would have a completely different storyline. He’d likely take every insult personally, spiral into self-doubt, try to control the players’ reactions, and lose the steady tone that earns their trust. (Basically, a Jamie Tartt in Season 1).
That’s the trap of living in the circle of concern. Your effort never turns into progress.
What’s more, Jenna points out that when you’re in this particular circle, you tend to spend “excessive amounts of time on social media or gaming, worrying about the outcome of events that they have no control over, and those who have a lot of negative self-talk and/or compare themselves to others.”
However, having an awareness makes it easier to focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t, she adds. It’s “beneficial to a positive mental health outlook by being mindful of the present and not comparing yourself to others in an irrational way due to not being able to control others.”
You find that your life is not about you. Rather your life, in the words of Neale Donald Walsch, ‘is about the lives of everyone else you touch.’
— Vishen, trainer of Mindvalley’s Be Extraordinary program
Circle of control vs. circle of influence vs. circle of concern
Covey’s circles go beyond the circle of concern (the outermost) and the circle of influence (the inner). There’s another layer to it: the circle of control (the innermost).
Here are the differences, side by side:
| Circle | What it means | What’s inside it | What happens when you focus here |
| Circle of concern | The things you care about but cannot direct. | Other people’s choices, world events, the past, or the future. | You feel stressed, drained, and stuck because your energy has nowhere to go. |
| Circle of influence | The areas you can affect through your behavior and attitude. | Your relationships, teamwork, and how people respond to you. | You build trust, improve connection, and inspire change in others. |
| Circle of control | The things you can change right now. | Your actions, thoughts, words, and daily habits. | You feel calmer, stronger, and more in charge of your life. |
Each moment you focus on what you can control or influence gives you traction. The rest starts to matter less.
How to identify your circle of influence
According to Covey, begin where your effort matters, and here’s how:
1. Notice what responds to your effort
Ask yourself questions like:
What changes when I show up differently?
Where do my words or actions lead to a real outcome?
Which situations improve when I put in steady effort?
Pay attention to what actually changes when you take action. Look for areas in your life that move when you do something about them.
2. Track your daily energy
What leaves you calm, capable, or motivated? What leaves you tense or drained, no matter what you do? The calm spaces usually fall inside your circle of influence. The draining ones point to areas outside of it.
3. Look for patterns
Notice how people respond when you set a boundary, follow through on something you promised, or communicate clearly. Those reactions reveal where your presence makes an impact.
How awareness strengthens your influence
Most people spend time worrying about things they can’t change. In fact, research from Penn State University found that about 91.4% of worries don’t come true. (And the remaining 9%? They’re often less severe than anticipated.)
That number says a lot about how much energy we waste on what never happens. However, Covey explains that real progress starts when we focus on our own mindset and behavior first.
Now, Ted Lasso is just one of many circle of influence examples of this practice. Covey and his wife are another. And in turning their attention inward, they created the kind of energy that changed them and, over time, reached their son.
“By working on ourselves instead of worrying about conditions,” he says in his book, “we were able to influence the conditions.”
Vishen, the founder and CEO of Mindvalley, teaches a similar idea in his Four Levels of Consciousness. He explains that awareness grows as you move through these levels:
- Level 1: Life happens to you. This is where most people live when they spend a lot of time in the circle of concern. They feel overwhelmed, reactive, and pulled by things they can’t control.
- Level 2: Your thoughts create your world. This is the beginning of the circle of influence. You start noticing your reactions, your habits, and the choices that shape your day.
- Level 3: You tap into your intuition. You start making decisions based on inner guidance, not pressure or fear. Your vision becomes something you feel, not just something you think.
- Level 4: You feel connected to something larger. This matches the heart of synergy and contribution. Your influence expands because your actions line up with meaning and purpose.
Level 4, according to Vishen in his Be Extraordinary program on Mindvalley, is where you want to be. It’s where, as he says, “you find that your life is not about you. Rather your life, in the words of Neale Donald Walsch, ‘is about the lives of everyone else you touch.’”
7 powerful ways to help grow your circle of influence, according to Stephen Covey
Covey’s book covers seven habits that can help you grow your circle of influence. Here’s a closer look at each:
1. Be proactive
Proactivity is all about taking ownership of your actions. But according to Covey, it means more than simply taking initiative.
“It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives,” he explains. “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.”
The plus side is, research shows that when you take initiative, you experience higher satisfaction, better performance, and healthier long-term outcomes.
It goes hand-in-hand with what Vishen says: “One of the most rewarding experiences I’ve come to know is having your personal values and beliefs challenged. It’s not always a comfortable experience, but that’s not the point. We’re not here to live in comfort. We’re here to grow. And we can’t grow unless we challenge ourselves.”
That’s the very core of being proactive. And here are a few things that they, if you are one, tend to do:
- Notice what sits within your reach and take the first small step.
- Pause before reacting, which gives you room to choose the response that supports your values.
- Create movement through decisions made with clarity.
- Approach your day with intention instead of waiting for direction.
- Shape the tone of your experiences through deliberate choices.
Over time, this creates a reliable pattern of growth that strengthens your ability to navigate daily life with purpose.
2. Begin with the end in mind
“To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination,” Covey explains. “It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.”
Take Ted, for instance. His “end in mind” is to have a united team built on mutual trust and respect. That’s why he hangs the BELIEVE sign in the locker room.
And like him, having the end in mind also helps you see if your choices match the person you want to be. And it becomes easier to choose what feels right to you.
3. Put first things first
According to Covey, this is the point where your plans move from thought into real behavior. It’s the stage where your values and goals show up in your schedule, your priorities, and the way you handle your day.
When your daily actions match what matters to you, motivation feels easier. You’re more willing to follow through because the work supports a deeper need. This kind of alignment builds a sense of strength and purpose that grows over time.
That’s the great thing about putting first things first. It helps you stay steady with the goals that matter because they show up in how you plan your day. With time, your daily routine begins to reflect the life you want to build.
4. Think win/win
“Win/Win is not a technique,” Covey highlights, “it’s a total philosophy of human interaction.”
He describes it as a way of relating that aims for outcomes everyone can support. It asks each person to help create solutions that feel satisfying and fair to all involved.
You see this in workplaces where people share credit and look for decisions that make room for everyone’s needs. It also shows up in friendships where honesty and respect guide the way two or more people navigate tough conversations.
It’s a growth mindset that matters because it strengthens trust in every relationship. What’s more, it creates steady partnerships because people feel safe, valued, and willing to collaborate.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Have you ever shared a personal problem, and before you can finish, someone jumps in with a solution that misses the point completely? It’s not a great feeling, is it?
“We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice,” says Covey. “But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first.”
That’s why, more often than not, effective communication advice centers on listening. It gives the other person space to speak without feeling interrupted. It also helps you understand their feelings, concerns, and intentions. From there, you can ask questions that reveal their point of view and shape your own response.
After all, people open up more easily when they feel seen. It creates trust that strengthens the relationship and steadies the conversation.
6. Synergize
Synergy happens when people bring different strengths together to create something larger than individual effort. And what this does is, it invites you to stay open to new ideas and new ways of working.
In his book, Covey explains that you create synergy by opening your mind and heart to possibilities you didn’t plan for. You step into the conversation with trust, knowing the outcome will grow into something better than what you pictured at the start.
For instance, in Ted Lasso, Roy reluctantly agrees to help Jamie train, even though they have a messy history. As time goes on, Jamie learns to trust Roy’s guidance, and Roy learns to see Jamie’s effort and vulnerability.
This is the thing Vishen talks about when he talks about higher consciousness: growth and compassion. “It’s about moving from separation to unity,” he says.
That’s the thing with this habit. It grows through curiosity, respect, and a willingness to explore possibilities. And often, it brings results that feel energizing because they come from true collaboration.
7. Sharpen the saw
“Sharpen the saw” is a metaphor that comes from the idea that you work better when your tools are well cared for. In Covey’s framework, the tool is you. It’s his way of saying that you need consistent renewal to stay clear, steady, and strong.
“It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature,” he explains. “Physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional.”
So you…
- Rest when you need it, which protects your energy.
- Learn new skills that help you grow.
- Spend time in environments that nourish your mind and body.
- Make space for quiet moments, connection, movement, and creativity.
This is that one habit that keeps you steady because it helps you recover from burnout and restores clarity. When you sharpen the saw consistently, you maintain the strength needed to live with purpose and presence.
Frequently asked questions
What are the 5 circles of influence?
The “five circles of influence” come from expanded versions of Covey’s model. They break your life into five areas where your choices have different levels of impact:
- Self: your thoughts, actions, habits, and decisions.
- Relationships: the way you communicate, support, and show up for others.
- Community: the spaces you’re part of, like work, school, or local groups.
- Society: the causes you support and the issues you help move forward.
- World: the larger reach of your actions, ideas, and presence.
According to Jenna, these areas “appear in what you do, how you see yourself, what you must accept, what you are aware of, and what you must let go of.” And each layer grows as you build consistency in the one before it.
What are the 4 C’s of influence?
The four C’s of influence are a simple way to understand how your presence shapes the people around you. Jenna explains that they include:
- Clarity helps support a person’s influence because if a person does not have a clear picture of what they can control, their influence will not be strong.
- Connection to foster healthy relationships and communication.
- Communication to express yourself in a way people can understand and respond to.
- Consistency to build trust and reliability in one’s ability to control outcomes and situations.
When these pieces work together, your presence carries a sense of steadiness that makes others feel safe with you.
Who should be in my circle of influence?
Your circle of influence should include people who lift the quality of your life. Jenna explains that relationships in this circle are non-judgmental and mutually supportive.
These are the ones who support your growth, bring out your steadiness, and make you feel more like yourself. They show up with honesty, respect, and reliability, and they keep communication open and clear.
In the case of Ted Lasso, it’s the kind of support Ted finds in Coach Beard. Someone who shows up with honesty, loyalty, and the kind of presence that keeps you grounded.
And the ones that don’t belong, according to Jenna? The relationships that feel controlling, codependent, or emotionally unsafe.
Expand your consciousness
Ted Lasso, Stephen Covey, Jenna Nielsen, and Vishen all build their lives from the inside out. And, as the saying goes, if they can do it, so can you.
Vishen’s Be Extraordinary masterclass takes you deeper into that inner work. It shows you how your level of consciousness guides the choices you make, the opportunities you notice, and the way you move through challenges. The tools are simple, practical, and grounded in daily life.
One student, self-love coach Fiorella Misenti, shares on Mindvalley Stories how she came to the class at a time when she felt lost after a deep personal loss. The work helped her find clarity, direction, and a new sense of purpose she didn’t think was possible. She says:
Being able to awaken has allowed me to see the world from a different perspective, in a way that I never thought it could be possible.
Stories like hers are common across the program. And in this free 41-minute class, you’ll learn how to:
- Identify the level of consciousness you’re operating from
- Make decisions that feel clear and aligned
- Move through difficulty without losing your center
- Create outcomes that match your values
- Recognize opportunities that support steady growth
It’s a calm, intentional way to deepen the work you’ve already begun.
Welcome in.
