Surely, in the history of parenting, every parent has experienced a moment (or perhaps a million moments) where they feel their patience is being tested more than a barista’s during the morning rush.
As opposed to the parenting styles of yore, however, punishments nowadays are a whole lot milder. Gone are the days of spanking, soap in the mouth, standing in the corner, and whatnot.
Now, mindful parenting is taking the lead. It’s about responding with patience, compassion, and love… even when you secretly have the urge to smack your little one upside the head.
“Our children didn’t come into the world to be our puppets,” states Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist and the trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest. “They came here to struggle, fumble, thrive, and enjoy—a journey for which they need our encouragement.”
And you being mindful will help them get there.
What is mindful parenting?
Being a mindful parent means being aware of your child’s needs—their emotions and experiences. This requires you to be in the moment, fully engaged with your child, and conscious of your reactions, even if they’re throwing their umpteenth tantrum of the day.
And rather than bulldozing over their feelings with your own expectations, mindful parenting also requires you to…
- Listen deeply,
- Ask thoughtful questions, and
- Guide them through life.
The reality is, there’s a good chunk of children in the U.S. who don’t have a strong bond with their parents—40%, in fact, based on research published in 2014 by Sutten Trust. Of those, 25% avoid their parents when they’re upset because their needs are ignored, and 15% push their parents away due to the distress they cause.
With numbers like that, it’s no wonder that millennials—those who were raised during those times and are raising this current generation—are doing things differently.
A survey, conducted by Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, of 1,000 millennial parents found that nearly 88% say they parent differently than how they were brought up. What’s more, 73% believe they are doing a better job than their own parents did.
One key difference is that many millennial parents focus on guiding their children through decision-making rather than threatening or punishing them. They highlight communication, empathy, respect, and clear boundaries—the very essence of mindful parenting.
Key factors
The goal of this parenting style is to create a deeper connection with your child. And there are several key factors that make it work:
- Being in sync with your child’s emotional state by paying close attention to their body language, tone of voice, and overall mood.
- Managing your own emotional triggers. It’s easy to project stress, anger, or overwhelm onto your child, which can lead to more conflict. Recognizing them can allow you to create space between feeling and reacting.
- Setting clear, healthy boundaries in a way that feels respectful and nurturing—firm but not forceful. You explain the “why” behind the rules rather than simply enforcing them with a “because I said so” mentality.
- Being able to adapt to your child’s evolving emotions, behaviors, and needs.
These points go beyond how you interact with your child; they also reflect your own personal growth.
As Dr. Shefali notes, “All our issues around connecting with our children really boil down to our own capacity to connect with our own essence. You know, if we haven’t accepted ourselves, chances are, we’re not going to accept with our children.”
The thing is, mindful parenting begins with self-awareness and self-acceptance.
And that can help pave the way for a more compassionate connection with your child while strengthening your parenting skills.
Mindful parenting vs. mindfulness
At first glance, mindful parenting and mindfulness seem like one and the same. While they share the same roots, they do have their differences.
Mindfulness is generally about paying attention to the present moment. You put all judgments aside as you focus on your breath or observe your thoughts as they come and go.
This practice is not just for adults; mindfulness for kids can be a powerful tool. It can help them manage their emotions and stay present in challenging situations.
Mindful parenting, on the other hand, is mindfulness in action. It takes the principles—awareness, presence, non-judgment, etc.—and applies them to your daily interactions with your little one.
They are your “meditation,” so to speak. You’re tuned in as you would be during a traditional mindfulness practice. You notice their frustrations, joys, fears, and so on without immediately jumping in to fix or control the situation.
Now, here’s the thing: both practices require patience and self-compassion. While the former helps you center yourself, the latter enables you to center your relationship with your child.
Should you become a mindful parent?
So, should or shouldn’t—it’s really subjective. We’re all unique in our own ways, even in the way we parent (or choose to parent).
That said, our children, as Dr. Shefali points out, “pay a heavy price when we lack consciousness.”
So if you make a conscious effort to adopt a more attentive parenting style, there are a great deal of benefits to be reaped—for you and your child.
For the parent
- Less stress
- Better emotional control
- Improved mental health
- More self-kindness
- Stronger parent-child bond
- More mindful communication
- Better relationships with others around them
- Increased mindfulness
For the children
- Fewer behavior problems
- Better at managing emotions
- More likely to share, cooperate, and get along with others
- Better decision-making
- Happier and more confident
- Healthier family dynamics
- Less anxiety and sadness
- Better life outcomes
The thing to keep in mind as a parent is that it’s not about getting it right all the time; it’s about showing up differently, with intention. And in doing so, you can change the connection with your child from ordinary to extraordinary.
5 mindful parenting techniques to try
Let’s face it: your kid has a mind of their own. They’re going to do whatever it is that their curious mind wants them to do.
It’s likely that, as a parent, you find yourself dodging a meltdown in aisle five or negotiating world peace over bedtime snacks. But with a few mindful techniques, you can catch your breath, stay balanced, and maybe even turn those daily battles into moments of calm connection.
Here are a few that Dr. Shefali recommends:
1. Take a moment to pause
Let’s say your teenage daughter tells you that she hasn’t been invited to prom. You may think to yourself, “Oh no, she must feel horrible” or, worse yet, “Maybe I’ll call one of my friends and get her son to take her…”
This is the classic parental habit of projection. You throw your own emotions, anxieties, and expectations onto her instead of understanding how she herself feels and thinks about the situation.
This is where Dr. Shefali suggests that you hit pause. “This means we have to train ourselves to enter a space of observation and witness without outward action.”
This small yet powerful pause gives your child the space to live their own emotions, rather than the ones you’ve scripted for them.
2. Ditch the expectations
There’s no denying that most parents have expectations of their children. Straight A’s, making the football team, or just putting the dishes in the sink without being asked to…it goes on and on.
The more we pile on those expectations, the more we push our children away. As Dr. Shefali highlights, “They feel impinged and imposed upon; they feel pressured and burdened when they feel that we are expecting a whole lot out of them.”
The irony? It’s not only them who suffer, but we, as the parents, do, too.
“The moment you impose an expectation on another, now you’re beginning to tie yourself to them; you are dependent on them for making that expectation come true,” explains Dr. Shefali. “And right there, right then, you create suffering.”
So what does she advise? Move from expectation to empathy. “To empathize means to see the world from your children’s eyes, not from your own movie.”
This isn’t just about nodding your head while your kid tells you about the latest Minecraft update (though that can help). It’s about meeting your child where they are, without the mental baggage of what you think they should be doing.
3. Steer clear of judgment
Whether we like it or not, we all have that inner voice—the one that silently (or not so silently) judges everything our child does.
Did they blow off their homework to play video games? Judgment.
Are they really going to wear their pajamas to the grocery store? Judgment.
Are they seriously putting ketchup on a $40 steak? Major judgment.
But Dr. Shefali reminds us that every time we pass judgment, we’re acting as if we know best.
“It is really essential for us to recognize that when we judge others, either positively or negatively, we’re actually doing so out of this false and diluted sense of superiority,” she says. “After all, think about it: Who are we to judge anyone?”
Spoiler: We don’t have the right.
That’s why Dr. Shefali recommends swapping out judgment for compassion. When your child does something that makes your inner critic twitch, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they’re not trying to drive you crazy—they’re just being human.
4. Feel your feelings
The thing they didn’t tell you about parenting is that one minute, you’re calm. And the next? You feel your chest tightening, your jaw clenching, your heart racing—your stress level is through the roof.
All because your child has a science project due… and they’ve only just told you… at bedtime… the night before.
Instead of getting swept away, there’s a way to stay steady. And that is to feel your feelings.
“A few of us ever were raised with parents that allowed us to truly feel our feelings,” explains Dr. Shefali. “In fact, most of us don’t even know how to feel them. All we know how to do is react to them.”
She suggests looking at your emotions as if they’re waves. Instead of diving in and letting them knock you over, imagine that you’re standing on the shore and observing as the wave peaks and eventually settles down.
This way, you’re not unloading your frustrations on your child (or anyone else in your path), but simply letting that emotion run its course.
5. Be curious
Show of hands: Who here has told their kid to do something (or not do something), and the more you push, the further they drift?
Like, for example, it’s homework time. “That’s not how you do it; this is how you do it,” you say. Or “No, don’t start with that one; start with math first.” Or “You need to finish this right now or no gadgets!”
Chances are, you’ve gone through something similar. No doubt, you love your child more than life itself. But sometimes, when you need them to do something, it’s like trying to get a squirrel to follow a spreadsheet.
Instead of getting locked in a battle for control, Dr. Shefali suggests shifting from dictating to guiding—a core principle of conscious parenting.
“As we begin to understand how important it is for our children to be connected to themselves as well, we realize that it’s not so much that we need to tell them what to do anymore,” she says. “It’s really that we need to evoke their own sense of inner connectivity, and a great way to do that is to ask questions.”
So with their homework, instead of telling your child exactly how to do their work, you might say, “I noticed you’re starting with science today—how did you decide on that?” or “What do you think is the best way to tackle this project?”
When you make this shift, something magical happens: connection.
Mindful parenting resources
In the days of yore, parenting tips, insights, and wisdom were passed down through whispered advice from elders or gathered around the family hearth.
But now? There’s an endless supply of resources at our fingertips—from thought-provoking books to transformative courses—that can help you master the art of mindful discipline and deepen your connection with your child.
Books
The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
This is one of Dr. Shefali’s very own, where she flips the traditional parenting script on its head. Instead of doling out quick fixes and control tactics, she suggests that children are actually mirrors, reflecting back their parents’ unresolved emotions and forgotten selves.
The real work, she says, is for parents to use this reflection to rediscover their own sense of wholeness. As they do, they move away from the “I know best” approach and step into a more authentic, present relationship with their children.
Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls by Chelsey Goodan
This incredibly insightful book flips the script on how we view teenage girls, reminding us that they don’t need “fixing”—they just need someone to actually listen.
Drawing from her experience as a trusted tutor, Chelsey Goodan pulls back the curtain on their innermost thoughts and shows that the answers to their challenges are already inside them.
Packed with humor, real-life stories, and practical advice, she gives parents a toolkit to foster connection, not control. The result? More understanding, less drama.
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell
Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell essentially raise the question, “You know how your childhood sometimes sneaks up on you when you’re parenting?” They explain why in the book—turns out, your brain’s wiring has a lot to do with it.
Drawing on neuroscience and attachment theory, they show how our own upbringing shapes the way we relate to our kids. But don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom. They also give you practical tools to untangle your own emotional baggage, so you can raise your kids with more empathy and connection.
This is one of the more intriguing mindful parenting books out there. Why? Simply put, it’s part self-help, part science lesson, and entirely about being the best parent you can be.
Courses
Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
If you prefer immersive experiences over books, then Dr. Shefali’s Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest on Mindvalley is definitely one to explore. It takes the concepts from her book, The Conscious Parent, and turns them into a 35-day journey designed to transform your parenting…and yourself.
While the book lays out the big ideas, this course dives deeper. It takes you through practical shifts like moving from control to connection or from projection to empathy.
The reality about parenting is, it’s not just about raising a child. Rather, it’s about raising your own consciousness, healing your inner child, and creating a deep, authentic bond with your kids—no matter their age.
Little Human Series
This mindful parenting course is actually a series, bringing together top experts like Shelly Lefkoe and Dr. Dan Siegel to guide you through the ups and downs of raising kids. Through quick, easy-to-digest modules, you’ll learn how to discipline without drama, nurture healthy beliefs in your children, and co-parent smoothly, even in tough times.
It’s designed to help you set a strong foundation for your family, with practical tips and deeper insights that will serve you well beyond the daily struggles. So whether you’re managing schoolwork or emotional meltdowns, Little Humans gives you the tools to parent with confidence and purpose.
Quotes
There’s a reason why quotes are so powerful—they cut through the noise, delivering wisdom straight to the heart. In just a few words, they can slap some sense into you, give you a hug, or make you feel seen.
Here are a few mindful parenting quotes that can serve as pocket-sized pep talks in your parenting journey:
“Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.” — Dr. Shefali Tsabary
“Every child deserves the kind of parenting that allows them to have and live their dreams. They deserve the kind of parenting that has them be in life as a contributor, as a fully self-expressed human being, not the kind of parenting that they spend the rest of their lives recovering from.” — Shelly Lefkoe
“Just communicate, communicate. Listen to everybody’s feelings. Communicate with your spouses. Communicate with your ex-spouses, if you can. Communicate with the kids. Listen to what everybody has to say.” — Summer Felix-Mulder
“Meltdowns and tantrums can be valuable moments for parents to strengthen their bond with their child. Approach them with compassion, patience, and a willingness to understand.” — Dr. Ross Greene
Love deeper, connect stronger
Regardless of the era—past, present, or future—every parent will have their patience tested. It’s simply part of the parenting journey.
The silver lining, though, is that parents are constantly learning, not just from their own upbringing but from how they choose to raise their children. And while no parent can claim to have it all figured out, there are resources that can help you navigate those tough moments with more grace and consciousness…
…like Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest on Mindvalley. It’ll help you:
- Explore how your inner child influences the way you parent,
- Gain the tools to connect more deeply with your child, and
- Raise them in a way that honors their individuality—and yours.
Sign up for a free Mindvalley account, and you unlock the first few lessons. It’s a great way to dip your toes into the transformative world of conscious parenting.
Take it from others who’ve gone through the program. Like Bas de Kort from the Netherlands, who says:
“I’ve learned so much about all things I’ve been doing wrong. Not that I blame myself for doing it; I no longer blame my parents for what they’ve done wrong either. … Furthermore, I feel so much more connected to Thomas. And a lot of things he does show me, he feels more secure, more connected with me as well.”
In the end, the greatest gift you can give your child isn’t perfection. It’s your presence.
Welcome in.
