5 interpersonal communication moves to win friends and influence people

There are a lot of ways we, as humans, communicate. For instance, the kind where we talk to ourselves in our heads while brushing our teeth. Or the kind where one voice reaches millions of minds through a TV broadcast or newspaper headline. Or even the kind that lives in likes, comments, and stories scrolling by on our phones.

Then, there’s one where we share words, gestures, and emotions with another. That is called interpersonal communication.

It’s one of the most important, yet overlooked skills out there, according to Vanessa Van Edwards, a specialist in science-based people skills. And when you know how to use it well, you create the kind of connection people never forget.

What is interpersonal communication?

The prefix “inter” comes from Latin and means “between” or “among.” So interpersonal communication is how we share information, feelings, and meaning with other people.

It’s also known as people skills, as Vanessa points out in her YouTube video. There, she explains that it’s “how well you communicate, interact and relate to others.”

But more than just the words that come out of your mouth, it shows up in everything, from the tone you use, to the signals your body gives off, to the way you respond when someone else speaks. Every glance, pause, and reaction plays a role in shaping the exchange.

“Someone with exceptional interpersonal skills might be said to have high PQ or interpersonal intelligence,” Vanessa adds. But unlike talking to a huge audience on TV or online, this kind of communication is personal, and it’s the glue that keeps people connected.

If we treat others the way they want to be treated, we bond quicker, we build trust more quickly, we deepen connection.

— Vanessa Van Edwards, trainer of Mindvalley’s Magnetic Charisma program

Interpersonal vs. intrapersonal communication

When it comes to interpersonal vs. intrapersonal, the two may sound almost identical. However, they live in completely different arenas:

At the end of the day, it’s how you connect with others that shapes the life you build. Dale Carnegie makes this point in his 1936 best-seller, How to Win Friends & Influence People. He writes, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

And this idea echoes through to today. Keith Ferrazzi, the bestselling author of Never Eat Alone and a leading authority on relationship building, tells in a Mindvalley interview, “If you just share your passion or you share your vulnerability that in and of itself is your connection that’s the ultimate human connection.”

Get more insights from Keith:

Why is interpersonal communication important, according to science?

Science has a lot to say about why interpersonal communication skills matter, and it goes way beyond “being good with people.” Here’s what research shows:

1. It keeps you healthy. People with strong social ties have about a 50% higher chance of living longer.
2. It sharpens your brain. Just ten minutes of friendly conversation can boost your memory and sharpen your problem-solving skills.
3. It strengthens relationships. Intimacy grows when you open up and the other person truly listens.
4. It drives career outcomes. Leaders who communicate clearly and listen well create stronger teams, and employees who feel heard tend to perform better at their jobs.
5. It regulates emotions. Putting your feelings into words helps calm the brain’s fear center and makes it easier to think clearly.
6. It fuels human cooperation. Human brains grew bigger and smarter because we lived in groups and built complex relationships.
7. It improves health care results. When doctors and patients communicate well, people follow treatments more closely, manage their health better, and see stronger results.

While science proves that how we connect shapes our health, our relationships, and even our survival, Vanessa reminds us, the real power of interpersonal communication lies in honoring people as they are.

“If we treat others the way they want to be treated, we bond quicker, we build trust more quickly, we deepen connection,” she says in her Mindvalley program, Magnetic Charisma.

And that truth runs through every single form of human interaction.

Types of interpersonal communication

To really understand its power, it helps to see the different ways this form of exchange shows up. Here are some interpersonal communication examples that reveal how it works in daily life.

1. Dyadic communication. This is the simplest form: a one-on-one conversation. It could be a heart-to-heart with a friend, a quick hallway chat with your boss, or even a video call with your partner.
2. Small group communication is when three or more people interact with shared goals, like a project team, a family dinner, or a book club. It’s where coordination, collaboration, and sometimes conflict come into play.
3. Public communication happens when one person addresses an audience, but there’s still room for interaction. A lecture, a workshop, or a Q&A session all fall here. Academically, it’s considered interpersonal if feedback is possible.
4. Mediated communication. Today, a huge portion of communication flows through technology. Texts, emails, video calls, or DMs count as mediated communication. It’s face-to-face energy carried through screens and devices.
5. Verbal communication, with cues like tone, pitch, speed, and pauses that can completely shift interpretation. This is why “I’m fine” can sound supportive, sarcastic, or dismissive depending on delivery.
6. Nonverbal communication includes body language, eye contact, gestures, and even silence. Research consistently shows that nonverbal signals often carry more weight than the actual words spoken.
7. Active listening, such as nodding, paraphrasing, and clarifying, creates trust and respect. Without it, conversations collapse.

These are the building blocks of connection, and understanding them is the first step toward using them with purpose.

As Dale Carnegie once advised, “Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.”

5 expert-backed interpersonal communication strategies

“Someone with great interpersonal skills might be able to speak so people listen, to code body language, negotiate easily, be highly charismatic, have high empathy, be socially assertive, read facial expressions, be more likable…” Vanessa says.

But the big question she highlights is, can you improve it? Absolutely yes.

Here are a few from Mindvalley experts you can use to start a conversation and make a legendary impression.

1. Break social scripts with better questions

“How are you?”
“What do you do?”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been asked these questions. They’re a tad bit boring, don’t you think? And according to Vanessa, they keep people mentally asleep.

She found that breaking away from these social scripts helps change the energy in the room. You see, your brain perks up when it encounters something new and releases dopamine that makes the interaction more engaging and easier to remember.

So instead of falling into the usual how are you’s, ask thought-provoking questions, like… 

“What personal passion project are you working on?”
“What was the highlight of your day?”
“Do you have anything exciting coming up?”

Their entire goal, Vanessa says, is to ”wake people up, to break those social scripts.” This invites the people you interact with to share their stories, emotions, and enthusiasm.

2. Spark positivity right from the start

“Most of us fall into accidentally negative,” Vanessa points out. Chances are, you probably don’t mean to, but it’s easy to slip into a habit and complain about the traffic, the weather, or how busy you are.

Those little throwaway lines feel harmless, yet they prime the other person’s brain with negativity. When you use words like stressful, terrible, or tired, you pass that feeling along.

Now imagine, instead of draining the energy, you spark it. You could swap in phrases like “I’ve been looking forward to this,” “Happy to be here,” or “Excited to work through this together.”

Simple, right? Yet those words instantly shift the emotional temperature of your conversation. 

“Those small word choices, those small word swaps,” says Vanessa, “are a way to add just a little bit of interactivity to your verbal choices.”

3. Listen more than you speak

Too often, we think we need to impress people by talking. We pile on facts, stories, or advice. But what actually makes someone feel seen is when you use your active listening skills to hold space for them to share.

In Keith’s experience, people often leave conversations thinking the listener was the most compelling person in the room, simply because they felt heard. That’s the power of restraint.

Not only does this shift build trust, it also gives you better insight into who they are and what they need. 

“Two ears, one mouth for a reason, as they say,” Keith points out in his Mindvalley program, Mastering Authentic Networking. Simply put, don’t forget to listen.

4. Match the other person’s style

Imagine someone who speaks softly, with measured pauses. If you barrel in with high energy and a rapid-fire pace, they’ll feel overwhelmed. And vice versa, when you bring low energy to a high-energy talker, they may tune you out.

Keith suggests using the Johari Window principle. “As you approach somebody to communicate with them,” he explains, “match their style.”

The point of it isn’t mirroring their body language like a robot, but to align enough so that they feel comfortable engaging.

Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, explains how body language shapes both how others see you and how you see yourself. In her book, Presence, she writes, “When our body language is confident and open, other people respond in kind, unconsciously reinforcing not only their perception of us but also our perception of ourselves.”

So it’s important to know how to adjust your volume, speed, and even your nonverbal cues in real time. And being able to adapt signals respect and keeps dialogue flowing.

5. Use empathy-building signals

Digital communication is where most of our interactions live now. We’ve got emails, texts, Slack messages, endless video calls…

The problem with these channels is that they can strip away the cues we rely on in person, like tone of voice, eye contact, or a smile. Erica Dhawan, a Wall Street Journal bestselling author and an award-winning keynote speaker, calls this the “empathy deficit.”

“When we communicate digitally, those nonverbal cues that helped us truly understand each other are absent,” she says in her Mindvalley program, Digital Body Language. “Without these misunderstandings happen faster, tensions rise more easily, and relationships can weaken.”

What she suggests to rectify it is to add empathy-building signals. These are small touches that bring warmth back into online communication.

For instance, open with “Hope you’re doing well,” close with “Appreciate your time on this.” Or use emojis strategically to soften the tone, like 👋 or 🙂.

“These small adjustments can have a huge impact on how your message is received,” she adds. “By intentionally adding empathy to your messages as a habit, you can help bridge this gap and create more meaningful, positive communication.”

15 examples of interpersonal communication in real life

You practice interpersonal communication every day, often without thinking about it. These examples show just how many places it shows up.

Everyday interactions

1. Ordering coffee: You greet the barista, explain your order, and maybe joke about how much caffeine you need today.
2. Texting a friend: Even emojis and GIFs count, since they convey tone and emotion.
3. Small talk in the elevator: A quick “How’s your day going?” is still interpersonal communication.
   

Relationships

4. Conflict resolution with a partner: Using “I” statements, listening actively, and clarifying feelings.
5. Parent comforting a child: Words mixed with hugs, tone, and eye contact to soothe.
6. Friends hyping each other up: Fist bumps, laughter, or a knowing glance across a crowded room.
   

Work and professional settings

7. Team meetings: Sharing updates, giving feedback, asking clarifying questions.
8. Job interview: Your tone, posture, handshake, and word choice all signal confidence (or nerves).
9. Mentorship: A senior colleague guiding a junior through storytelling, questions, and advice.
   

Health and well-being

10. Doctor–patient interaction: Explaining a diagnosis clearly, using empathetic tone, and checking understanding.
11. Therapy session: A therapist paraphrasing a client’s words to show understanding and build trust.
12. Support group sharing: Members open up about their struggles while others listen, nod, and respond with empathy.
    

Social and cultural life

13. Public transport interactions: Thanking a bus driver or negotiating space in a crowded train.
14. Community events: Speaking at a town hall meeting or chatting at a neighborhood barbecue.
15. Sports teams: Hand signals or shouts that coordinate plays.

People who embody interpersonal communication

Some people make conversation feel like an art form, and the world notices. Here are a few examples:

• Oprah Winfrey. She’s known as one of the greatest interviewers of all time, not because she asks the hardest questions but because she listens deeply. Guests on her show often say they felt like the only person in the room, which is the essence of powerful interpersonal communication.
• Barack Obama. Whether on a campaign trail or in a one-on-one conversation, he uses verbal fluency and body language to create instant connection, even across cultural divides.
• Greta Gerwig. The filmmaker shows another dimension of interpersonal skill: collaboration. On set, she’s praised for creating spaces where actors feel safe to experiment, opening the door for authentic performances. 
• Vanessa Van Edwards. The expert in behavioral science brings charisma into the spotlight, teaching how breaking social scripts and sparking positivity can transform everyday exchanges.
• Monty Moran. The former co-CEO of Chipotle builds trust and inspires teams by engaging with employees directly, listening to them, and empowering them to lead. His whole leadership style is rooted in interpersonal connection by spending hours visiting Chipotle restaurants just to sit down with team members and hear their stories.
• Radha Agrawal. The author of Belong focuses on building communities where people feel safe, included, and seen. Her approach to creating authentic connections through rituals, inclusivity, and intentional conversation is interpersonal communication applied to community building.
• Chiraag Swaly. In Vanessa’s Magnetic Charisma program, he discovered how personality traits shape connection and used that insight to build stronger interpersonal communication in person, online, and over email.
• Meinke Boonstra. Through Keith’s Mastering Authentic Networking Quest, she learned to be deliberate in how she connects, which helped her grow her relationships and push forward her dream of publishing a book on collaboration.

5 highly-recommended interpersonal communication classes and resources at Mindvalley

Whether you want to connect more deeply in your personal life, lead with clarity at work, or simply feel more confident in conversations, these Mindvalley tools can help you achieve this.

Classes

1. Magnetic Charisma with Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa has spent years decoding what makes certain people instantly captivating. That’s why in her Magnetic Charisma program, she gives you science-based tools to move past small talk and spark conversations that matter. You’ll learn to ask better questions, read body language, and add positive signals that make your interactions more engaging.

You can get a taste of her program through a free lesson that’s available to access anytime.

2. The Transformational Leader with Monty Moran

Monty’s Mindvalley program shows you how to lead through connection instead of control. With lessons drawn from his time as CEO of Chipotle, you’ll discover how to earn trust, shape a culture people love, and inspire your team with authentic communication.

You can access a free class from the program to experience his approach before diving into the full 14-day journey.

3. Build Your Dream Community with Radha Agrawal

Radha shows you how to design a thriving community around your mission, your work, or your life, and she gives you the tools to make it a reality in 17 days. You learn a clear framework for connection, from the inner work of belonging to the practical steps of gathering people, hosting experiences, and nurturing real relationships.

If you’re curious, you can join Radha’s free webinar and get an instant feel for her approach.

Resources

4. The Mindvalley Podcast

The Mindvalley Podcast brings together world-class thinkers, authors, and teachers for conversations that spark growth in every area of life. Many episodes dive into interpersonal communication, whether it’s learning how to build trust at work, create deeper relationships, or understand the science of human connection.

With Vishen and Megan Pormer taking turns as hosts, you get direct access to the kinds of insights and stories that help you communicate with more clarity, empathy, and impact.

5. Mindvalley Book Club

Mindvalley Book Club is where ideas turn into conversations. Each month, members get a curated list of personal growth and business titles, along with access to author interviews and community discussions. 

While host Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani covers a wide range of themes on personal growth and business, the Book Club also features books that strengthen interpersonal communication, including titles on charisma, connection, leadership, and authentic relationships.

Become a changemaker 

Strong interpersonal communication is what makes people trust you, listen to you, and want to be in your company. But knowing how to communicate in a way that feels natural and memorable doesn’t always come easy. 

Vanessa Van Edwards can help with that. 

Asking questions that spark excitement? You got it.
Using body language that builds trust? Absolutely.
Adding warmth so your words land with impact? Done.
Turning small talk into a real connection? That’s the shift you’ll feel.
Leaving people remembering you long after the conversation? That’s the power you unlock.

These results are exactly what Dede Schuhmacher, an artist and Mindvalley member, discovered. She went from feeling awkward in new conversations to leaning on practical tools that make her confident and calm when meeting people for the first time.

I am conscious of my self-talk and my tone of voice and hand gestures. And now my life is less stressful and more exciting and wanting to test my new skills on new people.

If you’re ready for that kind of change, you can unlock a free class from Vanessa’s Magnetic Charisma program and see how quickly your conversations can transform.

Welcome in.