I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
When I gave birth to my two beautiful daughters and saw the light in their eyes. I knew that was the most importance journey for me. I stoped my other paid job and took care of them full time. Working at their schools, helping run their PTA, fundraising so the school could have a garden program and trips away. Building our lives together and communities as we went. I’ve worked hard as a parent and now with 2 eye rolling teens I’m so grateful for the deep and strong foundation we have. Raising teens is a challenge of its own but with the help of friend and books and open listening to their needs as well as sound boundaries we are getting through it .
Sure we don’t have the big fancy house or car a lot of our friends have but now is the time to focus more on the finances.
I wouldn’t trade a moment of raising my kids for anything else. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Now my questions is their Silva for teens? ( I did the course when I was about 16)
Beautiful Vishen. Thank you for reminding me of my own paradigm shift as my children began dreaming of their next chapters. At first, I panicked and even became depressed at the thought of this upcoming loss… life as I knew it. The blessing is that while I was uncertain about my own “next”, I did embrace that time with them and cherish every MOM-ent. I am grateful because through this experience, I was inspired to write a book and help others. I now use my Mindvalley Coach certification to help others with big transitions and help guide them to get excited about their new lives. Our connections to people, especially our family is the true source of joy that we often overlook when we let life happen to us. Thank you for leading the conversation and reminding us of what is really important in life.
It’s a shame John Lennon didn’t give as much of his love and time to his first born.
one of the best mails I got from you!!
very touching!
Best for you and your beloved ones!
Margit
Well done Vishen! Growing up a fan of John’s, we and the world, to whom he spoke openly, shared this paradigm shifting, John on the leading edge of the movement. John was featured in Esquire magazine just 4 months before the assassination, in which his disappearance from “the merry-go-round” as he called it in another famous song, was highlighted. What a legend!
“Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?” I felt happy that I did. Doing two professions for last 16 years, being like an umbrella to my daughter, last 1 month I took a conscious decision to give myself to my daughter. Being with her is totally different than being beside her. Thankfully, my wife created such a lovely family bonding between the three of us that our souls are entwined. She is now in high school and I can fully feel your letter dear Vishen because the same thoughts came to my mind. Its never too late, because time is an illusion. She is there with me and I will be with her, and the entwined souls will always remain together in a timeless Universe that cannot be separated by space.
Thank you very much for this post Vishen. I have two kids (son and daughter) about the same age as yours. I have spent the better part of the last 20 years building my business in the hopes of ensuring that my family would be well taken care of. Thoiugh I have done very well, I realize that time just flew by and I missed my chance of building the strongest connections with the kids when they were really young. While I have a really good relationship with them, they are now teens and have their own lives. Your post was very timely – my son is going off to College next year and I had a chance to drive him to his hockey game last night. We didn’t discuss hockey at all, but just the memories from the past and how proud I was of him. I was reflecting on our car ride last night and this post popped up in my inbox – brought tears to my eyes. I am trying to spend every moment I can now in just being present with the kids (even if they don’t have a lot of time for me now), not correcting and not criticizing. If I had to do it again, I would certainly do as John did. But it’s never too late as every little bit will have an impact. Thank you for all that you do.
So beautifelly written! Thank you it made me cry!! I have spent lots of precious times with my son when he was little and was teaching in the evening but I feel the time went still too fast!! BUT I still treasure those memories and enjoy every minute with him even he is moving away for college. Don’t hang on what was, we van’t bring that back, focus on present – NOW IS THE TIME!! OUR kids are still here!!
Lieber Vishen, ich danke dir für deinen Text und vor allem dass du deine Reichweite nutzt um so wertvolle Inhalte mit der Welt zu teilen. ja, letztlich sind es diese nicht greifbaren Werte die unser Leben lebenswert und zu etwas Besonderem werden lassen. Keine Verbindung ist stärker als jene zwischen Vater /Mutter und ihrem Kind. Egal wie weit die Entfernung zwischen den beiden ist oder wie lange die Erinnerung zurückliegt. Genießen wir die einzigartigen Momente die uns das Leben und unsere Kinder schenken. Von Herzen, Barbara
When I read Lennon’s story of stepping back to raise his son, I didn’t hear a man giving something up — I heard a soul reclaiming something ancient.
I’ve been walking that same edge lately: pulling back from identity, from proving, from performance… and instead, learning to love without audience.
The real revolution isn’t louder.
It’s quieter.
It happens when a man lets go of becoming someone — and becomes no one… so he can finally be everything.
Thank you for naming that.
It cracked something open.
This is exactly the frequency I’ve been embodying in my own journey — guiding others not toward performance, but presence. There’s a new kind of leadership emerging… and it begins in stillness.
This is the work I live for now — helping others find the space where the mask dissolves and the soul begins to speak. Where becoming stops… and being begins.
I raised my two children mostly as a single mother. I worked full-time and finished college through my masters. I totally get the message here.
I liken my path to yours in that I had little time for leisure.
By the time I made enough money that I wasn’t constantly struggling just to survive, I had finished school, but I was so tired by then.
I didn’t give up, though my body began to. I constantly pushed through and somehow managed to always be blessed enough to be there in my family’s important and day-to-day moments.
Most importantly, to me, when grandchildren came along, I was needed more then ever and I was able to step up.
Circumstances put me there through unusual and stressful situations surrounding my first grandchild’s birth and young years. My daughter married a man with three children who’d been traumatized.
They became a family of six overnight. A family of six with two parents each working two jobs. I was blessed to be free to help them raise those kids. I became the third parent in so many ways.
By the time they were driving, my son, 300 miles away, had his boy. They wanted “nana’s” help with him.
I’m so blessed. We bought a house together with a tiny apartment space for me to live in, and the saga continues.
Every one of my family knows that I’ll be there for them. For all the moments. These are the only “things” in life that are important to me… moments.
Moments with our loved ones become the only thing of value that we carry with us as we age. Nothing is as valuable as those little moments we are able to share with our kids and family.
My memories of these moments, and the opportunity to create new ones, is my entire life now.
I no longer work, or have a very busy social life. My life is quieter.
If I have the opportunity to go watch my grandkids do something special to them, I’m there. Even if I have to fly 300 miles across the state to be there for two days.
There is no limit to the value of being there for those moments. I’m lucky I got to find that out before my kids were fully grown.
Blessed more that I could help my family learn this as they started their families and grew into the attentive, loving and PRESENT parents they are.
Blessed to be part of this community that supports and promotes these truths.
Please. Vishen, go much, much deeper with this. This is a book. This is a film. This is something much, much more than a very profound blog entry, although I am not at all minimizing it. I was not gifted with biological children however this hit me right in the gut. What I am trying to articulate is that there is a seed of enormous power here. And a great gift for humanity. There is an immense universal truth here. I am going to be pondering it all day – as long as it takes for me to understand why this landed like a boulder in my inner serenity garden. And, thank you.
I would like to add what Michel Serres said “You Can only teach who You are” . So when I doubt my worth as a mother, I remember that and think I have done my best with all my love. So if I have transmitted that, it is great.
My comment isn’t about being present as in fatherhood but it did remind me when John Lennon ”visited’ me spiritually. Some 27 years ago. Maybe even more. I was possibly 50. I was trying to be a writer, my friend a musician and we were discussing our individual struggles to know how to “reach the world” with what we each had to offer. Suddenly ‘John’ popped into my lounge and the conversation, telepathically he told us to write books or music for ONESELF, no one else, write or compose what is true/truth for you. That’s what matters and then somehow it will find its own way of reaching ‘the world.’
Of course. 😊 It was a lightbulb going on.
Suddenly we were not now overwhelmed by trying to tackle the bigger picture and in reality putting our work on hold. The pressure was off and made so much sense. A wise soul. The important thing is that we keep learning from our naivety and adjusting our behaviour as and when we can, especially with a lightbulb moment.
I’m not so young any more, but I guess I’m young enough not to have lived through the force of nature that Beatles meant in their time. What I’m trying to say is, your message, Vishen, sank deep in me because you’re one of the best storytellers of our time, not only because of John. If you ever find yourself in doubt, remember there are fertile minds out there who are blossoming thanks to your vision and performance. May you have an awesome life.
Hello, I was really moved by your message. My daughter just moved to Paris last week. She is 21 and she is my treasure. I have given her my best. I consider her my work of art, I am so awed by who she is, what she has done of herself, how she is better than everything I could expect. I don’t know about my legacy. I just Hope she will remember that she was loved for who she is, all the Time.
Im raising my little niece with my brother. Sometimes it feels like it’s eating me alive and sometimes it brings joy. I’m torn. I also care for my mother. And drive people with Lyft! Sometimes I want to get away from this duties and I will! Be selfish they say and save yourself!
The poem to his son, with a quote of Emille Coué, which Silva spread world-wide.
Is a real gift 🎁 !
Thank you Vishen !
I am from Liverpool and grew up with the buzz the culture. I do recall John giving up his time to devote to Sean. AT the same time I have listened to a lot of Julians lost years, experiences of which sound devastating and traumatic. I guess it is the Cain & Abel story; the East of Eden tale. One gets all the focus and love the other gets nothing. Julian continues to register the loss of, the absence of……but he has had a healing journey like no other from what I can see and we have a tale of two brothers; one got everything the other got nothing! But I do believe in yin and yang and that what is nothing is everything, what is full is empty. In the space he was left with he filled it with so much creativity that its almost the legacy left behind by John. I am sure that both of the boys legacies are great stories each and of themselves. The whole subject opens of so many doors to do with childhood trauma, generational trauma and epigenetics of the City of Liverpool itself (very different in heart and soul from the rest of the UK)
I am a mother, and I do the Silva Method, so this hit me hard.
When I had children I could never bear the thought of leaving them in day care. So it became my mission to work part time and juggle arrangements so that most of the time a family member could be with them, if I couldn’t.
When I was with them I always read picture books to them, cooked homemade meals, and took them outside every day. I always knew being a mother was the most important job, and it’s great to hear John Lennon thought so too. My career may have suffered, but today there are two intelligent, responsible, and kind human beings in the world.