I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
You´re special Vishen. How did you find this story? I’m a big fan of John Lennon, as an artist and a human being. He was not affraid of the “elite” as the “elite” was from him. This article remind me of why I choose to be a “present” dad. No money, success, or fame will be more meaningful than being a “present” dad. Big hug Vishen, I wish I could replicate what you do in my beloved México.
I loved you email I feel so blessed that I spent all my time with my beautiful dog effy for the 14 years she blessed me with her presence I knew I wouldn’t have as long as you do with another human and she was my child in a sense I was her mother . I have a full Heart ❤️ every waking minute because I gave her all my love attention and time and care while we were together in this time line . It’s one of my greatest joys and accomplishments she loved me unconditionally and fully and I’m so happy to say I honoured her soul and never held back from giving her the best version of me every second of her life , to this day and I feel for all time effy and I are one and will never be apart .
Thank you for your words .
Thank you. I am house wife of 3 beautiful homeschooled kids (7,5,2y) by choosing but somewhere along the way I lost support of the husband and we went different directions.
We have lack noting but financial independency is my next goal – not sure how to make more space, energy and time … but hopefully one day.
Your stories are very inspiring. And Mindvalley is the best platform ever
Thanks.
I never comment online, but after reading your post, I must share with you what I experienced a few hours ago.Do include our legacy as going beyond humans, and how our soul energy dances with animals.2 Husky’s we’re taking a walk with their owner when one
Came right up to me looked me
In the eye, sat down on my grass and would not leave me. The owner said she never reacted to a stranger like that. He said she likes
Being around your aura.
Vishen…I joined your school a year ago and it has changed my life on so many levels. Just a few days ago I finished the Jose Silva course. I resisted it originally, but have realized sometimes the things I resist are the very things I need the most for transformation. I experienced a traumatic divorce almost two years ago. I came from a narcissistic family dynamic. Imagine my surprise after 20 years of marriage: I had married my mother. I did so many things wrong in my marriage because I didn’t have healthy role models. I avoided conflict and suffered from self esteem issues. I’m happy I had the experience of loving someone so purely and deeply. That energy will never dissipate. Now I have confidence, self worth and conquering the fear in my life. I’m getting better and better and better every day. I’ve made peace with my past and forgiven everyone. The next love I attract will be a reflection of the newly healed me. Thank you for coming into my life. The best is on it’s way.
This is the best I have read by you. It is not usual sales. It touches the heart. Thank you.
Love this, resonates hard. I have 3 teens, also closer to empty-nesting than I’d like! Their dad was awesome and from the start was determined to make it to every match, every concert, every award evening – his run rate for getting this right was actually exceptional despite life not always running smoothly. Sadly we lost him to cancer 22 months ago, I didn’t believe we’d lose him right up to the day we did. However, I’m super grateful that we all knew that we were more important than anything else in his world. Time is precious… and sometimes takes unexpected turns. X
After our time together with Pachamama Alliance in Ecuador, I came home with a renewed view of the importance of life. She was 4 yo old at the time and a very early riser (which I dreaded getting up prior to the trip). After that when she woke up at 5am we took a blanket outside for “pachamama morning”. We redesigned our mornings into looking at the sun rising and the cloud formation just to name a few things. These moments are my favorite.
I also, made the decision to continue to work from home. This allowed me to be able to be with her while working.
I have always made sure to be totally present when I am present. I watch the TV show you don’t really want to watch, and talk about the subject my teenager wants to talk about, I spend the few extra moments with her. At 19 and in college those moments are becoming more fleeting. I always want her to have a safe haven within our home and make sure she knows it no matter what.
I also make sure to let my daughter know how proud I am of her.
Thank you for reminding me how quick my children grow and my Love will last forever as legacy for them
We who are raising children are at a unique moment in history. We’re the first generation who have parents living extra long lives and need care and at the same time we have kids who are still at home in their late twenties and also need us. This story makes me pause and see that the parenting is really a gift.
Vishen. Your article could not be more perfectly timed. I am a single mom of 3 (11, 9 and 7) – I left my previous start-up, C-suite position to do a huge career pivot to a much more soul aligned life and work. However, over the last 3 months what keeps coming up for me is that no matter what I want to be present for the kids – whenever they are home I want to be home – not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually – b/c if I’ve learned anything in this journey the size of the house and the quality of the vacation means less than an emotionally present and whole (as possible 😉 ) human. It makes me wonder about our entire system of success and the linear nature of the corporate climb as such a farce. I read a number of the comments and I realize this is so hard for many, especially men as it upends so much cultural programming. I am grateful for all of us that you posted this – who knows who it will inspire and, of course, look forward to seeing how these journeys continue to unfold. Thank you again, much love, Victoria.
I don’t always open these emails, yet I was prompted to click and enter in on this one. It brought out healing tears in how I’ve been letting go of feeling presence is not as valued by people I cherish, even if they mean the best and you hold so much love for them. You are called forward in simply being the presence yourself and having that be everything. The current shifts the world is entering into is seeing the true magnificence of embodying pure being and how much magic and love is unlocked in that. It makes us superhuman. Any other achievements are simply bonuses added on to the magic of authentic presence. Being part of energy healing and supporting raising consciousness centers on this inner stillness, heart expansion and gratitude for the support of the unseen. I’m only a few years into it and it keeps me grounded in the now. I truly admire your consistent dedication to your calling and service. The world needs more presence and to prioritize love. Thank you for sharing with heart, passion and intensity. Enjoy each moment – and more random, unscripted, manure reels with Evie. We so appreciate those and approve 🙂
Thank you so much, Vishen – great ♥️
My children are not here, so I hug 🤗 myself
and think about them and send them love 💕
So touched by your beautiful post. I am a mom to two of my own precious. As young adults, now they are no longer little but continue to be precious. Both had unique needs, and I stayed home and got involved in every aspect of their lives. I quit my career path and spent nearly 2 decades donning all hats except that of breadwinner. That my husband did, and he was grateful for the role I took on. I took great joy in what I did and filled most days with fun and spontaneity. Yet, whenever I met people who asked me what I did, I felt like a loser because society makes you feel bad for not being part of this capitalist world where your worth is measured by the career ranks you are climbing and the resume you are building. My son is autistic, so I went to grad school to do another Master’s, this time in Applied Behavior Analysis, and now I help other kids too. Anyway, the point is, I have always apologized to people about my gap years, and every once in a while, I do look wistfully at the successes of my former colleagues. After reading your post, I have decided I will no longer be embarrassed by my years of being “just a mom” who “just stayed home” and “was just taking care of my kids”. Words matter, and you nailed it. It was the role of a lifetime, and I am still doing it. Now I am also helping other kids who are neurodiverse. I was struck by another point in your piece about how we women sometimes don’t take kindly to our partners taking on this role. While I wished with all my heart that the husband would do what I was doing, in all honesty, I might have been one of those women who may not have been happy about the role reversal. So much food for thought here. If relationships are everything, we need to design a society that gives equal opportunity to all adults to participate in nurturing relationships as well as time for their own self-growth, whether it be via their careers or their hobbies. We need a world where everyone gets a chance to fulfil all the needs of their soul. The time for holding only one exclusive role is archaic. Indeed, change in society and in our culture comes from ALL of us changing. I hope everyone reading your post decides to pay attention to relationships. It’s the stuff life is made of. Indeed, the message will resonate more if successful people like you who have an enormous audience say it. For all of us at the back who devoted years to this unappreciated role, it’s music to our ears.
Just because you work does not mean you don’t leave a legacy within your children. I feel it’s more about the quality of time you spend with them. I wasn’t always there for my son, but when I had a cancer scare and told him, that’s when I found out how much he loved me. I had no idea because it just wasn’t something we talked about. I am just so proud that he has grown into a lovely human being. I have worked with a lot of men who have missed their children growing up, but they were found and free, working away from home. The in their 50s they regret it so much. The construction industry has a lot to answer for. Love creates love.
I absolutely adore you and believe you are an Avatar. Thank you for bringing Mind Valley to the world’s table. I was most struck by your Silva Mind Control post. In 1973 I graduated from a Silva Mind Control workshop in Albuquerque, NM. That information has been a guiding light for my life. And now you bring it back “better & better.” Thank you.
I thinks it’s awesome that you are reflecting on this story… are you dedicating enough time… quality time to your kids??
Are you?? Think about it and work on it!
I would love to participate in a live Mindvalley Seminar… let us know when!
Love your kids and be present for them!!
I am grateful for this reminder of how blessed I am to be, and to have been, so present in the lives of my two daughters for the last 21 years. I have no regrets, only joy and an abundance of incredible memories. ❤️
So true that the legacy we leave is in the memories we make with those we love. The old saying that it is not the hours we spend chasing dollars that matter most, it is the precious time we spend with loved ones that matter most, is sage advice. I still have moments when I catch myself making the decision to do something else when I should be spending time with family. Getting better, but still working at it. Thank you for sharing this story as a reminder.
Hi dear Vishen.
I appreciate your passion and the way you make your wantings happens.
I’m sincerely glad for you having this experience.
You deserve this.
This awareness and openness is the expression of your path.
A manifestation of exchange between material and soul in reciprocal directions.
I guess, in the depths, every human being would like to experience it.
I don’t recognize until now, any wider and stronger human connection as the one with my sons is.
And the opportunity this brought to me in terms of opennessssssssss.
I’m 56, father of two boys, 17 and 11.
I had the same experience as John, but still working during the whole period.
I lived this by design since the beginning.
I feel compassion for all the other fathers, still confused about the most important things and the other fathers that have to burn their lives to grant the minimum for its children.
Thanks