I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
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Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
252 Responses
Beautiful. I am a legal practitioner but when I gave birth to my youngest son I stopped working to be a full time mom. I wasn’t an easy decision and until now i have not stopped “doing something, or learning something” because i believe just because i am a stay at home mom it doesn’t mean i have to stop growing. My eldest just finished IB exam and going to the UK in September- that’s 13 hour flight. My youngest is 15. I never regret my decision to stop working. I’m f I were to die now – I know for sure I won’t regret my choice. My youngest is diagnosed with neurodivergence symptoms several years ago and being able to look after him, to guide him through tough times at school, to be there emotionally and physically is such a blessing. People forget that time is an asset, an equity, a currency that did not multiplied and it can’t be replaced.
Im a fan the thing that took my attn was his name john lennon..but there was something deeper.. relationship with our family will be our legacy the will imprint in the history of our generations..he died before he was able to spread his most important legacy ..to value relationship..he had another song ..Waching the wheels…
I am so touched with his story and I have to say I’ve been so grateful and thankful for some of the decisions I took a few years ago. My son is now 15 and going to be in that space of the 18s very soon. He was 5 when I had to be a single parent and he started living with me full time since then. At that moment I realised I had to be there for him physically mentally and emotionally. And that’s when I started to turn down promotions in my career for four consecutive years and said to myself that the time I get each day will have to be used wisely and more money, fame and corporate titles etc alone are not going to give me that fulfilment I’d like to reflect back in the years when my son starts living on his own and moves on. Despite the financial challenges and burn down to ground zero due to my divorce I was blessed in so many ways to build my life back with so much joy and beautiful memories I’ve created with my son. Back then when people used to make fun of me when I turned down such amazing job opportunities and promotions that came my way made me second guess my own decisions if I was doing something terribly wrong and messing my life up. But now I have no guilt on the decisions I took back then. Today I stand proud filled with so much love around me and my child. Reading this article had made me walk back to those lanes of the past years and reflect back on it. Woww it’s such a beautiful feeling indeed. Thank you for sharing this story.
I love the story! I don’t have my own kids, but I was a live-in-nanny for my best friend for 3 and a half years. I know that Building a happy family is very difficult… I believe you are a great dad, Vishen! Thank you so much for what you do.
I cried while reading this article and writing this comment. I was a single mom my son’s entire childhood, he is now 23. He was the center of my world until 5 years ago when he decided to move out and on his own. I was actively engaged in his life and supported everything he was interested in, and then I had to step back and let him be him. I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. He’s still in my world, but I had to let him go and be in the world so he could grow.
Empty nesting was SO hard, but it’s because I gave my whole being to him and when he left I had to remember who I was and how I had been shaped into a new me by learning true love. I try to give myself grace when I think back and feel regret about something in the past. I do not regret living with less, so I could be more available and do more with him. Being a mother helped me empathize with, forgive, and feel gratitude for my own parents who were just a boy and a girl who fell in love and battled through their own coming of age together while raising four children. I think that’s the gift and tool we gain when we have children, our souls are more open to connecting with others because we have gained true love and empathy.
I just spent the day with my son touring university campuses and I am so excited for him and proud of him. He’s nervous and scared and I am supporting and encouraging him to spread his wings and look for opportunities he never knew existed. My heart is so full right now!
I read your post and it made me ball my eyes out because I realized he’s getting my undivided attention and that’s why it feels so good. It also made me think about how little of my attention he’s had throughout his life so far. I was around a lot compared to most dads because I worked from home but I was always taking care of things instead of just seeing him. I can forgive myself as I was younger and living out of alignment and I gave what I had to give. I can do better now and I’ll spend the rest of my life giving as much of my presence as I can to my children. My daughter is younger too and still likes to sit and lean against me and just chat. I can tell she just wants to be seen by me.
I can feel the love you have for your children in your words and I feel the same way about mine. Thank you for sharing this Vishen!
Thank you for this beautiful story. Our son returned to source in a few hours after his birth. While we struggled with grief a lot, someone wise said “it’s not the length of life that matters, it’s how much love that life was filled with that does”.
I’ve seen my husband go through immense grief. And I can imagine how powerful men’s group must be in a world where men still struggle with embracing vulnerability. Speaking with fellow dads who had unfortunately lost their little ones was the only space that resonated with my husband. Bless all men who bravely open their hearts and soul.
Hi Vishen
I’m a mother to an 8 year old young man. This touched me to the core. I was raised by a single mother and my grandmother. My mother, though she has always provided for me, has never really been there for me. She’s from a generation of Africans who weren’t taught how to express their love. To them as long as you don’t go to sleep hungry, have clothes on your back and go to school, you’re okay.
My son was born when I wasn’t working. While I was pregnant with him, I told myself I would not be my mother. I make sure I tell him I love him, more than once a day. I ensure that I give him a hug every single day. Sometimes he just surprises me with a hug too, for no reason other than that is what I have shown him. He’s a great hugger.
I once told him that he has to go to my mother’s for the week because I don’t have money to buy him food,he responded by saying that he doesn’t mind that we don’t have money to buy food, he will sleep to curb the hunger. That made me sad,but it also made me realise that the emotional bond is much stronger than the physical things we provide. (I was just pulling his leg, he didn’t have to go to his grandmother’s)
I somehow wish I had at least one parent like John Lennon. But then, I probably wouldn’t be the mother to a son who’s aware of himself and who I express love to.
I absolutely Loved reading this story thank you for sharing 🙂 We too are conscious of the fact our kids are growing up so fast and these moments are so precious 🙂
Dear Vishen:
When you asked us to pause the reading to hug our children, my heart stopped for a second. I closed my eyes and focused on my son’s deep green eyes and recalled the soft scent of his hair, a smell I loved to feel when we embraced. The last hug we shared, six months ago, lives in my heart with such joy that I couldn’t begin to describe it.
Twenty-five years ago, I made the decision to become a single mother. Yes, I left everything behind—and I’m not talking about material things or people, but about leaving behind my family’s and society’s traditions when it came to raising a child. I did it my way, believing in the two of us as a unit, as a team. I was harshly criticized—people even told me I was raising a weak man who wouldn’t be able to face life’s harsh realities. All because I never chose violence or conditions in his upbringing. I chose love. The kind that shows up every single day—in hugs, in being present in every part of his life, and he in mine.
And suddenly, he became a man, and I became a grown woman who had paused her dreams for a much bigger one. Then came the moment to spread wings and leave the nest. But this time, it was different—I was the one who left the nest.
My son brought his girlfriend home, and the three of us lived together for a while. It was the most extraordinary and wonderful adventure—a way to bring closure to our life together. This time, I prepared them to live as a couple, while I also prepared myself to continue life without him in my daily routine. I did it with joy—and a few tears.
I left my physical home and started a new life in Europe—yes, 8,800 kilometers away. I am so proud of the son I raised and released into the world. He is an extraordinary human being who lives each day as if it were a miracle—just like I used to tell him every night before he fell asleep.
These 25 years have been the most educational of my life, and they’ve prepared me to continue pursuing my goals—with greater wisdom and focus. Because nothing teaches you how to focus more than being a mother or father.
And just a few seconds ago, I received a message from him that said, “Mom, I suddenly felt like you were home. Everything okay?”
Near or far, my son and I remain a unit, holding hands from the soul. We are home.
After finishing your article, I felt the urge to write to you, because I deeply related to what you’re going through right now, and you’re doing a wonderful job with your children. Thank you, Vishen. I love reading your words and knowing that you take the time to read ours. Truly, thank you so much. With love. Patty
I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. As a mom and entrepreneur, I constantly feel the pull between being present for my kids and pursuing my goals.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself, what matters most? And the answer is always them. I can’t stop working completely right now, but I do my best to prioritize our time together. This story really hit home,thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for sending that email it made me stop and think! I’ve been concentrating so much on my own stuff lately to keep myself grounded and protected I feel I’ve neglected my kids who are all young men now! My youngest is 19, 22 + 23 all boys who feel they don’t need hugs from their mother any more! I miss that so much, you have reminded me to give them more of my time! I’ve been mother + father to my 3 boys since my oldest 2 were 2 + 3 I was 3 months pregnant with my 3rd! I got very ill for many years I was fortunate enough to heal from it all after a 14 year illness! I’ve been losing a lot of guilt around not being there 100% for my youngest due to it! The guilt has sat there for so long and to finally be able to release it is a huge relief! So thank you for the reminder that I’m not in this alone! My kids may be grown, that they do still need their mother + I need them!
I’m so glad I read this email (I was overwhelmed by reading so many today, that I almost deleted it! ).
I like a lot the tone of this email/ “conversation”… I’m a mom of 3, I stay at home the first years, they were my job! Now I have my girl turned 18, graduating high school and about to go to college, my other girl going next year to senior year too, and my boy… joined the Air Force, proud, happy for him, but scared on my insides!
And realizing that really once we were those ages and we were wanting our independence and adventures of our own! So soon they will have them and part of us will sound in them always wherever they are…
We have to enjoy, and be grateful everyday.
Thank you Vishen.
Thanks Vishen to share something so personal with all of us. Your people. Thanks to make us reflect in something so valuable. The love and attention we give to our kids is something that creates a special bond with them, later in time is a special gift that we carry in our hearts. I am sure, in the middle of a very busy life, your kids know you love them very dearly.
Thanks for this, Vishen. It’s so true, life passes by so quickly and how we make others feel is the legacy we leave behind.
I no longer have the opportunity to hug or kiss or hold my children every day because they’ve grown up and got their own families. I wish I’d done that more, though. Wish I’d not been so upset with them when they didn’t eat dinner, made a mess or just behaved like teenagers.
I miss the feel of small pudgy hands and the smell of freshly bathed toddlers. But we have a different relationship now, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.
Nothing stays still and there’s always something new to discover as we go through life.
Make the most of every moment and be as present as possible in each fleeting minute and second of the each day. It goes in a flash!
I worked hard to be sure that I had the relationship I wanted with my two daughters I’m 71 now they’re in their late 30s and they both have provided me with two grandchildren each. This is the most important thing to do well and if you do it well you get two chances. My grandchildren are like seeing my children all over again first as babies then toddlers, and now preschool kindergarten and first grade. I thought it was over when my children grew up but now I’m the luckiest man alive and I get to see it all again.
Thank you Vishen.. I was a workaholic, suddenly things started to change…
My work contract ended.. instead of complaining or worrying, I thank God for the opportunity to be with my kids, to drop and pick them from school and cook breakfast and Dinner.
During the day – I start to apply for jobs.. but when the kids come back.. I spend some time with them.
I thank you Vishen for being the change. I love you and Mind valley.
My adopted Thai kid Anda, who is turning 18 tomorrow, walked into the kitchen as I was crying while preparing a cup of coffee after reading The Greatest Decision a Man can Make.
I’m 80 later this year but I’ve been his “dad” since he was born as his actual dad wasn’t ready to fill those shoes.
My natural kids are close to 50, but this young man has been my “full time job” over the last 18 years. Sure there were difficulties, yet we made the time to sail all over the world and this summer he will join one of our sailing school-ships for 80 days of instruction from Fiji to Bali before heading back where he was born in Bangkok for a visit after graduating here in Florida.
…and like John L., I wouldn’t trade our time together for the world. I was crying just for that reason – it wasn’t joy, or sadness, it was just power that drove the tears. Thank you for the renewed focus and the refreshing tears. Anda and I spent some hours after that moment – reflecting on the past and prospects for his future as a result.
We must never lose track of why we are here and the contribution we can make if we can stay in that sweet spot between what we do – while together with those we call family. From today, I include you. Thank you Vishen.
I don’t have children (by choice) but I do believe you have to show up for anyone and everyone that you love in this life. You make a difference to them all.
Thanks for this beautiful message