I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
256 Responses
This resonated with me 110% right now.
Vishen, Thank you for retelling this story.
I’ve been a Mind Valley member for years now, but this is the first time I’ve felt motivated to write you. I’ve had a somewhat similar experience in my life and career. I worked in recording studios for many years and spent 16 of them working for Michael Jackson on his albums (including Thriller) and many other projects. Over time we discussed many things, family, life, the world. We had so much in common, influences and related experiences in life and the music business. We bonded and became exceptionally close friends,
I married and when our daughter was born extremely premature I realized that in the long picture of things, she needed a dad more than I needed an illustrious career. So I made adjustments and while I still worked with Michael I didn’t make my career an priority. My daughter has been disabled her entire life and as parents we raised her at home giving her the most normal life a child could have and because of her disabilities she is still my “little girl”. When my family suffered an extremely traumatic episode in an industrial accident here in LA, I became caregiver to two family members. In a year long process I lost my wife and the ability to give my daughter the level of care she required.
My daughter now resides in a care facility and I see her and work with her every day. The strength, dedication and inspiration my friendship with Michael has given me continues with me on a daily basis. He is one of the most understood celebrities we have had in this world, as well as one of the most talented and creative artists of our time.
So I totally appreciate this story because no matter how successful one may be, it comes down to what is in a person’s heart, what is in their soul and how they relate to the world on a personal level. My daughter is my blessing. I tell her I love her every day. The time I spend with her is special. It’s hard work but I would not trade it for any other life. I try to live my best life and do it to the best of my ability. One day at a time,
Thank you for your efforts and the programs your company provides. (I attended the LA Manifesting Weekend Event online and I enjoyed your comments on MJ’s music)
Oh, bless your heart. Thank you for sharing.
Dear Vishen,
From someone who has known more losses than the number of times you have been on stage – I hear you. I feel you. And here’s a Kahlil Gibran quote to give you courage –
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
……
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
This story is so apt for the current times. Everyone is so focussed on building their career and ultimately wealth, all in the name of providing a good future for their kids not realising that whist worrying about the child’s future they have lost the precious moments of the child’s present’
The money that you would have made in the future cannot buy back any of the joys that you would have missed in the present
Like everyone I too was in the same boat. I could not change the past but I did sometime that changed what I do now .
At the height of my success I left my job to be able to spend more time with my grandkids. They live a 17 hour flight away and I did not want to just be a FaceTime grandma. Now I get to go and spend at least 2-3 months each time and truly be part of their lives and my daughter just loves having me around
I hope that your story hits the vast majority of young parents and it changes their lifestyle in any small way…
Thank you
As a grandmother I read this from a very different vantage point…Your writing was beyond poignant and profound..if I ruled the world I would make it mandatory reading for every parent, old and new…..we are caught up in a world that moves way too fast…where blinks of the eyes truly turn into years…hoping your words will trigger parents to stop looking at their screens and start looking into the faces of their tresured children.
Me encantó !!
Gracias por compartir 🙂
Disfrutando cada vez más de esos newsletters.
Saludos desde Chiapas, México 🇲🇽
Thanks Vishen!
This is the reason why I am so slow with the Mindvalley courses. My daughter is only 5 and I refuse sending her more than 4 hours to kindergarden (all the other kids go 6 hours). I want to spent as much time with her as we can as we want. As you said there will come the day when those little ones are bigger ones and fly off, meaning that right now I have less time for me, for work. But I am very thanksfull to have the possibility in/with mindvalley to do at least some personal growth in my own speed, the speed that allows me to be there for my daughter, now and here : )
Thank you, Vishen for this story. There are things that money cannot buy, that are extremely important. A better world has emotionally healthy people. Children and adults have much better emotional health if they have loving and empathetic parents/adults caring for them. Let’s make this world better in every way. Thank you so much for all you do.
That is SO beautiful I got teary eyed. I don’t have kids but family is a priority and because I help people deal with death every day our beautiful moments in life are all so very precious. Fantastic Article. All the “getting ahead” in the world is not worth it if we don’t value what is of greatest imporatance. And when we do we ride on the wings of angels 🙂
This was so beautiful and made me cry💜 my daughters mean everything to me, now 13 and 16. I often think about the moments and how one day it will be different, and they’ll have their own lives. I savor every minute. As I follow my dreams I do it for them too. I want them to see that they can be anything they dream too, no matter what. I want them to see me believe in myself as much as I believe in them. They are my heart♥️ and I’m honored to be their mom and guide. My hope is that I set a wonderful example with my life.
This was actually what I was thinking this morning as I left for work. My son is 15, and he will soon be leaving me to explore his new adult life. Here came this blog in my inbox, leaving me in tears. Thank you for your sharing, knowing that I am not alone.
Beautiful and thought provoking Vishen.
I have 3 kids 6, 4 and 2. I do feel like I am on the protection and schedule end rather than presence and showing up for the soul. Something to start working on! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Vishen.
Few things tugged my heart strings today, then more so your email. So I couldn’t go hug my kid but I did jump off and email him to please come say hi and drop the granddaughter off for few days sleep over and I’d bring her home and cycle a visit to my mum and grandmother with her before seeing them again. Awww thanks for shortening the miles in between us all when life can get too busy and we have to keep our supports in place! Sending much love to you and your family in return.
Vishen thank you so much for this piece.
This might be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever written or said. We mostly tend to ignore our child while they are growing up but this is the time when we make lifelong connections with our children.
We have two daughters and I have tried to give them utmost attention. We have such strong bond. Whenever they come running to me, I just drop everything and listen to them as if this is the most important thing in my life right now.
I also often dread of a thought if they turned older and have their own priorities what will happen to me.
Thank you again.
Such a beautiful message Vishen. I’m in constant battle with self between the time I give to work and the time I give to my children. But one thing I know for sure, I’m not giving all my time to work, only to miss what truly matters to me most which is my children. This story really affirmed me. Thank you:).
I have 9 year old twins a boy and a girl, they are wonderful. I have been very fortunate and blessed that they are here and to be at home with them for these years.
I have always felt the somewhat surreal nature of the present moment with them, hard to take in the extraordinary reality of the miracle that they and my wife are here with me. There is an art to being present with them and my wife and it is very easy to slip out of this realisation in the present moment while engaged with the actions and distractions of daily life. Presence is the key to the art being present with them. This is my priority !
Vishen, thank you for these moments and insights into fatherhood. *CONFESSION* I don’t often open some of these EDMs but I was drawn to the Greatest Decision a Man Can Make email. I’m a mother myself and as a conscious parenting and life coach (graduated from Dr Shefali’s amazing awakening course!), I’m organising a Parenting Summit in Hong Kong (for a more local flavour and the uniqueness of the city’s composition) and one of the most important stories I’d like to tell is that of fatherhood.
Men as much as women are pulled into the matrix of societal expectations and limitations! The patriarchy is stifling us!
I’d love to ask if I could refer or read out your story of John Lennon, just before we present the panel of speakers consisting of fathers from stay-at-home-dads, single dads to corporate breadwinners.
Thank you for inspiring me today.
Love these thoughts Vishen! I was actually smiling earlier this morning, remembering a moment where you and Hayden were standing atop the oceanside spires in Santorini, years ago. In your loving non-judgmental way you were explaining how jumping between the spires was perhaps not the safest decision. The way you calmly engaged his curiosity, while also helping him reach a comfortable and safe conclusion, really warmed me. I believe it’s these little moments that matter…
Hi Vishen,
I felt tears rise as I read your email.
I’m sure many of us—mothers and fathers—felt the same way.
I’m Korean, but I’ve lived in different parts of the world since I was young.
Following my father’s work, we moved to South America, then I studied in the U.S.
After getting married and having my first daughter, we moved to Brazil.
Our second daughter was born there.
So now, we’re a family with a Korean mom and dad, an American first daughter, and a Brazilian second. 😊
But what really stayed with me wasn’t the story of where we lived, but how life continued even in unfamiliar places, with languages and cultures we barely understood.
Both my husband and I worked outside all day.
And though we did what we had to do, our daughters often felt our absence.
Reading about John Lennon, and seeing how you make space for Hayden and Eve despite your schedule…
It made me pause and reflect.
Yes, I did what I could—but was it truly enough?
Time flew.
That once-little girl is now 31, and her younger sister is 29.
Despite our imperfect parenting, they grew into wonderful women.
And I’m just filled with gratitude.
Still, I imagine the day they fall in love and start their own journey… I’ll cry so much.
Even now, tears fill my eyes.
Maybe because I said “I love you” often, but didn’t always show it in ways that mattered.
And that leaves a soft ache in my heart.
Your message touched something deeply human in me.
Thank you for writing with such honesty. It reached a mother’s heart.
I love this. Thank you! My kids are grown now and been out of the house a good while. My spouse and I still constantly ask ourselves if we did enough, and reflect back remembering when they were young and how often we unconsciously operated through life on autopilot only. We wish we could go back in time for a chance to be more present and savor more moments with them.
Dear Vishen,
It’s a divine timing as I was just reflecting last sunday on my relation with my kids and my comitment to say yes to more fun, more games, conversations, walks ….with my kids. I realize we live in the same house.
Thank you so much for sharing this e-mail with us 🙏🏽
Thanks Vishen for your really moving, insightful and beautiful post…loved it!❤️ Wow! what an inspiring story re John Lennon and your own reflections on your growing kids Hayden and Eve..how time flies with them dancing in our lives! And how important spending quality dedicated time with our children bringing them up and leaving a legacy in their hearts as a priority and more important than anything else in our lives!🙏l loved the lyrics of his song and listened to the beautiful song too!❤️
I don’t have kids of my own but because my only sister had health challenges, was divorced with unsupportive dad for her kids, my dad and mum and l helped her to raise her son and daughter with love and fun and importance of family and life values and now that they are 31 and 25 so grown up, l am so glad to see them happy and successful in their lives and remain so close to their family especially their mum and me, their auntie as a second mum!😍🙏
There is a saying: It takes a village to bring up a child and that’s what happened for our 2 kids lacking a dad.. their grandparents and me took that role and supported the kids through everything with love and fun and wisdom, which really paid off as they are wonderful adults practising what we taught them in life lessons and values every day! 🙏❤️
Vishen, you are doing the right thing by your kids being there for them fully!❤️👍 But as an oral Storyteller myself, l told family stories to my kids which had a profound effect on my kids, l urge you to also capture your family stories from your parents and elders and pass them down to Hayden and Eve to inspire their lives and help to understand themselves better and their inherited traits and gain strength from knowing where they came from knowing they share powerful DNA with their inspirational ancestors. My two kids heard their grandparents inspiring stories of being artists, photographers and wildlife conservationists in Uganda and my niece Mahaneela is now a creative film director, writer, inspiring role model as was listed last year in Forbes list for 30 entrepreneurs under 30 making an impact in the world and will be writing and creating a movie about her grandparents’ incredible life story, while my autistic nephew Corey is working with animals in a veterinary practice and training to be an anaesthetic specialist!😍🙏
So that’s why I am in process of creating a podcast to encourage everyone especially all parents to capture their family stories from elders before it’s too late eg due to sickness, dementia or death, and do it orally and record their voices for posterity and pass these stories to the children to inspire them to be brought up by parents and family as the ‘whole village ‘!❤️