I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
245 Responses
This was actually what I was thinking this morning as I left for work. My son is 15, and he will soon be leaving me to explore his new adult life. Here came this blog in my inbox, leaving me in tears. Thank you for your sharing, knowing that I am not alone.
Beautiful and thought provoking Vishen.
I have 3 kids 6, 4 and 2. I do feel like I am on the protection and schedule end rather than presence and showing up for the soul. Something to start working on! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Vishen.
Few things tugged my heart strings today, then more so your email. So I couldn’t go hug my kid but I did jump off and email him to please come say hi and drop the granddaughter off for few days sleep over and I’d bring her home and cycle a visit to my mum and grandmother with her before seeing them again. Awww thanks for shortening the miles in between us all when life can get too busy and we have to keep our supports in place! Sending much love to you and your family in return.
Vishen thank you so much for this piece.
This might be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever written or said. We mostly tend to ignore our child while they are growing up but this is the time when we make lifelong connections with our children.
We have two daughters and I have tried to give them utmost attention. We have such strong bond. Whenever they come running to me, I just drop everything and listen to them as if this is the most important thing in my life right now.
I also often dread of a thought if they turned older and have their own priorities what will happen to me.
Thank you again.
Such a beautiful message Vishen. I’m in constant battle with self between the time I give to work and the time I give to my children. But one thing I know for sure, I’m not giving all my time to work, only to miss what truly matters to me most which is my children. This story really affirmed me. Thank you:).
I have 9 year old twins a boy and a girl, they are wonderful. I have been very fortunate and blessed that they are here and to be at home with them for these years.
I have always felt the somewhat surreal nature of the present moment with them, hard to take in the extraordinary reality of the miracle that they and my wife are here with me. There is an art to being present with them and my wife and it is very easy to slip out of this realisation in the present moment while engaged with the actions and distractions of daily life. Presence is the key to the art being present with them. This is my priority !
Vishen, thank you for these moments and insights into fatherhood. *CONFESSION* I don’t often open some of these EDMs but I was drawn to the Greatest Decision a Man Can Make email. I’m a mother myself and as a conscious parenting and life coach (graduated from Dr Shefali’s amazing awakening course!), I’m organising a Parenting Summit in Hong Kong (for a more local flavour and the uniqueness of the city’s composition) and one of the most important stories I’d like to tell is that of fatherhood.
Men as much as women are pulled into the matrix of societal expectations and limitations! The patriarchy is stifling us!
I’d love to ask if I could refer or read out your story of John Lennon, just before we present the panel of speakers consisting of fathers from stay-at-home-dads, single dads to corporate breadwinners.
Thank you for inspiring me today.
Love these thoughts Vishen! I was actually smiling earlier this morning, remembering a moment where you and Hayden were standing atop the oceanside spires in Santorini, years ago. In your loving non-judgmental way you were explaining how jumping between the spires was perhaps not the safest decision. The way you calmly engaged his curiosity, while also helping him reach a comfortable and safe conclusion, really warmed me. I believe it’s these little moments that matter…
Hi Vishen,
I felt tears rise as I read your email.
I’m sure many of us—mothers and fathers—felt the same way.
I’m Korean, but I’ve lived in different parts of the world since I was young.
Following my father’s work, we moved to South America, then I studied in the U.S.
After getting married and having my first daughter, we moved to Brazil.
Our second daughter was born there.
So now, we’re a family with a Korean mom and dad, an American first daughter, and a Brazilian second. 😊
But what really stayed with me wasn’t the story of where we lived, but how life continued even in unfamiliar places, with languages and cultures we barely understood.
Both my husband and I worked outside all day.
And though we did what we had to do, our daughters often felt our absence.
Reading about John Lennon, and seeing how you make space for Hayden and Eve despite your schedule…
It made me pause and reflect.
Yes, I did what I could—but was it truly enough?
Time flew.
That once-little girl is now 31, and her younger sister is 29.
Despite our imperfect parenting, they grew into wonderful women.
And I’m just filled with gratitude.
Still, I imagine the day they fall in love and start their own journey… I’ll cry so much.
Even now, tears fill my eyes.
Maybe because I said “I love you” often, but didn’t always show it in ways that mattered.
And that leaves a soft ache in my heart.
Your message touched something deeply human in me.
Thank you for writing with such honesty. It reached a mother’s heart.
I love this. Thank you! My kids are grown now and been out of the house a good while. My spouse and I still constantly ask ourselves if we did enough, and reflect back remembering when they were young and how often we unconsciously operated through life on autopilot only. We wish we could go back in time for a chance to be more present and savor more moments with them.
Dear Vishen,
It’s a divine timing as I was just reflecting last sunday on my relation with my kids and my comitment to say yes to more fun, more games, conversations, walks ….with my kids. I realize we live in the same house.
Thank you so much for sharing this e-mail with us 🙏🏽
Thanks Vishen for your really moving, insightful and beautiful post…loved it!❤️ Wow! what an inspiring story re John Lennon and your own reflections on your growing kids Hayden and Eve..how time flies with them dancing in our lives! And how important spending quality dedicated time with our children bringing them up and leaving a legacy in their hearts as a priority and more important than anything else in our lives!🙏l loved the lyrics of his song and listened to the beautiful song too!❤️
I don’t have kids of my own but because my only sister had health challenges, was divorced with unsupportive dad for her kids, my dad and mum and l helped her to raise her son and daughter with love and fun and importance of family and life values and now that they are 31 and 25 so grown up, l am so glad to see them happy and successful in their lives and remain so close to their family especially their mum and me, their auntie as a second mum!😍🙏
There is a saying: It takes a village to bring up a child and that’s what happened for our 2 kids lacking a dad.. their grandparents and me took that role and supported the kids through everything with love and fun and wisdom, which really paid off as they are wonderful adults practising what we taught them in life lessons and values every day! 🙏❤️
Vishen, you are doing the right thing by your kids being there for them fully!❤️👍 But as an oral Storyteller myself, l told family stories to my kids which had a profound effect on my kids, l urge you to also capture your family stories from your parents and elders and pass them down to Hayden and Eve to inspire their lives and help to understand themselves better and their inherited traits and gain strength from knowing where they came from knowing they share powerful DNA with their inspirational ancestors. My two kids heard their grandparents inspiring stories of being artists, photographers and wildlife conservationists in Uganda and my niece Mahaneela is now a creative film director, writer, inspiring role model as was listed last year in Forbes list for 30 entrepreneurs under 30 making an impact in the world and will be writing and creating a movie about her grandparents’ incredible life story, while my autistic nephew Corey is working with animals in a veterinary practice and training to be an anaesthetic specialist!😍🙏
So that’s why I am in process of creating a podcast to encourage everyone especially all parents to capture their family stories from elders before it’s too late eg due to sickness, dementia or death, and do it orally and record their voices for posterity and pass these stories to the children to inspire them to be brought up by parents and family as the ‘whole village ‘!❤️
This is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. This is exactly why I chose to pause work once I became pregnant with my first baby. And now with two children, 2 and 4 years old, I am so grateful I have 4 memorable years so far, raising them with my husband. It hasn’t been easy but it has been, by far, my favorite job I’ve ever had. I love that this story highlights how we can all get so caught up in our careers, legacy, hobbies, etc that we miss out on some of the most meaningful years of our life and it’s time that we can never get back. I’m so grateful I realized this when I was pregnant with my first because it gave me the perspective to stay present now and soak in these years. When I start to get distracted and think about all the other things I need to get done or things I need to accomplish, I’m always reminded that the most important and meaningful time ever spent has been with my children and husband. And for that I am forever grateful.
Hi, I’m so gutted. I thought you were going to say you’re stepping back from mind valley to spend time with your kids.
But you’re not.
Maybe you will soon.
Best Wishes
Vishen,
Love this!!!
So many synchronicities!
I do not have children and I resonate with the notion of choosing to live and coach my clients accordingly!
So interesting the quote by Jose Silva!!!
I played the music for “Imagine” and learned the lyrics to sing when scattering my fathers ashes- we were not close he was a combat veteran of the vietnam war, a helicopter gunner, he was dishonorably discharged and I believe I’m alive because he was discharged, I believe he would not have made it back to meet my mother otherwise.
I’m legally blind and co-founded of a social impact/ workplace program approach that is sustainable and goes to the root cause of the issue in a face to face human to human way just like the conversation between 2 men here. Not fighting for justice, other organizations will do that, but training and invitations to set aside the emotionally triggered self to have conversation with the logical we the team to work together in a productive way.
We people, and men must feel a sense of productivity and sometimes that’s spending time with their children.
And Still we rise
Cheers to the goodness, the next level with abundance as my birthright.
Thank you!
Well this hit right in the heart. My girls are 17 and 20, I often reflect on their life with me so far. It happened slow, fast, no time at all, seemed like a lifetime. I was raising them alone a lot my husband worked FIFO- I was trying so hard to be a great role model, working to create a business. I know I rushed them. Being a mum has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done. They are so loved but I’m far more present now. I did give them time… but I do wonder if it was enough. I actually just apologised to my eldest daughter as she told me some memories of her childhood I regret. We hugged and healed. I do feel they need me just as much now being older for life has all the new adventures they’re learning and I’m here. I’m present. Thank you vishen. A beautiful story with so much meaning and heart. ♥️ john has always been such a great figure in my life. I loved this and knowing how happy he was.
Beautiful. I am a legal practitioner but when I gave birth to my youngest son I stopped working to be a full time mom. I wasn’t an easy decision and until now i have not stopped “doing something, or learning something” because i believe just because i am a stay at home mom it doesn’t mean i have to stop growing. My eldest just finished IB exam and going to the UK in September- that’s 13 hour flight. My youngest is 15. I never regret my decision to stop working. I’m f I were to die now – I know for sure I won’t regret my choice. My youngest is diagnosed with neurodivergence symptoms several years ago and being able to look after him, to guide him through tough times at school, to be there emotionally and physically is such a blessing. People forget that time is an asset, an equity, a currency that did not multiplied and it can’t be replaced.
Im a fan the thing that took my attn was his name john lennon..but there was something deeper.. relationship with our family will be our legacy the will imprint in the history of our generations..he died before he was able to spread his most important legacy ..to value relationship..he had another song ..Waching the wheels…
I am so touched with his story and I have to say I’ve been so grateful and thankful for some of the decisions I took a few years ago. My son is now 15 and going to be in that space of the 18s very soon. He was 5 when I had to be a single parent and he started living with me full time since then. At that moment I realised I had to be there for him physically mentally and emotionally. And that’s when I started to turn down promotions in my career for four consecutive years and said to myself that the time I get each day will have to be used wisely and more money, fame and corporate titles etc alone are not going to give me that fulfilment I’d like to reflect back in the years when my son starts living on his own and moves on. Despite the financial challenges and burn down to ground zero due to my divorce I was blessed in so many ways to build my life back with so much joy and beautiful memories I’ve created with my son. Back then when people used to make fun of me when I turned down such amazing job opportunities and promotions that came my way made me second guess my own decisions if I was doing something terribly wrong and messing my life up. But now I have no guilt on the decisions I took back then. Today I stand proud filled with so much love around me and my child. Reading this article had made me walk back to those lanes of the past years and reflect back on it. Woww it’s such a beautiful feeling indeed. Thank you for sharing this story.
I love the story! I don’t have my own kids, but I was a live-in-nanny for my best friend for 3 and a half years. I know that Building a happy family is very difficult… I believe you are a great dad, Vishen! Thank you so much for what you do.
I cried while reading this article and writing this comment. I was a single mom my son’s entire childhood, he is now 23. He was the center of my world until 5 years ago when he decided to move out and on his own. I was actively engaged in his life and supported everything he was interested in, and then I had to step back and let him be him. I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. He’s still in my world, but I had to let him go and be in the world so he could grow.
Empty nesting was SO hard, but it’s because I gave my whole being to him and when he left I had to remember who I was and how I had been shaped into a new me by learning true love. I try to give myself grace when I think back and feel regret about something in the past. I do not regret living with less, so I could be more available and do more with him. Being a mother helped me empathize with, forgive, and feel gratitude for my own parents who were just a boy and a girl who fell in love and battled through their own coming of age together while raising four children. I think that’s the gift and tool we gain when we have children, our souls are more open to connecting with others because we have gained true love and empathy.
I just spent the day with my son touring university campuses and I am so excited for him and proud of him. He’s nervous and scared and I am supporting and encouraging him to spread his wings and look for opportunities he never knew existed. My heart is so full right now!
I read your post and it made me ball my eyes out because I realized he’s getting my undivided attention and that’s why it feels so good. It also made me think about how little of my attention he’s had throughout his life so far. I was around a lot compared to most dads because I worked from home but I was always taking care of things instead of just seeing him. I can forgive myself as I was younger and living out of alignment and I gave what I had to give. I can do better now and I’ll spend the rest of my life giving as much of my presence as I can to my children. My daughter is younger too and still likes to sit and lean against me and just chat. I can tell she just wants to be seen by me.
I can feel the love you have for your children in your words and I feel the same way about mine. Thank you for sharing this Vishen!