I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
256 Responses
Beautiful story! It opens my heart every time I hear a story like that regardless of who that might be, or seeing a father spending time with his child and being a supportive dad/ husband. My marriage broke up when my daughters were 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 years old. Unfortunately their father wasn’t particularly supportive, it’s not that he didn’t love them, he just didn’t know how to be a fully supportive father due to his own wounding when he was a child. This has affected the type of relationships my daughters have with men (they are in their 30’s now). Don’t get me wrong , they are beautiful women, they just haven’t had that role model of a strong, supportive male in their lives.
It does make me sad but good to see that my daughters are on their own journey of healing. I guess my point is ….there are so many men out there who do need healing because they haven’t had those father role models in their lives to make them more aware as fathers…how do we help them?
Dear Vishen, this is a beautiful way of living and so important, I do not have children. It just did not happen for me. So if you have the gift to have children you have to enjoy every moment you can. Give all your love. You created there lives and now be with them life the moment and even looking forward for the future, never forget to enjoy the present moment, that is all we have. The past does not exist any more and the future we do not now. But our present is all and most important. And be present en your children’s life with all your being is more important than any other thing in life. Enjoy, you have given already a lot to humanity.
I’m often to blogging and i really appreciate your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I’m going to bookmark your web site and maintain checking for brand spanking new information.
Thanks for your e-mail and post.
I’m 41 and my daugther is 14.
I regret not spending my time with her as I could and should, and now I’m fighting not to do the same mistake with my 8 years son, and become more present to both.
Hi Vishen
What a beautifully written and inspiring message, I feel like all I have to leave behind is the humans we have brought into this world, and spending time molding them into loving human beings, who are able to look after themselves and who will be a blessing to all those they come into contact with. This is a job I strive to achieve every single day, life is hectic, and spending quality time with the boys the way my dad did with me is the most important job I feel I have, and one I give my very best to because you right, in the end, that will be the legacy we leave behind and the difference we make in the world. I cherish this time, and will hold it in my heart forever… Thanks for your reminder on the importance of Parenthood.
I’m crying reading this because my soul led me here.❤️🩹🦋
I have 2 kids,a daughter who is 24 and a son who is 5,soon to be 6.
My kids are and will always be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I have shared custody of my son but the times that I do spend with my son are precious.
I started personal growth 10 years ago and I’m glad I did beautify in honest it saved my life.
I’m a massive fan of Mindvalley and Vishen.
I’ve subscribed for years.
God bless you Vishen for sharing this as I was meant to read it.
It cracked open my heart ❤️ in the best way.
Every day we get better and better and better.
God bless from Australia 🇦🇺 🩷💙🩵🦋🦋
Amazing story, Vishen. I read it with tears in my eyes. My kids are now 42, 38 and 30. I have grown up grand kids. Your story made me remember how I was too busy to realise that being a parent is the most fulfilling, rewarding, heartwarming, amazing “job” one can have. And I was too busy to do that job the way I know I could have, and I would today! But life goes on and I have the most amazing kids I could have. I look ahead and avoid to look back. Don’t look back.
Because “Every day in every way is getting better, better and better “!
Thank you for sharing 🙏
I don’t have kids, but I do have nephews- and I have made it a point to be a part of their lives.
I was hired as a nanny by my eldest sister for her son, and with the other due to life situations (or I guess a blessing in disguise) my sister and I have lived together on several occasions, giving me the chance to share with her son as well. I take pictures like an obsessed aunt of silly moments, funny faces, and soccer games just so I can show them a couple years later. (they roll their eyes in the moment, but they love the memories)
However, this article made me write to my mother; a master magician. Going through a long divorce with 3 daughters and trying to get her ex-husband help, still made the most difficult situations fond memories- made a scary situation an adventure, and made the mundane noteworthy. I thanked her for the ordinary magic; and I thank you for shining a light on those wonderful moments. <3
Vishen I was in an accident and was looking for inspiration while I was healing. It was 25 years ago. I saw you developing Mind Valley from the ground up. When you said your son is going to be 18 I was shocked because I see him as the little toddler and first grader. I watched you say you were instructed to grow Mind Valley larger. Loved when you tried different healing modalities and shared it with us. Always bringing the best and the brightest to Mind Valley and it’s helped a lot. The universe is pushing me to grow fast I am here for it. It’s exciting yet challenging to get all the pieces in place all at once. This life goes so quickly. I saw regret on my parents face when they lost connection with us. We were ready to move on with our lives. They were sad that they didn’t have the time, and finances to take off. Also realizes they disconnected from us along the way. They didn’t know who we were and at this stage of adulthood was trying to hold on tightly and we resented it. I have admired your previous decisions to follow your heart and prioritize your family. Seems like you got the message with the move to Malaysia. Also by having CEO daily handling of the company handed over to someone else. I have watched you follow divine guidance and your hearts urges with a lot of courage. Those lessons to me were gold. These were the examples plus others that I have taken with me. So I am not surprised that you will be devoting more time to your family then moving on to other adventures. Life adventures are limitless this is the time for breakthroughs in places where we need diversity of ideas, people, stories.
So glad you have this page to keep in contact with us as you realize other dreams.
I am truly grateful to have come across your post today! Every word was heartfelt and I now have more compassion for myself and a renewed sense of discipline and focus when it comes to parenthood. I have known for over a decade now that being a parent was my most important purpose and that’s why I quit working for anybody else back in 2014. I wanted to make sure that I was very present in my children’s lives (especially because they were both micropreemies & were dealing with a multitude of health issues at that time) and that I was able to witness every milestone! Also between now and then I have been self-employed and have had 2 more children since. Over the past few years, I had been a little harder on myself about not being further with my business and I have been getting frustrated with duty of raising a set of teens and toddlers at the same time. But as I was reading this article, I immediately felt a deep feeling of hope because I was reminded to return to spending “alone time” with each one of the children separately.
Vishen, I am truly inspired by your work and I appreciate your presence in this world!!! Thank you!
Thank you Vishen, funny how things show up when you need them. Angels work. My son is going through a tough time mentally and needed me but I didn’t fully recognize it. Coincidently later in the day after reading your email John Lennon’s song came on the radio as I was driving. Have not heard it in years. My son and I connected and together we are working on his demons. He is 35 I am 68. A father’s work is never done. An Angels work is never done teaching and showing us where to get the peace within.
As a mother to three amazing sons, I deeply resonated with this piece. During Covid, I made the decision to pause my career and be fully present with my boys and it was, without a doubt, the best decision I’ve ever made. In that time, we didn’t just survive, we reconnected. I discovered new layers of who they were becoming, and who I was as their mother. It healed parts of me I didn’t know needed healing and reminded me that presence is the most powerful parenting tool we have. Thank you for putting words to a truth so many of us are just beginning to embrace.
Dear Mindvalley community, thank you Vishen, and your dear family reminding us all of the stages in life and letting go while holding dear, the best positive regards respect for our young people in our families growing into their adult initiations and reconciliation with the holy spirit within.
Your wonderful workshops for us to practice being with our highest essential self, receiving our guiding recovery through stages of life.
Walnut and Bottlebrush flower essence and papaya fruit, are a few solutions for how we feel, letting go of parts of ourselves that are born and raised with us. Sending love and practice Chi Qong meridian prayers and look for ways of being in each other’s lives as respect in adults ways.
Teenage years need boundaries and love and freedoms, and prayers in reflection and for our best versions of ourselves when communicating with our young people as individuals and respect their perspectives .
Keeping our hearts and minds free for our children’s maintaining a frequency of care .
When they’re is alone time after our children were living their life, we find our interests in nature, making prayer beads with Blue Quandong seeds.
We have not all the solution however we trust in the nature, and protect our environment with the best positive quality of regards, for every human being without judgement, in good faith.
Maintaining meditative practice for family to share meaningful interaction of value for the soul.
For example during our married life, 30 years, we raised our family enduring domestic violent behaviour, from others.
We always blessed our days with flowers essence from the environment.
My husband connects traditional owners first nations families stories songs dance’s culture arts practices with the community.
The cultural arts practices restore to our children their heritage, practice where they identify with the soul purpose.
A part in nature and keeping connection with our family as best we can imagine, calling upon our highest essential self and angels of God almighty God Bulurru for hearing our prayers.
Making prayer beads is possible my consolation for the process of letting go.
Also follow a pattern of behaviour that my father practice before me, that of working alone in his shed
Finding things to do together with meaningful soul purpose, while our young people choose the nature of the adults relationship with their parents as they grow up defining boundaries. As mother, do try now and then to lead the young people in the path of their father’s cultural arts heritage practice, so they could know, at every age and stage of life, is they belong and sing with stories of creation from ancient times and caretakers of the earth and people.
We are so grateful for being parents, sharing the love of raising our children.
Now , becoming a grandmother is another step back from the parent child relationship. More relaxed, maybe seeing life more balanced with love.
Very grateful thankful our children find love in the world and sending love and blessings prayers for the world and everyone families.
Thank you for sharing your special story today, my earliest memories of what I was singing as 6 years grade 1 child , “All we are saying, is give peace a chance!” Listening to John and Yoko Ono on ABC countdown with my siblings.
Walking around the school yard, singing that song in grade one, after the injury from grade prep. Powerful and present artisan whose energy is carried through the arts of their childrens practices as well.
As parents we are blessed for the opportunity to love our best services for our family and community.
Thank you so much for the invitation to comment in your conversation with parents perspectives.
Peace be with you all at Mindvalley
DEO Gratias thanks be to God almighty God Bulurru hear our prayers
Thank you Vishen, this really helped me repriortise. I have a 2-and-a-half-year-old boy, I work for myself, so do have flexibility with time, but I’m not being fully present all the time, and I’m not doing the books or the school drop-offs or pick-ups as often as I could be.
I’ve had my own healing through this process, and I will reflect frequently on what you have shared to recentre myself and stay with the magic.
Vishen,
I appreciated your vulnerability in your share of your worries. And, I am a little surprised. All the being in-touch, soul-searching, serving, connecting, etc., and you still bought an old weird social story that 18 is somehow a blow, or a cutting. Every stage of each of my three children was different and ended some of what came before, opening up new that never was. At 18 the child is no longer the legal property of the parent, but they don’t cease to be the child. The parent love and responsibility to that younger one you called your son goes on forever. Why should the inside jokes stop? Why should the random conversations stop? You don’t have to close a door on your son just because he had a birthday. And if you fostered a real connection he can trust, then your son won’t close the door on you either.
You probably didn’t read your son nightly bedtime stories at 17. Or boss him about brushing his teeth. You probably didn’t shower with him, and have to change his diaper. You are sharing and loving in new ways now and those will keep evolving. If your son chooses to be a father while you are still around, you will have another new relationship that was never there before.
When my oldest was a young adult, she still worked at the library she had started working at as a page when she was only 14. She got to arrange the children’s book display. She would bring to her growing up home picture books and we, the rest of the adult and soon-to-be-adult family members would share them around. A few times, I read the really great ones at the table to all us big people and had a really memorable laugh together. I still cherish every phone call and visit with my children who no longer live in the same house. So does their father.
I encourage you to take your own fist out of your gut before you show it to your son. Or daughter. Perhaps you could just smile and hug them (if they consent) and let them know that no matter how they grows and change, you will always love them. And they you, as you grow and change. Yes, our moments together are precious. We can notice them and celebrate them through all the changes.
Vishen,
Powerful for the simplicity of your lesson, be present. To those important in your life and yourself. When we remind ourselves of this, you get the most out of each moment.
I was a nanny for a couple of decades – Raising children is the most important job on the planet – a gift not everyone gets to experience! Connection is easily lost in ‘todays’ modern world, of over scheduling!
John was very on point with many things in life that carried into his music.
I mention his song IMAGINE in my self help navigation (sift / shift) book.
Where Is The Help I Need? (1st letter of each title word is the answer to title question)
It all begins in the action of IMAGINE – true?
One lovely family I worked for 9 / 10 times always had dinner together – so important!
Working mothers always said they felt guilty – my response was – if working makes you a better person to be around for the rest of the family, then the guilt had no place & not deserving of such a time wasting thought!
To all the folks, who can afford to take a hiatus for the 1 on 1 guidance required to make sure your child has the tools to cope with life – JUST DO IT!
To those that cannot afford such – as long as you give each child 1 on 1 story time, lunch or dinner time date without the electronics – your child will know you care in showing such priority.
So … Vishen – I am curious … What are you choosing to do – or at least considering?
You are a big influence on so many, in so many ways – is it time to create some parent (guardian) / child online events?
Dear Vishen,
I came across you almost 20 years ago when you were just starting out. I purchased your ohm meditation for my phone. I’ve known of you and been sort of following you all these years. Subscribed to your emails through a variety of my emails, most of which I don’t have time to read. I’m part of your Mindvalley Master Courses Program. I have paid a yearly fee for the last three years, but I have yet to go through one of your amazing courses. I’m not even sure I remember my login.
I have gotten so wrapped up in trying to… in striving for something to help others, that I’ve forgotten myself. I went through two rounds of in-vitro 25 years ago, unsuccessfully. I didn’t have children. However, I had extreme spiritual experiences that would blow your mind and usually only happen with plant medicine. Still, they happen to me naturally. I was called to create a modality that is now known as The Alexander Method of Vibrational Sound & Energy Therapy that helps others do the same. That is my child.
I wrote a book about it ,and it became a bestseller. Still, none of this brought me any happiness because the daily tasks of running a small business and wearing many hats have just drained me. So did my narcissistic husband, whom I’m divorcing, who never could catch onto the spiritual world I was engulfed in.
Now that I’ve turned 60, I’m looking back in a slightly different way than a parent would, trying to regain all that time lost sitting on my computer, trying to do be whatever and get my work out.
I’m going to commit these golden years to going back to studying, rather than being a teacher of others and I modality helping others, to feeding my own soul rather than helping others feed theirs.
Thank you for this article. Believe it or not, I think it’s the first article of yours I think I’ve read. I’m a big John Lennon fan, so that’s what caught my eye.
I need to get through this difficult divorce, and I do have to get back to my work because the modality I created has been helping others reach these spiritual heights and experiences without any drugs or years of meditation, or anything else. However, I’m a bit burnt out of being a small business owner and unsure how to get this out there. Although the book became a bestseller, I didn’t do anything more to promote it.
Now all I want to do is give this work to others to take forward while I instead finally turned inward to my own soul as I’m facing my own last years is on this earth. I hope I can do so, and finally take advantage of the courses that I’m paying for through MindValley, which I have never taken advantage of. Not to mention others…
Thank you for all you do
, much love and gratitude,
Lisa Alexander,
http://www.lisaalexander.com
I came to tears a few times while reading this. It’s a beautiful story, thank you, Vishen.
My younger son is 16 and lives with us, and my older son is 26 and comes home once a week. The 16-year-old doesn’t really like it when I try to hug him (I usually try daily), but I’ll try again. He sends me silly Instagram memes, though, and we have fun together watching them. I’ll share this story with my husband too.
I learned that being a parent is the most important role in the world, not because I am one, rather because I taught for 20+ years across 4 continents. Despite my students being 7 years old, the greatest influence that shape who they are, are their parents. Yet, I’ve only met a handful of parents who really show up for their kids. In my experience, majority project on to their children and have a full influence on how they are shaped. Hence I’ve left the classroom to help adults understand what I have learned through my experience – children are our greatest teachers.
I’m moved that you have come to an awareness of the precious gift of being fully present for and with your children. No matter the age, you will always see them as your children, whereas they stop seeing you as parents in the way they do in their upbringing. I’m curious how you plan to be more present with them moving forward?