I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
A good story. Being human is what life is about. And what is most human is how deep we can feel love.
This is a great story. I walked away from corporate employment just after our son’s 1st birthday, best decision I made for him and for me. It was a toughy at the time, I didn’t even talk to anyone about my decision (1st BIG clue that I was a subdued entrepreneur) however my husband simply went along with the decision. I started a business, didn’t think about it too much, we needed some sort of income replacement, and just figured things out. For our son’s whole childhood I was fully Mum at all the times I needed to be.
Outcome, son is succeeding and thriving on the global stage creating a business entirely around his passion.
Bonus outcome, (took a bit longer to become apparent), through growing a sizeable business and graduating from the fully Mum stage, I’ve now had the time to become conscious, to reveal the real me. That wouldn’t have happened had I stayed in corporate.
Vishen, this resonated with me deeply. My kids are 28, 25, and 19. When they were growing up, I was always dividing my attention between them and building my company. It’s so easy to respond to the demands of the business and “not see” the more subtle needs of the kids. I know I did the best I could at the time, but if I could change anything, it would be to spend more time supporting them and getting to know their souls. I recently attended your Mindvalley Mastermind Summit, and as I reflected on our conversation at the dinner and everything else I heard, the one clear desire that completely took me by surprise was to invite my kids to start a business together. As a business coach, I have helped hundreds of people do this over the last 15 years, why not my kids? I reached out to them before the conference ended, and I was brought to tears by their responses. They have jumped in wholeheartedly and have already created their job descriptions and are building the vision and strategy for the new company. How fun is that? You told us to focus on a desire that grabbed us emotionally AND that scared us just a little bit. I know there are challenges ahead, but I can’t think of anything I would rather do than help them grow in this way. Thank you for answering my question about scale – it was the spark I needed to uncover and take a chance on my deepest desire! This article confirmed it even more! Soak up these days! They are so special.
that message touched me deeply,
every word. thank you Vishen for the so important reminder.
Wow! This story touched the depth of my soul. I am an 87 year old woman who never had children of my own. I have a goodly number of children in my life whom i love and who have now grown. Thank you for writing!
I am a father of 3 girls and 1 boy. 25 years of addiction and in and out of their lives up until 3 years ago when I finally decided to change my life and Thiers. This message hit home in so many ways. I have a neck injury that has humbled me financially and cut my pride into pieces. Within all of that my main goal was to show up as a Dad. Allow my children to be heard and support them going forward. Hold their hands as they teach me how to show up in their lives. I spent many years protecting and fixing. Breaking apart and creating the same traumas that lived in me. From bravado to compassion and understanding. Life is never easy and full of trials but nothing is more fulfilling and holds the value than showing up as a Dad for my beautiful children .
So glad this arrived today as a reminder to stay close and build Love
Vishen, thank you for this space, it seems sacred! I am so blessed by how we are waking up
to how much goodness is in the world, contrary to what culture tries to portray.
The John Lennon story so resonated with me. I am female, however, that matters little, for
it is the lesson that we must all learn and live. My daughter is decades older than your
children are now and when John’s son benefitted from his awakening to what is really important. However, mercifully inspite of all the other mistakes we make as parents, I got
that part of the leagcy right with her. For she still enjoys, taking my hand and I feel blessed.
Thanks again, Vishen!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I made the decision 11 years ago to leave my lawyer corporate law job to spend time with my son. I was a working mom like so many others in Denmark, part time mom – due to divorce, but in my heart I knew I had not given him all the attention I wanted to give him after ending my maternity leave. And I felt in my bones that would be a huge, huge regret if I did not choose him and choose me and my dream of giving him the best foundation for life as I could. So I decided to become a selfemployed consultant lawyer working from home, with work hours scheduled around my sons school schedule. And when he was with his dad, I could work a little more. Now he is 16 off to 1 year sport boarding school specialist in skiing and kitesurfing, skateboarding in August by choice, and as share this feeling of having to leave a chapter behind, I am so, so happy that I listened to my heart. And even if having my own business as a law consultant and a coach, has been one of the most challenging things in my life, and these 10 years have been more a pause than a feeling of hockey stick in my career measured from the outside, it is the best decision I have ever made, and the decision I am most proud of. And I actually did it without pausing my career I just developed it in a different direction, grew me, in new and deeper way. Sometimes you can have both, and sometimes your greatest contribution to the world (and your purpose maybe?) is not necessarily what you can post on Linkedin, but the generational patterns you change, the new foundations you create, and the probably very succesfull children you will raise. Thank you for the reminder Vishen
Beautiful – thank you for sharing and congratulations on your parenting skills 😉
I felt really emotional after reading the above, made me ( I’m a Mum by the way) wonder about ‘presence’ in All relationships, that is , showing up and BE present. I can be an overly protective parent, now learning to listen and hear and communicate clearly.
Beautiful story, thank you for sharing. Hopefully society shifts and people will be truly free to be able to make this choice.
I am an animation movie geek (with music it seems like I lived in a cave) and the first time I really heard this song was in Mr. Peabody & Sherman. I even researched it that time because it was so beautiful and we use in hypnotherapy the ‘Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better’! and was surprised to learn who wrote the song. It was so fitting in that film, it was so sweet and touching.
With this story now it even gets more infused with happy emotions and admiration to his talent and his being.
I saw a dream of everyone of my children before getting pregnant. I can sense their soul and every time I have get a little lost as a mother, I feel I reconnect with them through their soul and that helps me always to find the answers. With the time, a deep and strong connection has develop between us. A little annoying, probably, for them, since I don’t think they can hide so much from me, hehehe!
To be present in own body and sense their presence is pure healing, meaning that is not always easy either, but always so truthful. Keeps you humble and thankful. Many things can, and sometimes have to, shake or brake in life, but not a real soul connection, they always remain and create a weave that hold us every step of the way.
-Chilean artist from Finland-
Thank you for your dear reflections. I’ve heard that souls choose before birth their parents’ souls – its a beautiful thought that from birth we are all one and here to help each other
Such a profound story to start my day today, especially when I am at a crossroads myself! I put down my papers last week after a wonderful 8 years at the company. The job needed me to relocate to a location which wasn’t the best one for my little ones. It was difficult, but then when I see my babies, I know that is the right call. I am looking forward to beautiful meaningful summertime with them. I am manifesting and I am ready to receive a better career ahead, ideal for my family, and one that brings me the best version of our lives.
I recently travelled south east Asia with my daughter. I’m a writer. The purpose wasn’t to write a book, but I did. As the pen flowed, the words spoke of a taboo subject; the heartbreak of your children growing up. The book is honest and hard-hitting. It became an international bestseller. I would love to share more about empty nest heartbreak. Especially after ivf twins, and their father leaving the day of the test results. I’m so devoted to them, and we raise our children to learn to live their lives without us. It’s natural, but it’s painful.
We all need a reason to be. Why do we get up in the morning? The power of love is real whether it’s supporting and loving our children or others in our life. I get it. Thanks for the reminder.
Beautiful post Vishen. As I’ve left my career to focus on building my own business, you’ve reminded me that the most important thing to focus on developing is my connection with my kids and my wife.
uau! Thank you so much for this text! So beautiful! What an example!
That is exactly what i believe and try to do with my life! Raising our children is the most beautiful and sometimes hard job we can have. And it isn’t always possible to be perfect! But definitely worth it!
My children grew up almost overnight it seems. I have four, close in age which in many ways makes it harder as I feel like I am losing them all at the same time. My 13 year old no longer comes in the bed in the mornings to cuddle me (I can’t remember when that stopped), my other children 15, 17 and 19 don’t need me like they once did and I find myself trying to remember what I did before kids to fill my time, I can’t remember.
But, when I reflect on this, I know they still need me just in a very different way and this is what I am trying to work on. They need me to listen to their teenage stories, their dramas, who said what on social media (I don’t even really understand), they need me to agree that school sucks but not lecture them on the importance of it, they need me to listen to their latest boy/girl drama and not try to get them to see both sides of the argument. There is a time and a place for teaching this. Most of all they just want me to listen and not judge. That can be pretty hard when you see them making the same mistakes you made yourself. Time, is what they need. No one ever tells you how complex parenting is but once you’re there, there’s no going back. The greatest but hardest job in the world.
It’s a huge thing that your children talk to you like they do. You are clearly their touchstone. You remind me of my late Mother who never gave advice unless we asked for it. It was one of the things we loved about her. She was deaf, and she was as present as she could be with all she was dealing with. She used to give what I call “eye hugs”. When we were rushing off to school she would call out “CYK”, (consider yourself kissed), and we always felt the distance kiss. It is a gift to have a parent who is there for you and with you in the most meaningful way. It saves us from the storms of life.
Thank you for asking for our reflections and stories. My late husband died when our youngest was 6 years old. I worked full-time and wasn’t able to take time off during the school year when he participated in sports and other activities. Since I had him later in life, I was able to retire early.
I retired so I could spend his senior year of high school attending all of his school and sporting events. It was the best year of my life!
Now I’m traveling the country and beyond, working on my purpose, sharing my gifts with others!
As a father of 4 i totally agree on the conclusion, and it took me a lot of time and energy trying to fill up the holes in the soul of my first 2 kids after a divorce, due to working too much and having almost no time for the family.
i try to make it better now, finding a better balance, and as we still have good relations (and now they are 28, 25, 21, and 18) and they love each other, i guess i made also a couple of things right… since a couple of years i use every moment we meet to tell them “I love you” Probably the simplest but most powerful way to heal the scars. Use your time wise. Great quote, immediatly jumped on my top 10: Legacy is what you leave within the people who loved you most. So invest your time wisely. Best wishes, Oliver
Oh my goodness! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes…I skip over so many emails normally and today I decided to read yours…It is profound and true. Although I am a mom, a professional and a MiMi…it resonates with all. I lost my daughter (45years old) almost 2 1/2 years ago… it is true , but we don’t know what kind of things interrupt the life we “think”, we are in control of. I do have some regrets but I understand that also is a “waste” of time. We need to strive to do our best and live in each moment. Thank you for sharing this today and at this moment, I am grateful for the reminder. Each day we must try to live in our values, our priorities and in our “now”.. Thank you so much!