I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
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Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
Read your article re John Lennon etc. Truly moved because my life, in the Royal Navy meant I spent all my life absent on frequent occasions away from home and family doing my duty. Now I do not know how to communicate with my two daughters and five grand children. Sadly my wife departed this life last year and I found it difficult to talk with her during the last years of her life. Something I bitterly regret. Now I’m alone and see members of my family on limited occasions. At 80+ I now have to build a new life and it is frightening, what to do next. My only consolation is that I enjoy reading, listening to music and watching some tv. Should I move is my main concern if so where to!
Thank you Vishen, my youngest daughter is the same age as yours. The year before the pandemic my husband quit his job and we went travelling with our kids, which included going to Pula at Mindvalley Uni. It was the best decision we made and we had a wonderful time as a family creating unforgettable experiences. I was so glad we didn’t put it off for another year as we had no idea what was round the corner and how travel was about to grind to a halt. I now eternally hold those special memories we made as a family and your words reminded me of making the most of every moment. Our children are our most precious gift. Thank you.
Well that was EXTRAORDINARY. Thank you for sharing that!!! Although I myself do not have any kids and I have never been married, I have finally decided to put myself first. I say this in a very conscientious way. I am currently 53 years young.
I have been through intense trauma and drama in my whole entire life. However, those days are over. I am now finally allowing myself to step into who God created me to be. Unapologetically….
There has never been a better time to embrace my holy sacred self than right now. I know I am a force to reckon with. I have been able to eliminate the enemy within so that the enemies outside cannot harm or hurt me. The inner ranking I had was horrible and debilitating. But it was all me and my thoughts.
I am finally releasing my memoir that’s been in the making for 14 years! This is God’s will for me as it was never my idea. I am at the precipice of releasing this three-part memoir in honor of God my creator.
I am proud of myself and the work I’ve been doing. It’s time for me to fan the flame inside of my soul. There’s this saying this Little light of mine but I finally recognize my light is huge as big as the Moon, the full effulgent moon. It’s time to call in my soul
tribe. Everything I do is not for me and mine. It is recognizing it’s time to draw a much, much larger circle. A sacred circle of light and love.
I finally made peace with my past and all I can say is watch out world. I am ready for you. sending immense love and light out into this beautiful, magical, mysterious world of ours. To all humanity, I embrace knowing that we are all one and it is time for me to share my story with the world.
I am currently writing my fourth book and I have eight more book titles to fulfill. I am a force to reckon with. Thank you God. Thank you life. Thank you Creator. Thank you consciousness. I bow my head and heart to the DIVINE in all of us. We all have the ability to AWAKEN to a new life and a totally new beginning. I step out into the world fully knowing who I AM. READY FOR THE VERY BEST! LOVE LUNA MARZ
Reading this made me smile and cry at the end both at the same time. And resonated at deeper level as I am also working and writing around men. Men masculinity is still a taboo.
Your kids are blessed to have a father like you.
From my experience. Sometimes there are moments of fatherhood where they are present yet they are not present. They are always performing, leaving little space for presence.
In recent months I have been reflecting on this. I’ve not made as much career progress as I’d hoped in the last several years but I have had the opportunity to truly be present for my child. Because of that we are incredibly close and have a beautiful relationship. I see now that I will have plenty of time to dedicate to my career in a few years when she’s in college. I am so grateful that I’ve had this time. There is truly nothing more important.
Also I’m glad you mentioned the John Lennon song. I revisit the Quantum Jumping quest frequently and every time I do one of those meditations I think of that song.
I love this story. I was fortunate to work part time when my 2 daughters were young and had time to volunteer at their school and found it very rewarding. The teenage years I found to be difficult as they wanted to spend more time with their friends and had to monitor the friends, they were spending time with. Raising 2 beautiful daughters had its challenges, luckily, I was married at the time, and we had the same parenting styles. But I have found the best years are now as they are young adults ages 29 and 33. One lives in Ireland the other just a few states away, I miss them so much but we talk all the time and our relationship is so special. We take family vacations together and our bond is so strong. So, I say the relationship you built with them at a young age only gets stronger as they grow older. My daughters are intelligent, educated and independent strong women.
Enjoy every moment !
Best thing you ever wrote vision. I’m so proud of you. And I can’t believe Eve is going to high school. Mind-boggling!
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story! I am a stay-at-home mom. These days that is so unusual that I always feel that I have to justify not having a job. I have the luxury to be sufficiently supported by my husband and for me it was a conscious choice to stop working 7 years ago, after struggling for years to try and balance work and raising kids. I just felt that being at home was more important to me than being in a job. But to be honest, being at home doesn’t mean being present. I think I could have done much better in that respect. I have been learning (assisted by MindValley) the past 4 years how to live more aware and mindful. Our boys are now 18 and 17 and just finished their final exams of secondary school. They will be leaving the house this summer. I find that hard, but I’m glad I got to spend so much time with them. Again, thank you for sharing this.
Vichen,
Thank you for sharing the story above. My thoughts are written below.
Being present with ourselves and those we love is one of the greatest challenges and rewards we face while striving to lead a balanced life.
Kelly
Thanks vishen for sharing such an emotional post..I’m a single parent for my daughter and earlier all I do is like bringing food to table but later I understood my child needs me more than anything else..and I completely resonate with John’s words..I wish soon I get a job where I can spend quality time with my child.
I hope the men, Julian & Sean, who were John Lennon’s boys know this story. It matters.
Thanks Vishen for the value you contribute in your reflections.
The daily 40 minute school journey where my son and I shared our music, podcasts and ideas from 2 to 18 years old (!!) I cherish dearly. My son is now 22 and we have such an open honest and deep relationship. It’s great to spend time on the beach, walking the dog, bike rides, painting, snowboarding… sharing whatever both your interests are. At the age of two, having spent a few days in London (finding out what kids do in London!), we finally went to the National Gallery, we sat in each room and I told him the stories of the paintings or we made them up together – it just shows you can do everything together.
Life always whispers to us – we just have to listen
Have a great week and thank you.
Thank you so much Vishen for sharing this story.
Although I am not having children, the story went straight to my heart.
The last two years I took the opportunity to quit my job at the University to fulltime take care of my almost blind mother, with dementia. Very healing for both of us, and in the meantime I had the time to reflect on my life and work, Legacy is what you leave within the people who loved you most. Choose happiness and love in stead of rewards
As a mom of six—one of whom has severe autism—I’ve had to leave as many jobs as I ever started. Babysitters would quit. Daycares would kick us out within weeks. Before and after school care? That lasted a whopping three days. It became clear that the traditional 9-to-5 life wasn’t built for families like ours. My husband and I had to get creative. We needed a way to earn a living and still be fully present for our kids. That’s when our real estate business was born—not out of ambition, but out of necessity, love, and our refusal to give up on us, our family, or our future.
Vishen, you had me at the title, and you had me hanging at every word.
This topic has been on my mind for the past year since my kids both left the house for college.
Family vacations and weekends home have brand new meaning.
But I can’t get back the last 25 years that I was working 24/7, I can’t get back the moments I was physically present but mentally working a deal.
Now what?
Looking forward to the next one.
Louis
Thank you for sharing this! I have an eighteen year old daughter graduating from high next week and I’ve been feeling the tug on my heart strings.
In the last couple of years I think I’ve allowed myself to not be as present as I was when she was younger.
This was a wake up call to of sorts. Fortunately for me she’s going to live at home while going to college. I feel I have a chance to be fully aware of the wonderful woman she is becoming!
Wow, what a great post!
This one really caught my attention—not just because it’s about my favorite musician, but also because it mentions the song “Beautiful Boy.” That song holds deep meaning for me.
Back in 8th grade, I did a poetry project where we had to choose a poet and one of their works. I picked John Lennon and his lyrics to “Beautiful Boy,” and I remember writing about why it was so meaningful. I shared the same analogy then—that Sean represented something profoundly important to John, especially given how absent he had been during Julian’s early years.
Although I don’t have children of my own yet, I’m a proud uncle and have dedicated my career to supporting children. Thank you, Vishen for sharing this story!
What a beautiful story, and food for thought. I’m bringing my daughter to Mindvalley University this year. I feel its a wonderful way to spend some quality time with her before she turns 18 🙂
What a touching reminder of the great wealth of human relationships. And especially father’s relationships to their children. Every day not spent on loving moments is lost forever. In loving thoughts to my son Michael.
Love this story Im 72. Yes we did busy ourselves. But good news. If u have grands you get a second chance to play. Your grands may not recall all u did with them but they will feel loved. Thats the important part and u will too