I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
As a mother of three great young men and a CEO for all my life, I agree with John. You can build an empire but only seeing your kids growing into decent persons, that also like to talk to you and hang with you will make you trully happy 🩵 enjoy their company right now, time passes so quick. I can have so much work, but when they want to seat and chat, that’s the only place I want to be.
Your story inspired me and reminded me of the time when my daughter was 4 and we were holding hands and walking together to her daycare. It was a beautiful summer day with the sun shining brightly.
She started singing “Jingle Bells” so cheerful and so happy. At first, I was a bit embarrassed, explaining to her that it’s summer and the song doesn’t match with the season, not to mention that people were looking at us.
She said: “It’s the most beautiful time of the year and look at the Sun and the birds are chirping!” and she continued singing “Jingle Bells” even louder.
I relaxed a bit and tried to see everything through her eyes, I enjoyed the moment. It was us, myself and my daughter, holding hands, walking together, a moment I will remember forever and hopefully she will, too.
Thank you Vishen for sharing that story.
It is so true, raising children gets is to grow, to better understand who we are and to understand that being present is the most valuable gift we can give to one another.
It must have been wonderful for John to have this heart-to-heart conversation with somebody who didn’t see him as anything else than a man.
This made me reflect on my dad’s commitment to spend some quality time with us when we were growing up and my late husband’s commitment to spend time with our kids when they were young.
My dad spent the weekend mornings and evenings with us, this ranged from food shopping, clothes shopping to spending time with us in the kitchen making salad or baking. When baking,he would spend time to ensure we had the right amount of ingredients, the oven set on right temperature and he would come back to taste the finished product.
When growing up, I always used to look forward to a weekend. Had it not been my dad spending time with us in the kitchen, I would not have had an interest in cooking from young age. Sadly, there was no bake off competition in those days, I bet one of my older sisters would have demanded who bakes the best cakes or cookies!
My late husband had spent quality time with our kids when they were young. He would spend his time playing games, reading, taking them to after school activities and it was hilarious when he wanted to help in the kitchen as he tried to cook with kids but he wasn’t a good cook. I remember one instance when he made the kids including me laugh in the kitchen when he tried to cook spaghetti and flipped it on the ceiling to check if it the spaghetti was cooked. The spaghetti was stuck to the ceiling and it would not come off!
My son has learnt to do the gardening jobs, DiY skills and hosting a perfect barbecue from his late father; despite being dyslexic.
Whereas my daughter has learnt negotiating skills and diplomacy skills .
I love this, Vishen. What John shared has been my truth as well.
I was an Air Force Officer, had my MBA, and was building my empire when my son, Rannon was born. It was as if my soul awakened and I knew my sacred path would be ro be there for my children.
It has made all the difference. The past 25 years I’ve chosen work that allowed me the flexibility and time to be there for all their activities. I have spent 30 years learning many spiritual and healing modalities, but none have been more healing and spiritual than my journey with my children.
You are seeing clearly, my friend.
Vishen, sometimes you find things, and sometimes things find you. This email/post found me this morning.
I have four kids (25, 21, 13, and 12). The first two are the product of a lengthy custody battle, and my ‘littles’ are with my Wife. All of which are a party to my focus on career, with times of travel and choosing the wrong priorities.
I had an exceptional career that spanned nearly thirty years, marked by the fame and accolades of a successful executive. That ended almost five years ago when I was forced into retirement due to an end-stage rare disease. Yes, you go through all the stages of accepting that and decide to conquer the prognosis and get your career back, but you fall into old habits, rehearsed apologies, and
Four years ago, I died, for about 7 minutes, from medical negligence, and it took nearly three months to get back to my family. But this time was different, or so I thought. I continue(d) to dream about the glory days and tinker here and there, looking for a spark that will most likely never take off.
The reality is that I am fighting becoming the #HouseHusband with everything I have. The thought of the ‘So, what do you do?’ question that everyone asks to size you up scares the shit out of me. My Wife wants me to focus on being a Dad, and yes, cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and other mundane chores that I once had others handle for us. But… it just feels foreign, beneath, like failure.
Having nothing, or, if we turn that around to say, ‘I have every opportunity to do what I want,’ is paralyzing. I fear the feeling of failure, of not being able to build something again, of being seen as a contributor rather than a leader, as I once was.
It’s not all doom and gloom! The best part of my day is picking up my ‘Littles’ and the two neighbor girls from school, and hearing about their day. I let them choose the music, gossip, complain, be excited – all of it, which allows me to let go of the world and my perceptions of myself, and just be Present. It’s a great 20 minutes!
I do believe the Universe brought me back to accomplish something, still, I am fighting what that is… Maybe it’s just being #HouseHusband, perhaps it’s to raise my two youngest to be men, and my twenty-one-year-old daughter to be powerful, and guide my oldest to continued success… maybe it’s for me to just focus on what is truly important and finally prioritize the priorities, or just perhaps the Universe is playing with me.
Oh Vishen this is totally hitting home and my tears are just flowing. I will soon become an empty nester and although I’m beyond happy for my sons and the future they are building I’m going to miss them so much! The road hasn’t been easy as I was single Mom, the three of us have been a tight family unit for many years. I have certainty that everything is always for our best however I just can’t help not feeling sad. I loved this story and resonated with it so deeply.
The John Lennon story resonated with me. I am a proud mother of 2 boys, I was having a business career in the corporate world until one day I was driving a beatiful BMW X5 to work and I started crying.
I had an AH! AH! moment.
I thought exactly as you did …what is important to me?…this car?….this job?….This career? …I didn’t had quality time to spent with my kids…I didn’t even had time to go Shopping.
So I did the big step…I left the corporate world …they had 3 and 4 years at the time and i stating working by myself, just to have quality time with them. To have time to take them to school to pick them up. To go with them to the rugby games and the surf lessons. They have now 20 and 21 years old, they are both at the university, they have always been giving me so much joy. We have been travel the world together, we had smile and cry together and I am very proud of myself for taking that step…after that AH! AH1 moment.
I honestly have been exasperated the last two weeks with activities. My kids go to different schools so I’ve been running all over town to make sure that I’m there for everything for both of them. Field Trips, class parties, school meetings, and so much more. I see the relief in their faces when I show up, even if I’m late. I wanted a minute for myself in the midst of the chaos, and I got frustrated with them moments before reading your email for asking so much of me without any rest. I’m glad I chose to read this post. It’s not easy to fully show up with kindness and patience for my kids when I’m trying to shield them from the weight of the world. It’s even harder when I’m spending so much time healing physically or emotionally from my abusive marriage, and still have the drive and desire to show up for them. I hope that despite all my flaws and our hardships, my kids will remember how I did everything I could to show up for them at any and every moment. I think often about Mindvalley and how I’m holding myself and my kids back by staying in this relationship. I would love to see content about surviving abuse and finding a way to leave that’s in line with your other content. I know it is taboo, and frankly it may look like it was nothing to others when you’re on the other side and able to seamlessly manifest or envision your dreams into reality. The content that you have has helped me develop the confidence in myself to see that we deserve a better life. Your words really encourage me that putting in the work towards building a better life for my kids is most important. Thanks so much for sharing this today. Wishing you all the best.
I really like the personal thoughts you share. And this one in particular. No matter how famous you are, in the end, it’s all about the ones you love most, the ones very close to you, your best friends and family, whom you want to spent your time with and whom you want to gift your energy to. So many people out there try to get rich, to see the world, to influence many others. Where in the end, if we really were famous and influential as John and you, we would give a lot to have more of what we, the everyday person, has already… Maybe it’s more about alignment of how big the circle of impact, your personal growth, and the simple joy of life should be.
Unfathomable depth of silence
Stepping away from my role as a father
I became a provider
Leaving the two tiny creatures
In the hands of their mother.
Two years passed by before I realized
That the train was moving full speed
Leaving me behind like an unwanted weed.
Then my heart capsized.
I cut the commute, I cut my income
And told the world I wanted to be a father
I wanted the happy hours
I wanted their new outcome.
So I played in the pool
Every single afternoon
We were splashing
We were giggling.
Then happened the magic
The connection
The bonds
The grace within our hearts.
We grew, oh so connected!
Life was full of miracles
Until came the obstacles
That’s when everything ended.
I became once more a provider
Until I flew away from the nest
With a broken featherless wing
Unable to be their mother.
Young men in their twenties
They did come back to me.
Hard we tried in a new country
But finally they flew away from the East.
I went back on their territories
Trying to be a helping shadow
It has been two years now
They are alive but they are gone
Nothing from them comes to me
Just the unfathomable depth of silence
But in my heart we still giggled
And united we splash our Love.
Lovely article, Vishen! Your poignant decision to reflect deeply at this stage to be more present, to mindfully parent your kids and to keep a tab on your autopilot mode of living is inspiring. High school is perhaps a game changer – wild, chaotic, confusing; and 18 is a threshold in my view – not fully an adult in some ways but can turn into a complex psychosocial set of behaviours and can lead to the person becoming too adultish if swayed by peer influence. Both these stages in one’s life are tipping points. Channel the raging hormones to fuel you into becoming empowered, while staying grounded to your essence. Surely, high school is difficult. There’s no denying that. It’s not about grades, but more importantly a regular process of sitting with the kids, and assuring and reassuring the high school kid that they are perfectly sufficient as they are. Turning 18 might seem like you’re at crossroads… You don’t have to have it figured out like some of your peers. It’s absolutely okay to experiment with various career paths. It’s also okay to have wayward whims and fancies. Wander if you like. Pause every now and then. Wander a little responsibly.
I left 9-5 job when my kids were 4 and 10 because I felt as a mother I am missing out. When I became a contractor it was a huge difference! I had so much time with them and I was mostly working at night. Then I decided to leave my husband who chose to work in a different town for higher pay and also did not like my career choice of becoming a holistic mentor and coach after being a petroleum engineer for 15 years. I packed up my kids and moved to London. ( I used to be a cosmopolitan living in different countries for years due to my work and passion) but this time London was calling spiritually. Since 2018 I established my Healing business in London and even though sometimes we were in struggles I never wanted to go back to 9-5, I wanted to be present for my kids, now my son 18, and my daughter 13 (homeschooled). I am proud of them and us. How we protected our space and connection. How I did not allow the outside pressure to change my decision. And I will keep choosing us. Vishen, age 18 means nothing. Their frontal lobe is not developed fully until age 26 (lacking the capability of properly analyzing data and information – more emotionally driven – full of doubts and uncertainty) They need us. Keep crushing as a dad!
I have seen your video about your daughter playing violin. It reminded me of my dad sitting always in my room in the evenings watching me practice playing my violin from age 8-12. Hope to meet you in London soon!
Thank you Vishen. Meeting you in Malibu last summer was a turning point for me. You were present talking to me and inspired me to spend some time getting to know more about you. This story is priceless. I am the father of two children, twins. My daughter passed away in a car accident in 2018 and my son (her brother) is doing great. Fatherhood is the most sacred part of my life. I gave you my book that night “The 5 Questions” and it addresses much of what you said here. Thank you for having me at the Summit and for putting a light on my work as well. You’re a great man doing great things and I’m grateful you are in my life.
Wow. I am speechless and feel so enormously grateful that I get to spend time with my kids right now, not bound to office hours (or at least having the freedom to work from home). Yet, I read this and I felt like I can get better. Be more present. Perhaps listen more. Perhaps laugh more. With 11 and 14 years of age, my children are still eager to spend time with me, appreciating the cuddles and kisses (although my daughter sometimes says ‘I know already’ and rolls her eyes as I say ‘I love you’ for the millionth time). Thank you Vishen for the reminder to be more present and to cherish these moments. Thank you and enjoy the time with your kids!
I usually working so hard as a private tutor, keep the home , cooking, washing that I barely have time for myself let alone my children. So usually I skip through emails and just press delete but something stopped me and I couldn’t help but read your article with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. It is all so true. I look at my babies. The youngest is 20 years now and I would give anything just to have a day with them when they were small again. I heard a letter read once on a podcast and the woman said something that was so gut wrenching. She said she never had a change to say goodbye to the baby, toddler, little boy, teenager, because there was no particular point where they changed from one to another, so we didn’t see if when it happened and she mourns the loss of not saying goodbye to each of those little people as they grew up. I feel exactly the same and life is flying by too fast. I am now going to go and hug my beautiful child now.
“Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave b e h i n d.
It’s what you leave wi t h i n the people who loved you most.”
This is golden, Vishen. I think we all get so caught up in providing for our families, & achieving life goals—-that we can forget about balance, and one simple truth: that all a child needs to know is they are loved. We’re all doing the best we can. No one ever tells you how gut wrenching it is when your children grow up & out into their lives. You might be surprised how much your son & daughter look up to you! Maybe ask them sometime/check in with them: “Did I do a good job raising you? Could I have been better in any area?” I asked my sons, and their responses really helped ease my mind. I highly recommend it! Our parents experienced the same empty nest chapter in their lives with us. It’s only now I realize the wealth of emotion that must’ve existed just below the surface of our Mom & Dad: the graciousness toward us as they quietly mourned the loss of raising us while proudly waving us off to our futures outside our family home. The cycle of life…;).
Thank you for the unique read on John Lennon—
As humans, with or without extreme talent, we have more similarities than we have differences….;)
Hang on for the ride, Vishen.
You’re doing alright.
Cheers,
Joanie
Thank you for sharing this story Vishen. It is very touching. Whenever I witness an expression of closeness between a father and son – usually in a movie – I break into uncontrolable tears. I felt that my late father was very distant to me – he never seemed to see me. If he did see me, he did not approve of what he saw. Now, I teach reflexology. I have two sons in their twenties. They were the recipients of reflexology from my self and my wife. During those teenage years when they were breaking away from us – as is natural – they were still wanting their feet rubbed, and, during their foot rub they would eventually share whatever was on their mind. My point is that an hour of quality time with the intimacy of touch (safely on the feet) became the glue that connected us. To this day we have an open healthy connection with both boys. so, maybe it is not necessary to quit one’s job to be a full-time parent in order to have a healthy connection with your children. regular quality respectful time together can cement a bond that will never break.
This brought a tear to my eye. I hear so many sad stories of parents being too busy for their kids, almost like they had them to tick parenting off their list, but not because they really wanted them. I was never maternal or broody but I love being a mum over and above everything else. When my first son was born I went back to work after a few months, I lasted until the end of the year and then gave up and was a stay at home mum until both my kids started secondary school – 13 years, even then I worked reduced hours so I could be there for them. I went to every assembly, every sporting every, parents evening, drop off and pick up and I loved every minute of it. People say it goes so fast, but I think if you are fully present with your kids as they grow it doesn’t feel as fast. Sadly their dad – who I am no longer with – was the opposite, he missed out on the magic but I certainly didn’t and I have not one regret. Thanks for sharing the beautiful story. Kathy x
Hi. I read your post on John Lennon just now and it brought tears to my eyes. I’m at a place in my life where my children are both young adults, but my son suffers from autism spectrum disorder. I am a physician. I’ve devoted my whole adult life to taking care of other people at the cost of myself and my family. I’m at a crossroads in my career now and feeling like I’ve lost all the time that you talk about in your post. However, I feel like there’s no better time than now to start paying attention to the things that matter. It seems like your post was very timely. Possibly even planned by the universe to make me force the decision to step back from my career and pay attention to the needs of my family. Thank you for your post.
Respectfully, David.
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