I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
131 Responses
I worked hard to be sure that I had the relationship I wanted with my two daughters I’m 71 now they’re in their late 30s and they both have provided me with two grandchildren each. This is the most important thing to do well and if you do it well you get two chances. My grandchildren are like seeing my children all over again first as babies then toddlers, and now preschool kindergarten and first grade. I thought it was over when my children grew up but now I’m the luckiest man alive and I get to see it all again.
Thank you Vishen.. I was a workaholic, suddenly things started to change…
My work contract ended.. instead of complaining or worrying, I thank God for the opportunity to be with my kids, to drop and pick them from school and cook breakfast and Dinner.
During the day – I start to apply for jobs.. but when the kids come back.. I spend some time with them.
I thank you Vishen for being the change. I love you and Mind valley.
My adopted Thai kid Anda, who is turning 18 tomorrow, walked into the kitchen as I was crying while preparing a cup of coffee after reading The Greatest Decision a Man can Make.
I’m 80 later this year but I’ve been his “dad” since he was born as his actual dad wasn’t ready to fill those shoes.
My natural kids are close to 50, but this young man has been my “full time job” over the last 18 years. Sure there were difficulties, yet we made the time to sail all over the world and this summer he will join one of our sailing school-ships for 80 days of instruction from Fiji to Bali before heading back where he was born in Bangkok for a visit after graduating here in Florida.
…and like John L., I wouldn’t trade our time together for the world. I was crying just for that reason – it wasn’t joy, or sadness, it was just power that drove the tears. Thank you for the renewed focus and the refreshing tears. Anda and I spent some hours after that moment – reflecting on the past and prospects for his future as a result.
We must never lose track of why we are here and the contribution we can make if we can stay in that sweet spot between what we do – while together with those we call family. From today, I include you. Thank you Vishen.
I don’t have children (by choice) but I do believe you have to show up for anyone and everyone that you love in this life. You make a difference to them all.
Thanks for this beautiful message
Love this experience for all dads. I was a stay home mom of 2 girls, now ladies that have moved away. Their dad was gone most of their young life. I was upset by that at the time. Now I feel so blessed that I had all their time to myself. We did everything together, sports, events, loved it. Now their dad is spending more time with them regretting the time he missed and I get to talk/FaceTime multiple times a week with them and still feel very blessed. Once they left it I had severe sadness and loneliness without them for a few years. So I joined Mindvalley and I’m back.
Thank you Vishen, love this story.
Lovely story. I gave up most things to raise my daughter who is 6 now, for 5 years I was self employed single mum, worked during the night a lot to be able to have the time when she was awake. I did it instinctively, and I would never change it to anything. I was grateful for the universe I could be a mum and witness a human being blossom and be more her. Watched her with never ending curiosity and so much respect, she is a gorgeous little being.
But it came at a huge cost- massive debt and a massive toll on me- eventually it catches up if you don’t have the resources…. And I didn’t, only so much you can do. now working full time to recoup some of the money but do we live better? NO! More stress, less patience and I preferred the shoes with the holes and the baggy happy tired clothes….
Unfortunately this world is not designed for single mums…I wish I could just give up this again. A little jealous you can, but yeh welldone
Great! But too much parenting isn’t healthy! Balance is the key.
What a beautiful story with a powerful message of how our children help us heal and how we help raise healthy secure children if we step into presence with them.
Warren would not have had such a profound exchange with John if he had known who he was more than likely so that adds an interesting synchronicity to this story.
John was truly loving the freedom to be able to speak freely man to man without any bias inflicted by fame. “Every day in every way it’s getting better and better”. John was healing and by the sound of it he would have been at the height of his happiness and peace with himself and his life when he was killed.
I actually had no idea that John had been a stay at home dad for Sean or the lack of his presence in Julien’s early life. We do repeat the patterns of our parents so he was making amends and healing generational wounds probably. So touching.
I have two adult children. My 25 year-old daughter and my 20 year-old son have been wise teachers in my life. I have learned that my presence is the most important thing I can give my children. It it is the simplest thing to do but the hardest thing to achieve. It is my life’s work.
I adored, still adore, the music John Lennon created as well as his activism for peace and general brilliance (except for not having adequate security for his own safety),
HOWEVER,
He was a shitty husband to his first wife and an even shittier father to his first son, even to the end of his days (his last will and testament).
So you can glorify his being a house husband and house father all you want, but I have no respect for the man as a father. And that’s fair and objective.
Being an 86 year old grandmother I realize the importance of taking time to be fully present with your children regardless of their age. But it is especially so when they are younger. You seldom think at the time what impact you are having on the precious children as they are growing up. But this is true to everyone with whom you come in contact. The number of times I’ve heard someone as well as my kids share something I’d done years ago & how it affected them positively. It’s scary knowing also I may have done something that affected them negatively. We do our best to raise our children to be honest loving, considerate children/ people. And when we are successful they, so quickly grow up & leave us. But that is life as they move on to raise their own family & do the same thing. But what we did & how we treated & taught them & lived our sermon lives on to make a better world. It’s sad to let them go & can be lonely. I miss them so much & cherish the many precious moments we had. But I regret I didn’t have as many of those times with them because as a single parent with no help from their father & he was never there for them I had to work & fill the role of both parents & earn a living for all of us. I am blessed with 3 wonderful children all raising their own families. It’s all so bitter sweet. Appreciate your families & stay in the moment, enjoy as they grow up so fast.
Hopefully the relationship with the first son was reconciled.
Beautiful, a profound reflection on the true nature of success.
So true that our presence is what matters!
I have a recent college grad embarking on her professional path and one with a semester left in his engineering degree, and the joys of parenting continue as the rewards do. I worked and traveled for work a lot while they were young, so I made sure to be present when I was home.
Now they come over for weekly family dinners, and it’s such a blessing to witness their continued self expression!
I could not afford to leave work to raise my daughter’s. Instead I work a early shift. I spent from noon until 10pm with my wife and daughters. Sleep i got when I could. One daughter just finished college. The other is a HS junior. I am so glad to took the time to be with them.
Dear Vishen, I forgot to mention earlier no wonder you feel this way about your kids this year…. You stepped into your 6th personal year in numerology. (14th of January = 1+4+1=6 and 2025 is 2+2+5=9, 6+9 =15 wich is 1+5=6)
Your whole vibe is about family and home in 2025.
Your words touch me in a place beyond thought, Vishen.
As a single mom with a busy life, I often carry that quiet question in my chest: Am I truly present… or just providing?
This evening, after a long day, my eldest daughter—10 years old—climbed into my bed, looked at me softly, and said, “I love you, momma.”
She doesn’t say it often.
And it stopped the world.
That one moment reminded me: even when I’m in the whirlwind of becoming, even when I feel torn between duty and dreams… they feel me.
And I feel them.
And that gives me peace.
My own growth journey isn’t separate from them—it ripples through them.
Thank you for this reflection. It’s not just a reminder—it’s a call.
To pause.
To hold.
To be…..
Legacy begins in the quiet moments. And I hope mine is carved softly in their hearts!❤️
As I read this post, I was crying because I know in my heart that the most meaningful work and actions of my life are to be the presence and safe place for my children. Also, because time passes so quickly, my four children are growing up faster than I wish. Many times, I forget that they are here just for a short moment. I want to focus more on them and live a life that prioritizes time together, connection, laughter, fun, deep conversations, and walking together in life. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. John Lennon had it right! I’m so glad he got to live in this way as a father. Congratulations on your son’s birthday and your daughter’s graduation.
I was born as unwanted girl child in very orthodox family of Rajasthan in India, I was unwanted for my grandparents, but I was most adorable daughter of my parents. my parents loved me like no one could in the village / community I born.
My father left his entire successful business for my education and came to Pune city near mumbai. He used to cook for me, taken care if my every need, I was teenager daughter taken care by my father, He taught me to be unconventional, to be out of box thinking and today I am successful Enterprenur, Farmer, Mother bcoz of my fathers superb upbringing !
Similarly my husband since married to me, I was highly professional career woman, my husband chose to be House husband, and proud father of our son shubham. Till today from his birth my husband was always there for his every needs,
He enjoyed fatherhood than his all hobbies, career and business. He always taken back seat behind the curtains to raise our son. Today we are proud to see our son successful young Enterprenur 25 year old leading organic industry of India 🇮🇳
Vishen I can resonate so well wth you and tour beautiful fatherhood moments with your kids. I know how precious they are ! Let’s cherish every moment and every memory wth our kids as they grow faster than banyan tree and we are like awwwww when they grew so fast !
Our son engaged to Pallavi beautiful divine soul, we wd love to invite you wth your kids to India to his Rajasthani traditional wedding . I am confident they wd live to see our traditional ceremonies and wedding full of culture, dances, food by the way it’s going to be sustainable, holistic, Ecofriendly , vegetarian / plant based wedding ! You must see shubham our son to feel what kind of beautiful upbringing and bonding he has to his parents & family …..
Vishen, Thanks a lot for this beautiful e-mail. I’ve been thinking about parenting and being a parent and my relationship to my father. I see a way of healing. Thank you. I miss Mindvalley. You’re awesome.