I know this is a bold title — but hear me out. It’s a story about a man you’ve definitely heard of… but maybe didn’t really know. A man who made one powerful decision before his death — and it changed the nature of his life and the life of his child.
Hey Mindvalley family,
Something has been hitting me hard lately — in the best, most gut-punching kind of way.
My son Hayden is turning 18.
My daughter Eve just finished primary school. High school is next. She still slips her hand into mine when we cross the street — but I can feel the clock ticking on that too.
I’ve spent years building a company that helps people transform. I’ve stood on stages, meditated with monks, interviewed billionaires and brain scientists… And yet nothing has brought me face-to-face with the raw, trembling truth of life like this:
My biggest moments with my kids are happening right now — and soon, they’ll be gone.
They won’t leave my heart, of course. But they’ll leave the daily dance of our lives — the bedtime stories, the inside jokes, the random conversations about Marvel movies and TikTok memes and God knows what else. The ordinary magic that vanishes without warning.
And I can’t stop thinking about a story I recently heard — one that stopped me in my tracks.
It was shared by Warren Farrell, a bestselling author and renowned thinker in men’s work. I’ve never met him personally, but the story he told is one I’ll never forget.
The story of Warren and John (a true story that happened in the late 1970s)
A night at a party, a stranger with a story
Warren was attending a party in New York — a Ms. Magazine celebration for its fifth anniversary. He had promised to meet with Gloria Steinem there, and as he entered, he made eye contact with her across the room. She was surrounded by admirers. He wasn’t. But he started working his way toward her.
Suddenly, a man stepped up and asked,
“Are you Warren Farrell?”
Warren replied, “Yes.”
The man smiled.
“I joined the men’s group that you started, but you always start the groups and then leave them and go on to something else like the Lone Ranger.”
Warren admitted that he was being a bit dismissive at first — self-aware enough to recognize it — because he was trying to make his way to Gloria.
But then the man said:
“I gave up my job and focused full-time on raising my son because I had previously, you know, neglected a previous son that I had. And I really felt I made a mistake doing that.”
That stopped Warren cold. Now he had Warren’s attention.
Warren then turned fully to him and asked gently,
“Were you married?”
The man nodded:
“Yes.”
Warren followed up:
“Was your wife okay with this? Because a lot of women are very supportive about their husbands being more involved with their children, but they’re not very supportive about the husband taking off full time, earning no money, and being involved with children.”
He looked at the man and asked,
“Were you earning a decent living before?”
To which the man gave a quirkish smile and said:
“There were two things that were crucial. One was the support of my wife. And the other one was the support of the men’s group.”
At that point, Warren said,
“Now I’m just forgetting about Gloria. I’m sitting down with him, and for the next hour he tells me about how meaningful his life has become since he’s been raising his son. And how enormous value that’s been. And has been the best decision he’s ever made in his life.”
The man told Warren that
“his soul opened up, and his heart opened up,”
and that he’d had a lot of issues with his own father —
“and those seemed to be healing in a way that he had never healed before.”
Warren sat there, no longer a speaker, no longer a feminist leader, no longer trying to meet anyone at the party. He was just a man being spoken to by another man, sharing something real — something rarely voiced in that era.
About an hour into the conversation, someone approached their table.
“Can I have your autograph?” the young man asked.
Warren looked up, mildly surprised.
“Yeah sure, just one second,” he replied, excusing himself to handle the request.
But he noticed something odd. The young man was looking at him awkwardly.
Warren paused and said,
“Okay… something’s happening here.”
The man shifted uncomfortably and said:
“Well actually, I do really want your autograph… but I really was actually asking for the other guy’s autograph.”
Warren turned to the man he’d been speaking to, now feeling a rising curiosity.
“Well… what’s your name? You must be fairly well known.”
The man replied:
“I’m John.”
Warren:
“I’m Warren, you know that. Well John who?”
He said,
“John Lennon.”
Let that sink in.
Warren had just spent an hour ignoring Gloria Steinem to have a heart-to-heart with the most famous musician on the planet… and didn’t even realize it. Warren admitted he hadn’t owned a TV in over 20 years and wasn’t up to date with popular culture.
But here’s the part that gets me — the part that hits me like Hayden’s birthday and Eve’s graduation rolled into one:
Even at the height of his fame, the thing John Lennon wanted to talk about wasn’t music or money or global peace. It was fatherhood.
The greatest decision of his life, he said, was stepping away from it all to raise his son.
Now, consider this.
John Lennon’s first son, Julian, was born in 1963 — at the height of Beatlemania. John was 23 and largely absent due to the storm of fame.
But his second son, Sean, was born in 1975.
John left the music industry entirely for five years — from 1975 until his assassination on December 8, 1980 — to raise Sean full-time. He called himself a “house husband.” He baked bread. He changed diapers. He walked his son to school.
He gave those five years everything.
And then, just as suddenly as he appeared to Warren, he was gone.
Five short years of presence.
But five years that John Lennon himself called the most meaningful of his life.
My personal reflection
As I reflect on this story… as I look at my son on the edge of adulthood and my daughter stepping into her next chapter, I find myself asking:
Am I giving them my presence, not just my protection?
Am I showing up for their souls, not just their schedules?
Am I willing to pause the world… to be with them, fully?
Because in the end, legacy isn’t what you leave behind.
It’s what you leave within the people who loved you most.
And maybe, just maybe, the quiet choice to be a better father is the loudest message we’ll ever send the world.
So here’s the point
If you’re a parent, stop reading this for a second.
Go hug your kid. Even if they’re annoyed. Even if they roll their eyes.
One day, that moment might be the memory that holds them together.
Because in the end, the biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built, the followers we gained, or the awards we won…
It’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.
John Lennon knew it.
Warren Farrell witnessed it.
And now, I’m walking that path too.
Are you?
PS – Read the lyrics for the song John Lennon wrote to his son Julian in 1980 shortly before he died. (Poetically, the song ends with a quote from Émile Coué and José Silva.)
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans
…Beautiful boy
…Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better.
Share your reflections
I’d love to hear how this story and these insights resonate with you. Leave me a comment below — I read every single one.
To your extraordinary life,
— Vishen
—
Featured image credits: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon at the Dakota building, NYC. December 12, 1975. Image #: C-06 © Bob Gruen
254 Responses
Thank you Vishen for sharing such a moving story! I became a mother last year and your words and wisdom regarding parenting really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt insight!
-Best
Ariel M.
Dear Vishen,
I love your story and I love how you implemented it into your life. I guess we all as children would have wanted to have a dad or mum like that. They did there best, didn’t know better but even if they were with you, one (me) often still didn’t feel them.
I really loved therefore this story and your acting with your children with presence.
What I had to wonder, (judge) not so good, question, finding not so good that at the end of this beautiful email you let advertising speak and spoke about a summit.
i would have loved it even more if you would have just allowed this email stand alone without that and just give the story and your children (and yourself the space). Lots of love xo Lea
Thank you Vishen. I am always a wee bit apprehensive reading very long articles. But for some reason I started on this one & just couldn’t stop. I was not shaking in the real sense of the word but I was. Such depth & intensity and understanding. I just forwarded this article to my daughter and asked her – Am I a good Dad? [Awaiting her reply].
Hi Vishen,
Thank you for sharing such a moving story. I love the Beatles, and I connected with the song he wrote for his son even before I became a mother. I used to play it for my daughter when she was still in the womb, thinking she would be a boy, but it turned out she was a girl—and later I had another daughter (both now teenagers).
My daughters’ childhood has been my golden years. I’ve been a present mother (which is often easier and more natural for women), and I’ve also contributed financially at all times. I didn’t have present parents myself—I had parents who were deeply wounded and carried unhealed trauma. Our mother abandoned us, and my father did everything he could to protect us, but I could always feel his sadness (disguised as ego) and his own childhood wounds.
Fortunately, I’ve been able to break that pattern, though of course, I still have other things to work on—and that’s the journey I’m on. That’s why I follow you on social media: all your content is so valuable for personal growth. I’m currently taking a personal development course at a beautiful consciousness school, and someday I hope to take your courses or be able to afford a Mindvalley membership.
Mexican living in Canada
Vishen,
This resonated with me so deeply, I am still shaking. My son went to college last August and I did not spend the time I wanted with him before he left. My ex husband and I did not consciously uncouple- it was a traumatic end 6 months before my son left for school (20 years of growing unhappiness and we could have greatly benefited from the wisdom of consciously uncoupling).
You said “The biggest legacy we leave isn’t the company we built,… it’s the invisible, soul-sized mark we leave on our children’s hearts.” This resonated for 2 reasons: 1. I hope my son eventually remembers all the love and not the pain. 2. I lost both my parents last year within 6 months of each other. My father had Parkinson’s and my mother had stage 4 gall bladder cancer that was diagnosed shortly after my father passed. The loss of my mother has left both scars and a soul sized mark that is inspiring me to find a way to change the world. Last week at Dave Asprey’s conference in Austin, I discovered where that might be possible. I am manifesting the path. See you in Amsterdam. Love, Light, and Connection to Source, Irene
Thank you Vishen, your words touch me deeply. At this moment in my 63rd year of life I am consciously looking for meaning and an answer to the question of who I am, because I have lost that somewhere. Lost my passion. Your words remind me that just being there for others is meaningful. Especially for children. Your own children, but actually for every child of humanity. Every person has that divine spark within. Showing how this spark can shine is valuable.
Honestly…this brought tears to my eyes, so beautiful, deep and purposeful. The legacy is what we leave inside of them after we have gone. Are we being present enough to their souls? I think that sometimes I am failing them, that I am not doing enough and it worries me that I will somehow impact them negatively even though I am trying my hardest to break generational cycles… and I have broken many awful cycles (more than most are dealt) but there is always doubt in my mind. This will be the first time, we are coming to MV university (my daughter is 6 and my son is 8 years old) and I hope that they enjoy the experience as much as I know I will. I want the very best for them and I know that this week will be magical. Thank you for al that you do and all that you create in bringing people together. They are still young enough that they seek hugs so I am still in the prime years for these amazing cuddles. 🙂 I’m signing off now to go and hug my kids. Thank you Vishen for moving my heart.
Hello Vishen,
Joy and Peter are now adults and if I could turn back time the only thing I would change is spending more quality time with them, I made mistakes along the way like most parents do but children learn by our mistakes. They are now both among the most honest and kind people I know and helped me care for my mother with dementia until she died, with all my heart I thank God they chose my husband and I to be their parents mistakes and all.
So as a parent I thought the best thing at this moment in time was to talk to my daughter about manifesting and the course, with her full agreement I booked her on your course as I know it will light up her future as she has and does shine a bright light on my life.
Love to you all
Dearest Vishen, Cherish time with your children. I divorced and my only son became my world. He went off to college, which was fine. But it really hit me when he started to work on the US mainland, an ocean away. I think about and pray for him always; he is now on his own life path.
As he started work, my parents began needing my assistance with shopping, doctor appointments, errands, and I realized things were coming full circle. I look at my mother who still at 87 tries to do whatever she can for me, and I see that parental love is unconditional, never ends, and such a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing and reminding us to appreciate time with our loved ones now.
Hello Vishen! Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story about Fatherhood and John Lennon. My husband is so in Love with the Beatles so it will be fun sharing this story with him… but I’m taking this story as a sign that I need to pay more attention to the signs I get throughout my life. The guidance is often times there if you slow down to notice it. The line in the song, “Everyday in every way it’s getting better and better.”, really hit home with me. Because, I had a brief encounter with a doctor a few years back that another health professional recommended to me… he thought this doctor could help me with my mindset and to rethink my healing journey for my physical mobility issues. This doctor was actually pretty well known (although I didn’t know him), as the doctor who first practiced “sleep studies” I later learned shortly after meeting with him. He was special, not your average doctor. My three sessions with him were so fascinating. They felt energetically spiritual and filled with the latest thinking beyond the regular advice you get to get your body back to functioning properly, which we also discussed in the end. He could only meet with me three times, because he was leaving Michigan to go live near his daughter in New York City. He was choosing to be near his child above his career also! However, he was also getting close to retirement age. He wanted to leave me with one last thing to say to myself more than once a day if possible… he said it covers everything I would need to say to help my new mindset and healing energy, and it was to say, “Every day in every way things are getting better and better and better… no negative thoughts or suggestions will influence me on any level of my mind.” I will never forget that quote and I say it often, but not often enough. After hearing something very similar in John’s song, I am inspired to say it daily and to truly Believe in what I say! Also, to continue to watch for signs and guidance from up above… :0)
Enjoy your son and daughter every step of the way (I’m sure you are), it’s all exciting and fun, at every stage. My son and daughter are now 33 and 35, and I’ve entered the world of being a Gramma because my sweet grand daughter arrived in January of 2024. Now I get to experience the stages all over again, with less of the responsibility, and more time to just spoil her and have even more fun. There is nothing like meeting your baby’s baby Vishen! :0) Enjoy the ride, it’s all good!
Yes, Vishen, your words and thoughts resonated deeply with me. My son & daughter are now in their 30’s, and I am forever grateful for the gifts they are in my life. Our journey was filled with so much love, growth and discovery. I was determined to provide them with a safe, loving home – something I did not grow up with. I was a very dedicated mother, homeschooled, and learned all along the way how to give them roots and wings. When I took my son across the country off to college, it was painful. But what has always given me the strength is knowing my children were following and creating their dreams…and I was their biggest chearleader.
The shift in our relationships was interesting – now they’re adults and we have a whole other level of dynamics and respect.
Blessings on your journey.
Thank you very much for this post. I reposted on fb so more people can read this heartfelt and clear message. There is no substitute for what we can do today.
Very deep -very urgent message about connecting with young children. I love Mind Valley. and you have done so much for this.
But as a mom of 2 teens HELP- and this is a different world than I grew up in with all the devices – phones – video games.
I had my head stuck in a book as a teen but if someone told me to put it down I did. Now you take away the phone even gently or even a sharp grab – bring it down from their face – they scream and it is like you physically hurt them.
Ask them to anything and no their game is more important or texting their friends (and worrying why they are not texting right back).
So after a while I give up. Pick up my own phone. Now everyone conplains about how mom (me) is “the worst one on the screens. She is always on her screen.”
Baby to five year olds are wonderful. Preteens great. Teens are a nightmare.
I plan an activity and they won’t even try. Even neutral. A movie I would love to share – no way. A board game or card game.
In their room with the door locked and then complaining later how I never come to get them. Then denying they ever said that and just leave them alone.
You see so many ways to do something fun and when they were little they were all in. If it is coming out of my mouth now then “Blah! Let’s do something fun for me like getting ice cream (again) which I will eat while staring at my phone.”
They say the billionaires are not giving their kids devices but I doubt it when they get to be teens. Teens want to connect privately on text and play the video games their friends are. Going outside to play is boring. Getting them piano lessons or horseback riding lessons is boring. Every kind of activity is boring.
My kids don’t really do social media – watch some Tik Toks but I have drilled into them not to post anything there. Just send their videos and memes to friends and family but don’t post publically.
On the other hand I have friends who monitor their kids every text via apps. I don’t want my kids to grow up hating me and never speak to me again. I know teens need their space and they feel isolated now if they don’t have a phone – they even want to sleep with the
While I keep mine downstairs.
Bright beautiful kids- not wanting to try anything. The only thing that seems to catch their attention, (though we have not done it a lot since sites are far so just on vacation) is zip lining.
How can I be present for my kids without appearing to be enthralled with my phone or conputer (I do work at home online and can work whenever I have time).
Not sitting down for meals together.
What do studies show? What are best practices? Things that actually work ?
Thanks for listening.
This post really resonated with me for 2 big reasons – although I believe they are vastly different from what inspired you to write this.
Firstly, it is because I have been running a women’s circle for a couple of years now, but have felt the need to pause it
because my dad is very ill and coming to the end of his life. I have simply not felt able to hold the space whilst I myself have been feeling so empty. However, I realised just this past week that 6 months have passed since I held a circle and I know that many people have been asking me when it might start up again – and I, perhaps like Warren, have been thinking that perhaps it’s time to just move onto something new, without really considering the impact that the loss of this vital space may have on others.
The second thing that struck me is that, as I watch my father’s body fail, I of course have been reexamining my relationship with him over the years, and whilst I know that he has always done what he thought was the very best for both me and my brother, I guess it is all the things you mentioned that were missing. Whilst he was so busy earning money to provide for us, what we absolutely missed out on was a real relationship with him. And equally sad, I think he also missed out on having a real relationship with himself too.
So now I find myself often sitting by the hospital bed of someone who is a stranger to me in many respects, and I accept with a heavy heart, that the chance to correct this has now passed – at least in this lifetime. And whilst I completely accept my part in this too, because a relationship is always a dance of 2 people, I know the time for blame is gone, and I can only forgive my dad, and myself, for the choices we have both made during our time together.
I can now only pray that we both manage to make a much better go of it next time round… 🙏
Hello Vishen
This is simply a wonderfully written.. from-the-heart piece of creative text. I’m a mum and have experienced the emotions you are going through now with my son and daughter.
You must think of getting this into a book on the The Next Phase of Parenting. I’m sure millions of parents will want to read it..
I have read the article more than once and felt the bitter-sweet emotions of letting go of the phase that was in the recent past inorder to fully embrace the current phase and prepare to understand and accept the future phases.
There is no one emotion fits all here. As for me I have different emotions regularly.. there is the empty nest thought sometimes which is gnawing and heart-draining. Then there is the awe of discovering the newness in in the current phase which brings joy and fresh breathe.
With each phase children find their voices.. ones that often don’t sync with yours as they have done for so long since the moment they set foot into the vastness of this earthly domain. You were their world.. their all and that was enough for them then.
Now they need to explore new horizons. The opinions of their peers often matter more than yours.
I don’t think they intend to be mean but I guess it’s confusing for them too..
They are trying to find the answers to who they really are besides being their parents’ kids. They face questions coming at them like darts from all sides.. like Am I pretty? What’s my purpose in life? How can people like me more? What do I do or wear to fit in with friends?
If only they could understand thst they weren’t born to fit in but to stand out.. each one of them as a beautiful, unrepeatable miracle of creation.
Well again coming back to your article please consider putting this in a book for newage parents who hardly spend time with their children to nourish their spirits and help them become greater versions of the persons that they are meant to be.. not who we want them to be.
Today you look around and you see the rat race for grades and entrance tests gearing up kids to be what their parents want them to be so that can wear their child’s profession like it is their badge of honour. It does not matter to them what the child wants. They don’t see the silent cry of the children wanting a way out to express the desires of their soul. There have been so many suicides as children feel burdened with expectations of parents and are unable to fulfill them.
Please expand on this article Vishen. You are an excellent parent.. a present father despite your lofty goals for your company and humanity.
Once again.. lovely piece of emotions in print. Yours kids are blessed to have you as their father, mentor and friend and specially because you really SEE them as they transition from one phase of life to the next. I’m sure you will show up for them as and when they need you in the years ahead.
Wishing you and your kids a great life adventure. May you know in your heart when to hold their hands and when to step aside to make room for them to spread their wings and fly high. Know that they will always come home to you when they choose to.
Keep up the great work you do. Stay blessed.
It is heart warming to hear you speak of parenthood. I don’t recall hearing you dive into that part of your life.
As much as I admire and seek to reach out to the world with my gifts, nothing compares to being a present mother. Not perfect, but always fully striving to be present. Even at times when commitments gobble my time, or when physical distance becomes a lesson of letting go, a cord is firmly connected to my son, now a man.
There is no bigger joy or sense of pride than seeing our children become spiritual earth warriors in their own, unique presence. That sense of accomplishment and gratitude for the opportunity to be part of creation is beyond any other dream.
It is wonderful that in today’s world men speak out about their desire to be more present for their children, engaged and bathing in the silly and profound moments that become the stories of the next generation.
Nothing heals society more than celebrating and honouring the family journey.
John Lennon was ahead of his time.
I love the fact Warren didn’t know who he was speaking to. Makes me feel much better at my lack of celebrity recognition 🤩
Good morning Vishen,
What a beautiful story, one that I will share. It is so true the raw fears you have and how fortunate you recognise them now while you have the time to create memories that will last a lifetime no matter what happens. As a mother of 3 young adult sons I have and still am grappling with the absence of that daily dance you so perfectly described. Time is so precious and those special moments, that “ordinary magic” feels lost, leaving an unexpected and unprepared emptiness in us as parents. I embrace my boys adulthood, I share in their successes and I support their choices but those heart-warming moments of time living under the same roof, laughing, cuddling, playing and enjoying are forever changed. I even wrote a song recently to help me express these same challenges I am facing with this beautiful dance we call life.
Vishen, this piece moved me deeply.
As a mother, I’ve often wrestled with the inner dialogue between ambition and presence. I know what it’s like to dream big, to have a calling beyond the roles society assigns to us — and yet, to also feel the quiet, soul-stirring joy of simply being there for my child.
John Lennon’s choice reminded me that sometimes the most powerful act isn’t chasing more, but choosing what truly matters — even when the world doesn’t always understand.
For me, motherhood hasn’t been about sacrifice. It’s been a journey of rediscovering alignment. Some days, I wear my professional hat with pride. Other days, I pause everything just to sit beside my child and really see him. Both roles are sacred. Both are me.
And yes — I already feel that subtle ache… the awareness that one day, the constant hugs, the sound of little feet, the way his world revolves around me — will begin to shift. He’s transitioning to senior school now, and I can already sense the changes. That fear of him growing up and growing away lives quietly in the background. Maybe that’s why I hold these moments so close.
Thank you for sharing this story. It gave language to something I’ve been feeling for a while — that presence is its own kind of revolution.
Thank you for sharing this—it truly touched me. I took seven years off to raise my daughter. It was incredibly difficult not to be working, not to flash my professional title or status in social settings. And yet, what’s important never left me: my child needs my presence, my attention, my essence—not just my provisions.
As challenging as that choice was for my ego, it was the best decision I ever made.
For the past two years, I’ve slowly been returning to work, finding my rhythm again in service of others. My daughter, now nine, is missing the version of me who was more available—but I can also see how proud she is of the woman she’s watching rise again.
Reading your words brought me to tears. It’s a wise reminder: we don’t have endless years. There are only so many summer vacations, New Year’s Eve parties, childhood mornings, and bedtime stories. Then, suddenly, they’re not little anymore.
This journey is layered. It’s sacred. And it deserves to be honored.
Beautiful story! It opens my heart every time I hear a story like that regardless of who that might be, or seeing a father spending time with his child and being a supportive dad/ husband. My marriage broke up when my daughters were 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 years old. Unfortunately their father wasn’t particularly supportive, it’s not that he didn’t love them, he just didn’t know how to be a fully supportive father due to his own wounding when he was a child. This has affected the type of relationships my daughters have with men (they are in their 30’s now). Don’t get me wrong , they are beautiful women, they just haven’t had that role model of a strong, supportive male in their lives.
It does make me sad but good to see that my daughters are on their own journey of healing. I guess my point is ….there are so many men out there who do need healing because they haven’t had those father role models in their lives to make them more aware as fathers…how do we help them?
Dear Vishen, this is a beautiful way of living and so important, I do not have children. It just did not happen for me. So if you have the gift to have children you have to enjoy every moment you can. Give all your love. You created there lives and now be with them life the moment and even looking forward for the future, never forget to enjoy the present moment, that is all we have. The past does not exist any more and the future we do not now. But our present is all and most important. And be present en your children’s life with all your being is more important than any other thing in life. Enjoy, you have given already a lot to humanity.