We are all seekers of love and affection. It’s what moves and inspires us and what gives our lives meaning.
But we are also great critiques of our relationships. We want more peace and we want more excitement. We want it to last forever and we want to run away into something new and undiscovered.
We don’t want to do it like everyone else and we might worry that our relationship doesn’t actually look anything like the ones that inspired us. Relationships are confusing, stirring, and fascinating.
But in order to find what we are looking for, we first need to be clear about the role this relationship plays in our lives. Only then we can build something beautiful out of it.
Lisa Nichols has completely blown away the crowd at A-fest with her talk about self-love and personal magnetism in relationships. Jump to the full talk or read on about her advice on finding the love you’re looking for.
And since the first person you need to fall in love with is the very person who’s reading these lines right now, let’s start with you.
The Relationship With Yourself
You might remember a time when you were in need of love and you felt like no one gave it to you. You might also remember a time when you felt you have so much love you can’t contain it, a time when all you want to do is give and no one can stop you.
And wasn’t that the moment you found somebody who played an important role in your life? Perhaps, it’s someone who still does.
That’s because no relationship starts with others until you learn how to love yourself over and over again. It’s not a one-time practice — it’s a lifetime journey.
Loving yourself through your successes and bright moments is easy. Loving yourself through your mistakes, doubts, and imperfections takes a bit more than that.
It takes loving you now with your bank account statement, your weight, your Facebook profile, and your zip code. It takes loving your type of beauty even if it’s not the one you see on TV.
That’s the kind of love that declares to the world: I’m ready for you.
The Life-Giving Relationship
Some relationships are not meant for anything else but to give you a new life, whether it lasts a night or 2 years. It’s the one that breaks the silence and the one that gives you a wake-up call so that you notice you have been away from love for too long.
It’s intense, it’s creative, and it’s turbulent. It breaks all rules and deconstructs the old you so that the next best version of you can show up with its breathtaking magnetism.
It’s short. It’s sweet. But if it lasts too long, it drives you insane. So before it does, just do what you have to do.
Let it go.
The Purposeful Relationship
As the name says, these connections are meant to fulfil a certain purpose. When it’s fulfilled the relationship ends because it has done its work.
Don’t try to bring it back to where it was, allow the shift to happen. Learn from it so, as Lisa says, the next won’t pay for your ex. Relationships have the power to teach you the most powerful lessons you’ll ever learn so bless each and every one of them.
You probably had several purposeful relationships in the past and even if you don’t always see it, they all played an important role in your life. Write down each and every person’s name you had a relationship with and write the purpose it served next to it.
If you wish it ended earlier, you’ll understand the lessons it taught you. If you wish it never ended, you’ll understand when Lisa says:
That man’s rejection was God’s protection.
The Lifetime Relationship
Many of us envision a relationship with someone present in our lives or someone yet to come that will last until we do. It might be the most beautiful journey to build a life together with another person but it also takes work.
We are all imperfect human beings. If we are willing to accept someone with all their mistakes and flaws, we need to be able to “press reset” every single time they fail our expectations and give them a thousand new chances.
Just like we need to give a thousand new chances to the person we have the longest relationship with: Ourselves.
Lifetime relationships, in this sense, are nothing else but multiple purposeful relationships in a row with the same person. And when the purpose is complete, you know what to do. Let it go and give space to a new beginning.
Watch this incredible talk about the 4 types of relationships with Lisa Nichols at A-fest, Ibiza:
What kind of relationship are you into right now? Share it with us in a comment!