Relationships

Dan Savage On The 3 Things We Get Wrong About Sex, Love And Monogamy

Bestselling author and sex advice columnist, Dan Savage, shares the 3 biggest myths about sex, love, and monogamy — and how these false beliefs are holding our relationships back.

The Biggest Lies We Believe About Love And Sex


Even though we arguably live in the most sexually liberated era yet, we’re still fed a lot of misinformation about sex and love that keep us from satisfying our own desires and the desires of our partners.

But how do we learn the basics of such a taboo subject?

In this frank and humorous talk from Mindvalley A-Fest Ibiza 2017, Dan Savage shares the 3 biggest myths we believe about sex and love that keep us from fulfilling our romantic relationships.

And the great thing about Dan? He replaces the taboo and shame around sex with empathy, humor, and realistic sexual ethics based on research and experience.

What’s Love Got To Do With Monogamy?


Watch the video above if you want to learn how to increase passion, commitment, and understanding in your romantic relationships. Some of the video highlights include:

  • (4:08) — The 3 most damaging lies about sex, love, and monogamy Dan has learned after 25 years as an advice columnist;
  • (18:13) — What practice you should “steal” from gay relationships to enhance your sex life;
  • (23:43) — The 4 magic words that every couple should have in their vocabulary to improve their romantic relationships;
  • (31:34) — Why humanity needs to rethink monogamy, infidelity, and true commitment. 

As you can see, monogamy has its challenges, but with the right amount of communication and commitment, monogamous relationships can work.

Dan Savage’s Tips for Making Monogamy Work


Even though Dan practices being monogamish instead of being purely monogamous, Dan still supports people who are in monogamous relationships. As a matter of fact, he also gives some great advice for making monogamous relationships last.

1. Have realistic expectations

Dan reminds monogamous couples to be realistic. With alarming statistics like 50% of marriages ending in divorce, you need to be aware that not all relationships can last forever.

Monogamous couples should also acknowledge that if a relationship ends, it’s not a failure. For example, you might be in a long-term relationship and have had a great time.

But after a few years, you and your partner might grow apart. If that happens, the right thing to do is go your separate ways. But if you feel your relationship was a learning experience, why would you call it a failure?

2. Use the GGG model

The GGG model is Dan Savage’s theory for having a successful relationship. The three G’s stand for good, giving, and game.

To be good means to communicate compassionately and show sympathy towards your partner.

Giving stands for the ability to give pleasure and not expect reciprocity.

Being game refers to keeping the relationship exciting in and out of the bedroom.

3. Spice things up

Over time, couples in long-term relationships tend to get bored. Whenever that boredom comes in, it’s time to rekindle the passion. But Dan Savage just doesn’t advise just spicing things up in the bedroom.

He suggests spicing up your overall life as a couple.

Couples can reignite their spark by trying new activities together such as a dance class or a weekend getaway. The key to rekindling the passion in a relationship is to go on adventures together. Couples who experience new things together can heighten their sexual relationship.

Besides Dan’s advice, here are some other tips that will help you bring the honeymoon phase back to your relationship.

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