All my life I’ve been observing with great interest how differently we are all attempting to solve the mysteries of love.
And I’m finding that many are not even looking for it in the right place, to begin with.
Plainly ignoring the fact that really, love is a choice we have to make, and not something to look out for.
But I do have to admit that this awareness is not something we are born with, and also nothing we just grow into knowing.
Which is why I too had to learn this truth through observation and experience.
The good news here: I believe to have figured out some of the essentials and I`m absolutely willing to share with you — not only what I came to understand, but also how I got to some of my conclusions and how they have served me.
Fear Is The Root Of All Confusion
Fear is the root of all confusion.
I cannot refrain from emphasizing how important it is to attempt an understanding of the mechanics of the trickster which fear is, and how great the benefits are from doing so!
For our current topic, what you should know, is that once we believe that love is missing, we have already fallen into its grip of false beliefs. These result from fear, because the truth is, that we ourselves are the vessels of love.
Aware of ourselves being the vessel, it is then undeniable that love is always at hand.
Knowing that love is a choice we make, allows us to reach into ourselves without even looking anywhere else.
That’s the entire secret of happy people, right here!
So when we perceive love to be missing, what is really going on is that we have forgotten who we are and of what we are carrying within us.
Meaning, we have given up reality for the experience of an illusion.
Yet, the only thing which can cause us to forget what is true is fear.
At some point, this fear of being alone has begun entertaining within us the idea that somehow there could be something so incredibly negative about ourselves, that it might cause us to end up being unloved.
Often this idea is a seed planted within our minds early on in life. Done so mainly via an experience of rejection or negative judgment.
This may have been a very prominent experience in our lives or even just a subtle comment we picked up, but nonetheless something we stored in our subconscious.
The seed of insecurity
And once the seed of insecurity is being fed, it germinates into perceiving solitude as a sure-fire sign of our being unlovable. As our logic keeps telling us, that if we were lovable, we would not be left alone.
So, the more time we spend on our own or without being in a relationship, the more we believe our logic to be confirmed.
Unaware that the thinking process we are following remains to be the creational source of our reality.
And so as we condemn ourselves, we start believing that we are rejected for good reason.
When in reality we are actually making up those reasons and projecting them out into the world for everyone to see.
Then we wonder — what is keeping others away?
Manifestation Works In Two Ways
Well, manifestation works in two ways.
It serves us both what we desire and what we fear.
Yet another truth in explaining how love is a choice we have to make in order to experience it, and why we cannot experience it as long as we do not know how to choose it.
The biggest problems here are:
- Most of us are still unaware that we are the solemn creators of our realities.
- Many who are aware that they are creating their experiences, still do not take into regard our unconscious choices.
- A great many of us do not know how to decide or even what there is to choose.
- And, not many know how to change their perspective to look at their situation from a different angle, thus remaining stuck within this perception.
Unfortunately, the routes to conscious awareness are as individual and diverse as we are, so I do not have a single map which works for all of us.
What I have, is a heart I am willing to open for you here, in order to serve as an example of which mistakes to definitely avoid when searching for love.
Love Does Not Expose Under Condition
I’ve learned from my mother, that love does not expose itself under condition.
When I was seven years old, my parents divorced, which is why I did not only get to experience my mother’s heartbreak but also got to partake in her never-ending search for a new partner.
Someone she was hoping who would step into her life and magically make her happy again.
My mother believed she was a romantic – always watching dramas or fantasy series.
Preferably stories of strong women who would struggle and fight against their life`s conditions, but in the end win against all evil and ride off into the sunset with prince charming.
Tales which inspired her motivation.
I guess because she perceived life as a fight, being a single mother with two children – always afraid that she could not take care of everything on her own.
Which is why she didn’t just look for someone who would love her, but also someone who could provide.
The imagination of requirement made her own love conditional.
Which really is how she sabotaged herself from the very beginning.
Wrong ideas about love
What she was aiming for represents the entanglement of two major fallacies we too often hold about relationships and which are really crippling our understanding that love is a choice.
- The idea that love is something outside of ourselves and can only be achieved through another.
- And the belief that looking for specific attributes makes it easier for us to pick the right partner.
Here you need to know, that once we start looking for specifics, we discount everything and everyone who currently seems without the means to fulfill our desires.
All the while — nothing in life has ever proven to be permanent.
Love knows that what is not now can still be tomorrow, and vise-versa.
Mark this sentence mentally, because it is very important!
This knowledge should support your understanding, that love cannot be anything found exterior because there are no fixed clues to trust.
What you see within one person today may not be there tomorrow. Something which you are all to be aware of if you have already had your experiences with relationships.
Or isn’t it that they all start off beautifully, but when they are coming to an end, you cannot even find anymore what made you fall for your partner in the first place?
Love is a choice we have to make within because we can only receive a response to that which we pour out.
So the mystery solved here is this — the change we believe to experience, is really occurring due to a shift of our very own perspective. And what we are looking for, is still where it has always been, but might simply have moved outside our current field of vision.
Nothing ever changes as quickly as the angle from which you look at things!
Mark this one too.
Desperation Is A Blindfold
Need is another very tricky illusion.
Once we perceive to be in need of something or someone, we literally believe to be unwhole. And the longer we feel incomplete, the bigger our desperation – acting as a blindfold, to prevent us from seeing what we already have.
Meaning we grow a kind of tunnel vision with straight focus only on what we believe we do not have, while all the while these tools and parts of that “something” might be laying around unrecognized for a long time already – waiting for assembly.
Just like it had happened to my mother.
Over twenty years she would enter many different relationships with men who would meet the condition she had applied, but who would never accomplish to serve her the happiness she was so desperately seeking.
So her desperation kept growing with every failing relationship, while at the same time her expectations about love were shrinking.
Up until she had nothing left to expect from love and would agree on new partners based only on the financial benefit she would gain from them.
She had never nurtured that which has been within her all the while – first announcing love to be dead and then finding herself broken shortly after.
Adjust Your Vision
You can spare yourself a lot of misery in life if you can only manage to regularly adjust your vision.
The longer you refuse to look around, the more damage you cause not only to yourself but also to those who do still see you as what you really are.
For although you might be able to completely ignore the reality of your life and your true being, others who are participating in your life’s experiences, may not.
And don’t ever think that feeling unloved is not a severe issue, because really — lack of love is a crisis of the self and there is nothing more severe than that!
My mother had not accomplished to be happy even once in twenty years, and so it didn’t take long until she declared that she was suffering from depression and would have to go to a mental clinic for treatment.
I was sixteen when there had been nothing left of her but an empty shell and twenty-eight when she ended her life.
And it still saddens me, that I had to lose her simply because she couldn’t adjust her vision.
Because if my mother would`ve dared to explore her life, she would`ve found love in her garden, her children, her pets – within the things she was crafting and the food she was cooking and baking.
She would have found love within herself, for the song which was playing, or for the sunset while roaming the fields with her dog.
All the beautiful things which had always served me as great reminders of my own reality and identity, while living and loving beside her.
But I believe I needed the experience of her distortions to become aware of the power of perception, and to develop my own understanding.
Some of us need more than compassion
I understood through the experience with my mother, that some of us need more than just compassion to adjust our vision.
It is not enough to be self-aware to pass it on if there is no full understanding of how the other has constructed their Illusion.
Rather, it has to be considered that the Illusion has become reality for the one who is experiencing it.
And that in order to successfully guide another person, their vision needs to be adjusted from within the field of their perception.
Which is why I have always aimed to become someone who understands people from where they are, where the understanding of others usually ends — and became a therapist and life coach.
I hope that what I have shared with you here, shall support you in identifying your core issues. If you may have any, and to point out for you what may need adjusting in order to improve your life`s experience.
So, should you ever feel like love is missing, not knowing how to reach into yourself and how to have love be your choice – please don’t refrain from reaching out to someone with the ability to remind you of who and what you really are!
Love may have been a mystery ever since the beginning of life, and surely not one of us has reached mastery without experiencing too many errors along the way.
But we do have a lot of people who have gotten there and are just too willing to share with you how love is a choice and how you can choose it for yourself – if you only dare!
Is Love a choice you have yet to make for yourself? What do you feel is holding you back? Share with us in the comments below!