Relationships

How To Balance Desire And Stability In A Long-Term Relationship

Many of us experience a dip in desire when we settle into a long-term relationship. And because of this, we might even think that time makes passion disappear.

Can We Want What We Already Have?


Here’s the good news: it is possible to bring back that honeymoon state to a long-term relationship.

In this 20-minute video from TED Talks, sexual genius and couples therapist, Esther Perel, points out that for the first time in history, we can root our relationships in desire. 

In the past, marriages have been about economic partnership. But nowadays, long-term relationships are about so much more…

We now want our partner to offer us both predictability and surprise, security and adventure, comfort and edge.

How do we reconcile those contradictory needs?

Watch the video above to find out how to revamp desire and maintain stability in your relationship at the same time.

Highlights from the video include:

  • (5:15) — The two revealing answers about desire that are the same across culture, religion, and gender;
  • (8:35) — How to use novelty in a way that helps your long-term relationship (hint: it’s not just about lingerie);
  • (14:20) — The 3 responses we have to an overburdened relationship;
  • (17:47) — What people in great romantic relationships know about passion and spontaneity.

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How do you keep the desire in your relationship? Share in the comments below.

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